The Desire

Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

REMINGTON

I knew telling Mum and Dad about Blaise was going to be intense, but I didn’t expect them to just turn up on my doorstep the next day.

Even if I wanted to spend time alone with Elouise, which probably wasn’t a good idea at the moment, it wasn’t possible anyway with my parents staying in my house too. Mum is constantly walking around with tears in her eyes from the happiness she feels at smothering another grandchild, and how overjoyed she was that I’m a father when I’ve been telling her for years it was never going to happen. But the main reason is, of course, Blaise’s cuteness, who just looks so much like me at that age. She has been cooking up a storm, and thank God tonight is their last night here. Nic invited us all out to the farm for the afternoon and dinner so Blaise could see the animals and run around with my dad.

Before Nic became filthy rich, inheriting his family’s hotel chain, he and Flynn were pretty impressive chefs in Australia. They both love to get back into the kitchen every so often, and we all get to sit back and enjoy them in their element. With my parents here, we’ve also been able to relax, keeping the conversation light and not talking or worrying about work.

Blaise is now fast asleep on the couch in the sunroom while we are all out the back in the outdoor entertainment area, sitting around the fire pit and enjoying some very nice red wine. Nic’s wine cellar is impressive and of course full of great Australian wines that he loves to tell the story of where they were produced. Mum and Dad are looking tired as I glance at them, and I know it’s time to get them home.

Glancing across the fire, I can see Elouise in the red-and-yellow glow, deep in a conversation with Tori. The moment I start really watching her intently, she looks toward me like a magnet and just smiles softly, before turning her head back to focus on Tori.

We have managed to slip into a good place. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling that intense longing; I don’t know where it’s come from, it’s all new to me.

I have never felt like this about a woman before.

But maybe it’s because I can’t have her. The age-old saying of you always want what you can’t have.

It’s become the Elouise effect, desiring what I can’t have.

Mum’s voice next to me breaks my distraction.

“Yes, and now we just have to find him a wife and a mother for Blaise.” Her voice is loud enough when she gets excited about something that everyone pauses their conversations, and all eyes are on me.

But there is just one set of beautiful warm brown eyes that I care about, and they seem to be looking straight into my soul with the same question that I lie in bed and think about each night.

Is she that person?

Before I can even say a word, my mother is already answering her own statement that she was telling Nic, which turned into a conversation with the whole group.

“But all I have heard from him for years is that he doesn’t do relationships and will never marry. He seems to think that being single and having a smorgasbord of women parading through his bed is a far better option. Maybe watching you and Tori will give him some ideas.” My mother is completely oblivious to the way Elouise’s shoulders sag, and the warmth in her eyes disappears the moment Mum reiterated every fear in Elouise’s head.

“Heidi, stop harping on Remington about this. I think his life is full enough right now to be worrying about looking for a soulmate. Don’t they say that when you aren’t looking for something, it will fall into your lap?” My dad’s deep voice from across the circle gets her attention.

“Oh, like I did. Seriously, Warwick, I had to chase you down and almost smack you in the forehead before you decided to ask me out on a date. You men are oblivious to what’s in front of you.” Mum laughs at her own joke, but Tori and Elouise are now joining in too.

“Sounds a lot like being dragged along kicking and screaming to me.” Dad rolls his eyes but then winks at her as he takes the last sip of the wine in his glass.

This is what their marriage is like. Constantly laughing at each other but with so much love underlying the joking.

Needing to break this conversation that is directed at me, I start standing.

“On that note, I think it’s time I get these oldies home and tucked into bed, along with their grandson.”

“Can’t we sit a little longer and sort out your love life? Surely Tori and Elouise have friends they could introduce you to. They are good girls who seem like the settling-down types, so we just need to find a girl like them.” Yep, Mum has had one too many wines now. Time to get her out of here.

Before I can say a word, my damn so-called friends are all joining in.

“I’m not sure Victoria is the best example of a good girl.” Nic smirks at Tori across the fire and lifts his glass in the air to her.

“Be careful, Nicholas, you don’t want to start an argument.” She lifts her glass in return.

Christ, I need to get my parents out of here.

“Yes, Rem, let’s find you a good little girl.” Flynn is almost convulsing trying to hold in his laughter.

“You wouldn’t know a good girl if she bit you on the nose,” Forrest throws back at Flynn, and we all know that he looks for the opposite. He likes naughty women, and I don’t need to say any more.

“Lies, Elouise is my kind of good girl…” Flynn starts to say, but I jump in before I let him finish this sentence.

“Let’s move, we’re leaving.” Leaving the group out the back and striding straight inside, I message my driver who brought my parents out here in a hired car so it wasn’t too squished in my car with Blaise’s car seat. Not even waiting for them, I pick up Blaise who is in such a dead sleep he doesn’t even murmur, just snuggles into my chest, and I know no matter what, I’ll always have him.

But even that doesn’t calm the fury that is running around my body hearing how much Flynn wants her. How she is his type of woman.

Bullshit.

She’s not!

Not even close to what he needs. He would be the worst kind of man for her.

The word mine is floating in the back of my head, but I won’t let it come to the front of my thoughts because I’m not allowed to think it or feel it. Instead, it just makes me want to take them all home and leave for the rest of the night to take out my frustration. To call Cherie and see her now. I don’t want to have to go back to my frequent visits with her, I thought I was past this. That my life was different, but just like Elouise said, there’s no way I’m going to be able to get through this year without something.

Settling Blaise in the car, his head falls slowly to the side, he lets out a little sigh, and then is back in a deep sleep. Backing out of the car door space, I feel a hand on my forearm, and I know she can tell that what was said bothered me. Looking over my shoulder, the look of pity on her face is not what I need right now.

“Rem,” she whispers, but I don’t want it from her.

“Don’t, just don’t.” Pulling my arm away and closing the door, I pull the mask on that I seem to be getting too good at wearing and walk back over to the group. Not showing that I just want to get out of here, I’m busy thanking the guys for the beautiful food, wine, and evening. Everyone says their goodbyes, but the one person besides Elouise that is giving me a strange look is Tori. I need to continue to push through as if I’m not so pissed off that I just want to hit something.

“Thank you, all you lovely people, we will see you soon when we come for our next visit,” Mum calls out from the car door as Dad closes it for her. The wine is catching up with her, and I think all we will hear from her tonight will be her atrociously loud snoring, which is made worse when she drinks.

Once Elouise and I are in the Range Rover and driving down the long gravel drive of Nic’s estate to get back onto the main road, she slips her hand over the console and just lays it on my thigh.

No words are spoken, and I want to tell her to take it away, but I just can’t.

The warmth that I can feel even through my jeans is calming. My heart that is beating so strong and fiercely is now trying to match the slower consistent stroking of her thumb back and forth on my leg. It’s like she knows the rhythm that I need to see through the testosterone fog that is bubbling in my body.

Why can’t I control this? I know I can’t have her, and she told me I can’t touch her, yet here she is putting herself in a situation she doesn’t want just because she can see straight through me.

Vulnerability is not a quality I possess, and yet her body language is begging me to lay my feelings all out for her. I can’t do that when I don’t know what they are.

This is why I can’t do relationships.

I’m fucked up, and there is nothing that can change that.

Believe me, I’ve tried, and the only thing that gets close to it is jumping off some cliff and feeling the wind rush around me at the possibility I might die or to spend time with Cherie, and that’s the least healthy option of the two. And that’s saying something when there’s a strong possibility I could die in the first option.

If I was alone in the car, my speed would have been faster, but with precious cargo, I won’t do anything that will risk either of them.

The trip was long, but finally pulling into the driveway, I hadn’t realized until she lifted her hand that Elouise had been touching me all this time. Looking across at her now, I just see concern.

I’m not ready to talk about it, so jumping out of the car, I head around to get Blaise out, when my father also starts slowly gliding my sleepy mother out of their car. The drive obviously put her to sleep, and I’m thankful that I don’t have to continue the conversation with her tonight. By the morning, she will be too busy with Blaise, and I will step into the background again.

Carrying Blaise straight upstairs to his bedroom, Elouise follows me, but I shoo her away. He can just sleep in his clothes tonight, because I don’t want to disturb his peaceful sleep that he seems to be enjoying. Just pulling off his shoes and socks, I drag the blanket over him and lean down, and I kiss him on the forehead like I do every night.

Thank goodness I have put Mum and Dad in the bedroom downstairs because of Dad’s bad knee that he tries to hide from us all. It’s old rugby injuries that are catching up with him as he ages, but he will never admit it.

After checking on them and saying good night to Dad as he is about to help Mum into bed, I close the door behind them and head toward the front door. Placing my hand on the doorknob to open it to leave again, my brain stops me from turning it.

I’m angry, frustrated, and worked up, but none of that is with Elouise. I should at least tell her I’m leaving again and that I will be back later.

Stomping up the stairs, I’m now standing outside her room, but what do I tell her? I can’t tell her where I’m going because that’s just fucked up. Besides, I can’t bear being witness to the disappointment she will have in me and another reason for her to put on her never-ending list why she can’t be with me.

Tapping not overly loudly on the door because I don’t want to wake Blaise, I hear her movement coming from the other side of the room. The door opens and reveals her standing there looking flushed.

“Rem, come in.” Her voice is breathy, and it’s then I notice she is holding the shirt that she had on tonight, the two sides scrunched together in her hands because her buttons are undone.

I can’t help my eyes from dropping to her nipples that are hard and pushing against her shirt.

This woman is going to be the death of me.

She’s standing here in front of me with no bra on, and the longer I stay here, the more her cheeks pink up nicely. I know that if I slid my hand into her pants, she’d be wet, and I shouldn’t even be thinking about her nice bare pussy, but I can’t stop my brain from going there.

“No. I’m leaving. Be back later.” Because if I stand here any longer then I’m going to do the very thing she forbid me to do in those stupid boundaries she set me.

Moving to leave, her hand is on my arm, pulling me into the room, with the door closing behind me. She isn’t strong enough to push me around, but catching me off guard and the zing of electricity that hit me as soon as she touched me, she has me almost falling into her room.

Righting myself as she tries to catch me, both her hands have let go of her shirt and now her cleavage is on full show and the shirt is just barely hanging over the nipples, but it doesn’t matter. It’s enough for my cock that is already hard to let me know he wants in on this.

“Talk to me, Rem. You look like you are about to explode.”

If only she knew how close, I really am. I know I’m better not saying anything.

“Flynn was just joking, he knows...” El steps closer to me, and it forces me back against the wall.

His name is all I need to hear to stop me from holding my thoughts in any longer.

I wrap my arm tightly around her back and drag her against my body.

“He can’t have you…” My teeth are grinding together. “And you tell me I can’t have you either. But don’t expect me to be happy about sitting back and watching him think he can.”

I grasp my other hand tightly around her neck and kiss her like I need to remind her who she belongs to.

Her rules say I can’t claim her, but I just fucking did. Enough to let her know I’m not giving up and I’ll wait the year I promised her, but she better be prepared to live with an arrogant asshole who will remind her every chance I get.

She’s mine whether she is ready to tell the world that or not.

I push her away and take in how she looks, so ready to be fucked. But doing what I promised her, I walk away.

“I’ll be back later. Good night.”

Walking to the door, I turn to take one last look of her pale peachy skin and cheeks that are on fire with lust, her big brown eyes that are open so wide, and her lips that bear evidence that I have just been there.

Yeah, I’ll be dreaming of that tonight.

But first I need to deal with my emotions, and the only one who can deal with me when I’m like this is Cherie. I better be ready to pay her double to be demanding a session on such short notice tonight.

The drive is short, and I walk into reception where Jordana is on the desk, all dressed up for the night, with a face full of heavy makeup and bright red lipstick, which I’m sure she’s about to put around some guy’s cock.

“Remington, she told me you were coming in. You don’t want me to join you?” Her voice irritates me every time she opens her mouth.

“No!” Storming down the corridor to our usual room, I open the door to see her sitting on the couch waiting as Jordana yells at me down the corridor that it’s my loss, but I’m not even listening as I close the door.

I know she is pissed at me for calling her out tonight, but she’ll forgive me by the time we’re finished.

“Strip off.” Her voice does the same thing to me every time. It’s like a hypnotic chant on my body that makes me just do as she says.

Dropping my clothes and leaving just my boxers on, I pull up the gym shorts I always have in my car, and she throws me my gloves.

I walk over toward the mats that are my safe space, and before I have time to even get prepared, she has my legs out from under me and I’m flat out on my back with her standing above me, smirking, gloves raised and ready for my retaliation.

If anyone knew what we did here, that I spar with a woman, they would be appalled that I deliberately hit her.

But it’s not like that!

This woman is a friend, and she is far tougher than I am and takes great pleasure in beating me and getting paid to do it. Cherie is an ex-street fighter from her youth, and when she pulled herself out of the drug-addicted family she was living with, she put herself through college to train in mental health and anger management. For years I didn’t know how to manage my temperament besides seeking out adrenaline-fueled activities. Until one night I met her in a gym, and she tried to correct my boxing technique. A few of the guys I was with started clowning around and making fun of her.

Daring them to put their money where their mouth was, she challenged them in the ring. Before we knew it, she had all three of them on their asses on the mat, and she was still ready to go against me.

I’m not stupid enough to deny when someone is better than me.

We went out for drinks afterward and talked about life in general, and not once was there any chemistry or spark between us. She told me about a program she wanted to get off the ground with kids, where she teaches them to defend themselves, get the raging hormones under control, and talk to them at the same time. Helping them get off their chests whatever had them so pumped up and angry.

I was at a point that I needed some help, and I just wasn’t prepared to admit it. So, we struck up a deal that I would be her first client, and I would pay her to spar with me and to try to teach me ways to control my mind.

I was seeing her twice a week in the beginning, we boxed, along with a combination of other martial arts techniques, while she had me talking or should I say yelling out my problems. It takes a lot of skill to try to defend your body and your mind at the same time. So, while your brain is busy protecting your body, Cherie beats down the walls on everything else you need to let loose.

“What are you crying like a baby about tonight? This is twice in one week,” she throws at me while we are dancing around each other on the mat.

“Just fucking hit me,” I yell at her, because tonight I feel like shit, and I need to feel pain. The whole drive here I couldn’t stop thinking about El and how she is turning me inside out, and my friend Flynn who I am being the lowest of friends to.

“Got it, it’s still the girl.” She swings a right jab, and I manage to duck under it.

“And then some.” I grunt as she lands one in my ribs, being distracted over the vision of El that is back in my head. She laughs as I groan from the next hit.

“Sounds like we are in for a long session. Hope you aren’t planning on walking out of here until you get it out. I’m not seeing you again this week, so start fucking talking.”

Annoyed at the reminder that I have let myself fall back into this position that I’m here at all, I land one in her ribcage this time, but she doesn’t even flinch, because after years of doing this, she now wears body armor.

I’m the only stupid one that wants to feel the pain in all its glory.

I don’t even know where to start, but she helps me out with one sentence that opens the flood gates. “Did you fuck her again?”

And there it is. Sexual frustration mixed with anger is not a good combination I’ve learned, and all the words start falling from my lips.

She’s right, tonight is going to be a long night, and if I’m still walking by the end of it, it will be a miracle.

But at least I’ll wake up tomorrow and be able to handle living in my home with the woman who has my balls in a knot and my heart betraying the rules I set in stone years ago.

It has taken a while, and my body paid the penalty, but I have finally been able to move past wanting to fuck El against every wall in my house.

Looking at the date on my computer screen, I can’t believe it’s been two months since Elouise moved in and Blaise became part of my life.

So much for taking it easy and everybody settling into a new routine. First there was Flynn’s sex tape problem, which I haven’t let go of yet and am still having Broderick investigate.

Like Broderick’s first thought, this influencer woman doesn’t seem to connect to the actual emails, and the background checks he has done, in his secret unconventional ways, show that the claims she has made about having the tape just don’t add up. It sounds like she might just be a pawn in someone else’s game.

And then on top of that, there was the attempted security breach on our booking system which we stopped, but it was the most sophisticated hacker that has tried so far. But what I’m worrying about now is that there seems to be a few little problems at each of our hotels. I can’t put my finger on it yet, but something is looming, and I don’t know what or where it’s coming from.

That’s the part I hate the most.

Tomorrow I’m due to fly out to Edinburgh to check out a castle that is for sale. Nic has his heart set on owning a castle to run as a boutique luxury hotel. He and Forrest have done all the financial due diligence, but they need me to scope out the actual spot from a security point of view. What it would entail to have it up to our standard and if it’s even possible in such an old building that has just been run as an Airbnb for the last ten years. It is protected under national heritage laws, which our legal department is all over, along with Tori who will be looking at the remodel design. But for me, it’s as simple as figuring out if I can integrate a modern system into such an old structure without making it look ugly and ruining the whole ambience of staying in a castle. Scotland is full of castles, and it’s part of the attraction, but I know Nic will want his to stand out amongst the rest as the most prestigious.

Tori suggested I take Elouise and Blaise with me for a couple of days so they can spend some time with me. Reminding her that I’ll be working fell on deaf ears, and she okayed it with Nic that I take a few days off after scouting the property. She has booked the property for us to stay in for four days, and as much as I was annoyed because she did it without me knowing, Elouise and Blaise are so excited. It will be his first trip on a plane, and using the company jet, I’m sure it’s going to be a hell of a first flight.

Blaise and Elouise have been working hard, and his English is to the point where I can talk to him in broken sentences, and it’s awesome. I’ve even managed to look after him on my own at night a couple of times now, so Elouise could have a girls’ night with Tori.

Besides the craziness of work, El and me have managed to slip into a routine of sorts, and the friendship she asked for is easy to do. Mainly because we don’t see each other that much. Even when I get home early enough to have dinner with them and read a story to Blaise, I then need to head into my office to continue working. Weekends we have been trying to visit and do things with the guys, so Blaise feels comfortable with them all. They are his family now too. Even Nic’s mother Sally has visited a few times and has taken on a second-grandmother role. She doesn’t seem to have any problems with the language barrier. I guess it’s just the motherly instincts.

But all in all, things are progressing well, and I think Elouise is right that it needed to be this way.

I don’t like it, but I have to admit it’s working.

Plus, I get the side benefit of getting to know her without the added pressure of trying to impress her constantly. She sees me in my own home and being myself. And to be honest, if we ever have a chance of this thing becoming more, then she will know exactly what she is getting herself into, and so will I.

It's probably not the most appealing time of year to head north to Scotland, as the weather is getting colder and the days shorter, but when these opportunities present themselves, you need to jump on them before they disappear.

I’ve been staring at the building specs for the castle for a while, and although these tell me a lot, I really need to see the physical building to make a better judgment call. Drawings are one thing, and videos are great, but I’m a visual person, so I need to be there in person.

My phone vibrating on my desk has me looking away from the screen which is a welcome relief for a minute. The concentration is intense because I don’t want to miss anything.

Elouise: Blaise is running a temp, I think he is coming down with a cold.

Rem: Have you called the doctor?

Elouise: It’s a cold, Rem, it’s nothing serious.

Rem: And you know this how?

The next thing I know, the door to my office opens and Tori pokes her head around the corner. I wave her in but then hold a finger up as I’m waiting for the response. My heart is beating a little harder thinking about Blaise being sick. I know this is the first of many times I will have the worry of a sick son, but still, I’m not prepared for how to manage this. Should I insist she takes him to get checked out or should I just trust what she is saying?

I could call my mother to check, but it’s not worth the grief it would cause me of having her land on my doorstep for the next two weeks and bringing every old home remedy that she inflicted on us growing up and pouring it down Blaise’s throat too. I’d prefer to work this out on my own.

The next message tells me what I was expecting her to say.

Elouise: Years of experience of snotty-nosed little kids. Stress less.

Elouise: But I don’t think flying or the cold air of Scotland is a good idea. I’ll stay home with him.

“What’s wrong, Rem, you look worried, is everything alright?” Tori can tell I’m stressed just by looking at me.

“Blaise is coming down with a cold, so Edinburgh is off the table. Do you think I should call a doctor?” In my head, I’m working out what I will reply to Elouise, but before I get a chance, I look up as I hear Tori start speaking.

“Hey, babe, how sick is he?” Phone to her ear, I’m annoyed at her for calling and even more frustrated because I can’t hear the reply.

“What’s she saying!” I growl at Tori.

Rolling her eyes at me, she takes the phone from her ear and hits the speaker so I can hear too.

“Can you repeat that for the grumpy bear who is sitting at his desk throwing daggers at me but also sweating bullets that his baby is sick?” Tori’s sarcasm is not funny right now.

“Hey, Rem, he’s fine, no need to panic. It’s just a little sniffle, but I don’t want to risk taking him away. Plus, we want him to enjoy his first trip.” Her voice is what I needed to hear. She sounds like everything is under control.

“Great, I’ll call Sally, and she will be happy to look after him for a few days so you two can go as planned and enjoy some time away from the child. You deserve a break, Lou, and you can sightsee while Rem is working.” Tori starts texting on her phone while we are still on the call.

“Wait, what? Tori, stop right now. I’m not making Sally look after my sick son.” I stand because I feel like I’ve been pushed to the side on this decision about my own son.

“She said she would love to. She’ll be over tonight with Broderick, and they will stay for a few days.” Tori is just speaking to us like we are part of the staff.

“Tori, I can’t leave him. It’s my job to take care of Blaise,” Elouise shouts down the phone at her. And I know why.

She too is feeling the panic of the two of us alone for a few days and what will happen. Well, even if she isn’t thinking it, I sure am.

This is going to be a disaster, I can just tell.

“You don’t want to disappoint Sally now, do you? She is already so excited.” As Tori is looking at me with a stupid smirk on her face, my phone vibrates in my hand with a message from Sally.

Far out, how can I get out of this now? She is already packing her bag.

“My son, my house, my nanny, Tori,” I say, letting her know I’m not happy about her stepping into my life.

“Whatever, and you’re welcome.” Taking me off speaker, she walks back out of my office before I even have time to continue this conversation.

This is going to be hell, and I’m already trying to think of how I can get out of it, while at the same time, an email from Nic appears on my screen about the negotiations for the castle and how he needs my answer from up there tomorrow ASAP.

I’m screwed.

Looks like I’m taking Elouise to a castle and then locking myself in the dungeon.

It’ll be safer for both of us.