The Desire

Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

ELOUISE

“ W hy are you protesting so much?”

Tori’s voice keeps repeating in my head as I’m sitting on the jet trying to read a book while watching Rem engrossed in his computer, working.

It’s not like I could tell her.

I hate keeping secrets from her, but this one would blow apart the group, and I’m not going to be responsible for that.

Rem hardly spoke to me last night, spending all his time with Blaise until bedtime and then continued lying with him for a while after he fell asleep. As much as I was freaking out about the trip on the inside, watching him with Blaise, stretched out on the bed, arm wrapped around him and protecting him from a sickness that he had no control over, it had my ovaries exploding. My heart skipped a beat at what a great father he is.

His back was turned to me because he was just intent on watching Blaise sleep. I know I shouldn’t have been standing there watching him, but it was like I was in a trance, and I couldn’t move.

My body reacted to the sight of his broad shoulders, that then chisel down in the perfect way to his waist. His shirt pulled tightly against his arm as it was outstretched over the top of Blaise’s body, which meant the muscles on his back were showing, and I just wanted to feel them under my hands again.

That’s the problem when you’ve had something, then you know exactly what you are missing.

And I’m missing that body!

So much so, that just like most nights I spend in my bed, I closed my eyes, sliding my hand over both my breasts and pussy while thinking back to him taking what he wanted from my body as he had me pinned down on his desk. I loved his strength and control over my body and then the tenderness and truth he shared with me afterward. He truly is a paradox of emotions, and I think that’s what pulls me to him.

Rem is nothing like the man I ever imagined I would be with. Not that I’m with him now, but that doesn’t take the want or need away from me to have him in my life more than as my boss and friend.

I want this man to totally consume me but be man enough to let me live my life as I choose to. I don’t want a man to tell me what to do, but it didn’t take much to learn that I want him to show me what I want in a man. I can see that Rem wants to protect with every bone in his body, it’s in his nature, and it’s not something he can turn off. And along with loyalty that he takes very seriously, this gives him strength to be who he is. But it also leaves a chink in his armor when he is conflicted on where to lay his loyalty.

Should it be to Blaise, and then who comes second? His friends, me, or the person who he sadly puts last, himself. He has forgotten that his own happiness is important too.

It’s like looking in the mirror for me as I’m thinking this, because I know it’s one of my worst traits that I put myself last. I’m a people pleaser. Always have been, and it’s why Tori and I work so well in our friendship. She comes up with some plan, and I carry it out to please her. I think you would find the same trait in most teachers in the world. We want to help and please people, it’s who we are.

A bump of turbulence has me grasping the arm on my seat as I look straight to Rem for reassurance. I haven’t told him how uncomfortable I am flying, but I think he has worked it out.

“Just breathe, it’s all good.” That calming tone is like liquid gold in my head.

“Mm-hm.” Looking back down at my Kindle, I reread the same sentence that I think I have read at least seven times and still haven’t moved past it.

It’s probably part of the problem, that I’m all up in my head thinking about Rem when I’m reading the line in the book that says, “ Your body is so passionate and all I want is to worship you with every part of my soul, while I fuck you senseless,” and I want that too. With the man sitting across from me that is oblivious to how I can’t turn off the way my body responds to him.

I told him we couldn’t act on any feelings, that friendship is all that is possible. But to be honest, I wasn’t expecting him to listen.

Damn it, he also has respect as one of his important qualities.

I shouldn’t be thinking about this, I should be coming up with plans on how I am going to stay away from him for the next four days. It’s easy at home with Blaise around, but now I have to navigate this and stay true to my words. I saw what it did to him the night Flynn’s words rocked him. I don’t want to push him back to that point again.

One of the awesome things about a private jet is you have Wi-Fi. Dropping my Kindle to my lap, I search on my phone for things to do in Edinburgh. Oh, look, the Harry Potter train trip. It would be amazing to see that and be able to share it with my kids at school. It’s three hours away. Excellent, a day trip on my own so he can work. Ticked off one day, now to fill the rest.

Before I get to do much more searching, the captain announces we are heading in to land, and I need to switch off the Wi-Fi. Oh well, it’s back to trying to read this book. Or maybe I should save this scene for tonight when I can guarantee I will need relief, although it’s not been a problem lately to find my own inspiration.

I can tell Rem is in work mode, the way he is speaking to the crew on the plane, the driver that dropped off the car and castle keys to us at the airport, and even to me. It’s short, straight to the point, like I hear him on the phone in his office. He delivers instructions and expects them to be followed. They are clear and concise, and I can’t imagine what happens when people don’t listen. I giggle a little on the inside because truth be known, I’ve already seen what happens when I push him. But I’m sure that’s a different story.

As the noise of the car’s turn signal echoes through the silence inside the car, I gasp at the sight before me.

“Oh, Rem.” We drive between big stone pillars. The beautiful large wrought-iron gates look like they have been here for hundreds of years, and the excitement has my body tingling so much I just can’t contain it.

Without hesitation, I grasp his forearm in the driver’s seat next to me in the car.

Finally, for the first time in days, he laughs lightly at me. I’m the woman whose face is almost plastered to the window, taking in everything around me. It’s like the dreams I had as a little girl. Being a princess, living in a castle, having the most handsome prince by my side, and living the most magical life. I doubt boys have the same dream growing up, but then I’ve never asked.

“Did you ever dream of living in a castle as a prince when you grew up?” I quickly look across at him for his reaction.

“I wouldn’t fit the role of a prince. I’d be more the knight in shining armor protecting the castle or the hunter providing the food.” He smiles at the little girl I’m sure he can see inside me that is about to live out her fantasy for the next few days.

“Oh, I can so see you as all three in one person. The protector, the provider, and the seducer.” I smack myself on the forehead metaphorically inside my head because that wasn’t something I meant to say out loud.

I’m about to pull my hand off his arm where I latched onto him in surprise, but instead, I instantly grasp harder as we come out of the tree-lined driveway and the castle appears in all its glory in front of my eyes.

The old gray stone is so tastefully weathered, and you can see how well it has withstood time. The main part of the castle is taller, standing three stories high, giving that majestic feel, with the four circular towers standing tall on each corner of the building. The rest of the castle is two stories high, making it look like such a prestigious home. The tall trees towering over the castle look incredible and frame the building perfectly.

Tori has told me a little about its history and that the current owners started a restoration project twenty years ago but ran out of money. They have both since passed away, and the children don’t want anything to do with it, being a money pit, and are keen to get it sold so they don’t have to manage it. The part of the building that is livable they were leasing out for short stays, and the rest is closed off, just sadly deteriorating. Nic has organized with the owners to be able to access the whole castle so Rem can see what condition it’s in and make his recommendations back to Nic.

This will be their most difficult and expensive acquisition since Nic took over the family business, but he is so adamant he wants this castle to add to the huge property portfolio he already owns. Must be nice to have the wealth to see something and decide you want it. I know there is more to it than that, but still, who gets to buy a castle!

The car comes to a stop in front of the entrance, and all I can do once I’m out of the car is stand and look up in awe at what is before me. I know Rem is moving around me, but I can’t look away. I’m thinking of all the people over the centuries that have stood here in the same place and been so intrigued about what is behind these ancient stone walls. I need to know more about this place.

The hand on the arch in my back sends a rush of feelings through me that has the hairs on my body standing up. Rem touching me in this moment has me jolting out of my thoughts. There is something about a man’s hand on that part of your back that is so sensual. I don’t know why, but it is. It’s not like it’s a sexual place but more than that.

The sensation of “ I’ve got you” or showing the rest of the world, “this woman is mine and off limits.” Either way, they are both things that I can’t be thinking that Rem means when he touches me like this.

It’s a longing that I’ve told myself from the beginning I’m not allowed to feel when it comes to him.

“Your castle awaits you, my queen,” Rem says beside me, and I have to say it’s the worst Scottish accent I have ever heard before, as he waves his other free hand in front of me, gesturing me to move toward the door.

“Oh, I have graduated from a princess to becoming the queen, how noble of you.” I step away from him to stop the warmth that was almost burning his handprint on my back with the heat he is conjuring up in me.

I move toward the large old solid door that Rem opens with the quintessential skeleton key that you’d imagine from early last century.

“They may as well have just left the door open,” Rem grumbles, not surprisingly unhappy with the lack of security here.

“Maybe the men in Scotland are too busy trying to keep their kilts down in a breeze to be breaking into castles. They are protecting their crown jewels.” I try so hard not to let the laughter out as he glares at me.

“What? I thought that was pretty funny…” I’m still waiting for his answer, but from the look on his face, his sense of humor is not with him today. “Or not.” I shrug and walk past him and into the foyer at the entrance of the castle.

It’s not like I was picturing, with a big entryway and some grand staircase that takes you to the upper levels. Instead, it has a small receiving area, and then there is a staircase to the right heading upstairs. The houses and castles of the centuries past that we see in all the historical romance movies are usually based in London where grandeur was a status symbol. Here in Scotland the castles where probably more practical; smaller rooms are easier to heat in the colder months, and maybe they were more worried about hunting trips than the big balls that the English seemed to attend constantly. To be honest, I don’t know much about the Scottish history, and what I’m thinking in my head is actually a load of crap I’m making up, but it will give me something to concentrate on learning over the next few days.

“Don’t move from here until I’ve done a quick sweep of the place. Sit on that chair and don’t even think about following me. Yell loudly if you need me.”

Rem places our suitcases down in the foyer. I can tell he is torn about leaving me on my own or taking me with him into unknown danger.

I mean, seriously, it’s just an old place that nobody cares about. It’s not like there are some drug dealers or the Scottish mafia operating out of the upstairs rooms. Is that even a thing? Mafia in Scotland? I really need to put a lid on my overactive imagination.

I can hear him stomping around upstairs, going from room to room, making sure it’s safe. Although it’s probably not necessary, it’s kind of sexy.

I wonder how fast I could get him back down those stairs by screaming his name out nice and loudly. It would be funny to see, but also pretty mean too. Knowing my luck, he would fall from running so fast and break his leg or something on the steps, and then I would feel like an idiot. It’s a prank that Tori and I would definitely pull on each other, but in these circumstances, it’s probably not that funny.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Rem it is that he takes his protection of me seriously, and I love how that feels, so I need to respect that.

Looking around me, I feel so out of my depth. This is not my style, to be whisked off for some trip on a private jet and staying with Rem who won’t let me pay for a thing. That in itself has been hard to get used to the last few months. It’s still a shock to see my bank account constantly growing from week to week, because I’m not spending a single penny. Because when I’m not with Rem, I’m out somewhere with Tori, and she won’t let me pay for anything either.

Part of me is a little pissed off that they won’t let me stand on my own two feet. Before money came into Tori’s life, we did just fine as two women who were making their way in the world, sharing the bills and buying each other little treats as we went along. But now with Nic’s fortune that seems to have dragged us all into the wealth bubble, I feel like everyone looks at me as the poor person in the group that they all need to look after.

I mean, I appreciate the love that comes with that, but it still makes me feel like I don’t fit in this circle. And I know it’s only me that looks at myself like that, and they would be annoyed if they knew how it made me feel, but it’s who I am. I don’t ever want to have to rely on anyone.

My mum raised me to be an independent woman, and as much as I have three brothers who think I need them, she taught me to show them I didn’t. Forging my own way in this world is what I want and what I need.

It’s beautiful to be loved and protected but not smothered by either.

Thankfully my family knows my boundaries and respects them. I just need to get my friends to understand the same boundaries.

I watch Rem come back down the staircase and hear every step creak with his weight and the age of the timber. I’m guessing there would be no sneaking out at night as a teenager living in this house. Not even saying a word, he walks past me and in and out of the downstairs rooms now too. Walking back toward me, he looks satisfied with himself.

“All clear, you can start to explore now,” he says as he is replying to something on his phone and stands back for me to walk past him.

He truly is preoccupied today.

I start wandering into the first room on the right side of the hallway and am transported back in time to the period of the décor. There is color everywhere. A large sitting room with multiple single and double seats with carved wooden legs and tapestry cloth on the seat and back. There’s a mixture of glass and wood coffee and side tables which I can picture many pots and cups of tea being served on and enjoyed by guests. A window seat with a padded cushion on the seat and two floral pillows on each end standing against the wall. I can picture myself curling up there with a good book, a cup of tea, and the open fire crackling away; it’s very tempting. The dreams of any reader.

The walls are pear green, and the floor is carpeted in an old-looking patterned carpet, a navy color with different flowers all over it. Very old-worldly, but it suits the room.

“Well, it looks like someone vomited color in here.” Rem’s voice behind me startles me, and I let out a little squeak.

“Stop it. I’m sure the owners were trying to stay traditional to an earlier era. Just because you are a man who doesn’t like any fuss in his decorating, that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate other people’s work,” I say, while thinking to myself that although this might be in period with the early years of the castle, I’m not sure they hit the mark with it. He has a point, but I won’t admit that to him.

“Well, if Nic buys this, then I can’t wait to see Tori let loose. I’m sure she can’t do any worse than this,” Rem says, stepping level with me, and I can’t help but turn and give him a friendly slap on the arm for his comments.

“I’ll tell her that you think her design skills are just one level up from shit. I’m sure she will love to hear that.” I walk back out of the room as I hear him laughing behind me, knowing full well that would be like waving a red flag to a bull for Tori. She might just kill him for that comment. He’s only just earned enough brownie points to be off the bottom of the shit pile with her after the way he acted when he wanted to hire me. Luckily for him, Flynn is always doing something stupid which keeps him on the bottom of the rankings of who is the most annoying.

“Let’s go check out the bedrooms upstairs,” I comment as we head toward the stairs. I hear him groan behind me because both of us are thinking the same thing, I’m sure. Let’s pick ones that are as far as possible away from each other. No point risking temptation when there are thirty different rooms to pick from. Admittedly, most of them are inhabitable, but I’d even consider one of those at this point.

I shouldn’t have expected anything less when I hear Rem’s phone ringing with the ring tone that he has just for Nic. He would have known what time we were due to arrive, and he is being impatient as always. It’s corny but the words from “Down Under ,” by Men at Work come out of the phone and echo off the stone walls, announcing it’s Nic calling. Can’t say I’m disappointed I missed it, but apparently Nic did an atrocious rendition of this song at karaoke the night the boys landed their first big hotel purchase together. I can’t picture that from Nic, but it’s amazing what people will do after way too many drinks.

Nic hates that all the boys have their ring tone set at that, and they keep promising to change it, but so far, he hasn’t won on that one.

“Seriously, I’ve been here five minutes, and you are already calling me.” Rem already sounds frustrated, but I can see by the look on his face that he understands the pressure that Nic is under and how important it is for his boss.

Deciding to leave them to it, I start up the steep stairs. They aren’t fancy, and I’m sure that once it becomes a Darby Hotel, it’s one of the first things that Tori will be changing. There is something about a grand staircase that gives you a feeling that opulence and luxury await you at the top. And that’s exactly the feeling that Nic will want his guests to experience upon their arrival.

I just want to take the chance to peek around the rooms and see what it’s like before I drag my bag up here. Besides, the fact that as soon as I started to walk toward my bag, Rem scowled at me, and I could tell what he was trying to say to me with just one look: “ Don’t you dare touch that.”

The rooms are similar sizes, but all decorated differently. I know nothing about styling and décor, but even I can tell that this will not be up to Darby Hotel standards.

The last door I step through at the end of the hallway is to a room filled with dark wood panels halfway up the walls, navy embossed wallpaper, and a beautiful big wooden four-poster bed as the star attraction in the room. It is set against the wall opposite two windows that look out toward the large trees behind the castle. Of all the rooms I’ve seen on this level, this is the one I would pick to stay in. It feels warm, inviting and the sort of old-world luxury I can imagine would be set for the man of the house. It’s masculine yet still has a softness to it in the way it is accessorized.

On the wall to the side of the bed there is a large painting of a man standing behind a woman seated on a chair. He is dressed in a suit while she is dressed in a full-length dress, long sleeves, and neckline buttoned all the way up to her neck. The only indication that they are together is his hand resting on her shoulder in a possessive way. But both their faces are stoic and wiped of any emotion. In fact, he looks surly and like he is grumpy at having to stand here and pose for the piece of art.

What was it with the artists of the late seventeen hundreds, early eighteen hundreds that I’m guessing this is from. Surely it would have been a better painting if they were smiling, or she was looking up at him with love and adoration.

That look that says it all without saying a word. Where you can’t breathe when they are near, yet your body can’t help but be drawn closer to them. It’s an expression showing that once you have found that person that the universe kept just for you, you become whole. They fulfill your needs with every part of them. I feel a shiver pass through my body, and I can’t focus on what it is, my arms instinctively wrapping around my body, holding tight as my mind is fixated on these two in the painting.

Did he love her?

Was it an arranged marriage like many of them were back then?

Or was he just an alphahole like a few rich men I know—actually, one in particular that I left downstairs about to get into a heated argument with his boss for hounding him as soon as we arrived. There are many times that Rem gets all broody and withdraws into his office at home. I can never tell if it’s about work or something else. Some nights after dinner he disappears to what I assume is a gym because he comes home all sweaty and retreats to shower and bed for the night. I mean, I don’t doubt he’s tired after his workout, because any man who looks like he does, packed with solid muscle, must go hard. Toned so perfectly that his chest looks like it’s been chiseled by a sculptor to be admired by all.

Oh my God, what is wrong with me?

Why have I gone from looking at an old piece of art where you can barely see a piece of skin to fantasizing about Rem’s body and sending me into a heightened state of arousal that I definitely don’t need to be feeling right now. Especially when I’m about to be sleeping in a castle with this man for the next three nights, all on our own.

Hearing his footsteps coming toward the room, that same shiver runs through my body again, and I know I need to get out of here and make myself busy doing something… yes, something other than what my brain is thinking about in a very detailed way.

Meeting Rem in the hallway, I can see he is in work mode already. His call with Nic has him focused on why we’re here.

“Sorry about that. Anyone would think the arrogant boss man is going to die if he doesn’t get this castle. Probably lucky he didn’t grow up with money, because chances are he would have been a spoilt rich kid, demanding what he wanted.” He’s holding my suitcase he has brought upstairs with him.

“Dare you to tell him that to his face.” I laugh at the reaction he would get.

“I just did but not in so many words. Did you pick a room?”

I can’t think straight because all I’m thinking about now are the abs that are under that navy shirt that is the perfect cut to hug him in all the right places.

So much for erasing that thought from my mind.

“Um, yes, the navy one at the end of the hall will be fine.” Rem passes me like he is on a mission just to get rid of my bag and jump into whatever he needs to do.

Before I even have time to move from where I’m standing, he is back and muttering about how he will take the first room at the top of the stairs, the one that looks like a unicorn farted a rainbow in it. I try not to laugh, but one thing I know for sure is that I think it’s an excellent choice because it’s as far away from me as possible. He probably thinks it’s perfect because no one can get past him to get to me, always on guard.

Following him down the hall, he comes back up the stairs with his bag as I reach the top. Standing aside to let him pass, he comes back down the stairs behind me so quickly.

“I’m sorry, Elouise, I need to get to work. Would you like to take the car and head into town and take a look around, maybe grab us some food for an afternoon snack? Check out if there is a restaurant for dinner, and I promise to be finished by then so I can report to Nic and get him off my back.” Rem holds out the keys of the Audi that we picked up at the airport.

“Oh wow, I’m trusted to drive now that I don’t have the precious cargo of Blaise in the car.” I take the keys out of his hand before he changes his mind. I haven’t driven a car since I moved in with Rem, having my own driver assigned. There has been no need, well, in his eyes anyway.

“Don’t push it, El, you are just as precious to me as he is. Now be careful on the roads, you don’t know them, and it will be getting dark soon.” He’s got his arms crossed and a stern look on his face to make sure I’m listening to him.

“Okay, Dad, I think I will be fine. There’s this thing called GPS that will keep me from getting lost and lights to help me see the road in the dark.” I knew as soon as I opened my mouth, I was poking the bear that was already agitated.

Covering the three steps that were between us, Rem is so close that as I step back a little to give me space, my back hits the wall, and his face is so near as he leans into me to make sure I hear this.

“I might be older than you, but I will never be your daddy. Because a daddy shouldn’t be picturing you naked and tied to that four-poster bed of yours while he does some really… dirty… things… to you.” Before I can process what he just said, Rem is already stepping back from me, about to walk away.

I gulp down air to try to keep breathing while my body just wants to slide down the wall into a puddle on the ground. But I can’t let him think he can say shit like that when we agreed no flirting. To be honest, that was way more than flirting; he was telling me straight out he wants to fuck me on that bed, and I can’t let that happen.

“That might be your kink, but it’s not mine.” Instead, I just add fuel to the fire.

“Oh, do tell then, El, what are your kinks?” He’s about to step closer to me, but before he can, I panic and scurry off toward the front door.

“Not something that you need to know. I’m leaving.” I wave over my shoulder as my feet carry me as fast as they can to the car. My cheeks are pink from embarrassment because I don’t even know that I have any kinks. Before Rem turned up in my life, I was a missionary girl, and that was the only kind of sex I’d had. But that night when he bent me over his desk was something I could definitely get used to.

Driving into town, my mind is running wild with all the visions I’m imagining of being tied to that bed while Rem ravages my body. I couldn’t get out of there quick enough to stop him from seeing how turned on I was. Maybe I need to visit one of the old shops here and see if they sell the old-fashioned chastity belt that I can put on and throw away the key until I get back to London. Because right now that’s the only thing I can think of that is going to keep our no-sex pact intact while we’re here. But then again, knowing Rem, he would just find a way to bust through it. I have a feeling that he is the kind of man that when he wants something, nothing will stop him. Not in a bad way, but in a strong sexual way that makes my knees weak and my underwear wet.

If only Blaise were here. He is the perfect wet blanket on any sparks that start flying between Rem and me. Sally has sent us a few messages already with pictures of Blaise happily playing with Broderick. You can tell he has a cold with his little puffy eyes but looks fine and isn’t missing us at all. If only Tori knew that by getting Sally to babysit, what a predicament she’s put both Rem and me in.

What a mess my life is.

I should be living the dream, being paid a gazillion pounds to spend all day with one adorable little boy, being driven around by a chauffeur and given all the luxuries of Rem’s home and lifestyle. But instead, I’m on the edge of this feeling of not knowing if I should jump, and if I do, when should I take the plunge. Or should I take my most obvious and sensible option of moving away from the edge of the cliff, or better still, turning and running away.

Pulling into a parking spot, I feel like I just need to walk for a few minutes and get some crisp cold Scottish air into my lungs. Clear my head of everything… well, not everything, just him. The broody English man that keeps invading my thoughts.

My calm head lasts all of an hour when my phone vibrates in my pocket with a message.

Rem: I need you back here now!

Rem: You are never going to believe what I’ve just found.

My mind of course jumps to the worst conclusion.

Elouise: If it’s a dead body then I’ll see you in London.

Because there is no way I’m paid enough money to cope with something like that.

Rem: It’s not. Just get your ass back here now.

No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to get away from him. But in saying that, Rem is not one to be a drama queen like Tori, so for him to want me back at the castle, I know he is freaking out about something.

Elouise: On my way, but it better be worth it.

Rem: Hmmm, I’ll let you be the judge of that…

Great, now I’m curious and anxious at the same time.

But either way, I’m going back inside those four walls that are not nearly far enough away from my biggest problem in life but also my greatest desire.