21. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Lucy
“ S eriously, Karoline! Help me out, girl. I have no idea what to get this man, and I’m usually great at gifts. All I can think about is writing him a love letter, but I can’t do that because—” I cut myself off because there’s no way I can tell him I love him, but she doesn’t need to know that. She doesn’t need to know me and Stone are a few weeks past his typical three-month period. She doesn’t need to know I have refrained from sex with him for the past month on a stupid bargain with the God I’m not sure cares but I’m too entrenched in religion to give up in case He does. She doesn’t need to know I feel splintered because I want to tell him I love him, but I’m terrified that would be the nail in the coffin to this relationship I have with him.
“You want him to say it first, I get that,” Karoline finishes over the phone. “Is there anything he has been hinting at or outright saying he wants or needs? ”
I groan. “Ugh, no. And anytime I ask, he says he has everything he needs with me. His birthday is tonight, and he said we’re celebrating after our final business meeting with the investors.”
“Aww, how cute. I love that he says that to you.”
“Vroom, are you ready?” I hear Karoline’s husband, Mason Kane, a famous country singer, shout.
Karoline must have muffled the phone because I hardly hear her when she shouts back, “Almost.”
“Okay, Lucy, I’ve gotta run now. We’re heading to Nashville, but I’ll text you some ideas.”
“Bye, Kar. Have fun and eat delicious food for me at that Turkish restaurant.”
“Ah, I know. I’m so excited!” I can hear pure joy in her voice, and for a moment, I wish I had that. A solid life. A husband who adored me and loved me. The idea of a family on the horizon. “Love you, bye.”
“Love you,” I say with as much bravado I can, then I hang up and toss my phone onto my pink quilted bedspread.
“Well, shoot.” I whisper to myself as I stand in front of the mirror smoothing down my black peplum dress. “What does one gift her boyfriend who she’s terrified is going to break up with her at any moment because we’ve reached the limit?”
At this point, I’m going to have to tell him that what I ordered him is running late and that he’ll get his present as soon as it comes in.
Whatever it is I finally decide on…
A meow pulls me from my thoughts, and I look down at my feet to find my cat, Frannie, who has been my sole companion during the dark nights as of late.
“At least you stayed.” Her green eyes seem to be on the verge of spilling tears at any given moment, and I can’t say that I blame her. I glance over to the chocolate brown couch where Lorelei and I used to lay together watching movies or just chatting about life. Frannie and Frizzle, Lorelei’s cat and Frannie’s twin, would often jump on us, and it would be a little redheaded twin girl pile.
Those memories are a double-edged sword. Making me smile and want to scream at the same time.
“I know, Frannie. I miss them, too.”
I check the time and realize Stone will be here to pick me up in thirty minutes, and my makeup still isn’t done. I set to work while listening to worship songs instead of Taylor Swift as Hadley once instructed me to do. Though, if I’m being honest, it’s doing nothing for me. In fact, it’s making me angry.
Why am I still suffering and struggling? Even when I’ve prayed, asked for forgiveness, and continued going to church? I stopped having sex with Stone. Shouldn’t God be making things better now?
I’m still left wondering what the point in all of this is…
I cut off the music as I finish applying my makeup.
Later, a knock at the door sounds, so I exit the cluttered bathroom and hunt under a pile of dirty clothes in my bedroom for my black shoes.
As I’m digging, a pair of pink glittery pumps catches my attention .
Surely I shouldn’t wear those to a business dinner, right?
But it’s Stone’s birthday, and he will like them. He always says pink brings out the happiness in my soul. And he isn’t wrong. I adore the color.
I snatch the heels and carry them to the door with me. I slip them on and grab my pink purse from the stand by the doorway, and I briefly feel a twinge of sadness over the dead Bird of Paradise. I forgot to water it one too many times, and I fear it can’t be brought back from the dead.
Huh. There’s a metaphor in that somewhere…
I open the door with a soft smile on my face. I no longer try to hide my innate sadness from Stone, but I also try to at least look like I’m surviving.
Which is barely.
Heck, even Emma Jane has noticed and told me that I should look into trying therapy.
But they’re wrong. I’m not depressed like that. It’s just a readjustment phase, as I’ve said before. A long one, but that’s okay. I’m not sad all the time anymore. Stone has helped with that. And my writing brings me happiness. In fact, I’m almost ready to publish my first urban fantasy, which is exciting.
“You look… wow,” Stone says. His crystal blue eyes, which sparkle in the evening daylight, appraise me. “I’m one lucky man.”
I laugh, but then tack on in a flirty, “Hm. I think I’m the lucky one.”
His expression changes subtly. One wouldn’t notice it unless, like me, they have cataloged every movement of this man’s face. It’s a look that is contemplative and confusing .
I swear, if he breaks up with me on his birthday…
Changing the subject, I peruse him, openly admiring the way that black suit fits him in all the right places. “You look dashing in that suit, Mr. Harper. Are you ready to go sign the final deal with the investors? You’ll be opening up the Dasher Valley Community Center in no time.”
He grins and holds out his hand to me. I slip my fingers between his, locking down thoughts of breakups, as he leads us down the stairs from the second floor apartments.
“ D o you want to come in?” The question hangs in the air as I search Stone’s eyes, a stormy gray illuminated under the light of the porch, for his intentions. The business meeting went wonderfully. He signed contracts with all three investors. We all had a glass of wine with our steak meals to celebrate. I asked the waitress to bring out a cake to sing “Happy Birthday” and all was well. He said we were going back to his place for a movie tonight.
But when we got in his car, he didn’t hold my hand as he usually does. In fact, he looked angry. I tried to ask him what’s wrong, but he flashed a fake smile at me and said nothing. I asked if he’s upset that his present was running late, but he exhaled a quipped laugh and shook his head. Was he lying about the movie? Is he about to…?
Fear is settling in my stomach because it feels like the exit ramp is near, and I am determined not to take it .
Stone will not remove himself from me. I can’t allow my little slice of happiness—my distraction from the constantly stalking Loneliness—to leave.
I love him, and I might just have to risk telling him that tonight.
Angels are rolling their eyes at me right now, but that’s okay. I’m going to roll the dice.
You can do this.
“Yes. I’d love to.”
Stone doesn’t smile, nor does the storm swirling in his eyes clear away, but instead, he releases a breath as he runs a hand through his blond hair while unlocking the front door with the other.
The door clicks, and my heart picks up triple time.
He turns the knob and pushes the black wooden door open, then he steps to the side and motions for me to enter.
My gaze darts from his tumultuous eyes to the threshold.
If I take that step, I’m vowing to pursue Stone until he recognizes and reciprocates these unpropitious feelings entrenched in my very soul. I refuse to let him end things. Our relationship may be at his timeline’s end, but the way I covet forever with Stone Harper is as strong as the tingling nerves underneath my skin.
I catch his eyes again, and he tilts his head as if asking “what’s the hold up?” So I move.
The tip of my glittery pink shoe connects with the floor on the other side of the door, and I close my eyes as I enter the darkened house. Stone moves silently behind me, and it’s not until I hear the click of the door that I feel his chest against my back. The smell I’ve grown accustomed to over the past months envelops me in a sage, cacao, and bergamot cloud of heaven. I fight the desire to lean against him and release a sigh.
But I don’t have to lean back. He presses further in, our bodies becoming seemingly one.
“Close your eyes. I’m going to turn the light on,” he whispers against my ear as his hand wraps around my forearm.
“I already—okay.” I don’t tell him I’ve been living by my other senses alone since stepping through the door.
“Open,” he commands in a way that shouldn’t send a wave of shivers racing down my spine and goosebumps rippling up my arms, but it does.
When my eyes flutter open, I’m broken from the hypnotic circumstances of the dark. We are standing in his entryway, which is only big enough to host a shoe rack bench on the gray oak floor.
His hand drops from my forearm, and he creates space between us so he can slip his dress shoes off. I follow suit, sliding out of my heels. Then he steps around me and walks into the living room. I trail behind him, examining the living space I’ve spent countless time in.
The cleanliness and tidiness confounds me as I inspect the living room that’s typically a little messy. A black leather couch, a matching recliner, and a glass-topped, low-rising coffee table sit upon a deep maroon area rug. A widescreen television is hung on the wall above a stone fireplace; pictures of him and his family don the mantle in an inward position with a beeswax sandalwood candle tucked in the middle of the homey array. After examining the pictures since I haven’t been in this house in a month, I glance back at Stone. He was the cutest kid who turned into the cutest teenager who is now the devilishly handsome man across the way in the kitchen pouring drinks.
It’s as if my thoughts beckoned him. When he calls my name, I snap my attention to him. “Hm?”
“Would you like a drink? I have water, tea, coffee, and,” he pauses before cocking his head and nailing me with one of his infamous flirty smirks, “bourbon.”
I don’t have to think twice, though in retrospect, I should have…
“Bring out the bourbon, Onyx . It is your birthday. ” I wink, but he probably can’t see that from across the open floor. I turn my attention back to the pictures on his mantel. “Speaking of, are your friends coming over to celebrate with us?”
“No. It’s just me and you tonight, Little Lion .”
I freeze in place, my mind spinning.
Maybe he’s not ending it with me?
But what if he is…?
I told myself if I crossed that threshold tonight I was making a vow to myself to make Stone fall for me the way I have fallen for him. Yes, I definitely need the bourbon over water or coffee. Bourbon will make things a little easier on me. Just one glass. Nothing more. That will be enough to loosen all these nerves twisting and tangling and tingling everytime I so much as think of telling him I’m in love with him. Then I can confess my true feelings and go on some spiel about how I refuse to let him walk away from me.
Clingy? Probably.
A little toxic? Aren’t we all?
But when I say I’ve fallen for this man…
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
I jump at the nearness of Stone’s voice. When I spin around, I’m met with his dazzling smile as he holds two whiskey glasses not even a quarter of the way full. He stretches a glass out to me, and I take it with both hands, careful not to spill it on his pretty rug.
“A movie? Are you trying to get me to chill with you , Mr. Harper?” I’m teasing, but the bobble in his throat and the sudden fire in my veins at the idea of watching a movie in a darkened room alone with Stone has me taking a sip to cool the heat. He mimics my actions. It’s been so long for the two of us…
“I, uh—” I breathe an awkward laugh and shake my head. “I didn’t mean that. Sorry.”
He chuckles, and the storm in his eyes evaporates, leaving sparkling droplets in its place. Against my better judgment, I let my eyes wander lazily over him. His white button-up collared dress shirt is still tucked into his black slim fit dress pants. The top three buttons of his shirt are undone, and he’s already lost the black tie he was wearing.
“Don’t be sorry. I am your man , after all.” He laughs, and I snap my gaze back to his face. But that doesn’t help, either. Because his tanned skin brightens his blond, tousled hair. His long, black eyelashes brush his cheek as he blinks, and then I’m invigorated again at his round eyes, which are transitioning to a softer baby blue with every passing second.
When Stone is happy and amused, his eyes lighten.
When he is sad or angry, they dull in color but still retain a blue hue.
When they're stormy, he’s in a mood. A sexy mood…
“So, a movie? With no chill? ” He picks up the remote from the coffee table then sits on the couch and splays out.
“Only if I can pick the movie.” I ignore the chill comment because my face is flushed enough as it is from ogling him. As always.
I’m tired of blushing. Can someone tell the author of my story that?
Stone tosses me the remote. I take it and turn on the television. “Okay, Granite. Let’s see…”
I sit down on the couch, but I’m sure to leave adequate space so that my Grandma Netty could fit between us. She’s been pestering me to bring him to church, but the few times I’ve asked Stone to go with me, he’s been busy. Or so he said. I know he doesn’t go to church unless we happen to be in Dasher Valley on a Sunday morning.
Heck, the only reason I think I go these days is to appease Grandma Netty and Hadley. And to keep up an image.
I search for a rom-com because I know Stone loves them. He even helps me with my books when I’m struggling.
Of course I can’t let a man like that walk away from me!
When that genre section pops up on the screen, Stone jokingly groans to keep his manhood intact, and I throw a bright smile his way. After a quick browsing session, I settle on Just Go With It simply because I love Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler together. But as the movie begins, I remember this story has a fake dating plot involving an employee and her boss…
I hope Stone doesn’t pay too close attention to the movie .
But my hopes are severed when after the first ten minutes, Stone is laughing and commenting on the hilarity of Adam Sandler. He actually makes me pause the movie while he goes and pops popcorn for us.
When he returns, he sits next to me.
Right next to me.
My shoulder is brushing against his bicep, my thigh squished against his.
All points of contact are molten lava from the volcanic eruption of my heart. His spicy scent wraps around me, mingling with buttery popcorn and a hint of bourbon.
I throw back the rest of my drink, the burn reminding me I need to rip the band-aid off and tell this man how I feel before I burst with all the love-struck feelings I’m harboring. I set the empty glass on the coffee table a little too hard.
“Easy there, Little Lion. You good?” Stone asks. When I glance up at him, his eyes are still sparkling, and as I stare into his very soul, I watch the sparkles fade, replaced with that stormy gray color from the doorway. I am so in love with this man, and that love is going to end up hurting me deeper than any other heartbreak I’ve ever experienced. Stone may struggle with commitment, and while I know that logically and understand the reason behind his hesitancy, my heart seems to think I could be the one woman who could tie him down. He’s tried for me.
Now I have to take a gamble.
What a hopeless pursuit.
“I think I love you,” I blurt. Then I will myself to be bold. “No. I know I love you. ”
Since the movie is paused, the silence that surrounds us is deafening. But right as I am about to retract my stupid confession, Stone turns his body and takes my face between his hands, dragging my lips to his. Electricity courses its way through every molecule of being. I’m a livewire and Stone’s lips are the metal initiating the shock. My eyes flutter closed.
He is not gentle.
His mouth moves against mine in a fury of desire. I feel him move closer against me, and then I hear the bowl of popcorn that was resting on his lap tumble to the ground. As he moves his hands from my face and wraps one arm around my waist with the other around my neck, hoisting me to my knees, popcorn crumbles beneath me and I groan into his mouth.
All sensible thoughts are kissed out of my brain. The only word present is his name.
Stone. Stone. Stone…
I love him, and he is kissing me like he loves me. The man terrified of commitment, who has been trying for me, kissed me when I said I loved him. That means the world to me, but I need to know…
Breaking free from his soft lips, I ask him through pants, “Stone. What does this mean?”
Searching his stormy eyes, I know Stone has desired me from the moment he closed that passenger door and left the restaurant.
“You frustrate me, Lucy. In the most delicious way. It’s been a living hell staying away from you.” He draws closer with each word that comes next. “You. Are. Irresistible.” Stone claims my lips again, and the thrill I was experiencing earlier is now ten-fold.
He thinks I’m irresistible. His eyes are saying everything I need to know. His touch is gentle yet strong. His lips are devouring yet intentional. We fit together like I’ve never fit against anyone in my existence. And I don’t want anyone else ever again. He is it for me. This is it for me. I have no reservations now. Forget rings and bargains with God.
My body is vibrating, and only one thing, one person, can satiate this hypnotic desire…
Stone Harper.
“Happy birthday,” I whisper into his ear after giving it a little bite, tearing and burning every red flag attempting to raise itself.
I’m tired of holding back…
So. Freaking. Tired.
I love him.
“Best present ever,” he growls.