Chapter 26
Gavin
W e ended up making breakfast, because I decided I wanted to make waffles again. It was early afternoon, but we didn’t care. We could do whatever we wanted, and the feeling of freedom from the awareness of that was nearly overwhelming. It was the first time in my life I didn’t feel the need to watch over my shoulder for my dad or someone he sent after me. I could be myself without worrying about him or Kolders taking me back. It was a feeling I never expected to have.
I knew I wasn’t cured of everything they’d done to my mind. I knew I needed therapy for real, and I would get it, because I was free to do that, too. I could stay. I didn’t have to worry about who put my name in a computer or who knew where I was. I didn’t have that feeling that I was going to have to leave soon to protect the people around me. But right then, I just wanted to enjoy Nick. Because he was mine. The apartment was our home. We could make breakfast whenever we wanted. We could be those people I’d been so envious of, going on vacation and coming home to our mundane lives. We could do anything.
We’d eaten and were feeling lazy, exhausted from everything we’d been through. We cuddled shirtless on the couch while a movie played, but I wasn’t really paying attention, just running my finger all over his bare upper body as I stared at the screen. Sometimes I’d hit a spot that tickled and he’d laugh, while I hid my smiles and mentally stored all that information away for when I needed it. I was so glad he seemed to mind less and less that I saw him with his shirt off when we weren’t about to fuck. Maybe he was finally starting to get it. I wanted him. I found him desirable. He was the most beautiful person in the world to me. He was the only person I ever wanted.
We were still sitting there in our domestic bliss when there was a knock at the door. Nick looked confused, but he sighed, and I sat up so he could let go of me and answer it. Gabriel. Again. I tensed up a little bit, especially after I’d wondered if he would be the one to take care of Nick when I was gone; and thinking that everyone deserved a second chance. I wondered if Nick had felt the same, even for a second. I wondered if, after Gabriel seemed so remorseful, he was torn between us. They’d been together a long time.
My fear flew right out the window when Nick sighed, “What the fuck do you want now, Gabriel?”
“I just want to talk,” Gabriel said, pushing his way through the door, which made my hackles rise. He sneered in disgust when he saw me on the couch. “Is he always here? I just want to talk to you in private.”
“He’s always here,” Nick said through clenched teeth, “Because he lives here. With me. I want him here. I already told you this.”
“Can we just talk somewhere alone?” Gabriel implored him, trying the innocent thing that had me almost feeling bad for him before.
Nick was obviously not falling for it like I had. “Look, Gabriel,” he said, “I really don’t want to talk to you. I have nothing left to say to you, and there’s nothing for us to talk about. If you want to get your stuff, go ahead, but I have nothing more to discuss with you. Ever.”
Well that pissed Gabriel off. “What, more broken stuff? Did you break my antiques, too? Color on my paintings with crayons?”
Nick sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I broke the records, alright? I’ll buy you new ones. It was childish of me. But I was pissed. I had every right to be pissed. You fucked someone who was supposed to be my friend in our bed. I didn’t break anything else. I don’t want your shit. Take it all. Just leave the stuff I brought with me and the stuff I bought. I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to try again, ever. Sorry if the younger guy you fucked decided he wanted someone else and cheated on you. But I’m over it. I don’t care anymore, about you or the situation. I’m happy, happier than I can ever remember being. I found someone I truly love and he’s all I want.”
I barely had time to beam at him, because Gabriel’s face turned red with fury. “Fuck you, Nick! You don’t know anything. We were on a break when he slept with that guy, I just decided I didn’t want him anymore.” It appeared he hadn’t changed after all. “You don’t know anything about my life or about Jace. I wanted to try with you again even though I already put up with your fat ass for so long, in misery, that I don’t know why I’d bother giving you a second chance. You repulsed me, and you surely noticed I had trouble even getting hard with you anymore. Plus you got clingy and needy and always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. You didn’t want to let me live my life, and if I wasn’t home, you were here stuffing your face with more unhealthy, disgusting food, making everything worse. I couldn’t stand to look at you or be around you. Don’t you remember how you looked when we got together? You were so pretty. You took care of yourself and looked good. You were secure and let me do my own thing-”
I barely even registered the gutted look on Nick’s face. It would have pissed me off even more if I’d stopped to comprehend it, and I probably would have done something that really got me in trouble, like put Gabriel’s scrawny ass in the hospital. It wasn’t Nick’s reaction that had me moving as soon as my shock subsided enough to unfreeze me from the couch, it was that no one talked about my beautiful man like that and got away with it.
Nick made a startled sound as I brushed past him, and just like I’d hoped to do so long ago, my fist connected with Gabriel’s face. He went sprawling in Nick’s doorway. “Don’t talk about Nick like that, ever again,” I hissed, “He’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on. He’s way above your average ass, and I’m amazed he stuck with such a pathetic little bitch for as long as he did. You never deserved him. I don’t either. He’s so far out of my league I can’t fathom why he wants me. But you made your choice, and now you live with it. You keep coming around here, I have more of this for you.” I held up my fist, bloody because I hadn’t held back. “You want your shit? Get it. Right now. Because this is the last time you come to our apartment harassing us. Understood?”
He stood up, obviously pissed but also afraid of me. He rubbed his jaw that was already turning purple and said, “My lawyer will hear about this.”
“Oh, about you repeatedly coming to someone else’s property and verbally assaulting them? Good. Maybe you can fuck him, too. He might listen to you then.” Gabriel recoiled when I called his bluff. I motioned around the apartment. “Get. Your. Shit. And. Leave. For good. I’m tired of putting up with you.”
Nick stepped into the kitchen and came back with a garbage bag, looking composed again. “Whatever you don’t take today that belongs to you will end up in the garbage out back. This is my apartment. I’m done storing it for you, so don’t bother trying to come back for anything else, or for any other reason. There will be nothing here for you.” He held the bag out for Gabriel, along with a hundred-dollar bill. “That should cover the records.”
Gabriel snatched the bag and snarled, “I don’t need your money, Nick. I’m not broke like you.” He started trying to cram his art into the bag, and I knew it would probably end up being a comedy of errors, but I just let him go.
When Gabriel was distracted, Nick walked back over and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him, and he buried his face in my neck. “I don’t know how to feel right now,” he whispered, tears threatening in his voice.
I knew what he meant. Gabriel fucked with his head just like all of them had fucked with mine, and I started to mend it every time, just like he did mine. I rested my head against his and whispered, “Feel like you believe me, because you know I wasn’t lying. That’s obvious every time I’m around you, and I know it is. I can’t lie, especially when I’m pissed. I don’t know why you want me, but I know you do, and you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” I squeezed him. “I love you so much. I love everything about you.”
He squeezed me back. “I know.”
Gabriel glanced over a few times, looking at us as we stood in the middle of the living room holding each other. The bag broke and he tried to fix it. After he’d dropped all of his shit a few times, Nick finally chuckled into my neck and said, “I have to get him out of here. I’ll be right back.”
He went into our room and came out with a plastic tote. “Here. God, you’re worthless in every way. Hurry up so you can leave us alone.” He dropped the tote at Gabriel’s feet, then pulled me back to the couch where we cuddled up just like we had been before the interruption, and Nick started the movie again. We let Gabriel stew and pack in the background.
Nick’s head was resting on mine as I lay on his shoulder. “I love everything about you, too, you know,” he said into my hair.
I laughed. “I know,” I said, “I don’t know why you do, but I know.”
◆◆◆
Gabriel had been gone for about a half an hour with his tote full of art and trinkets when there was another knock on the door. “What the fuck,” Nick muttered, standing up, and I was fully ready to throw down. We both let out a relieved breath when we realized it wasn’t Gabriel but Caden and Jamie. When Nick opened the door they each held up a reusable grocery bag. “What’s this?” Nick asked as they handed him the bags and waved at me on the couch.
I waved back, smiling once I knew it wasn’t Nick’s trash ex. Caden shrugged. “You mentioned that you guys were supposed to make pizza that night when we were at Caitlin’s place, and that you’d left everything on the counter. We thought you might want to make it tonight instead, and I’m assuming a lot of your ingredients went bad. So we got everything you might possibly need for pizza.”
“Even pineapple,” Jamie put in, even though neither of them knew it was our favorite, “Just in case. And despite Caden arguing with me.”
“Because pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza,” Caden practically growled, turning to Jamie with a genuinely annoyed look.
“It does sometimes,” Jamie replied, looking back at him defiantly.
“It fucking does not!” Caden cried, “Unless it’s pizza you’re getting ready to throw in the garbage!”
“ Okay,” Jamie said, pulling Caden away from the door, “You guys enjoy your pizza. We’ll see you soon.” They left, but we could hear them arguing all the way down the hall about whether Hawaiian pizza was actual pizza.
“I mean, it does belong on pizza,” Nick said as he shut the door with a smile.
I grinned. “We both agree on the hottest topic of debate in this country. That almost never happens in a couple. It’s like…like it was fate.”
He grinned back. “It’s why we’re perfect. And it was fate,” he said with a laugh, “Come on. You want to make some pizza?”
I nodded and stood, smiling brightly at him. I’d never wanted anything more.