Chapter 8
Nick
I was confused when I woke up, because I wasn’t in my bedroom. That didn’t bother me, because I honestly hated my bedroom, even though it was the only room in the house I’d changed after Gabe left. The furnishings had been expensive, so I sold them and bought new, less costly items. There was no way I was sleeping in the bed of betrayal he’d made for me. I rearranged the room and painted the walls a cheery light blue, Gabriel’s least favorite color. I threw his art in the closet and put up my own thrift store art. It was the only room in the house he wouldn’t recognize, but I still knew what happened in there.
Looking around through my sleep haze, I slowly recalled the previous night and realized I was in my guest room. In bed with Gavin . I turned and looked beside me. He’d tossed and turned some in his sleep, waking me a couple of times, but he hadn’t had anymore nightmares that had him crying out like the first one. I couldn’t piece together what the dream had been about, but just from his answers in our middle-of-the-night Q&A session, I could tell he’d been through a lot. I’d be willing to bet more than one person had made him hate himself when he was younger. His dad had obviously made him think he was the devil, but I knew there was more to it than that.
He was sleeping soundly beside me. His mouth was slack as he let out the softest snore, one I could barely hear yet was one of the most adorable things I’d ever witnessed. God , what I would give to wake up to that every morning. I was aware of how fucked I was and the amount of heartbreak I was setting myself up for.
I forgot about Gabriel every time I looked at Gavin. I forgot the hurt and the feeling of being used and unloved. I almost forgot his words to me. But they were still at the back of my mind reminding me that I didn’t have a chance with the beautiful boy in bed with me. Even if it was as close as I’d ever get, though, I’d still take it. Having him there with me made me feel better, and I actually slept better with him beside me, even with the tossing around. There was no empty, oppressively lonely feeling like the one that had plagued my nights since my heart had been broken.
He looked peaceful as he slept, finally. He didn’t look upset, or scared, or like he thought he was a burden, which were the main things I’d seen on his face since I met him. Seeing him relaxed made me smile a little bit.
He was beautiful. He really was. I’d never seen anyone quite like him. He was so mesmerizing I wanted to reach out and trace his face with my fingers. I knew he was going to try to take off on me the first chance he got, as soon as he could pay back whatever he felt he owed me, and it made me want to try to hold onto him. I wanted to keep him. I knew it wasn’t in the cards, because fate had never seemed to shine that brightly on me, at least not since I’d met Gabriel, but I couldn’t help what I wanted.
I thought about getting up and trying to have breakfast done when he woke up, but he stirred. I couldn’t move as he slowly blinked and looked around, seeming nearly as confused as he’d been right after his bad dream. He jumped a little when he realized I was in the bed and looking at him, but I couldn’t look away. I smiled instead, playing off getting caught staring at him in his sleep. “Good morning.”
He scrubbed his hands down his face. I knew he thought he’d scare me away when he hinted at his life before coming to Florida. I assumed that the friend he’d spoken of on the bridge was the same friend who’d given him the tattoos. I understood that he felt like a whore on top of who-knows-what other people had burdened him with. I had a feeling, though, that whatever he’d done with whoever hadn’t only been about payment for some tattoos. Gavin felt alone, just like me. He longed for connection, for someone to care. He wanted someone to be there for him in whatever way he could get them. I would not take advantage of his desperation. I’d never met anyone like him, but he’d obviously never met anyone like me, either. I would be the friend he didn’t even realize he needed.
“Good morning,” he replied softly.
I sat up. “I’m going to make some breakfast. I’m off today. Do you like French Toast?”
He stretched. “Sure.” I could tell he wanted to say something about me not having to feed him, but then his stomach grumbled, and he closed his mouth.
I grinned at him. “I’m going to start some coffee, too.” I climbed out of the bed and headed into the kitchen.
The coffee was brewing and I’d just started cooking when I heard him pad into the room behind me. I turned to find him standing there in the shorts he’d worn to bed, and he hadn’t bothered putting on a shirt.
I tried to stop my eyes from sliding down his tattoo covered torso, but I just didn’t have that much willpower. He just looked at me as though waiting to see what I’d say after his thinly veiled declaration the previous night. It was obvious he had no idea why my eyes were wandering. It was impossible not to appreciate the perfect body in front of me, though. He was long and lean, his muscles clearly defined. He looked like he may have skipped a meal here or there because he couldn’t afford them, but he’d certainly never skipped arm day, or leg day. His six-pack and toned chest were clear beneath all the ink, his body its own masterpiece.
The tattoos that covered him were dark and depressing, especially knowing that they all told his story, and whatever it was, it was a rough one. But they weren’t some shitty tattoos done in a dark basement. Whoever his friend was, he was a legit artist. I was jealous of the guy if I was being honest. I might not have done as well with the tattoos as he had, but I’d have done better with Gavin. If I had Gavin the way he had, I’d never just drop him. But that’s what Gavin said had happened.
My eyes traveled back up his body, and I refused to be embarrassed for checking him out. I was pretty sure he didn’t even know that’s what I was doing. I looked him in the eyes. “Bacon?”
He blinked. “What?”
“Do you want bacon? I was going to make some, but if you don’t like it…” Gabriel didn’t like it. He said it was full of calories and cholesterol and sodium. He never let me buy it, and if he caught me eating it anywhere, he scolded me and went on a tirade about how my skin wasn’t as clear as it used to be and that was why. I didn’t watch what I ate, and I’d destroyed my looks. He never cared who was around when he said it, either. So normally, I hadn’t eaten bacon. Which was why I ate it all the time after he was gone.
“Who the fuck doesn’t like bacon?” Gavin asked, genuinely confused.
I laughed at his absolutely baffled expression. “Well, my shitty ex, for one,” I replied, grabbing the bacon out of the fridge.
He looked slightly horrified. “Nick, were you dating an alien from some weird planet or something?”
“Ha. I’m not sure, actually. That’s certainly possible.” I started cooking the bacon.
He walked over and leaned on the counter beside me. “Can I help with anything?” he asked me. I appreciated the offer. I really did. I knew he wanted to help out, but watching him the previous day, I was pretty sure he had absolutely no idea how to cook. I wondered if he’d ever cooked anything that wasn’t microwaveable.
I wanted him to feel like he was helping, so I said, “Yeah. Could you grab the plates from that cabinet and the silverware from that drawer?” I pointed, “And see if you can find the syrup in the fridge. I think it’s on the top shelf. Oh, and can you grab the mugs down for the coffee? I think there’s enough ready if you want to get yourself a cup.”
He seemed happy to be able to help, pulling things out and setting the table. It didn’t matter that I was just throwing out random jobs to keep him busy because he wanted to feel useful. He grabbed some mugs down and poured a cup of coffee, but instead of taking it, he said, “How do you like your coffee?”
I looked up at him with a smile. “With the white chocolate creamer in the fridge, please. Just enough to make it light.” He mixed the coffee and handed me the cup. I took it, still smiling at him, and took a sip. “That’s perfect,” I said, “Thanks, Gavin.” My heart fluttered a little at his thoughtfulness, and I swear when I thanked him he beamed.
“Anything else I can do?” he asked me.
I took the food over to the table. “Yeah. Eat this and tell me what you think.” He grinned, and after making his own cup of coffee he followed me to the table where we made our plates.
He took a bite and let out a little moan. He looked like he was in heaven just from a simple breakfast I’d made, and it was my turn to beam. “Damn,” he sighed, “You’re such an amazing cook.”
“Thanks,” I said, then added with a little grin, “I know, but it’s always nice to hear.”
He laughed but then turned slightly serious and looked at me. “Thanks, Nick. For feeding me and for letting me stay here. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I said, “I told you, I don’t like being here alone. Just having you here was plenty of payment for letting you stay and for breakfast. It was nice to have someone to talk to. When you get back on your feet, you’re more than welcome to stay and help out with the bills. But don’t worry about back payment for staying before you have a job or anything silly like that. I’m happy to have you here as my guest.” God, I wanted him to stay . I wanted him to choose to even when he didn’t need my help anymore.
He smiled at me, but I could tell he wasn’t planning on it. He was still concerned about whoever he thought was after him, and he thought he was putting me in danger, even with all the security. I’d thought it was just his dad he was worried about, but the more pieces of his story I discovered, the more I thought there might be others.
“So we’re not working today?” He wouldn’t have even entertained the option of not helping out if I was going to work.
“Nope, I’m off today. I do have to run to the store for a couple things. It’s just on the corner, but I can show you around the city after that if you’d like?”
He perked up. “Yeah,” he said, “I’d like that.”
Anything to get him on that bike with me again. “Great.”
We finished breakfast and he insisted on cleaning up while I took a shower. By the time I was dressed and headed back to the kitchen, he’d washed the dishes, wiped off the counter and stove, emptied the coffee maker, and cleaned off the table. “Wow, my kitchen looks much better than I would have left it,” I said with a laugh. He looked just a tiny bit proud of himself, and I would do anything to keep bringing that look out of him. “Why don’t you get ready while I run to the store, then we can take off right after I get back?”
He looked a little surprised that I was willing to leave him in my home alone. I went even further by saying, “Also, I know you didn’t bring a whole lot with you. Feel free to use anything in the bathroom you need, and if you need any clothes, you can look in my closet. My clothes will probably be a little big on you, but you can borrow anything you want to.”
He looked even more surprised but said, “Thanks.”
I glanced at my watch. “I’ll be back in probably thirty minutes or so. We’ll have fun. It’s a cool city. See you in a few.” He headed to the guest room to retrieve his stuff, and I headed out the door.
I moved faster than I normally did to get to the store, because I actually had something to look forward to on my day off besides sitting in my apartment watching TV. I didn’t even ride much if I didn’t actually need to be somewhere, because it was almost as lonely as being home.
I made it inside the small grocery store and had started grabbing what I needed when I got a text from Gabe. I’m outside. I’m coming up to get the records. You never even bothered texting me back. You’re being ridiculous. As usual.
Oh, shit.