Chapter 24
Nick
W e ran behind the desk and found the door still propped open with Tevon’s shoe. I was really going to have to give him kudos for that throw. Morris must have read my mind, because as he opened the door, gun pointed in front of him, he glanced at me and said, “He played football in college.”
The agent who’d come in with us followed us into the hallway we knew the group had gone down. Caden and I followed Morris as we searched for Tevon.
It didn’t take much to find them. There was a huge commotion in a room down the next hallway with an open door. We could hear yelling, cursing, and Tevon’s voice in the midst of it, though I couldn’t make out much of what any of them were saying.
When we were only about four doors away from the room, Tevon came barreling out of the door, Doctor Bradbury stumbling backwards in front of him, the barrel of Tevon’s gun shoved into the doctor’s neck. “You’re a fucking doctor,” Tevon nearly screamed, and I didn’t like how urgent his voice sounded, “and you know what to do. Go get fucking Flumazenil fucking now! You better have it, since this is supposed to be a rehab center.”
The doctor’s hands were up, his eyes wide. “I have it. I have it! I’ll get it!”
“Fast. His blood is on your hands. The FBI is involved now, and you’re all fucked.” Tevon looked over and saw us. He looked past the three of us to the agent who’d waited at the end of the hall to guard it. “Follow him!” Tevon yelled, “Make sure he does what he says!” He looked back at Morris. “Cover me, babe. I have to start CPR, and I need my hands.”
My heart was hammering out of my chest. Gavin . Tevon holstered his weapon as he ran back into the room. Morris ran ahead to the doorway to cover him, and one glance back told me Morris’s friend was following the doctor, gun drawn. “Hands up!” Morris yelled, standing in the doorway with his gun aimed ahead of him, “FBI.” He looked around the room in front of him and his face was filled with disgust. “You are all so fucked.”
Morris was blocking my way through the door. He glanced at me for a split second with a sympathetic look, and I thought he might try to stop me from looking in there. I stepped beside him and looked inside anyway, and I couldn’t stop my sob. Gavin was on a table, shirtless and barefoot in a pair of scrub pants. He wasn’t moving.
Tevon had started CPR on him, desperately pumping his chest, then pausing to give him a breath. It was all I noticed at first, but I slowly became aware that two men I didn’t recognize, as well as Damien Kolders were standing in the room along the far wall, their hands up. The ones I didn’t recognize looked somewhere between scared and pissed, but there was something on Kolders’ face. It almost looked like worry. Even though his hands were up, he was watching Gavin on the table. I wanted to punch him hard enough to knock all of his teeth out.
I glanced around the room quickly, taking in everything. There was a gray metal tub in the room. It was empty, but deeper than a regular bathtub, and the metal would make it even colder if ice water was added to it. There was a screen on the wall behind the men with their hands up. There were straps on the table Gavin was on, though he wasn’t strapped down. They appeared to be for wrists and ankles. There was a cabinet in the corner, holding God only knew what kind of torture devices. Seeing the actual room of Gavin’s nightmares made me want to vomit.
I heard footsteps behind me and looked up to see the doctor and the other agent running our way. We all moved so they could get into the room, because I knew whatever Tevon had asked for was important. Even though he moved out of the way, Morris never let his aim falter.
The doctor tried to hold a vial and a syringe out to Tevon. Tevon continued doing CPR. “Pull it the fuck up so I don’t have to stop, you dumb fuck.” Tevon sounded annoyed, but he looked desperate. I could see fear in his eyes even though he remained calm and did what he needed to do.
My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. Gavin still wasn’t moving. The doctor was pulling something up in the syringe. Tevon gave Gavin another breath. As he started chest compressions again, he hissed, “You better hope it’s not too late.” I felt my lip trembling, but I refused to make a sound. I felt Caden’s arm come around my shoulders and he squeezed. I could feel his hand shaking, too, and when I dared to glance away from the scene in front of me, I saw that there were tears in his eyes.
They’d fucking overdosed Gavin on something, and all I could do was hope that Tevon knew what he was doing and had gotten there quickly enough. Gavin was just too still. The only movement of his body was from Tevon’s resuscitation attempt.
“Maybe you guys shouldn’t be seeing this,” Morris said softly without taking his eyes off his targets. It did hurt to watch, but I also wasn’t leaving. I would see it through, I would not leave Gavin.
The doctor held out the syringe. Tevon gave Gavin one more breath and stood, snatching it from the doctor’s hand. He touched Gavin’s inner elbow, then paused briefly as though thinking before ripping the sleeve of his t-shirt off. He tore it apart and tied it around Gavin’s upper arm as a makeshift tourniquet. He pulled the syringe cap off with his teeth and spit it out right before he tapped on Gavin’s arm, gave a shake of his head that had my heart falling, then held Gavin’s arm steady as he leveled the needle with my boyfriend’s skin. Tevon injected the needle into his arm, quickly ripping off the tourniquet he’d made, pulling back once on the plunger, then pushing it in agonizingly slowly. He kept looking between Gavin’s arm and his face, whispering a barely audible, “Come on…please.” Caden gripped my shoulder tighter.
Tevon finally finished pressing the plunger and pulled the needle out. He held his finger over the spot where he’d injected it and grabbed Gavin’s other wrist with an even more worried look on his face. I was pretty sure everyone in the room was holding their breath, if for very different reasons. Four of them were probably worried about a murder charge on top of everything else they were about to get hit with, the rest of us were worried about Gavin.
“Call an ambulance,” Tevon demanded, looking at Morris.
The agent who’d followed the doctor spoke up, though. “I already called for backup. Including medics.”
I couldn’t just stand by any longer. I ducked out of Caden’s hold and moved past the gun Morris was aiming, and he didn’t try to stop me. Tevon watched for just a second as I approached Gavin, but then he started chest compressions again. Gavin’s lips were blue. His face looked vacant. I let out another sob but tried not to let anyone hear it. Tevon gave him another breath. “Come on,” he whispered again as he went back to the compressions.
The four men in the room who’d done it to him were watching me, but they didn’t say anything. I took Gavin’s hand in my own. It felt too cold. I squeezed it and rubbed it with my fingers, trying to warm it up as Tevon gave him another breath. He met my eyes as he lifted back up to start chest compressions again. I could feel the, “I’m sorry,” in the look he gave me. It caused a tear to finally escape my eye.
“Gavin, please,” I whispered, leaning as close to his ear as I could without getting in Tevon’s way, “Please don’t leave me. Please come back. I need you. I told you I can’t live without you, and I can’t. Please. Just be ok.” I rubbed his hand again. I wanted to know why they’d done it, why they’d tried to kill him, but it wasn’t something I had time to ask right then. I wanted to hurt them, to punish them, but I wouldn’t leave his side.
Tevon gave him another breath, went back to the compressions. “Gavin, please ,” I whispered, closing my eyes, pretending we were safe at home, and I was just talking him through a panic attack, “Breathe with me, sweetheart. Breathe.”
Everyone in the room, Tevon and I included, jumped when Gavin gasped. He drew in a breath and coughed. “That’s it, sweetheart,” I said, but I was outright crying, “Breathe. Breathe for me.” He drew in another gasping breath, and the hand in mine gave a little squeeze. His head moved. I looked up at Tevon, tears running down my face. He looked hopeful for the first time. His eyes met mine and he gave me a little disbelieving smile. He was my fucking hero, and I knew I’d never be able to repay him. I looked back at Gavin.
Gavin’s eyes slowly opened, and he looked confused. He squinted as though he couldn’t see properly, but he looked at me. “N…Nick?” he rasped out, and he didn’t sound at all like he believed I was really there.
“It’s me,” I said, “I’m here.” I could hear a commotion from somewhere in the direction of the lobby.
“Fuck,” Morris said, turning his head in that direction as he tried to see what was going on. Working as though they were in each other’s minds, Tevon pulled his gun back out and turned on Gavin’s captors at the exact same time Morris turned his aim down the hallway. It was as beautiful as it was dangerous, and I hoped Gavin and I would get the chance to have something like that someday, maybe without the firearms. Just to think alike and be so in tune with one another. All I wanted was that chance. Please be ok, Gavin.
“I’m right here,” I repeated, squeezing Gavin’s hand so he could feel me, so that he would know it was really me, because his vision seemed to be blurry or something. He looked like he was struggling to figure out who we were and where he was. He didn’t know Tevon, who was still next to him, so that probably wasn’t helpful.
“Nick?” he whispered again, sounding uncertain and scared.
I leaned down and hugged him, even though he didn’t seem to be able to hug me back. “I’m here, Gavin,” I said into his ear, “I’m right here. You’re going to be ok.”
He still didn’t seem to believe that I was real. He struggled to sit up. “Thank God,” Morris said, still looking down the hall. He looked relieved and turned his gun and attention back into the room.
Tevon holstered his gun and reached down to help me as I tried to help Gavin sit up. Gavin jumped at Tevon’s hand on him. “It’s ok,” Tevon said gently, “I’m a good guy. You’re ok.”
The commotion was making its way down the hall. I heard someone yelling for someone to stay in the lobby, and someone else, apparently who they were yelling at, demanding to know what was going on. I glanced up and Caden had turned to face down the hallway, looking pissed as hell.
“Am I dead?” Gavin asked, rubbing at his eyes as though trying to see and understand what was happening, while Tevon and I held his full upper body weight because he seemed to want to sit up but couldn’t do it on his own. I wasn’t sure he was even aware we were holding him up. Or that he was sitting up.
“No, Gavin,” I said, “We’re really here. You’re ok. These bastards are going down. That’s Tevon beside you, he’s a cop from Florida, and he just saved your life. His husband is FBI. This place is done. It’s over.” Though my words seemed to be confusing to him, he did seem to at least somewhat understand that the people who'd been hurting him were in trouble.
Tevon looked at me. “The drugs he just got, including the reversal, can cause confusion,” he said softly, “And they’ll make his vision wonky for a bit. But he’s awake and right now, that’s all I care about.”
I met Tevon’s eyes again, tears still flowing that I couldn’t stop. “Thank you,” I said, “Thank you.”
He just gave me a nod and looked back at Gavin. “We’re going to get you to the hospital, ok?”
Caden stepped back, and Morris moved into the room to open up the doorway but keep his gun aimed at the assholes who’d tried to take Gavin from me. It was two paramedics who entered, abandoning the stretcher outside the crowded room and rushing in with their bag.
Tevon quickly told them what had happened. There were police next, and I realized that Morris was already holding up his badge, as were his partners, who’d joined him. He didn’t lower his weapon. “FBI,” he said, “This case has already been taken over. We have more agents on the way.”
Suddenly, Caden’s face turned into a snarl and an older man in plain clothes appeared in the doorway. “What the hell is going on?” he demanded.
“Back up,” Morris yelled, “Police officers can go ahead and stand down. This case is officially FBI business.” His colleagues had their guns and badges out, the group of them managing to aim in all directions together. “We have a long laundry list that makes this officially our case, including civil rights charges and acts of terrorism. So stand. The fuck. Down . We’re taking it from here.”
There was another commotion and suddenly there was a whole group of people in jackets with FBI on the back of them, guns aimed and yelling. The police officers, who I was sure Morris already assumed were dirty and working for Gavin’s dad, holstered their weapons and backed away with nods. Several FBI agents entered the room, nodding at Morris and heading over to handcuff the four men who’d nearly killed Gavin. The older man in the hallway was turning red. “What is going on?” he demanded again, seeming unbothered by the agents with their guns trained on him.
Caden was the one who spoke up. Morris nodded to his colleagues to let him as he got right in the man’s face. “What happened?” Caden spat out, “What fucking happened ? What happened is that the assholes you sent your son with almost killed him. If we hadn’t shown up when we did, they would have succeeded. Tevon just saved his life. What happened , is that you’re the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the earth, and I will be the first to volunteer to testify against your ass. I might have been afraid of you when I was a kid, but I’m not now, motherfucker. I’ll tell them I saw you hit Gavin. I’ll tell them about all his bruises and how controlling you were. And I’ll damn sure tell them that you held a gun to my head when I was sixteen, threatened repeatedly to kill me, and told me if I ever talked to your son again you still would, just because you caught us fooling around.”
Literally everyone in the room had their eyebrows raised, Morris’ mouth open like he wanted to speak but wouldn’t dare interrupt. Caden didn’t care. “Oh, yeah,” he went on, “Also…” Instead of saying anything else he reared back suddenly and punched Gavin’s dad so hard the man fell on his ass. I wished Gavin had seen it, but he couldn’t see much, and he was looking the other way, completely confused about what was happening around him.
The paramedics moved over to Gavin when the threat of gunfire had dissipated, listening to his heart and checking his eyes and respiration. He recoiled a little. “Nick?” he said again, sounding panicked. He finally pushed himself up a little and toward me, as though trying to convince himself that I was really right there. I grabbed him in a hug as the paramedics backed off slightly. He deserved a second for a hug and they must have agreed.
Tevon was still talking to them, but Gavin suddenly moved his arms and gripped me tightly, as though he finally recognized my hug. “Nick?” he said yet again, but that time he sounded as though he might actually believe I was there.
I touched his hair. “It’s really me,” I said, “You’re going to be ok. He won’t hurt you ever again. None of them will. I promise.”
He squinted as he looked at my face near his, and for the first time he seemed to recognize me. He squeezed me even harder, like he was coming back from the worst panic attack he’d ever had. He started crying. “ Nick .” It was a statement. I squeezed him tight, running my hand through his hair and down his back.
“We need to get him to the hospital before the Flumazenil wears off,” one of the paramedics said, sounding like they didn’t really want to interrupt.
Caden was suddenly there, too, and Gavin looked up when he said, “I’ll help you.” Gavin seemed to recognize him, as well. He looked less confused by that point, but still unsure of why and how we were there. “We’re going to carry you to the stretcher,” Caden said, glancing at me, and I noticed the knuckles on his right hand were bloody, “Nick and I will be right here.” He put Gavin’s right arm over his shoulder and I did the same with his left, so we’d be closest to him. The paramedics took his legs, and we rushed him into the hallway. He gripped my hand as they strapped him on, and I could tell the restraint made him panic. He looked at me for reassurance and I nodded, which seemed to relax him a little bit.
“Go with him,” Caden said, “I’ll answer any questions here. We’ll all meet you at the hospital soon.” I didn’t argue. I held Gavin’s hand as we hurried down the hall and into the lobby. The others were all there waiting by then. Caitlin let out a little sob when she saw that Gavin’s eyes were open and he was looking around, confused again. He seemed to be able to see better, and he looked at all of our friends as it must have slowly registered that we were there for him.
Caitlin, Jesse, Jamie, Amber and Jeff looked overwhelmingly relieved to see him awake and alert. “We’ll meet you at the hospital,” Jamie said, looking at both of us with a reassuring smile. I just nodded as we headed outside to the waiting ambulance.
◆◆◆
They let me go in the room with Gavin in the Emergency department. They hooked him up to fluids and monitors, and I held his hand while they took his vitals and drew blood from him. He wasn’t letting go of me, so they worked around me. He kept saying he was cold, so when the doctor left after telling me to call the nurse immediately if he started acting odd, the nurse said she’d be right back with a warm blanket for him.
As soon as the nurse left, Gavin squeezed my hand and pulled me weakly toward him. I knew what he needed, and I followed the pull without hesitation, leaning down in an attempt to maneuver around the tubes and wires to give him the hug I hoped would help him more than anything else had. He squeezed me with all the strength he could muster.
He’d seemed to become fully aware on the ambulance ride that he really was awake and alive, and I was really there with him. His words came out in a hoarse, broken voice. “You found me. You came for me.”
I backed up slightly and put my forehead on his, looking at him like I had the first night I’d let him know how I really felt about him. I’d been scared to death then, afraid I was reading into it wrong, unable to believe he was looking at me the way he was. Now the only thing I was afraid of was losing him. “Of course I did,” I said softly, “I told you I couldn’t live without you, Gavin, and I meant that. I love you.”
I sat on the bed beside him, still holding him in my arms, and he gave me a tired smile. “I love you, too.” We just sat there, holding each other in silence for a moment. Finally he said, “How did you find me?”
I suddenly remembered I had something that belonged to him. I pulled the penny out of my pocket, one arm still around him as I held it up. “Well,” I said, “It started with this.”
His breath hitched as he took it from me and gripped it in his hand as he looked at it in amazement. “I thought I’d done something really dumb when I dropped it there. I thought I’d lost it forever and you’d never find it.”
“Well, I did,” I said, and thought that maybe we already had a little, tiny sliver of what I’d envied of Tevon and Morris, “Caden and Jamie rushed over to help me look for you, Jeff and Amber right behind them.” He looked a little amazed that our friends had jumped in so quickly to help. “Once I found the penny and knew for certain they’d taken you, and you hadn’t run from someone, we gathered more help. Caitlin is studying criminology. She’s amazing and she was just as quick to help when she found out. So was Jesse. Caitlin figured out the location by using Kolders’ name. The cop who saved your life in that room? He and his husband are Caitlin’s friends. It was an unofficial favor that turned into an official FBI investigation. They did it all because they cared about you and everyone else in that place. Caden was ready to tear the place apart with his bare hands just like me. So many people care about you, Gavin.”
He looked a little confused and overwhelmed by it. Once the adrenaline had worn off a little bit, though, the guilt had finally made its way past the fear and desperation. I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “But I told you that you were safe with me. I told you I wouldn’t let them hurt you. I’m so sorry I was late. I’m so sorry.” I started crying, even though I didn’t mean to.
He pulled me back into a hug. “You weren’t late,” he whispered, “You were right on time.”
I let out a sob, all the fight leaving me and the past couple of days catching up with me. “They got you away from me. They hurt you, Gavin. They almost killed you. I broke my promise.”
He pulled back again and forced me to look in his eyes. “Hey,” he said, “You didn’t. I thought it was over. Everything is hazy after the second dose, until I realized you were really there. I remember when he put that needle into my neck, and I thought that was it. But then you were there. You saved me. Trust me, I’m grateful to the cop that reversed it and gave me CPR, but none of them would have been there right then if it wasn’t for you. If you hadn’t found the penny and understood what it meant, everyone would have thought I just left. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now. I never expected you to find me. You didn’t break your promise, Nick, you saved my life.”
I fell back into his embrace, and he didn’t mention the tears that were soaking the hospital gown at his shoulder. “Nick,” he went on, “All I could think about was you. The life we could have had that I thought was gone but still gave me comfort to think about. I thought of your hug every time I was scared or hurt or cold. It’s the only reason they didn’t break my mind completely. It’s the only way I could stay myself and keep fighting back. Don’t you understand? You saved my life before you even got here.”
“I love you,” I said, then I repeated it, over and over. When I finally sat up and looked at him, he was smiling at me. “Tell me that when you get out of here, you’re going to come back home with me. Say you want to come back with me.” It had been a fear in the back of my mind since I knew he was ok. He was safe, even there. They couldn’t hurt him anymore, and he was back in his hometown. He could find Collin and make a life for himself far away from me if he wanted to. I knew he loved me, but with other options available, would he decide another life could be better? I wanted him to be happy no matter what he chose.
Gavin grabbed my face just like he had the first time he told me he loved me. “Nick, are you kidding me? There’s nowhere else I ever want to be. Wherever you are, that’s where I am. I don’t care where you go, I want to be there with you. Break me out of here and we’ll go right now.”
I laughed, but then the nurse brought his blanket, and the doctor told him his bloodwork was looking good, and he could rest, and he fell asleep holding my hand. They continued to check on him, but it was probably the first time he’d had a decent sleep since his dad had taken him from Florida. He had a bad dream, but he woke up as soon as I touched his hair. He looked confused and scared for a second, but when he saw me, he smiled.
◆◆◆
Gavin was admitted to the hospital and taken to a regular room for the night so they could continue fluids and monitor him. Our friends showed up, along with Caitlin’s friends. Our friends all hugged him and cried with him. Tevon hugged him, too, and Gavin thanked him. I told him he was my hero. Tevon said he was just doing his job and wasn’t a hero, even though literally none of it had been his job and he’d obviously cared on a personal level while it was happening.
It was Morris who took Gavin’s official statement, asking everyone to leave the room but allowing me to stay when Gavin flat-out refused to let go of my hand. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how either of us would let the other out of our sight ever again.
Morris wanted everything, from the beginning. Gavin told him what happened when his dad caught him with Caden. It wasn’t the first instance of abuse, but it’s where the homophobic abuse had started. He said that after Caden was gone his dad had beat him with an umbrella until it broke, and I was pretty sure even Caden didn’t know about that.
He told Morris about his dad’s abuse after that point, from hitting him to withholding meals and locking him in the basement. He told Morris about his first experience in conversion therapy. The torture he’d been through and how he’d been too afraid to try to leave. He told him about Kolders. He told him about his dad’s threats and how hard he worked to send Gavin back to that place, and what his dad had done to cause him to run to Florida to seek help from Caden.
He told Morris why he’d come back with them, about the threats to his friends and the proof that someone was close to us, waiting to hurt us. I accidentally started crying again, because I hadn’t known how they’d talked him into going with them. Gavin told him everything that had happened since he’d been taken there again, and I wanted to vomit when he told me about his overdose. He’d almost been raped and murdered. Morris looked like he wanted Kolders’ head on a plate as badly as I did.
Morris told me he’d talked to Caden, and Caden had given them the same story about the day Gavin’s dad caught them. He’d also mentioned the bruises Gavin had so often when they were teenagers. He told them how strangely Gavin had acted after the summer they were seventeen.
The FBI were all over the building they’d held Gavin in. Morris told me they’d found various methods of torture but didn’t go into much detail because he didn’t want to upset me. He said that a couple of patients were truly addicts, but he wasn’t sure how much help they were getting, either.
They’d found a whole hallway full of teens who were there for conversion therapy. The kids were traumatized, and even though they weren’t locked in, had been afraid to come out even when the agents told them they were safe. Their parents were under investigation. I wasn’t sure if it would be more traumatizing to be taken away from parents who’d sent you there, or to be sent back to those parents. Morris assured me it would be the psychiatrists who were currently treating all of them and an investigation into the knowledge and motives of the parents that would ultimately decide what was best for those kids.
Morris and Tevon headed out first, then our friends left so Gavin could rest. He looked worried I’d leave, too, but I hugged him and made up a bed on the little fold out couch. “I’ll be right here if you need me,” I said, “I won’t leave the room.” He fell asleep while we watched TV, content knowing I would be there no matter what.