CHAPTER 8
Lila
“H ey, Li—whoa there.”
The sudden sound of Mariah’s voice makes me jump and stub my foot against the door of her closet. Karla, her roommate and our friend, follows closely behind.
“ Shit ,” I hiss, crouching to check I’m not bleeding to death. But nope—I’m just dramatic. “Sorry, I didn’t hear the door opening.”
My best friend glances around her room, a mixture of amusement and worry dancing in her dark eyes. “What in the hurricane-tornado is going on here?”
I kneel in front of the messy pile of clothes on the ground, trying to find that one skirt the ground must have swallowed instead of swallowing me . “I’m pretty sure hurricane-tornados aren’t a thing.”
“Are you going on a date or something?” Karla asks me in a teasing voice.
That earns her a snort. “As if.”
Mariah and Karla know about Oliver—the cheating, the harsh words he parted with, the lost summer camp internship, and how Dr. Abner was there when I slashed the stupid tire.
I’ve known Mariah since we were babies, with her dad being my dad’s best friend and co-owner of the tattoo parlor, and we never hide anything from each other. Much like my aunt Maddie, Mariah is my go-to person for pretty much everything.
I first met Karla in my undergraduate psychology program, and we quickly became friends. We both prefer quiet nights in and have a passion for overworking at the library—a match made in heaven. She’s also pursuing a counseling MA, which means she understands my dilemma with Dr. Abner better than anyone.
Hours ago, after I finally gave up on my own closet, I texted Mariah saying there was an emergency and that I needed to raid hers. I don’t have an array of going-out clothes to choose from because…well, I rarely go out. Mariah does, and we’re pretty much the same size, so it was a no-brainer.
My best friend didn’t even ask what the emergency was before agreeing. I used the spare key to their apartment to get in here before she finished her shift at the tattoo parlor.
“It’s just dinner with my parents,” I tell them over my shoulder as I finally decide on a dark green dress. It’s not the skirt I wanted to wear tonight—which is something a lot more low-key than this—but it will do.
“Why are you worked up, then?” Mariah asks. “Contrary to popular belief, your dad and I don’t gossip about you during work hours. We leave the fun activities for our lunch break.”
Mariah is two years younger than me, but she’s already following in the footsteps of her dad, Uncle Trey—my dad’s best friend—and making a name for herself in the tattooing sphere of Warlington. She began pursuing a career as a tattoo artist at seventeen and now works at Inkjection, my father’s tattoo shop.
I roll my eyes, but I’m smiling. “We have a special guest tonight, so I don’t think leggings are appropriate for the occasion.”
Mariah pulls her long locs back into a ponytail. “Hey, leggings are always appropriate if you believe it hard enough.”
“Why did you say special like that?” Karla asks, plopping down on Mariah’s bed.
Rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms, I say, “It’s Reed Abner. You know, my mom’s co-author. The guy who witnessed me becoming a tire-slashing criminal. The internship guy.”
Karla’s eyes widen. “Why is he going to your family dinner?”
“Because I may or may not have said that I was hesitant to take the internship at the youth center because of him, and my mom thought I was being unreasonable.” My shoulders rise and fall with a sigh. “She invited him over for dinner so I could get over myself.”
“First of all, your mom is iconic and I’m a fan,” Mariah says. That earns her a glare she shrugs off. “And secondly, she’s right. You are being unreasonable and dumb and childish about this. Get your head out of your ass and accept that internship. We all know you’re dying to.”
“That’s not the point.” I start putting her clothes back in the closet because I can’t stand still right now. “The point is that people—”
“If you say you’re scared of what people will say about it, I’m going to scream,” Mariah continues. “You’re my sister from another mister, and that’s why I’m telling you this, okay? Nobody gives a shit about what you do or don’t do with your life.”
Ouch.
“People are obsessed with their own lives and problems, which is completely normal. They aren’t as focused on yours as you think they are,” she finishes.
It makes sense—it really does. So why does my heart refuse to listen?
“That’s so true,” Karla chimes in, twirling a blonde curl between her fingers. “It’s easy to get wrapped up in your own world and think you’re the most important person in everyone else’s.”
“Okay, yes, but...” I put Mariah’s last shirt away and shut the closet. “If people in our MA find out about the internship with him , they’ll start talking. And I’m not making it up or jumping to conclusions; I know it for a fact. They love gossip. Karla would know.”
“Oh, yeah. They’re brutal.” She nods, her eyes wide as she looks at her roommate. “They found out a girl from our class does tarot, and they’ve been calling her Weirdo Witch behind her back ever since.”
Which says a lot about people who are studying to become mental health professionals, if you ask me.
“No offense to Weirdo Witch because tarot is cool as hell, but who gives a shit?” Mariah says. “Sorry, Li, but I’m with your mom on this one. You need to start making decisions based on what you want—not what you think others will approve of. That’s literally insane. You’re so smart. Why are you behaving like a cute little idiot about this?”
Wouldn’t I like to know that?
“We’re going out with some friends tonight. Text us if you want to join when you’re done with your drama dinner.” She comes up to me and gives me a crushing hug. I inhale the familiar scent of lavender from her body wash. “Love you, Li. Don’t make dumb decisions you’ll regret later.”
“Love you too.” I hug her a little tighter. “And I’ll try.”
But I’m not so sure I’ll be able to do it.
***
Reed
I spot her the second I enter the crowded restaurant.
The satin fabric of her deep green dress catches the muted light of the chandelier, her golden hair shining with a beckoning glow. She’s sitting at a round table with her parents, the only seat available being the one to her right, and I recall Grace’s text.
Grace: Hi, Reed. Are you free tomorrow night? Lila has some questions about the internship, and she’d love to speak with you. How do you feel about Italian food? Our treat.
Up until that point, my only Saturday night plans consisted of maybe going out for a drink with Liam and Warren. Ditching my friends to come here wasn’t a tough choice.
“Reed.” Grace smiles as she spots me first, standing to give me a hug. “So glad you could make it.”
“Thank you for the invitation.” I hug her back before shaking Cal’s hand. “Don’t start,” I warn him.
He barks out a laugh. “Fine, I won’t try to convince you to get the tattoo you so clearly, desperately want. Scout’s honor.”
“You’ve never been a Boy Scout, honey,” Grace says with a playful roll of her eyes.
“Shh. He doesn’t have to know.”
A chuckle coming from the other side of the table shifts my attention to Lila. She’s leaning slightly on the cushioned chair, arms crossed, an unimpressed expression on her face.
“Lila.” I lower myself onto the seat next to her. I don’t break eye contact, although her attention is on the table despite the space being empty except for her glass of water, a fancy cloth napkin, and some cutlery. “How was your week?”
If the circumstances were different, I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell her how beautiful she looks tonight. But I don’t want to make things even more tense between us since I’m assuming we’re here to fix exactly that.
I also don’t want her dad to kill me on sight.
“Uneventful,” she says, not adding anything else. She unfolds her arms and plays with the hem of her dress, drawing my attention to her bare legs. Get a goddamn grip. “Yours?”
We’re doing one-word conversations, apparently.
I lean back on my own chair, mimicking her position. “One of my PhD students messed up his data collection report, which set us back on our deadline. Grant holders don’t like that, so I had to step in. That caused me to be late to a group meeting across campus. I pretty much sprinted to the meeting, only to get there and find out it had been canceled due to one of the faculty members going into labor. They had to drive her to the hospital.”
Lila turns her head then, giving me a look between confusion and skepticism. “Did you just make that up?”
“Nope. My week has really been that eventful.”
The only answer I get is a shake of her head.
Throughout dinner, Lila doesn’t talk much. It’s mostly her parents and me keeping the conversation alive, and although it’s comfortable between us, I find myself constantly wondering what must be going through her head.
On more than one occasion, I catch her glancing around the restaurant. Looking for someone? Checking if anyone is looking at us? Could be both.
It isn’t until we’re done with dessert that Lila excuses herself to the bathroom and Grace follows her. After they leave, Cal leans over and says, “You’ll have to forgive her. She isn’t usually so quiet.”
I lift my glass of wine to my mouth and take a sip. “She doesn’t seem to like me very much.”
“It’s not that,” he’s quick to say. He sneaks a glance behind me to where his wife and daughter disappeared to the bathroom just moments ago.
“Look, Lila is… She’s fucking gifted, man, but her head isn’t in the right place. She worries too much about other people’s opinions, and since you’re a family friend and you work with Grace, she thinks she’ll be getting some kind of special treatment from you. That’s why she’s hesitant to take the internship even though she wants to. She gets her stubbornness from me, so we’re in for a treat,” he jokes, but he can’t mask his worry. “She doesn’t look too keen on starting any conversations tonight. Would you mind broaching the subject? Ask her to go with you to the bar or something, have some privacy. Maybe it’ll be easier if her mom and I aren’t around.”
“No problem. She needs a push; I can get behind that.”
“You’re the best, man. Thank you. She—never mind, they’re coming back.”
The scent of her flowery perfume alerts me to her nearness. I turn around on my seat, ready to ask her to come with me to the bar just like her father suggested, but she beats me to it.
“Reed,” she starts. Her voice has a weird edge to it, as if it physically pains her to say my name. It may be the first time she hasn’t called me Dr. Abner, in fact. “I’d love to talk to you about the internship. Have a drink with me?”
It surprises me that she’s taking the lead after giving me the silent treatment all night. “Sure.”
She doesn’t wait for me before making her way to the bar. But her legs aren’t exactly long, so I reach her side in a few long strides. Burying my hands in the pockets of my slacks, I resist the urge to place my hand on the small of her back to guide her through the crowd. Simultaneously, I wonder if I’m losing my mind. When was the last time I felt the slightest bit protective toward a woman?
Once at the bar, she orders a strawberry mojito, and I order a bourbon. And then I watch how she fidgets on the stool, how she actively avoids my gaze and looks two seconds away from running the hell out of here. Maybe I should find it insulting that she seems so put off by my presence, but life has taught me how to detach myself enough not to care.
“So,” I drawl, “the internship you couldn’t wait to talk about.”
She throws me a glare. I smirk as I lift my glass to my lips and take a sip.
“I’m sure my parents have told you enough,” she mutters, the voices around us almost drowning out hers.
I drag my stool a little closer, resting my foot on her footrest. “I want to hear it from you.”
Instead of shutting down like I expected her to, she looks at me with a kind of fire in her eyes I’ve never seen before. “I don’t want you to ruin my reputation.”
That’s not what I was expecting her to say. At all.
“Here’s the thing, Dr. Abner .” She takes a long sip of her drink, as if needing the liquid courage. Her throat bobs as she swallows, and I follow the movement with my eyes. “People on campus know you have ties to my mother. They’ve asked me for your phone number on more than one occasion, just so you know.”
I frown. They’ve done what ?
“And when they find out you’re my internship supervisor, they’ll start talking about how I only got the chance to work with you because of my mom,” she concludes.
“ When ? Does that mean you’re taking the internship?”
“That’s…” She watches my hand as I set the glass back down. “That’s not the important thing to focus on right now.”
“I think it’s the only thing we should focus on right now,” I argue. “What did you think of the facilities? Did you get to see the garden?”
“The youth center was impressive, but that’s not—”
“And the library? We have some of your mother’s books in there.”
Did she just groan at me?
“I know you’re purposely ignoring what I mean.” She glares at me again. Maybe it would intimidate me if she didn’t look so goddamn adorable. “Is that what you’d do as my supervisor, too? Ignore my concerns if you think they’re dumb?”
“Let’s get one thing straight.” I lean over, her sweet scent wrapping around my lungs. “I don’t think your concerns are dumb. Not one bit. What I think is that you really want to take this internship, but you won’t do it because of me, and I’m not going to step back from my role just to make you comfortable. That’s not what you need.”
She doesn’t make a move to put distance between us. “And you know what I need?”
Leaning closer, I rest my arm on the back of her stool. “You’re going to deny you need someone to push you out of your comfort zone?”
I don’t miss her slight intake of breath. “What if I want to get out of my comfort zone on my own? Take my time with it?”
“That won’t do.” My voice lowers, and it’s like we’re wrapped inside this invisible bubble where no one and nothing else matters. “Want to know why? Because you’re taking things too far.”
Her face is so close, I can see green specks in her accusatory eyes under the lamp’s glow.
“Don’t pretend you’re oh-so-worried about me, when we both know you’re only here because my parents asked you to be, Dr. Abner .”
“Your parents asked for my help because they love you, and I agreed because I don’t want to see your potential go to waste.”
“I just want to earn my place,” she says. “I don’t want any advantages.”
“As I said, you won’t get any.” I tell her truthfully. “You were a straight-A student before this internship, and you will be afterward. Won’t that tell people you’ve worked hard to earn what you have? I’ve never been your professor, and no other faculty members have any kind of ties to your mother, so they can’t say you didn’t deserve any of your previous accomplishments. Nobody will be surprised if you ace your internship, either.”
“They won’t care,” she argues. Her gaze drops to my mouth for a second, making my heart leap with momentary lust—an emotion I haven’t felt in too long. What the fuck? “Once the rumors start rolling, that’s it. There’s no chance for redemption. And it’s not like they’ll care if you present them with the facts either.”
I lean back, putting a safe distance between us once again, not only for my own sanity but also because there’s no convincing her, and we both know it.
“Looks like you’ve made up your mind,” I conclude, standing from my seat. “I can’t say I understand it, but it’s your life, and I’m nobody to interfere. I hope you find another internship you’d deem more beneficial to you.”
“Wait.” Her fingers wrap around my wrist, stopping me. “Where are you going?”
I don’t pull away from her touch. She doesn’t release me, either. “To thank your parents for dinner and call it a night.”
“We were having a conversation.”
“Yes, and I’m done with it.”
“This whole reverse psychology thing won’t work on me,” she warns.
“I’m not playing any mind games with you.” I tell her the truth. “We’ve all tried to get you to see how unreasonable this behavior is, but you’re being stubborn because you’re scared. You don’t want to take a risk and do what you know is best for you, and that’s your prerogative. This back-and-forth won’t get us anywhere. It’s been a hell of a week, and I’m tired, so if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go home.”
My skin grows cold as soon as she releases her grip on my wrist. I refuse to ask myself why.
“Thank you for talking to me tonight,” she says in a quiet voice. “And I’m sorry I wasted your time.”
“Talking to you is never a waste of time, Lila.”
Our eyes stay locked in for an eternal second before she breaks the contact to drink the remains of her mojito.
“You’ll be okay here by yourself?” I ask. I know her parents are not far, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about someone bothering her.
She gives me a small nod. “I’ll go back to our table in a moment.”
I hesitate at her side, the idea of going home suddenly not feeling all that appealing anymore.
What’s wrong with me?
But Lila isn’t acknowledging my presence, her gaze lost somewhere behind the bar. With one last perusal to check that nobody has their sick eyes on her, I leave.
“No luck?” Grace asks me as I near our table, frowning with worry.
I glance back at Lila one last time to make sure she’s okay.
“Sometimes, we need to let our loved ones choose their own path even if we don’t think they’re making the right choice,” I tell her parents. “She’s a smart girl. She’ll be fine.”
And I mean it. Not only because she’s incredible on her own, but also because she’s lucky enough to have a family who will always support her.
“Thank you for coming.” Cal shakes my hand. “Don’t be a stranger, Abner.”
I nod. “Have a good rest of the night.”
As I make the short walk to my car, I allow myself to admit one single truth—I wanted Lila to take the internship. Both because I know the experience would be beneficial for her and because I’m itching to dive deeper into that extraordinary mind of hers.
How would she approach clinical cases? What feedback would she have on my reports? How would she handle the more difficult kids?
The realization that I’ll never know is unexpectedly bitter.
And it pains me, it really fucking does, that such a gifted young woman is giving up on her dreams because society has taught her that she’ll be marked and defined by other people’s opinions of her.
That’s bullshit.
I understand where she is coming from. Once upon a time, I, too, felt that urge to fit in, to be loved, to be accepted.
Then life happened.
But Lila is protected by her parents, and she’ll always be loved and accepted. I’ve known Grace and Cal long enough to know they’d give anything to see their daughter happy, to keep her safe, to give her the future she deserves. Yet her head isn’t in the right place, and I wish she—
“Dr. Abner!”
That voice.
“Wait!”
The sound of her footsteps gets closer as I turn around.
“Don’t go yet, please,” Lila says, out of breath, as she finally reaches me.
“What is it?” I look behind her, alarmed. “Did something happen?”
I shouldn’t have left her alone at the bar, goddammit. Her parents were there, and I know she can take care of herself, but I swear if some creep said anything—
“I’m fine,” she hurries to say. “Well, I’m not fine because I feel terrible for behaving like a petulant child back there when you were just trying to help, and I… I want to tell you something.”
My body relaxes. “All right.”
She takes a deep breath, in and out. “You were right about everything. I’m making a mistake in caring so much about what other people will think of me, and I hate it. I hate it so much, but when I think of throwing all caution to the wind and just doing my thing, this… this fear creeps in and freezes me in place. But I’m tired.
“You’re a magnificent researcher, Dr. Abner, and I’ve admired your work for years. I’ve annotated every paper, watched every talk, attended every public lecture you’ve given. It’s no wonder my mom chose to work with you, because you’re genuinely one of the greatest minds in the field, and I… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m still terrified, and I feel nauseous just thinking about the consequences, but I’d be honored to accept the internship and work under your supervision at the youth center. And I’m sorry, again, for being so rude to you when you’ve been nothing but understanding and patient with me.”
For a moment, I say nothing.
Over the years, I’ve learned to never depend on external validation to grow my self-worth. I’m not one to look for approval in other people, least of all a woman more than a decade younger than me. But I would be lying if I said her praise didn’t light something in me. Something new and not entirely uncomfortable.
The truth of her words shines in her eyes despite the darkness of the night around us.
“Being brave is all about going after what you want, even when you’re scared,” I say, repeating the words I would tell myself when a different kind of darkness took over me. “I’m glad to hear you’ll be joining us this summer.”
She smiles at me, soft and sweet and genuine, and I finally peek into the young woman within. The one who has been there all this time, buried under a thick layer of insecurities.
And I realize that I like this version of Lila.
I like it a lot.
“One last thing, little criminal,” I add under her attentive gaze.
The nickname slips out, and for a moment, I’m afraid I’ve fucked up.
But then she gives me a curious, amused look. “Yes?”
“Call me Reed.”