The Desire

Chapter 2

Chapter Two

REMINGTON

N ot having my phone in my hand is not normal for me, having just passed it to Flynn to show the guys one of the videos of the next thing I’m thinking of doing, rally driving in Australia when we visit for the wedding.

But the problem is that I couldn’t check the security feed on my phone to see who is at the door until I get to the security panel on the wall near the front door.

I’m confused by the sight of Wallace and a shadow of someone behind him as I pull the door open. The vision before me is definitely not what I was expecting, and to be honest, I’m totally confused by it. I only open the door because it’s Wallace, Nic’s driver, who I trust with my life, standing there looking very anxious.

Next to him is a smallish woman with dark brown hair, long and in a braid, with an old-looking bag on the step beside her and a little boy fast asleep on her shoulder. Her back must be screaming in pain, holding him. He is not a baby by any means, and there is nothing to her either.

There is a fear in her eyes as she looks up at me.

Wallace steps forward and whispers in my ear. “Sorry to bother you, sir, but she is very insistent that she has information you need to hear. I tend to agree.” He steps back and walks back down the path, showing respect to not be around for the discussion, which leaves me looking down on her and wondering, What the fuck is going on?

“Pardon me, monsieur. You are Mr. Remington Elders?” Her French accent is very thick, and you can tell that her English is not strong. The hair on my neck stands up, and an awful feeling runs down my spine that she knows my name.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I ask, “Yes, and who are you?” The uncertainty as to what is going on is in my voice as I’m speaking.

“My name is Adeline Dupont, and this is your son, Blaise Elders.”

My heart has hit my chest and stopped beating. The rushing noise in my ears drowns out everything around me.

The hand that lands on my shoulder is enough to get me to try and regain my voice, but I can’t figure out what to say.

Nic pulls me back inside the foyer, and I can hear him talking, but it doesn’t compute. It’s like I’m standing on the outside of a situation looking in.

He directs her into the study which is just inside the door on the opposite side of the hallway from the sitting room.

“Rem, I’ll get rid of everyone else and get the girls to sort out some food and water. This is going to be a long night.” He pushes me to sit in the seat across from them.

Son? I don’t have a son. This has to be a mistake.

That’s it, a mistaken identity, I don’t know this woman. Never seen her before, let alone fucked her. There might have been many women, but I don’t forget a face with my photographic memory.

You hear of it happening, people with money get targeted. Well, I’m smarter than that. Surely, she knows that DNA is easy to prove.

Yep, DNA, that’s what I’ll do. First thing tomorrow.

I can hear people moving around, but the only person that seems to be leaving is Flynn with that weird woman he brought with him.

“I’ll be back.” His voice is behind me from the doorway of the study, and then the door is partly closed again.

This woman and I are just staring at each other, no words are being shared.

The little boy who is now sitting on her lap, face still in her shoulder, starts stirring. Not waking up fully from his sleep, but enough that he shifts position, and his face turns to the side on her chest and he looks straight toward me.

All I see looking back at me is the same face in every picture of me on my parents’ walls of when I was his age.

Fuck!

The house has gone quiet. Too quiet so that I can hear every slightest noise. The creaks in the floorboards in the kitchen, the whispers that are barely there but enough to know my friends are here somewhere and I’m not alone.

“You see it, yes?” the French woman whispers to me in her broken English.

Don’t answer her. Don’t say anything that can be used against you.

“I have never seen you before.” I have been looking at her so intently, but her face is definitely drawing a blank. I know I don’t remember all the names of the women over the years, plenty of times we never even exchanged them, but I know she isn’t one of them.

She nods and tells me I’m right as she is frantically rummaging in her pocket looking for something.

She pulls a crumpled envelope from her pocket and thrusts it toward my hands. Reaching forward, I take it from her and look at the little boy who is peacefully asleep. My hand is visibly shaking, and I know it’s because the moment I open this and read it, I have a feeling my life is about to change forever, and I’m not prepared to let that happen. But whether I like it or not, life has a way of changing, and you can’t do a thing to stop it.

“Read, s’il te plait … um, please.” She motions to the letter.

Slowly opening the envelope, I slide the letter out and flatten it to make it easier. There is a page of beautifully written words, thankfully in English.

Dear Remington,

Please excuse my English is not perfect.

This letter is because something has happened to me. Adeline has our son Blaise for you to take care of.

I am Camille Roux. We met in the mountain in France when you lost from hike Mt. Blanc. I took you to my place, lots of cheese, bread, and wine. You slept in my house, with me. A night of nice sex. The day after you leave, I find your wallet. You are long gone. I kept it safe, in case you come back.

When I find out I with baby, I asked Adeline my friend to use money in wallet to take the child to you if anything ever happen to me.

I’m sorry for not telling you. You are rich and I a poor goat herder. I couldn’t bear to lose Blaise. But I always told him about you, show him your picture on plastic card.

I know you shocked and you be angry at me. I was selfish, but mothers love couldn’t let him go. Sadly, though now I am gone, and he needs you.

He is a good boy, likes to play in the fields, kick a ball and draw. Please be kind to him and give him good home with lots of love.

I thought of you often and knew deep down you were a good man. My heart could tell.

Tell Blaise I love him every day.

Thank you for giving me Blaise for the time I had him. I will always be grateful for the gift.

Camille

My eyes go to Blaise, picturing his mother that day on the mountain. Then back to the top of the page and rereading to try to get it to make sense.

I can’t deny the story because I was there, and I did sleep with Camille. We had many bottles of unlabeled wine which was potent in strength, and I remember waking with a hell of a hangover. I doubt I would have had a condom with me, but to be honest, that part is hazy. Probably one of those rare drunk times I would have skipped that part of the process even if I did have one.

Engrossed in the memory of what happened, looking up now, I see the room filled with my friends. The guys who will always have my back.

Nic sits beside me and motions to the letter. Handing it over to him, I flop back into the couch and push my hands up over my face and into my hair. I’m always the man who takes control of every situation, yet right now, I’m useless.

“Adeline, thank you for being patient. As you can see this is a big shock to Remington.” Nic’s calm voice is welcome next to me. “Can we offer you some water and food?”

“ Merci .” Adeline looks around like a scared animal at all the people as she leans forward to take the water that Tori is offering.

“Do you speak much English?” Elouise asks from beside me, making me jump a little. I didn’t realize she was sitting on the arm of the couch next to me.

“A little,” Adeline replies with her hand in the air, tipping it from side to side signaling that she does, but it isn’t great.

“ Serait-ce plus facile si je vous parlais en fran?ais et traduisais pour vous ?” Elouise shocks us all with the most beautiful French coming from her.

“ Oui, s'il vous pla?t, ce serait tellement plus facile pour moi d'expliquer pourquoi je suis ici .” A smile of relief comes across Adeline’s face at being able to speak easily to Elouise in French.

“I just asked her if she would like me to translate to make it easier for her. Which she said yes, if I could. I’m sure she has a lot to say, and it will be hard for her in English. Are you okay with that?” There’s kindness in her voice as she looks down at me. I couldn’t be more thankful for her friendship than I am right this moment.

“Yes, please. The letter said something has happened to his mother. Can you ask her about that? I’m afraid of the answer.” It’s quite clear from the letter she has died, but I need to know how.

Sitting waiting as the question is asked and Adeline replies with tears running down her face is awful. Before she worries about explaining anything, Elouise is up and walking to Adeline, sitting down beside her and giving her a hug. Comforting her from having to retell a story about a friend she was obviously very close to if Camille trusted her with Blaise. The gentle sobs on Elouise’s shoulder start to subside, and slowly Adeline’s head rises up, and she wipes her tears off her face.

“Camille, Blaise’s mother, was out in the pasture bringing the goats in for milking when they think she fell and hit her head on a rock. Blaise was with her, and sadly, Adeline found them both the next day when she went to visit. She found Blaise curled up on the ground with his mother, hugging her and singing to her.”

My heart hurts for Camille and for the little boy. What a traumatic time for everyone. Even Elouise has had to stop to compose herself, and I can hear Tori crying too. I only knew Camille for one night, but I can feel her loss deeply, and that surprises me.

“When Adeline checked Camille, she was near death, and by the time they got the doctor from the village up there to her, she had passed. They believe the cause of death was a brain bleed from the blow to the back of her head.” Elouise’s arm is around Adeline’s shoulder and slowly rubbing up and down the top of her arm in comfort. I can’t believe how strong she is being and taking charge of the room. It should have been me, but I have been stripped raw, and everything that made sense before seems so far from my grasp at the moment.

“Shit, how fucking awful,” I hear Flynn mumble under his breath. He obviously just left long enough to put his date in the car with Wallace and send her home, then came straight back inside to us.

“How did she know where to find Rem?” Nic asks, and Elouise relays the message. Adeline starts reaching inside her jacket to a concealed pocket, then holds out to me a weathered brown leather wallet. One that my father had given me on my birthday one year, and it has my initials embossed on the front corner. I was annoyed I lost it that trip, but to be honest, I didn’t know where on the journey it had disappeared. I hadn’t needed it for days while hiking, so it truly could have been anywhere.

The cards that are in it have been long cancelled, and the cash, I’d assumed would have been taken by whoever found it.

Taking the wallet in my hand and running my thumb over the front of it seems so strange, like a piece of my past. Opening it up, I find everything is still exactly where I had them. My driver’s license at the front, credit cards in the slot behind it. And there is still cash in the long back pocket.

Adeline starts talking very fast and frantically to Elouise in what sounds like the same sentence over and over again, to which Elouise tries to calm her down, talking to her and what looks like reassuring her all is okay.

This is so fucking frustrating. I’m kicking myself so hard now for not paying more attention in school when we were offered language classes. I was too busy with my head stuck in a computer or clowning around with my friends. I remember we did a bit of French and Spanish, but I couldn’t hold a conversation in either language these days. When I’m traveling, most of the places I visit the people speak limited English, so I’ve gotten by, or used my phone to translate which doesn’t always go well either.

“She is trying to tell you that she only took money to get on the train to find you. She promises she never took anything else. She is scared, Rem, terrified of what is going to happen now that she’s here. She has never been out of France, and I doubt she has visited a big city often.”

“Oh God, please tell her it’s okay. I believe her, and I’m grateful for what she is doing for this little boy.” I can’t let the words my son pass my lips until I know for sure. Even then this will take some getting used to. But if he is my son, then I will protect him like I protect everyone else in this room.

Quickly relaying my words, Adeline’s shoulders drop, and the tension in her body seems to settle.

It’s like seeing her so scared has jerked me back to reality. Get control of this situation, you idiot.

“Right, we need to get things sorted. Elouise, please tell Adeline she will stay here tonight in the guest room with Blaise. I know I’m asking a lot, but can you possibly stay as well so she feels comfortable about being in a house with a strange man? Flynn, can you find someone to do a DNA test first thing tomorrow morning, and we will want the results expedited. Nic, can you and Tori organize some food that a child might eat, I have no idea. Forrest, can you get in touch with Ian and tell him I am offline and on leave; he is in charge until he hears from me.”

This is what I need to take control of things, divert my attention from how my life is about to explode. I hate when there are elements out of my control, unless it is when I’m about to do something that will scare the hell out of me. It’s the one reason I will give up control of everything just to get the adrenaline high. Because I know it will only be momentary, and the rest of the time I want to be in complete control.

“Whoa, buddy, slow down there. We are here to help you, and we don’t need to rush anything. Forrest, can you contact our lawyer and have him on standby for anything we might need help with tomorrow?” Nic, being the boss, is now taking over and trying to be a good friend, but I need to be running the show.

“Yes, that’s a good idea.” Just nodding, I try to think of what else might be needed to be done.

“Hang on, guys, don’t you think you need to actually ask Adeline if she is okay with staying?” Elouise asks. “You can’t just order her to do what you think is best. Plus, until we know what is happening with Blaise, you need to give her the consideration and respect that she deserves as his carer at the moment. Don’t take that away from her until she is ready to step back. Camille gave her a dying wish that she is trying to fulfill. It’s important to her.” Elouise sits up straighter, and the strength in her voice is not something I’ve heard before. I’ve never seen her in her work environment, but I can see that this is her in her teacher role of protecting a child and the vulnerable.

I want to scream at Elouise and say if she turns up on my doorstep with a child, claiming it’s mine, then I will damn well do what I want. This is my house. But the cold stare that is coming from Elouise makes me back down slightly and listen to what she is saying.

“Okay,” I grunt at her, with a nod for her to ask the question.

“Adeline is very appreciative of a place to stay tonight. She doesn’t have any money for accommodation, so she has offered to cook or clean for you to pay for her stay. I told her that she is a guest and there is no need, she is safe here, and that I will be here with her.” Elouise’s voice is a little gentler this time, knowing that she has things sorted the way she thought it should be.

Tori stands up. “Right, now you men have voiced your opinions. Here is what’s actually going to happen. I will get Wallace to take me back to your place, Lou, and grab some clothes for you for a few days just in case. Forrest, you can do the work things that Rem mentioned. Flynn and Nic, can you go to the shops and get some toys, food for kids, but not junk food, and a baby monitor so we can hear Blaise when he wakes. Lou, just call us if you think of anything else, and Rem, my friend, you need to just take a breath. We will get this sorted, and once we know more, then we will worry about the next steps you need to make. But whatever it is, we’ve got you.” Tori walks toward me, and I know she is about to put her arms out to me. She is a hugger. Standing and letting her embrace me, I won’t deny it feels good to be comforted.

“Thanks, Tori, but don’t worry about the baby monitor. I’m a security man, remember? I’ll just set up a camera with the feed to my system, and I can get alerts on my phone and watch. And what was wrong with my plans?” Having pulled back, I look down at her, watching as she starts to laugh.

“That you expect Elouise to sleep in a cocktail dress and wear it for the next few days, and that’s just for starters. Pfft, men…” She walks over to Nic and reaches up to give him a kiss, then hugs Elouise, and the both of them start whispering to each other. “Now feed this poor woman, and I will be back in an hour or so.”

“So, bossy.” Flynn smirks, his comment directed at Tori.

“Too right, and you would all be lost without me. Now get moving, people, chop, chop.” Tori points her finger at us like school kids, but it’s what we needed to break the moment.

Forrest stands and takes his phone from his pocket, looking at Nic. “She does know we are grown men, right? Who ran a hugely successful business before she arrived. Man, you do realize what you are getting yourself in for marrying her.”

“Absolutely! Wouldn’t have it any other way. And she just thinks she’s in charge, but we all know who wears the pants around here. Where’s the Range Rover keys, Rem?” He’s moving toward the door of the study, with Flynn following him and Forrest already talking on his phone as he leaves the room.

“And yet you are all doing exactly as she said. You’re delusional.” Elouise finds herself amusing and turns to Adeline to offer her some food, which she happily accepts. Then Elouise turns back to me. “Don’t you have a camera to set up?”

I’m moving before I realize what I’m doing but then laugh to myself as I walk down the hallway. Just like that, I’m doing what I was told too.

These two fucking women have some voodoo hold over us.

Satisfied that I will be able to hear and see if Blaise wakes, Elouise and Adeline head upstairs to the guest room that I showed them, to settle them both in for the night. Although it’s not late, only just after eight pm, Adeline has been traveling all day, so she is exhausted and I’m sure appreciates time to rest. Every guest room has a bathroom attached, so I assure her that I haven’t put any cameras in there and she should get changed in there. I’m not sure that she really understands the security system, but Elouise has assured her it is for their safety and so we can help her with Blaise if she needs it.

Forrest has gone home to make sure everything is in place for tomorrow. Nic and Flynn have been back and delivered everything Tori told them to get, and I have sent them home too. I know they want to help, but I just need some space right now. Tori just left after dropping Elouise’s bag to her and spending a few minutes with her in the other guest room that is next to mine, where Elouise will sleep. Tori didn’t want to leave, but Elouise also assured her that it will be better for Blaise if he wakes that there aren’t too many people here initially.

Tori hugged me tightly again as she left and assured me that everything will be okay. I’m not sure she’s right, but let’s go with that for now.

Standing in the kitchen and looking out into the dark of the night, all I can think about is poor Camille. She was a gentle soul and loved her simple life in the mountains. What an awful thing to happen and for poor Blaise to lose his mother so young. I remember her laugh was so happy and bright. She didn’t seem to see any bad in the world. I don’t even know much about her family, but I assume if she has sent Blaise to me then there is no one else she trusts to take care of him. Or maybe she wanted more for him. She knew I lived in London and traveled the world looking for adventures. To a goat herder from the mountains of France, maybe that seemed like a dream she would like to see her son experiencing too. I guess we will never know. Fuck, I wish I knew French. If he is my son, how the hell am I going to communicate with him?

A wave of grief washes over me, and I know I can’t ignore it.

“Camille, if you can hear me. Even if he isn’t mine, I will make sure he is okay. I will watch over him until he can navigate this world on his own. I promise I will fulfill your wish. He will be safe.” Closing my eyes, I let that settle over me.

I might not want kids, but I could never stand by and let one struggle through life on his own when I have the means to make sure he’s okay. That would just be cruel and that’s one thing I’m not. I might be arrogant, self-centered, and an asshole most of the time, but I will never watch someone struggle when they don’t deserve it.

Hearing her gentle footsteps on the floorboards, I know Elouise is behind me.

And as much as I have distanced myself from her, I could really use her comfort tonight. Just the softness of holding her in my arms would be calming, but I’m trying not to admit I’m actually craving more.

ELOUISE

Hearing Rem talking about the poor woman he met years ago almost breaks my heart.

We all picture him as the muscle in the group, our protector. But who is going to protect him now from his own emotional turmoil? As much as I hate being in the friend zone with him, he needs me, and I can’t turn my back on him. Even if he tries to push me away like he did everyone else tonight, I won’t let him. He is just as vulnerable as Blaise is now. Men are great at putting walls up, but I see through that and won’t let him drown in his own panic. Because that is what he is doing on the inside, I’m sure. His distancing is a perfect indicator.

Standing behind him now in my comfy jeans, top, and bare feet, my hair hanging down, I feel more myself. I’m not wearing the mask of the socialite that I put on to pretend when we are out together or at the big functions Tori constantly invites me to.

Turning to face me, he is still in his suit pants, but the jacket is long gone, along with the tie, discarded when he was installing the camera. His shirt is partly undone and the sleeves rolled up. His bare feet are doing something weird to my brain and are just the perfect final detail of making him look irresistible. For God’s sake, they’re just feet, but there is something about arriving home and kicking off your shoes that makes you relax; I know because I’m the same. It’s grounding.

Leaning back against the sink, he rests his hands on the edge of the counter.

“Are they settled okay up there? Do they need anything else?” He’s talking but isn’t really with me.

“Yes, they are both snoring comfortably in the bed. Adeline kept telling me how grateful she is for the help.” As I walk a few steps closer, he doesn’t move, just keeps looking at me, bewildered.

“Are you okay?” A few more steps and I’m in front of him. Toe to toe.

“No,” he whispers, and at least he’s being honest.

Wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head on his chest, I hold him as tight as I can. His body is rigid, his hands still not moving, knuckles whitening as he holds onto the counter tighter.

“Let it out, Rem, it will help, I promise. It’s just us, and you know it’ll stay between us.” The thought of the secret we’re already keeping is the triggering moment for him.

He stands up straighter, taking my body with him. His arms enclose me, his head dropping into the curve of my neck, and I can feel him breathing fast. I just run my hands up and down his back to let him know that I’m here and I won’t let him go. If it were me, I would be releasing a bucketful of tears, but being the strong man he’s trying to be, instead he is battling to breathe through his emotions.

After a few minutes, he finally lifts his head and rests his forehead on mine.

“What if he is my son?” Six words of utter fear come from his lips, but I know deep down he thinks he is. And God, you only need to take one look at Blaise to see he is a mini Remington.

“Worse, what if he’s not? Because your heart has already been sending out feelings that first moment you looked at him.” I think he would be a little broken, although he doesn’t realize it yet, if the DNA test came back that he is not the father.

Our hearts and minds work in ways we don’t understand and can’t control at times, and this is certainly one of them.

“What the fuck am I going to do, El? I don’t know how to be a father.” That’s the first time he has ever called me El, and I have to admit, I kind of like it. It’s just ours, no one else’s, just Rem and me.

“No one does when they first begin. But just think of the upside. You don’t have to do shitty nappies and middle-of-the-night feeds,” I say, trying to break the seriousness of his fear now that he has let it out.

A small, very small chuckle releases from him, and then the biggest sigh.

“Thank you for staying. I need you.” I know he doesn’t mean that the way I want him to, but I’ll take it anyway. To be honest, it would be the worst time to take this out of the friend zone. I would never know if it was because he wanted more or just because he needed me to hold him up through this.

“You don’t need me. I know you would work it out if I weren’t here, but I’m happy to help.” I step back a little from him, because I think distance would be a good thing right now.

His hands move to my shoulders.

“You speaking in French like that is sexy as fuck. You could talk dirty like that to me anytime.” The darkness in his eyes is not a good sign. I need to shut this down right now.

“How would you know I wasn’t telling you that you had the smallest cock I’d ever seen and that you were shit in bed.” Smiling at him, I take a few steps away out of his reach.

“We both know you can’t lie, and we both know that neither of those are true. My big cock fucking rocked your world, and you can’t deny that.”

“Keep dreaming. Now, where is the food? I’m starving.” I look around the kitchen for what the boys left for us.

“Yeah, me too… starving.” His deep tone is one I know, and I need to ignore it.

Don’t look, focus on the food.

As much as I’ve wanted to be back in his arms since that first night, I know I can’t do that tonight. In my head, I’m telling myself to push all those thoughts away.

Because no one wants to be the comfort fuck.

I’m better than that, and if Rem was thinking clearer, he would never treat me like that either.

Time to eat and then get into bed… alone.

That’s my plan, food and sleep.

Stick to the plan.