Prologue II
HANNE
Two days passed, and I spent that time in my room, not wanting to deal with the reality that lurked outside these walls.
I had mere days until my twenty-second birthday arrived, and without a suitor to supervise my rule, I would be denied my birthright.
The only acceptable suitor was Vulgaris—and he was the last man I wanted to be my husband.
But I had no other choice.
There was only one person I would seek out for advice, but he was dead. If he weren’t, I wouldn’t be in this situation at all. Or better yet, if I were a man, the crown would be mine with no contestation.
I wanted it all—the crown, the husband, the marriage.
But apparently I asked for too much.
If I had been a son, I would rule on my own.
And one day, a beautiful woman would cross my path, and we would begin a lustful affair behind closed doors.
I would fall hard and then ask her to marry me, not because I had to, not because I had to be wed by a certain year of life—but because I wanted to.
It wasn’t fair.
It was an unusually warm day for winter, the sun bright in a cloudless sky. The air was dry and harsh on the lungs, but I could see hints of distant spring. I sat on the terrace to have my lunch, warmed by my heavy coat and fur-lined breeches.
Kendra set the table with my meal, and she included a single red rose in a glass vase she’d clipped from the garden. Bright red, the color of blood, it was a burst of color against the gray stone, the dead trees, and the white snow that had piled on the banisters in the night.
If I didn’t eat the food immediately, it would grow cold, but I hadn’t had much of an appetite lately.
Kendra stepped onto the balcony. “Steward Vulgaris is here to see you, Princess Hanne.”
My heart did a little somersault and rolled down the hill in terror. I used to feel calm in his presence, knowing he’d lost a friend when I’d lost a father. But now, there was tension when there should be comfort, uncertainty when familial bonds should never feel uncertain. “Show him in.”
A minute later, he emerged in his uniform, my family crest in the center, a vine that sported blossoms of various flowers from different species.
The material was dark blue, and the flowers were stitched with silver thread.
He approached the table and helped himself to the seat to my right, his breath immediately escaping as vapor because of the cold, dry air.
He looked at the view of the wilds and then the city beyond, like he hadn’t seen it a hundred times.
“I apologize for my behavior the other night. I was far more forward—”
“Aggressive is a better word. And rude.”
He stilled slightly, like those words burned him like hot tea spilled out of the kettle.
But then he recovered, wearing a smile that seemed forced and restrained at the same time.
“You’re right. I lost my temper, and it won’t happen again.
” He turned to look at me directly, his eyes guarded.
“But I stand by everything I said. The crown has been in your family for many generations, and to relinquish it to a stranger is a disgrace to your ancestors and future descendants.”
“You said you admired my defiance.”
“Yes, I admire it,” he said. “But it won’t get you what you want.”
I was born of high privilege and wealth, but somehow, I was trapped with no resources or options.
“I wish it could be different, but it simply can’t. This is the only way.”
“Does it not disgust you to marry a girl you watched grow into a woman? To marry a woman you view as a niece?”
“It does not,” he said calmly. “Because it’s an alliance and a partnership. It’s not romantic in nature, simply a unified front.”
“But what about you? You’ve never wanted to marry?”
His eyes remained on mine with strength, but I saw a hesitation in his eyes. “My time has come and gone.”
“That’s not true. Love can happen at any time.”
“My time has gone, Hanne.”
I’d never seen him with a woman. Never heard my father talk about his love life.
He was always alone, having no tether to anyone except my father.
I never questioned it, always too young to put much thought into it, but now that I was an adult with a marriage proposal on the table, I considered it with great depth. “Does that bother you?”
His gaze took in the landscape once again, his blue eyes brilliant in the sun.
“Sometimes. But you can’t have it all—and I’ve had enough.
” After a heavy moment of scenery appreciation, he turned back to me.
“You can’t rule a kingdom with a selfish heart.
Your father was the most selfless man I ever knew, and that was why he was a great king.
That was why he was a great father to you, especially after your mother was gone.
He always put you and his people before himself.
So, if you’re to be queen, you must be selfless too.
You could put the kingdom and crown in jeopardy if you choose to wait around for a love that may never come. ”
A gust of wind blew over the castle and tousled my hair for a brief moment.
A strand whipped into the crack between my lips and stayed there until I pulled it free.
My heart suddenly felt heavy and empty at the same time.
Hope drained from cuts I’d never carved.
I bled from wounds I couldn’t feel. I felt all my hopes and dreams for the future fly away on the wind and disappear. “You’re right.”
He studied my face, studied my blue eyes known as the Barclay Blue, the Royal Cobalt.
Jawlines and hair color and face shapes varied throughout the years in my family, but the cobalt eyes never faded out of our blood.
They seemed to be an aggressive and dominant trait that always won against other options.
Perhaps I was just a na?ve girl with her head in the clouds.
It was foolish to believe a great love would come to me, a love story that burned hotter than those on the pages that filled in my books.
That he would love only me, wouldn’t have mistresses in secret, that his love for me would endure the way mine would for him.
My parents’ love was a model to me, but I reminded myself I only knew of their love in stories.
I’d never witnessed it with my own eyes, and like all stories, aspects could be exaggerated or changed altogether.
My youth would die as age crept in, so would my husband’s love die for me too?
Would he replace me with someone thirty years younger?
All the fears and insecurities came to the forefront and masked the haze of my daydreams. “I’ll marry you. ”
He gave no reaction, like he’d expected those words to come.
He lacked the air of victory and enthusiasm that should be expected of a man once he earned his bride.
But it was a solemn acceptance because neither of us wanted it.
“Together, we will rule as a mighty king and queen. You have my blade, my wisdom, and my loyalty. I understand this is not the ideal situation for either of us, but the prosperity of your lineage and rulership is imperative. This decision shows greater depth than I credited to you.” He placed his hand on the table, palm up, his eyes as soft as a rose petal and full of despair.
I stared at the lines in his palm, the calluses from quills and hilts, the lines that marked the passage of years. With wisdom carved into the little lines around his eyes and mouth, he wasn’t suitable to be my husband, but he was suitable to help me rule a kingdom.
A kingdom that belonged to me.