Chapter 6 Hanne #3
I went into the cabin, lay on the small grass mattress, and stared at the fire, trying to sleep when I felt so much trepidation for the next day. All those nights I’d slept soundly in the castle, I’d taken for granted.
I drifted off eventually, and when I woke up again, I had no idea if I’d slept for just a few hours or an entire night. The only way to know was to open the front door and look to the Gathering to see if anyone was there.
People were already seated at the tables eating breakfast, so I assumed it was morning.
I returned inside and got dressed in my travel gear.
Morco had given me a canteen and a pack to use, along with boots and a long-sleeved black shirt that blended into the darkness better than the attire I’d worn when I arrived—or fell.
I stepped into the light of the clearing, immediately feeling the warmth of the bonfire that burned nonstop, continuously fed with new firewood. I got in line for my breakfast and saw Morco seated at a table with Caius.
“I thought you weren’t coming?” Caius asked him as he spooned his food into his mouth.
Guilt burned inside me like a newly lit fire.
“Changed my mind.”
Caius shifted his gaze to Morco, who looked at his food as he ate. “This will be your third trip in a week.”
“I’m aware.”
I kept my eyes forward and handed my empty bowl to the cook, trying to act like I couldn’t hear their conversation. I was such a coward that I couldn’t even carry the shame.
“Then why?” Caius asked.
I felt the weight of the bowl once it was full of hot stew. Steam immediately wafted to my face, and the smell made my stomach rumble. I grabbed a spoon from the table then looked for an empty table where I could sit.
I scanned the tables and felt a pair of eyes staring at me.
Krull.
I couldn’t tell if Morco had spoken to him or not because his stare was exactly the same. Intense. Predatory. Fucking annoying.
Morco got my attention with his eyes then nodded to the chair across from him. “Sit.”
I stilled at the command, aware of the other looks that came my way. That was when I noticed Allegra’s ruthless stare too. Wanting the attention to end, I obeyed Morco’s request and took the seat.
Caius went quiet when I joined them, pretending like their conversation had never happened.
I focused on my food, feeling like an intruder even when I was invited.
“Liam and Xavier volunteered,” Morco continued. “The more we bring back, the better chance we have of making this harvest work. In a few years, we won’t have to rely on the apricum at all.”
“We have to rely on it to stay away from us.” Caius stirred his spoon in the contents of his bowl but didn’t take another bite, like all the good pieces had been eaten or he’d lost his appetite.
“How do you know only one apricum is lit at a time?” I asked.
Caius turned to me, like the question had been directed at him when I spoke to Morco, the only person I ever spoke to. “Because we can only see one.”
“The world is a big place above, so it must be below,” I said. “What if there is more than one?”
Morco stared at me, those dark eyes dormant with stoicism. “My family has been here for generations. We’ve only identified five apricums in this chasm—and only one is lit at a time. Every time the light changes, the Knives change with it, moving closer to it, while we move away to avoid them.”
“But there must be a reason why it changes.” The change wasn’t random.
There was some event causing the energy to transfer to a different root bulb.
“Flowers and crops need sunshine, water, and nutrients in the soil. I wonder if something on the surface is causing it to change, like the weather…or the seasons.”
Morco’s eyes narrowed slightly, his rapt attention even stronger than before. “Even if that’s true, it doesn’t help us.”
“But it could help us,” I said. “To know where it’ll light up next. We could set up a camp with traps and boulders and shoot them with poisoned arrows…” My mind started to run with possibilities.
“Poisoned arrows?” Caius asked with narrowed eyes.
“Yes. We could soak the tips of arrows in potent sedatives to put them to sleep or poison that could kill them once it absorbs into their flesh and reaches their heart. It’ll take a couple of minutes, but their defenses will weaken in the process, and they’ll become less of a threat in battle.”
Both men stared at me, equally baffled by what I’d said.
“What are arrows?” Caius asked.
“You—you don’t have bows and arrows?” I cocked my eyebrow. “All of your fighting is hand-to-hand combat?”
When they both looked confused, I had my answer.
“It’s hard to explain,” I said. “I’ll have to try to make them for you. The Knives don’t fire projectiles at you?”
Caius shook his head. “It’s sword against sword.”
“The sedatives and the poison, do you know how to make those things?” Morco asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Both come from flowers.”
“Then let’s find them,” Caius said with excitement in his voice. “We can look for them on our way.”
Morco didn’t seem as excited. If he did, he kept it buried deep beneath the surface.
“We can, but I’m not sure if we’ll find them,” I said. “The potatoes down here are different from the ones I know at home, so the flowers may be different too, may have different properties. And they require sunlight…”
Caius released a heavy sigh. “Of course they do.”
Morco stared at me for a while, his mind seeming to be far away in his thoughts. “Food is the priority right now. We’ll figure out a way to find these special flowers afterward. And trying to figure out where the apricum will travel is probably a mystery we’ll never solve.”
“Probably,” I said. “But not impossible.” I hadn’t even touched my food because I’d been too engrossed in the conversation.
I’d been there for a week, and these people already felt like my own.
I felt useful with them because none of my skills were valuable on the surface.
I’d sit in my bedchambers alone and watch the sun pass in the sky, having only my maid for company most of the time.
But now, I felt like I was part of something important.
“Let me grab my pack, and we’ll be off.” Caius left the table and took his empty bowl to be cleaned before he headed to his cabin.
Morco stayed with me, his eyes on me but his mind elsewhere.
I could feel Allegra’s stare on the side of my face, feel her rage burn like fire. I’d consistently seen them apart, never together, and now I wondered if she’d lied straight to my face. Tried to deter my interest because she wanted him for herself. “Can I ask you something?”
His eyes were on me the whole time, but now they sharpened with attention.
“Are you and Allegra…together?”
Slowly, his eyebrows knit together at the question. A hint of anger moved into his face, his hollow cheeks. His jawline became sharper. The rivers in his neck looked like they were about to swell and flood. “No.”
I wanted to ask for more information, but that felt like a breach of his privacy.
“What did she say to you?”
I didn’t owe her anything, especially after she’d threatened me, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction that I ratted her out. “Nothing.”
His eyes narrowed farther. It was unclear if it was in anger or something else. “We were fucking. We aren’t anymore. End of story.”
I gave a slow nod of understanding. Allegra told a completely different tale, explicitly said that he was committed to her, but I believed Morco without reservation.
I’d never seen them together, never seen him even acknowledge her.
So she must have gotten her heart broken, and she wasn’t taking it very well.
“I haven’t slept with her since before you arrived here.”
My heart had been so calm just seconds ago, but now it palpitated in a similar fashion to when Krull cornered me.
It was anxious and uncomfortable, but in a good way, an addictive way.
I felt a rush through my body, a tightness that squeezed every muscle.
I should say something in response to that, but I couldn’t find the words.
He continued to stare at me like he expected something, some kind of acknowledgment.
“Okay.” That was the best I could do, and I could barely look him in the eye as I said it.
“Now I want to ask you something.”
I felt a flush in my cheeks. I should have known there wouldn’t be give without take.
“You said you’ve never been with anyone—but you were married.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, more of an accusation.
I didn’t want to speak of that man. Didn’t want to even mention intimacy that never happened. “Vulgaris is much older than me. Neither one of us was interested in that kind of contact, so it never happened. We resided in different bedchambers on different sides of the castle.”
“Then why did you marry him?”
“Because…” Because I was a fool. Because I was an embarrassment to my family name. “Because I was told it was the only way to keep the crown…and I lost it anyway.” I chose power over love—and I got what I deserved.
His earthy stare continued, absorbing my expression and emotions like a sponge. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve endured.” He spoke quietly but with a voice packed with sincerity. His eyes showed it too, like he could understand what had happened without being there.
It made me want to cry because I didn’t have anyone to confide in.
Every decision had to be made without advice from my parents or a relative.
And then I’d watched Vulgaris dismantle my power and take the kingdom for himself, and there hadn’t been a damn thing I could do about it.
All I could do was cry in my room and curse my parents for being gone when I needed them most. Curse myself for being so pathetically stupid.
I’d never had a single person to share any of this with, not someone who actually cared, at least.
His arms moved to the table, and he leaned forward slightly.
My breaths had increased, the pain burned behind my eyes, but I refused to let that emotion show, not in a sea of people who still distrusted me.
But Morco could see it.
He subtly extended his palm to me, face up on the table, his eyes still on me.
I sucked in a harsh breath at the gesture, the affection making my symptoms worse.
He waited for me to place my hand in his, his eyes gentle and not coercive.
I finally moved my hand to his, my fingertips touching the inside of his palm, the searing heat the first thing I noticed.
I looked at the lines across his palm, the calluses on his fingertips from labor and gripping his sword.
I rested my fingers there and breathed, and then I watched his fingers envelop mine the way flower petals enveloped their nectar in the cold.
Instead of a masculine squeeze, he gently touched me, like I was a bee that had landed on his petal. “You aren’t alone—as I’ve also endured much.”