Epilogue
Nick
A Year Later
I hoped it would be the best night of my life to date. If it wasn’t, it would be the most humiliating, since I’d invited all of our friends to witness it, but I was pretty sure I was safe. Gavin thought he was meeting me at Jeff’s for a normal party. It was his birthday, but he didn’t even suspect it was for him. He thought I forgot, and he hadn’t mentioned it. It was a private party, because he still got anxious around the crowds that were normally at Jeff’s parties. That night I wanted it to just be us and our friends.
Caitlin and Nadia squealed excitedly when they saw me and Caitlin reached out to straighten my jacket. “You look great,” she said, “Literally no one would be able to turn you down.”
I chuckled but nervously said, “I hope not.”
“He is so in love with you,” Nadia said, “I have exactly zero worries about how this is going to go for you tonight.” She grabbed Caitlin’s hand and they headed over to put some champagne on ice.
Agent Morris waved at me with the hand that wasn’t holding Tevon’s. “Early congrats,” he said, “I’m so glad you guys are doing well.” They both grinned at me. Tevon would forever be a hero in my book. If it wasn’t for his quick thinking and action, Gavin wouldn’t be alive. I thanked him every time I saw him. He’d finally told me that seeing us happy was all he wanted, and I was not in debt to him. I still felt like I was, though. Maybe someday I’d have a chance to repay him.
It was a little too early for the congratulations Morris had offered me, but I appreciated the sentiment. Gavin and I, we were ok. We were going to be ok. Gavin went to therapy twice a week at the center. I’d finally agreed to go, too. I insisted I was fine, but he was right to keep prodding me about it. Gabriel had really fucked with my mind, even more than I realized. Lately, I saw a different person when I looked in the mirror. I was starting to see the person Gavin described, instead of the person Gabriel had put in my head.
And Gavin. He still had a long way to go, but he’d come so far, and I was so proud of him. His nightmares only came every couple of weeks. His medication helped, along with the therapy, and he said talking to me helped, too. He no longer saw himself as someone who was worthless trash but someone who deserved love and happiness. And he still wanted me. He still wanted me to be the one to love him. He still told me I was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen and talked to me about random things deep into the night. He still cooked with me and held me tight from the back of my bike. He still tried to surprise me with dinner when he was off work and I wasn’t, even though half the time he burned it. Instead of beating himself up, he laughed about it and told me to eat it anyway, it wouldn’t kill me.
I walked out onto the deck, where Caden and Jamie were helping Jeff set up some fireworks. Real ones, not flares, but watching as they set them up, I feared it might not be the best idea. The guys were all much too bro-like and enthusiastic about setting them up, and I was nervous. “You guys? I don’t know if fireworks are really necessary. I mean, it’s probably not a good idea to shoot them off here.”
“Don’t worry,” Amber spoke up, walking out of the living room, “We’re not setting them off here. We’re going out on the water.” So she’d turned into one of the firework bros, too.
“Shouldn’t um, shouldn’t we maybe have a professional set them up at least?” I asked weakly.
“Naw,” Jamie said, standing up, “We got these at the firework tent. It will be fine .”
I shrugged. “If you say so.” Hopefully we wouldn’t have to set off an actual rescue flare as we sank on a flaming yacht.
Jesse and Luke walked out onto the deck behind Amber. “Congratulations,” Jesse said, patting me on the back, “I can’t wait to celebrate with you.”
“You guys are all telling me congratulations awfully early. I hope it goes the way I’m planning.” I still had some insecurities. I knew it. But being aware of it was the first step in fixing it.
Caitlin and Nadia had stepped up beside us, and every single one of my friends, and the server who knew Gavin from working there, stopped what they were doing and stared at me. “Seriously, Nick?” Caden was the one who finally spoke, “What do you think he’s going to say? No? That man is completely, head-over-heels in love with you. If anyone here is worried he’s going to turn you down, it’s just you.”
I chuckled. “Ok, I hear you. Still nervous.”
Caden just gave me an encouraging pat on the back. “You’ll do fine,” he said.
My family absolutely loved Gavin. He’d come home with me, and when we were leaving my mom said to me, “You better marry this one, Nick. He’s much better for you than that asshole you left here with ever was.” I couldn’t help laughing, but she was right. They saw it, and I did, too. Gavin was always thoughtful of my feelings. He smiled when I was around him. He sang my praises when all Gabriel had ever done was complain about me, even when I was younger and looked the way he wanted me to. He’d pointed out my flaws in front of my family even back then and tried to humiliate me constantly.
Gavin, on the other hand, had mentioned to my family how good my food was, and how he’d never met anyone who could cook like me. He told them how much fun he had with me, and without saying too much, how much it meant because he hadn’t had much fun in his life before. He pointed out how smart I was. How he loved spending time with me. He talked about how much I cared about the kids at work and how he admired me for it. He even mentioned how hot I was. It was all peppered in with regular conversation, sometimes when I was present, sometimes when I wasn’t, but we heard it.
“The way he looks at you,” my mom had chuckled, “like he has stars in his eyes. Don’t you let him go, Nick.”
I wouldn’t let him go. Ever, if I could help it. Hopefully my family would be coming to visit me next, for our wedding. First I had to get through the hardest part. The surprise birthday party.
Caitlin turned the lights off when the security guard let Jeff know Gavin was at the marina and approaching the yacht. He had his car back. After his dad’s trial and subsequent incarceration, they released Gavin’s car back to him. Collin had driven it down for him. He’d made it a few day visit but stayed with Caden and Jamie. He hung out with all of us and caught up with Caden and Gavin. He said there was a guy back home he was trying to get the nerve up to ask out. Gavin told him to man up and do it. He’d flown back home a few days later, hugging us both goodbye. Last I heard he’d already been on a few dates with the guy.
I looked around in one more quick check before Gavin arrived, and everything looked good. We’d set up a buffet on the deck, so he wouldn’t see it on his way through. There was an elaborate birthday cake on it, as well as plenty of food I’d catered myself. All of Gavin’s favorites, including Hawaiian pizza that made Jamie grin and Caden fake gag.
“Hello?” I heard Gavin call as he walked through the dark, empty rooms. “What the…did it not say tonight?” He pulled his phone out to look at the message I’d sent him earlier that day as he stepped onto the deck.
Caitlin hit the lights, and all our friends said, “Surprise!” No yelling or jumping out because I wasn’t sure how he would react to that. I looked at him hopefully.
Gavin still jumped and nearly dropped his phone, but he looked around in amazement. I was standing in front of all of them, and I took a breath as he looked at me. “Happy birthday,” I said, smiling through my nerves.
“You remembered,” he whispered, and I knew he wouldn’t have been mad if I hadn’t. He still had that feeling sometimes that nothing involving him was that important, even though he was doing better. I felt bad for letting him think I forgot earlier, but hopefully I would make up for it.
He’d told me he’d never had a birthday party. I hoped it would be his best birthday ever. Just a fun evening with the people he cared about the most. A table full of food, and another full of presents. I hoped my present would be his favorite, though.
“What did you do?” he asked me as he looked around, but he was smiling. His last birthday had been shortly after all of his trauma, so it had been spent quietly, just the two of us, dinner at a restaurant and the rest of the night at home. I’d given him a bracelet that he’d worn every day since, and we’d had some mind-blowing sex. So, it hadn’t been a bad night, but I was pretty sure I could top it. They were all still smiling behind me, holding balloons and noise makers, ready to celebrate, but waiting for me.
I glanced at them then took a breath and stepped up to Gavin, taking his hands in mine. “I wanted to celebrate you,” I said, “Because you deserve it.” He smiled again, but I could tell he didn’t suspect what was coming. “I love you so much,” I said.
“I love you, too,” he interrupted me, relaxing my nerves a little.
I went on. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I never knew I could feel like this. I know you say I saved you that day, but you saved me, time and time again. You saved me from my own thoughts, from my insecurities, from hating myself. You’re the only person who’s ever talked about me like you do, like I hung the damn moon even though I feel the same about you. You’re the only person I want. Ever.”
He started to look a little confused, so I dropped to one knee and his eyes widened. “You’re the only backpack I ever want on my bike,” I said, “You’re the only person I ever want to make pizza with. The one I want to hug me when I don’t like what I see in the mirror. The one I want to hug when you have a bad day. You’re the person I want to come home to every day of my life. I never want a life without you. I want to grow old and boring with you. I don’t care what we do or where we go, as long as we’re together. Will you marry me, Gavin?”
He glanced around but then back at me, a tear slipping out. “You really want to-” He stopped himself. He’d almost asked if I really wanted to marry him, but he knew I’d scold him if he got down on himself. “Yes,” he said instead, giving a teary laugh, “Fuck, yes. Why are you even over here looking nervous about asking me that?”
I stood up, laughing, too. I pulled out the thin ring with a diamond set into it and held it up to him. He let me put it on his finger and looked at it in amazement. I handed him a matching one. “I thought we’d both wear them, just to show we’re taken,” I said, biting my lip.
He smiled and took the ring, slipping it onto my finger. I caught him in a kiss, wrapping my arms around him. Our friends started cheering and we were suddenly surrounded by the sounds of all the noise makers. Someone threw confetti. As we separated, Jamie was popping the champagne. I realized we’d left the dock, and Jeff was lighting the fireworks that exploded in a crazy celebration above us. Gavin looked up in awe, then looked back at me. “Damn, you really planned this,” he commented.
“I had help,” I said, looking around at our friends who were watching the fireworks and filling their cups with champagne.
“I wanted to ask you,” Gavin said shyly, “But I was afraid you’d say no.”
I hugged him. “You know better.”
“But I was still scared.”
“I was, too,” I admitted, “even though they all told me not to be.”
“At least you’re braver than I am,” he said, but added, just like he had so long ago on the same boat, “Who the fuck wouldn’t want you, though?”
I laughed and kissed him again. I’d never stop kissing him. I’d never stop loving him. We had the rest of our lives together, and I wouldn’t waste a minute of it. I’d spend the rest of my days trying to make him smile. He’d had his fill of sadness and wasted moments. And even if we were just making pizza or riding my bike along the coast, I wouldn’t let him waste another one feeling like he wasn’t worthy.
The day I found him on that bridge had truly been the best day of my life. Even though it was a long way to where we were, we’d found the end of the hard road and had discovered an easier one. One that led to love and life. We’d found each other that day. We’d found the end of our nightmares. The good dreams were our reality. Our hugs healed us both, and I never wanted to wake up from the dream he’d given me.
His past was still there, but he would overcome it, just like I would overcome the things that haunted me. Because we could do anything hand in hand. We could face the world, and it couldn’t hurt us anymore. We would protect each other. And it wasn’t just the pineapple pizza that made us complement one another. We were perfect.