The Desire

Chapter 1

Chapter One

ELOUISE

“ I can’t believe you are getting married to Mr. Rich Hottie, and I’m going to be left the old spinster schoolteacher that lives with ten cats for the rest of my life.” Hands on my hips, I watch my best friend Tori being measured for the wedding dress of the century.

It’s what happens when you’re marrying a guy where money is no object. I’m still shaking my head trying to process what the last twelve months have been. Tori falling in love, though with a few bumps along the way, before ending up with the love of her life and now planning a wedding in Australia. They only got engaged a month ago, but Nic doesn’t want to wait forever, so the planning has begun for a summer wedding in Australia early next year.

Like, what the actual hell is her life.

The only reason I have ever managed to leave the country is because her husband-to-be flew me to Rome as a Christmas surprise for her. And now I get to fly to Australia to be her bridesmaid.

We were just two twenty-six-year-old women living our middle-class existence. Maybe I should have dreamed bigger, like Tori did. Her dreams of traveling the world had the universe delivering an extremely sexy older man right into her lap, who just happens to own one of the biggest hotel chains in Europe. I don’t think traveling will be a problem going forward.

Am I happy for her? Absolutely, but there is always a nagging tinge of jealousy there, and it has nothing to do with Nic’s money, but just having a man to share her life with.

Instead, stupid me is still sitting here single, living in my same little house, working my same day job in a small district school, teaching little kids the same things, year in year out.

But to be honest, I do love my job. Working with five-year-olds who are just discovering the world of learning is so uplifting some days. When they finally manage to read a whole book on their own and are almost bursting with excitement, it rubs off on me too. Most of the kids come from homes where both parents are working, so they don’t have a lot of time to read with them. Teaching them to do it on their own is the first big hurdle in life that will allow them to work toward their dreams.

To be honest, this is probably where I will remain for the rest of my life. Watching Tori living some luxurious life, while I will be just as happy living in the suburbs, married to some quiet man who works a stable job, with two children and maybe a cat. It’s what I imagined as a girl growing up, and I’m not one to step out of my comfort zone.

Well, except just that once, and it will haunt me forever.

I can’t even look Remington in the eye anymore. Sure, we chat and are friends, but this guy has not only seen me naked, but witnessed me acting like a total horny whorebag who used him for sex.

He acts like that night never happened, which I’m thankful for, but also a little disappointed at the same time. I relive it every single night in my dreams, which is all types of wrong, especially six months later.

I have worn out two vibrators and tried various other toys, but nothing gets even close to making me come like he did.

“Lou! Hello, earth to Elouise. Were you even listening?” Tori yells at me as I’m chastising myself for even thinking about him.

“Shit, sorry. Yep, I was totally listening.”

“You can’t lie to me, remember, I can see right through you. You’re blushing, so whatever you were thinking about, you can tell me later.” She winks at me, so I know I must be pink on my cheeks, as I was heating up slightly at my fiery daydream. The seamstress is trying not to get involved, but you can tell she is intrigued too, looking at me all flustered.

Why am I so predictable?

The worse thing is I can’t tell Tori one single tiny detail of what I was thinking about.

Ughhh, why was I so stupid?

“Yeah, yeah. Now what was the question?” I ask, trying to divert my thoughts and her from looking at me like I’m hiding something, which I totally am. I’ve never kept anything from my best friend before, and it is so hard.

“Do you think I should have a shawl made in case it gets cool at night? Surely, it’s not always hot in Australia.” Tori is looking at herself in the mirror in the mockup dress they have made from cotton to get the fit right.

“That’s a good idea. Not that I would know about the temperature. Maybe ask Nic, isn’t he chief wedding planner?” Both of us look at each other and burst into a fit of laughter. For a man who happily told everyone he was never falling in love or getting married, here he is buried so deep in planning, trying to make it perfect, that he is unbearable some days—or so I hear from the boys when they complain to me about what he’s like when I’m not there.

“It would be fine if he would let me help with some of it, but instead, we just argue about it. Come to think of it, that is probably his plan all along. He loves to argue because it always ends up with me naked.” She rolls her eyes at me, both of us knowing full well what happens every time they argue. “But the dress is the only thing I have control over—oh, and your dress, which we totally need to get started on.”

It's something I’ve been trying to avoid so I can try to lose some weight. Nobody wants to look overweight in the photos. Especially next to the gorgeous bridal couple.

“I can’t wait to see the real dress.” I know she will be the most beautiful bride ever. Her striking red hair against the cream of the dress, I can’t think of anything more stunning.

Watching Tori slip behind the curtain to get changed, I wish I had even a small part of her confidence. She doesn’t care what other people think, but for me, I can’t seem to shake the worry of other people’s impressions. I’ve tried so hard to wipe the guy I was with briefly before college, my ex, Keith, out of my memories, but I can’t get his words out of my brain. He knew I didn’t belong in this world too, and it feels like those hurtful words are constantly hanging over me like a shadow, reminding me of how the world sees me. People don’t understand how words can be so cruel.

“Okay, let’s go eat now. Thank God I don’t have to suck my gut in any longer,” Tori announces as she exits from behind the velvet curtain. Back dressed in her blue jeans, white shirt, and a navy blazer, she is really rocking the part of the high-flying executive now that she works for Nic and The Darby Hotels. I’m so damn proud of her.

“How can you be hungry? It’s only ten am, surely breakfast wasn’t that long ago.” Standing and picking up my bag off the floor, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My brown hair really needs some urgent help. It’s so lackluster and drab.

“I didn’t get breakfast, we got out of bed late…”

“Don’t want to hear anymore,” I say, cutting her off and trying to straighten my hair out so it looks like I care. “And why do you always look so hot, and I’m like the old schoolmarm? I seriously need to get my shit together. I hope you have a hessian bag ready for my head in your wedding photos.”

“Elouise Doris Patterson, I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth like that. You are beautiful inside and out. No, that’s too sweet, you are one good-looking, sexy chick who obviously needs to get some action so all that crap you just said gets totally forgotten. Take it from me, the right man is good for the ego!”

“Bitch, really, using my whole name, you sound like my mother. Come on, we need to feed you so you stop acting so prim and proper. The second description of me was more up your alley.” Linking arms with Tori, I lead her toward the door where her driver is waiting.

“Now this part of our friendship I can really get used to. Morning, Wallace.” I love the old man who is the driver for both Nic and Tori.

“Good morning, Miss Elouise.” He holds the back door open for both of us.

“Doesn’t she look beautiful this morning?” Tori asks him as she slides in first, looking back at me.

“Of course, she does,” Wallace replies as I start climbing into the car, and I slap Tori on the leg for embarrassing me.

“You pay him to say nice things.” I roll my eyes at her.

Suddenly Wallace’s face appears in the door opening. “Ah yes, but they don’t pay me to tell lies. I never lie about a woman’s beauty.” Such a warming smile lights up his face and makes me feel all soft on the inside, before he closes the door.

“I love Wallace,” I say, looking at Tori who is also smiling at me.

“Well, he’s not wrong. But yeah, I love him too, he’s like an adopted grandfather.” Both of us giggle as he hops into the driver’s seat, not wanting to embarrass him.

“Where to, my ladies?” His warm older gentleman eyes are reflected at us in the rear-view mirror, and I can see the smile just from his eyes.

“Ole Teatime,” we both proclaim at the same time, perfectly in sync. It’s our favorite café that Tori discovered around the corner from her new office in The Darby Hotel headquarters.

“Of course, why did I bother asking?” His chuckle is dimmed by the sound of the car starting, and we slip into the busy London traffic.

“I’m going to have the biggest stack of pancakes with strawberries, I’m that hungry.” Tori looks like she is dreaming about the food already.

“Thank God the wedding is still a few months away, otherwise all you would be getting would be lettuce leaves with a side dish of celery.”

“Not happening. You know me, I love my food, and when you have a fiancée who used to be a top chef, there is no chance I’ll be starving myself.”

That’s what I love about Tori. She is so down to earth and doesn’t care about any of society’s expectations. On the outside I’m good at doing that, but on the inside, I’m always in a world of self-doubt. Tori knows me and what I’m like, and thankfully loves me anyway. It’s funny how in our friendship we balance each other out. I’m the calm to her feistiness, and she is the risk taker to my conservative. So, we work perfectly in some weird way.

She’s the yin to my yang.

Waving the last little goodbye on the last day of the school year is exciting, but I have no energy to go out and celebrate. The summer school break is like heaven. But for the few weeks leading up to it, I’m dragging my feet to work every morning, hoping that at least I will make it through the day without wanting to tape the mouth shut on at least one of the kids for being so painful.

It only takes one of the kids to start irritating another, and then next thing you know, you have a room full of chaos. It’s not their fault entirely. It’s the end of the year, and they are just as tired as I am.

“Keep smiling until the bus turns the corner,” I say. Peter, my teaching buddy, is beside me as we both smile so hard it hurts, waving like mad until the lights of the bus disappear around the corner. Flopping forward, with my hands on my knees, I let out the biggest sigh, and I can hear him doing the same beside me.

“Tonight, I need to go out and get really drunk, drown out the last few days and remember that I know how to have an adult conversation.” Peter sounds as drained as I am.

“Is it just me or are the kids getting harder to handle each year? I swear when I started here four years ago, they were angels, and today it felt like there were definitely a few demons in my room.” We reach the doors side by side for our classrooms where we have decided we have the hardest jobs in the school. Teaching the youngest kids in the school is funny and challenging at the same time.

“I hear you, sister. This year’s cohort was crazy, but there were some cuties too. You get the good and the bad, I guess. So, are you coming out with us tonight?” A lot of the staff head out for drinks on the last day of the year to the pub down the road from the school.

“Not this time. I have a function with Tori and Nic that they have invited me to. Not that I feel like going, I’d just as soon curl up on the couch at home tonight with a cheese toastie and a big, and I mean really big, actually huge , glass of red wine. But I promised Tori last Saturday when we were at the wedding dress boutique that I’d go. You know what she’s like, hard to say no to, so I’m heading home to get dressed up and look like I have way more money than I do and act more sophisticated than I am.” Rolling my eyes, I walk into my classroom, thinking, “ What the fuck am I going to wear? ”

“You will have fun, you always do with Tori. You two are bad news when you’re together. Just because she is marrying some rich guy doesn’t mean she’s not the same old Tori we know and love. Give her a hug from me and tell her I still think she picked the wrong guy. I was a far better option. Her loss!” he yells from the room next door as we both get into cleaning up our rooms for the last time this school year and packing everything away for six weeks.

School is out, thank God!

Standing in front of my bedroom closet, I look at the sad state of affairs. There are six cocktail dresses, and I’m sure I have worn them all multiple times. Prior to Tori meeting Nic, I only owned two, and the rest I have picked up at thrift stores. Tori wants to take me shopping, but I have so far refused. I don’t want to be her charity case. Not that she has ever made me feel that way, but I never want our friendship to change. I have some money, but I’m saving it to purchase my own place. I love my little rental home, but I want something to call my own. But I might have to dip into my savings and add a few more dresses into the rotation.

Okay, the little black one it is then. You can never go wrong with that. Next, I take my silver heels and bag out of their boxes and lay it all on the bed. Now the big decision, hair up or down?

Up, I think, it’s quicker, and I don’t need to wash it. I still haven’t had time to do anything with the color. Maybe over the holidays I can finally have a pamper day and visit the hairdresser.

As I’m pulling out my shapewear underwear, my phone flashes on the bed with a message.

Tori: Change of plans. We are doing drinks at Rem’s place before the fundraiser.

Tori: Wallace will pick you up in thirty minutes and then pick us up on the way back into the city.

“Fuck,” I mumble. This is the problem with living out of the city and Tori now in the center of London. Besides missing her terribly, there is always lost travel time when we’re going out.

Elouise: Bitch, a bit more notice would have been nice. You know it takes me forever to hide the dowdy teacher and turn into the night goddess.

Tori: I know! I’m always waiting on you.

Elouise: Fuck off! It’s you every single time.

Tori: Stop bitching, the clock is ticking. Get moving.

Elouise: I hate you right now.

Tori: Yeah, yeah, see you soon. You love me.

Elouise: Hmmm, maybe. *tongue poking out emoji*

“Shit.” I look at my watch; she’s right, the clock is ticking. Grabbing my underwear, I run for the bathroom, and I’m about to have the quickest shower ever. A splash-and-dash and then on to the transformation.

Standing in front of the mirror doing my makeup, all I can think of is Remington.

There is something about him that has me infatuated with this man. I mean, besides the memory of the night he fucked me into a sexual coma for days, but we aren’t talking about that. I’ve been trying to wipe that from my brain since that night, but my body won’t let me. It is constantly chasing the high that I have never experienced before.

Damn it, now I’m getting all tingly again.

It’s hard enough to be around him, but now being in his home is going to be torture. The last couple of times they met at his place I have managed to avoid it, but there is no backing out now.

Touching up the last of my lipstick, the front door buzzer rings. Wallace is letting me know he’s here and will be waiting by my front door to escort me the whole ten steps to the car. Bless him.

“Okay, Elouise, you’ve got this. Time to pretend to be rich.” The woman in the mirror looks tired, but she will have to do. I don’t like to keep Wallace waiting.

The ride into the city isn’t too bad tonight, not as much traffic as I was expecting. Pulling up at Nic and Tori’s apartment complex, I can see them waiting at the front door. Tori is on Nic’s arm as they make their way to the car, looking like the perfect power couple. I wonder if that’s what I would look like on Remington’s arm.

Shaking my head, I need to stop this. He is way out of your league, so get over it and move on.

Friend zone, that’s where we both sit and will stay going forward. The same place I have been trying to convince Flynn he needs to be too.

Christ, what is it with these men? The one who is chasing me I don’t want, and the one I want is not interested in any way. Maybe I should go for quiet, stable Forrest. The one I have no connection with at all. Wouldn’t that put a cat among the pigeons.

Wallace opens my door, and Nic helps Tori slide in beside me.

“Evening, Lou.” His deep timbre echoes in the car, but his eyes never leave Tori as he makes sure she is in and seated safely.

“Hi, babe, I love that dress. Looking hot, as per usual.” Tori smooths her gun-metal-gray satin dress on her lap so it’s not creasing and then leans over and air-kisses me on the cheek.

“You look stunning too,” I say, smiling at her. She is still my real Tori under all the glamor, I remind myself, seeing her fidgeting with the dress. We both grew up in jeans and the occasional skirt and dress. Now our lives are full of ballgowns and high heels. One day maybe we will get used to it, but right now, we are newbies at all this.

“What about me?” Nic’s chuckle comes from the front seat. “It’s always about the women.”

“Oh, sorry, yes, very handsome, Nic. Because it’s not strange that I am admiring how my best friend’s fiancée looks. You weirdo.” I love the relationship that has grown between me and Nic. I don’t need another pseudo brother, Lord knows I have enough of my own, but he is a guy friend that is nice to have. He is as protective of me as he is of Tori, telling me when they got together that he knew how important I am to Tori, so that makes me important to him too. Such a big softie underneath the big gruff exterior.

He needs to be a special kind of man to cope with the firecracker that is Tori some days.

We fall into conversation about our days and what the weekend plans are, and before I know it, we have pulled up to the curb outside an old English two-story home. It’s funny, I would have pictured Rem living in some super-modern apartment. But instead, it looks like a piece of history, albeit a very expensive piece. There is a wrought-iron fence, and looking through it, I can see his work car, a standard black Range Rover that all the boys seem to drive, with the darkest tinted windows. Beside it sits his baby, the black Porsche that he loves. Fast cars go with his daredevil attitude in life.

He really is a contradiction.

Remington loves risk and will seek out the most extreme things around the world to do, yet his job is all about keeping people safe from danger. I swear I should have studied psychology at university instead of teaching. People intrigue me.

Walking the path to the door, like the third wheel next to Tori and Nic, I can feel my stomach doing somersaults. It always happens when I get together with all the guys, but then within five minutes I feel at home. It’s just that initial few moments when I feel like a fraud around them. They have never done anything to make me feel like that, this is all on me. Like I said, humans are complex, and I wish I knew more about how the brain works. Come to think of it, perhaps I don’t need to know what goes on in my head sometimes.

The heavy wooden front door opens and the noise drifting out tells me that everyone else is already here.

“About time. You’re one beer behind,” Rem declares to Nic, standing on the edge of the step.

“Well, some of us work harder than others.” Tori laughs at Nic’s reply and steps inside past Rem. Nic moves to the side so I can follow her.

“Ladies, looking beautiful as always,” Rem says, motioning with his arm for me to enter too.

“Thank you,” is all I can manage to say as we are ushered into what looks like a large sitting room where Forrest and Flynn are already seated. Not surprisingly Flynn’s here with a date who looks all classy and refined, less trashy than his usual girls. Both of the guys stand and kiss Tori first and then me. I’m part of the inner circle, and Flynn’s date doesn’t like it. She looks down her nose at me, like she can see right through me.

Don’t look at me like that, you snotty-nosed bitch. I could take him from you in a second by just saying the word. So, you might think you are better than me, but you are just the consolation prize, baby.

Too busy staring down the society snob, I didn’t hear Rem come up behind me. As he invades my personal bubble, I inhale his rugged scent. It’s like a woodsy aroma and reminds him of being out in the fresh air. For me, the whiff of it overtakes my senses and makes me want to gasp for air, but not in a bad way. The kind of feeling that sets your body on fire, and with him being so near me now, it’s like he is stealing all the oxygen from my lungs.

The moment his hand touches my lower back, and he leans forward to talk quietly in my ear, a full-body shiver is happening and the hairs on my arms stand on end.

“What can I get you to drink? You look like you could use one.” As he steps to my side, I get the up-close view of him in his expensive-looking black suit, white shirt, and black bow tie. The black beard is like a frame for his strong square jaw, neatly trimmed, and the memory of it between my legs has me blushing. His black hair is not as neatly trimmed as his beard, instead a little wilder, and it suits him. I love the rugged look on him, it’s sexy as hell. His deep brown eyes are always full of mischief, and tonight is no different.

“A glass of bubbles for you?” he asks, winking at me, and I just want to run away before I embarrass myself.

“No, something stronger. A margarita or maybe a straight shot of tequila.” I refuse to cower away; I can’t let him have the upper hand all night. Friend zone, remember? “Anything that will make your company more bearable tonight.” I step another foot away to give me some more breathing room.

“What, me? I’m the perfect gentleman.” He fakes a look of shock and then starts to laugh. “Okay, fair call. Margarita coming right up. Tori, the usual gin and tonic?” he calls to her as he walks from me to his drinks cabinet that’s set up in the corner of the room. Very dark wood, but it fits the room’s décor.

This house is not what I would have pictured for Rem, but surprisingly, he fits it perfectly, playing the host with power. It’s something about the way he portrays himself that exudes the dominance a man in his position holds.

I look around the room. The leather couches are black with a gray throw over the back of the one opposite the open fire that is lying dormant during the summer, and a few patterned throw cushions compliment the gray. Behind the couch are the front windows that have thick dark gray curtains that look like they are there to help shield his privacy. But in true Remington style, there are two layers to shut the world out, because from the outside, all you can see in the dark is the plantation shutters that are all closed. They are great to channel the light in during the day but the need for netting and curtains over the top so no one can see in this room is something he would insist on. The floor is a dark wood, almost black, with a dark charcoal patterned rug. The walls are an off-white color so as not to distract the eye from the scattered photos of landscapes that can only be described as breathtaking. The angles are artistic, and whoever the photographer is has real talent.

The whole house is old but with a stylish modern feel. I can see how it portrays strength and confidence in its dark manly colors. A reflection of the owner who you can tell has no woman in his life to add those slight feminine touches, which is just the way he wants it. Which is why I try to remind myself every time my thoughts wander to him, he doesn’t do relationships, and the reason is he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s a choice for him, not like me who just can’t find the right guy.

“What do you think of my home?” His voice is back beside me as he passes me my drink. I wonder if he will suspect something’s wrong if I drink it down in one go.

“Lovely, just not what I was expecting.” Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.

“What did you expect?” He smiles as he answers for me. “A slick modern bachelor pad, full of technological gadgets.”

“Mm-hmm,” I answer between sips of my drink that I’m drinking way too fast on an empty stomach.

“You aren’t the only one who is full of little surprises, Elouise. You’d be surprised what I’m hiding under this suit.” Running his hand through his hair almost has me salivating. Down, girl! You might know exactly what he is packing in those pants, but I’m not sure that was entirely what he meant.

Who am I kidding, that’s exactly what he was hinting at with his double entendre. He might pretend ninety-nine percent of the time that nothing happened between us, but that one percent of the time just slipped through.

“Where’s my drink, Mr. Host?” Tori saves me with her complaint that her drink isn’t in her hands yet.

“Coming, coming. So impatient, just like in the office.” Chuckling, he heads back to the drink cabinet, giving me the reprieve I need. I quickly scurry to sit down next to Tori, who is trying to start a conversation with Flynn’s date, but she has the face of a dead fish and isn’t saying much.

As I sit, Tori looks to me, facing away from the fish woman. Rolling her eyes at me, she tries to convey without words that it’s going to be a long night if we are expected to be all buddy-buddy with her.

The boys are all now standing in front of the drink cabinet, laughing over something and getting a little louder, which is normal. They might work together every day, but when they clock off, they let their guards down and try to relax, most of the time with no work talk.

“Are they always this rowdy?” Fish-face asks. Shit, I don’t even know her name yet. Not that it matters, she doesn’t want anything to do with me.

Tori and I look at each other and just start laughing.

“This is just normal conversation. You should see them after a few more drinks.” Tori is trying to be nice, but the scowl on woman’s face tells her story. She likes a quiet reserved man who takes her on his arm, helps her be seen at all the right functions, and then if she’s really lucky, takes her home and fucks her missionary style in her perfect little bed.

“Ugh, how unsophisticated. Can you tell me where the powder room is?” She stands, and Tori points her in the right direction.

Once she’s out of earshot, we both burst out laughing.

“What the fuck, Flynn misfired with his pick for tonight’s date. Not his type at all,” I can’t help but saying.

“She is like a wet fish,” Tori says, taking a sip of her G&T.

“That’s what I thought too.” Clinking our glasses together, I feel so much better, finally settling into the room and part of the group. Thank goodness the boys aren’t like that woman who obviously has money like they do. They act like they did before they found their wealth, or so Forrest tells me, and he’s probably the only one I would believe.

A ringing like from an old bell sound comes from the foyer. I’m guessing it’s the doorbell.

Rem walks across the room, looking confused. “Who the hell is that? I’m not expecting anyone else. The security gate’s closed, they needed the code.” His tone of voice is one I have heard a few times when he’s in work mode. Full of suspicion.

I hear the door open, and Rem sounds surprised to see Wallace our driver at the door, talking so softly that we can’t hear what he’s saying.

But it is followed by the slight voice of a woman with a very broad French accent talking in broken English.

“Pardon me, monsieur. You are Mr. Remington Elders?”

“Yes, and who are you?” The apprehension in his voice tells me that something is wrong.

Nic must have sensed the same thing, heading toward the foyer with a serious face.

The whole room is silent as we wait to see what is about to unfold.