CHAPTER 42
Lila
R eed picks me up from my parents’ house a couple hours later.
The city lights blur past us, but I can’t peel my eyes off the man behind the wheel. The man I’ve missed with my whole heart and who I refuse to let go of ever again.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he warns me, a playful edge to his voice, as he keeps his gaze trained forward.
“Or what?” I tease.
His hand slides to my bare thigh, riding up the hem of my summer dress. “Or I will pull over and take you in the back seat, which isn’t ideal because I want to talk to you first.”
My pulse accelerates. “But you’re still taking me in the back seat of your car some other time?”
“I was thinking somewhere more romantic, but if that’s what you want, then sure.”
“You spoil me too much.”
“What can I say? Spoiling you makes me hard.”
He keeps his hand on my bare leg for the rest of our drive and only pulls away when we stop at his driveway.
“I know this is probably not the date spot you were expecting,” he starts, sounding so nervous that it’s adorable. “But I wanted us to have a private place to talk. We can go somewhere else if you want.”
I give him a sincere smile. “This is more than fine.”
And it only gets better when Ginny sprints down the hallway the second he opens the front door, coming straight for me.
“Hi, sweet baby,” I coo, crouching to scratch her behind her ear. It’s still her favorite spot. “I missed you so much. You look so much bigger than last year.”
“She did get a little bigger,” Reed confirms. “Are you going to cry?”
I chuckle, my eyes glassy. “Maybe.”
How can he tell when I’m not looking at him?
Gently, he helps me up to my feet and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Why are you going to cry?”
“Because I missed her so much,” I say, still looking down at her. “Was she good to you? Did she make any new friends? Did you take her to the vet?”
His hand rests on the small of my back. “I’ll tell you all the updates over dinner, all right? But she’s fine, and she missed you too, so she’s happy now that you’re here. We both are.”
I shift my gaze to him, to the vulnerability in his eyes. I’m about to tell him that I’m happy to be here, too, when the smell hits me. “Why does it smell so good?”
“Ah, I might have prepared something for tonight,” he admits, his cheeks reddening.
“Can I see?” I beam.
With his hand still on my back, he guides me across the hall, through the kitchen. It smells even better here, but it’s spotless, giving nothing away.
Until the garden comes into view, and my breath catches.
“It’s not much, but I hope you like it,” he says, still in that shy voice.
The words get stuck in my throat as I take in the small table with two chairs, adorned with flowers, candles, and fairy lights.
“Did you do this?” I ask, my voice small.
“I might have asked for a bit of Haniyah’s help, but yes,” he confesses. “What you’re smelling is the dinner I made earlier. It’s in the oven. I hope you like steak.”
“I do.” I look up at him, my pulse hammering in my throat. “This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.”
He shakes his head. “You deserve better. And I have better things planned, but tonight I wanted us to talk in private, and this is all I could come up with.”
“It’s perfect.” I get on my tiptoes and press a soft kiss to his stubbled cheek. “Not to sound desperate, but I’m starving.”
He chuckles. His blush is adorable. “Let’s eat, then.”
Throughout dinner, bathed in the soft lights and the candle glow with Ginny begging for some food at our feet, I get the comforting feeling that I could get used to this. To doing this with him, being surrounded by his soothing presence all the time. I want to.
As he tells me about his summer and I tell him about my months in Norcastle, I realize nothing else matters than being here, right now.
His voice is a familiar sound that I want to hear forever. I never want to lose his touch again, his warmth, him . I don’t want the memory of what we could have been to follow me forever. I want him to be my past, my present, my future.
Because I’ve tried to move on from Reed, but I’m tired of fighting against my heart’s instincts.
“How did you like dinner?” he asks when we’re done with dessert.
“It was perfect,” I tell him with a smile. “Everything is perfect.”
He sits back on his chair. “Come here.”
His eyes never leave mine as I walk up to him. The warmth of his hands on my hips seeps through my skin, and I hold my breath as he carefully lowers me to his lap.
The comforting sound of crickets takes over his garden. It’s like only we exist in this moment.
His voice is quiet as he places a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I could look at you forever.”
My fingers play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “I could look at you forever, too,” I admit.
“Maybe we should do something about it.”
“Maybe.”
He buries his face in my neck and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Lila. I’m so sorry I made you go through hell. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you from the pain. I will never forgive myself for it.”
“Hey.” Gently, I hold his cheek until he’s looking at me. The devastation in his eyes is a sight I never want to see again. “I hurt you too, and I’m sorry for it. But I don’t regret it, Reed. Not a single moment. These past few months have been life-changing for me. Uncomfortable, yes, but necessary. I wouldn’t have found myself without the pain.”
“Do you mean that?” he asks, leaning into my touch.
“Every word.”
Silence falls over us, the sounds of the night speaking for us. Reed hugs me closer in his lap, and I wrap my arms around his neck, wanting to never let go.
“You once asked me what you could possibly teach me that I didn’t already know,” he starts, breaking the silence with that deep rumble.
His heartbeat accelerates when I lay my hand on his chest.
“I remember,” I whisper.
Back when I didn’t believe in myself, not really. Back when he gave me the tools to.
A shiver runs down my spine when he presses a soft kiss to my bare shoulder, then to the side of my neck, then behind my ear. His grip on me tightens, and I melt into him.
“I said you taught me plenty of things, and you didn’t believe me,” he says. “But you taught me the most important thing of all, Lila. You taught me how to love.”
My hands start trembling. Not from fear or cold, but from an entirely unknown emotion I’ve never felt before.
“My parents made me think love was something conditional and hurtful,” he adds. “I let them define me for so long, convinced they were right. But then you came along and shattered all my inhibitions without even meaning to. It’s like I’ve been sleeping all my life, and now I look at you and see the good of life for the first time.”
My eyes get glassy.
“I’m sorry I put you through everything last December and every day since. I tried to fight it, tried to convince myself that my feelings were wrong, that I was sick in the head, that you would never feel the same. And maybe you don’t feel it at all, but I still want to say this.”
“Reed…” I whisper, the beating of my heart matching his.
“I love you, angel. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I want to take care of you for the rest of my life. If you want me, I’m yours.”
His confession slices my chest open in the most beautiful, painless way. It bleeds into my heart, cradles it, caresses it.
I’m finally here. I’m home.
Hiding my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent, I silently thank my destiny for allowing me to live this life. For allowing me to have him.
And when I pull back, the raw love I see in his eyes takes my breath away.
“I don’t regret a single thing that happened because it led me to you,” I tell him. “You’re my dream come true, Reed. I love you. I love you with all I’ve got.”
He cups my cheek, guiding my lips to his.
Home. I feel at home in this kiss, cradled in his arms.
Passion ignites in my stomach, burning me in the most delicious way. My chest heaves with need that he notices right away because he’s Reed . Reed, who breaks the kiss only to peck my lips again and again. Reed, who picks me up bridal style to carry me inside the house.
In his bedroom, he lowers me to the mattress and kisses me again. Sweet at first, then with more urgency. I pull him closer by the collar of his shirt and wrap my legs around his hips, urging our bodies to become one.
“Goddammit,” he grunts as he grabs my ass, pushing me farther into his bed. “This is coming off.”
I chuckle. “My dress?”
“Your dress. Your underwear. All of it.”
I bite down on his lower lip, tugging at his collar again. “Then so is this.”
“Whatever you want, angel.”
He closes the distance between us again, devouring my mouth. But then a sudden question crosses my mind, one I’ve been wondering for months.
“Reed?”
“Mmm…?”
“Why do you call me angel?”
He takes his time answering. As if he couldn’t stay away, he presses a line of kisses on my neck, then on my cheek, and finally a soft peck on my lips.
“I’m not much of a spiritual person, Lila, but I believe you were sent to this world to heal my soul,” he says. “And not just mine, as much as I want to keep you to myself. You’re a gift to this world. You make everyone’s life better just by being near them. You love unconditionally, and I admire you so damn much for it. You’re an angel walking among mortals, and I’m so damn lucky to call you mine.”
“How are you real?” I breathe out.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He kisses my forehead. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, my lips brushing his.
I wrap my legs around his hips a little tighter, pulling him closer. He lifts my body with one arm until my head is buried in his pillow. It smells so much like him, so deliciously familiar I could get used to sleeping here.
“You want to know a little secret?” he whispers in my ear, his voice playful. “I have condoms this time.”
When he grabs a new package from his nightstand, I try not to smile but fail. Because the fact that he bought them specifically to use with me makes my desire burn even hotter.
He lets me push him down on the bed until I’m sitting on top of him.
“I like where this is going,” he drawls, his hands lighting my skin on fire.
Smirking, I untuck his shirt from his slacks and start guiding it up his torso. I can’t help myself as I lean over him, kissing my way down from his chest until I reach the button of his pants.
He grunts. “Are you trying to kill me?”
My only answer is to undo his button. He’s rock-hard behind his boxers, so I stroke him through the fabric, getting him even harder for me.
“Lila,” he grits out.
“Yes, Dr. Abner?”
“ Fuck .” He throws his arm over his eyes. “Don’t call me that while your hand is around my cock.”
“Why?” I keep stroking him. “Scared you’ll like it too much?”
I take his groan as a yes, which only makes me wetter.
In one movement, I free him from his boxers and take him into my mouth, just like I’ve been dying to do again since that night at the hotel. There’s something about bringing such a powerful man to his knees that gives me unmeasurable pleasure.
“Slow down, baby, or I’m gonna come,” he grunts, but he still guides my head up and down his shaft.
I release him with a pop and throw my dress over my head. It falls somewhere on his bedroom floor, just like my bra mere seconds later.
Without taking my panties off, I climb on top of him again and rub myself against him, teasing both of us every time his engorged head presses against the fabric.
“Lila,” he grunts, his grip on my hips strong and possessive. “I want to be inside you so fucking badly.”
The plan was to tease him for a bit longer, but the truth is, I’m burning so hot, I couldn’t take it if I tried. So, I grab his hard length with one hand and pull my panties aside with the other, too blinded by lust to take them off completely.
“The condom,” he grunts just as the tip brushes my wetness.
“Later,” I breathe out, teasing my slit with his length. “I want to feel you bare.”
He curses under his breath, and so do I at the first sensation of him inside me. He’s so big, he fills every inch of me, stretching me out until I can’t take it, so much so that I need a moment to relearn how to breathe.
“Ride me slow,” he instructs in a low voice. “I’ve got you, baby. That’s it.”
I find a slow rhythm that fills me with pleasure until my body demands more, and I quicken my pace. He grips my hips and finds a rhythm, telling me how good I feel, how tight, how wet, how long he’s been waiting to pleasure me like this. I brace myself on his stomach as I bounce on his cock, using him as I please, and he lets me because he loves it when I take charge.
The feeling of his hardness sliding in and out is almost too much to take. His eyes stay locked where our bodies meet, bare of any barrier, and I curse at myself for not having done this before. He feels like heaven.
Those strong hands lift me up effortlessly, moving me up and down faster and deeper, and making it hard to breathe. Once again he’s taking charge; I don’t complain because it feels so fucking good .
“Condom,” he grits out when my walls start pulsing around him.
I bite my lip as he reaches for it, and I keep moving until he gently guides me off him to put it on. I waste no time climbing back on top of him when he’s done, stroking him once, twice, three times before guiding his length back inside me.
We don’t last very long after that. With our chests pressed together and his lips on mine, we come down from the high as one, my moans and his grunts filling the silence of his house.
“I love you,” he whispers, still pulsing inside me. “I love you, Lila. I love you so much.”
“I love you more,” I whisper against his lips, riding the last waves of my orgasm. “God, I can’t wait to do that again.”
He chuckles. “You’re an insatiable little thing, aren’t you?”
“Only when it comes to you.”
He lowers me to the mattress carefully, kissing my forehead. “I have to show you something, but I need to clean up first. Close your eyes.”
“Oh?” I smirk but do as he says. “Can you give me a hint?”
I feel him getting out of bed and moving around the room. “Nope. Here, put this on. I don’t want you getting cold.”
He gives me one of his hoodies, and I put it on because I love being wrapped in his smell. Too tired to get up, I keep my eyes closed and hear him move around. The familiarity of it brings me a sense of comfort I’ve never felt before, and it’s like a part of me knows this is it for me.
He’s my destination.
“All right, you can open your eyes.”
I do as he says, only to find him standing at the foot of the bed. He’s wearing a pair of sweatpants, but his chest is bare. That makes me lift a playful eyebrow. “If this is what you had to show me, I’m not complaining, but I’ve seen it before.”
His shy smile takes me aback. “ This is what I wanted to show you.”
My breathing stops when he turns around. Because his scar is no longer visible—in its place, there’s a tattoo of beautiful angel wings half made of flowers.
I stand from his bed, walking slowly to him, as if the wings and the flowers would disappear if I rushed. But they’re still there when I trace the intricate lines of each feather with my fingers on his soft skin.
“Your scar,” I whisper. “I can’t see it.”
“It’s still there,” he says. “But now it’s covered by a beautiful thing.”
It doesn’t escape me that he got a pair of angel wings tattooed. “Is this…?”
“For you.” He turns, his hands finding my waist. He’s gentle as he rests his forehead against mine. “I hope it doesn’t freak you out. But when I say you’re my angel, Lila, I mean every word. I want you on my skin forever.”
“It’s beautiful, Reed.” Emotion clogs my throat. “I love it. I love you.”
He gives me a short, sweet kiss before he pulls away. “Want to know another secret?” I nod. “Your dad did it.”
I don’t know why it takes me by surprise, but it does. “The tattoo?”
“I asked him if he wanted to do it when I went to talk to him earlier this month,” he confesses. “I was his last appointment.”
My heart starts beating faster. “As in, his last appointment ever ?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you tell him…?”
“I told him everything.” He brushes my hair away from my face. “I told him I love you more than anything in this world and that I wanted all of us to start over. Said I wanted to tattoo these angel wings for you because you taught me to learn from the pain. To free myself from my shackles and fly away.”
Tears dwell in my eyes. “That’s… That’s the most thoughtful, beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me.”
He’s gentle as he wipes them away. “I would do anything for you, Lila. I will.”
And when he kisses me again, I can taste the promise of undying love on his lips.