Chapter 16
Nick
W hat the fuck just happened? I stared at the bathroom door across the hall, the door that I’d heard him lock. Was it Gabriel? Did Gavin think I wanted to get back with my shitty ex? That was the last thing I wanted. Gavin just told me he loved me. Then he told me he meant it. I meant it, too, and I hoped he knew that. It was a moment that should have been happy, because it meant everything, but I’d been crying, because he was crying. I felt his pain, whatever it was from. It was visceral, his soul was crying out to mine, trying to tell me something without actually telling me. I didn’t know how to fix it. All I’d been able to do was what he’d asked of me, but I knew it hadn’t truly fixed anything.
When he came out of the bathroom, he seemed like himself again. “I gotta go,” he said, grabbing his wallet from the nightstand and shoving it and the phone he’d taken into the bathroom with him into his back pockets. He grabbed his lucky penny from the aquarium and put it in his front pocket like he did every day. “I don’t think Jeff would be happy if he asked why I was late and I told him I missed my bus because I had to have sex before work.” He laughed, but his eyes still betrayed pain.
I stood, attempting a smile. “Honestly, if you explained it that way he probably wouldn’t care.” I met him with a kiss. He kissed me back and the passion in it took my breath. It was the deepest kiss goodbye for the day I’d ever had, and it scared me a little.
“I love you,” I said, to be sure he knew I’d meant it.
He halted as he was turning away, and for a second I thought he was going to cry again. But he smiled instead. “I love you, too,” he said softly. He touched my hand, then headed out of the room, looking as beautiful as ever.
I followed him into the living room, and as he reached the door I called out, “What do you want for dinner tonight?” I wasn’t sure what was going on, and I needed reassurance that he was going to be home for dinner.
He paused with his hand on the doorknob. “Um…can we make pizza together?” he asked me. We’d talked about making homemade pizza when I found out he’d never had pizza that wasn’t frozen or delivery.
I smiled, feeling a little better with such a normal answer. “Of course. I’ll have everything ready to start by the time you get home.”
He smiled again, then he was gone, the door closing softly behind him.
◆◆◆
I stood in Caden’s office and he looked up at me, his face scrunching into an expression that let me know my face betrayed my emotions. “I’m worried,” was all I said.
“What happened?” he asked me.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, sitting down in the chair across from him but immediately standing back up and starting to pace the room. “I thought everything was going great, but then Gabriel came over this morning. He was trying to bullshit apologize, said he broke up with Jace, which means that Jace probably cheated on him. He said he wanted to try again. He touched my arm trying to be all sweet and innocent and I told him to stop, and that’s when Gavin came out. Gabriel left but Gavin got real weird after that.”
“What did he do? Did he leave? How weird?”
I hesitated. “No…uh…quite the opposite. He…uh…he asked me to…um, to make l- um…” Dear God how was I supposed to word this to Caden ?
“Ok,” Caden said, chuckling a little despite the concern that remained on his face, “I got you. But why is that weird?”
I gave up trying to be tactful. “Because he was fucking crying the whole time but didn’t want me to stop. Begged me not to stop even though I had no idea what was wrong, and I was upset, too, because he was. He told me he loved me. He…” I sat back down.
I had Caden’s full attention as he waited for me to go on. “He got up right after, said he had to get ready for work, which, I mean, he did. He locked the bathroom door, though, when he took a shower. I heard it click, and that’s not something he’s ever done before. He came out acting normal again, but there was something in his eyes. Caden, I’m really freaked out.”
“Well, I understand why,” Caden said, “Something is up. Let me text Jeff. I think he’s home today.” He sent the text then looked back at me. “Did anything else happen? Anything besides Gabriel? I mean I know Gavin isn’t the most secure person, and he could just be worried he’ll lose you to Gabriel, I guess.”
“That’s what I thought at first, too,” I said, “but I don’t think that’s it. It was…more. And it was almost like he was trying to talk me into believing Gabriel, not the opposite.”
Caden tilted his head as he looked at me, puzzled, but his phone pinged. “Ok,” he said, looking at it, “Well Jeff said that Gavin is there, and he’s working and acting normal.”
I relaxed a little bit, not even realizing that had been something I was worried about, but it came to the forefront of my mind when I found out he’d made it to work. “When he got here,” I said, “he kept saying he couldn’t stay because he was putting everyone in danger. Do you think-” My blood ran cold, and my eyes widened.
Caden looked ready to shake information out of me. “What is it?!” he practically yelled.
“Fuck!” I cried, “I forgot about yesterday afternoon. I know a lot happened this morning, but how could I forget about that?”
“Forget about what ?” He was coming around the desk, probably to actually shake me.
“He was having a panic attack when I got home. He was on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, hyperventilating. He never told me what was wrong. I just got him up onto the couch and got him calmed down. I guess I was thinking he’d fallen asleep on the couch and had a nightmare, or something set off a flashback, but…oh, my god.”
“ What?” Caden sounded near tears.
“I just realized he had to pick up his phone off the floor. It didn’t even register yesterday. He wasn’t asleep, he had his phone in his hand when he ended up there. It wasn’t a dream; it was something on his phone. I’d be willing to bet his friend Collin messaged him again. What if something happened? He’ll take off on me!”
Caden put a hand on my shoulder as he took a deep breath. “We’re going to talk to him. All of us. Jamie, Jeff, and Amber included. I know he’s worried about all of us, but his dad can go fuck right off. I want Gavin to know that he can count on us all, that we’re all his friends and we’re here for him, no matter what.”
His words encouraged me. He walked back to his desk. “Everything is going to be ok, Nick,” he said, “I’m going to tell Jeff to keep an eye on Gavin, that we’re a little worried about him. He won’t say anything, and he’ll make sure Gavin gets on the bus safely that way.” I nodded. “We have both of your backs, alright?” he added. I thanked him and went back to work. He would probably never know how much his friendship truly meant to me, but it meant the world.
◆◆◆
Caden stopped me as I left work that afternoon. “Hey,” he said for the second time that day, “Everything is going to be ok. Alright?” I nodded and he gave me a hug before I headed to my bike.
I took off and headed home to wait for Gavin. It was a beautiful afternoon, the perfect weather for a ride. Maybe we could even take a ride together later, after dinner. That might make him feel better, too.
I enjoyed the warm wind on my way home. I thought about what I could do with Gavin the next day since it was Saturday, and we were both off work. I tried to think of the best date to take him on, something we hadn’t done yet. I knew he’d never been properly romanced. Caden had probably attempted to, but they were kids who were also trying to keep their whole relationship under the radar. I would bet my life he was the only one who’d even tried.
Gavin did seem to be calmed by being outside and by water. He liked to be in nature, but he’d also really liked the aquarium. Maybe he’d like the zoo. It might sound silly if you didn’t know he never got the chance to enjoy those places as a kid. Maybe we could go to the zoo then have dinner somewhere with an ocean view. I wanted the day to feel safe and fun and calm his nerves. We could have that talk with him in the evening. I wanted to make him feel better and let him know that everything was going to be fine. I wanted him to know we’d do whatever it took to protect him, and that he didn’t have to run away. No one was going to stop me from loving him.
A speeding car flew by me, pulling me from my thoughts and causing me to swerve and curse as I thankfully regained control of my bike. I was already going fast; they had to be going at least a hundred miles an hour. What the actual fuck . I would have thought they were trying to hurt me, since they’d been awfully close, but they could have easily swiped me and made me lose complete control if they wanted to. Since they hadn’t done that, I slowed down and tried to shake it off as I watched the maroon car fade into the distance. It had been unexpected, but it wasn’t the first time I encountered a reckless driver. They were probably on their phone. I paid more attention to my surroundings all the way home.
I got through security and into my parking garage, heading upstairs. I glanced at the clock when I got to my apartment, noting that Gavin would be home in about thirty minutes. I started gathering all the ingredients for our pizza. I went ahead and sliced the pineapple, because at least half of the pizza would be Hawaiian, since that was our favorite. I thought maybe we’d just make the other half everything. We had all the ingredients he could possibly want, and we may as well use them all. I couldn’t wait for him to tell me it was the best pizza he’d ever eaten and take pride in knowing he’d helped make it. I left everything on the counter and went into the living room, turning on the TV to wait for him.