Chapter 30 #2
Or I tell them now. I tell them and I trust them to love me anyway. They’re my parents. They loved me first and they’ve loved me longest. I have to believe that will win out over everything else.
I clear my throat. Shift in my seat. Clasp my hands together in my lap. “I’ve met someone. I’ve fallen in love.”
My parents stare at me in shock. Mum gives a short laugh that falls somewhere between exasperation and relief. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I wasn’t sure you’d approve.”
She collapses back in her chair. “Oh, dear god. She’s not a musician too, is she?”
Lowering my gaze, I shake my head. “No. He’s not a musician, but he does work in the industry.”
In the silence that follows I risk looking up at them. Their matching expressions of baffled confusion would be humorous if my place in this family wasn’t on the line.
“He?” Dad says in a curt tone. “What do you mean he?”
Tension rolls through me and I fight to keep any defensiveness out of my tone. “I’m in love with a man. His name is Calum. I’m bisexual.”
“Since when?” Mum cries.
“Since always.” I pause, swallow. I hope I don’t throw up. “I’ve known since I was seventeen.” Both their mouths open, but I know what’s coming and I beat them to the punch. “Yes, Ellie knew. No, it had nothing to do with our divorce,” I say in a firm tone. “That’s all I have to say on the topic.”
They glance at each other in total bewilderment. I hate putting so much on them all at once, but at least the air between us will finally be clear. What happens next is up to them.
“Ten years, John,” Dad says in a hoarse voice. “You’ve known for ten years. Why did you hide this from us for so long?”
In an instant my throat feels thick and I’m struggling to breathe.
“Because I didn’t want to see the look in your eyes.
The one you have right now.” I gesture to both of them.
“I didn’t want to be a disappointment. I didn’t want you to regret having me.
” I swipe at my eyes, cursing my lack of control. “I still don’t want that.”
“Why would you ever think that.” Mum’s voice is softer than expected, and it brings me closer to the edge. “After all we went through to have you. You’re our little miracle, you know that.”
A bitter laugh escapes as I shake my head.
“Any kid would have been a miracle. It’s not like there weren’t any other viable embryos created when you did IVF.
Each one a unique combination of your DNA.
There had to have been at least a couple of future doctors.
Children who would have been what you hoped for and made you proud.
They wouldn’t have gotten divorced within three years of the wedding.
Or insisted on a profession that makes you cringe.
” My whole body trembles as I finally release my greatest fear.
“For whatever reason, I’m the one who was born.
I don’t want you to regret ending up with me.
” My hands claw at my chest as my vision blurs.
“I’m not a miracle. I’m your greatest mistake. ”
“No.” Mum stands from her chair, rushing to put her arms around me. “That’s not true.”
I turn into her warmth, clinging tight to her small frame.
“John, look at me.” Dad’s voice is gruff, and I have to force myself to face him. “You are our son. Our only son. Our beloved son.” He nods, as if satisfied he’s pressed the point enough. “That’s why we argue with you, because we want what’s best for you.”
I pull free of Mum’s arms. She sits back down, still holding my hand.
“I want what’s best for me, too. But it’s time for me to decide what that looks like.
I want you to be a part of the new life I’m building for myself, I really do, but I need you to accept me for who I am. Even if I’m not who you want me to be.”
Mum tuts before heaving a sigh. “You haven’t given us much choice.”
“No.” My tone is firm, but my heart is hopeful. “The choices are mine now.”
They exchange another long glance.
Finally, Dad turns back to me. His arms are crossed, and his frown is thunderous. I dread the words he’ll use when he opens his mouth to speak. “When do we meet this man you say you’re in love with?”
Relief floods my limbs, even as I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
I can already imagine the conversation they’ll have after I leave.
They’ll decide this is a phase and I’ll get over it.
I won’t hold it against them. In their shoes, I might be guilty of the same doubts.
They’ll get used to the idea in time. Because if I get my way, Calum is here to stay.
“Soon,” I tell them with a shaky smile. “You’ll meet him soon.”
* * *
I’m halfway home when my phone rings and Ned’s name flashes up on the screen.
I hit a button on my steering wheel to send it through to voicemail, intending to call him back as soon as I get home.
I’m eager to tell him about my conversation with my parents, but don’t want to have to focus on driving while we talk.
Within seconds a text comes through. Two more quickly follow. A robotic voice reads them out to me one by one.
Call me asap.
Have you spoke to Calum? Did he get fired?
What the hell is going on?
Fresh spikes of adrenaline shoot through me with each message. What the—?
Pulling into a side street, I quickly park the car and grab my phone from its holder.
I call Calum first, cursing under my breath as I wait for him to pick up. He doesn’t. When it goes to voicemail, I try to rein in my anxiety. “Hey, Cal. Ned’s sending me some weird messages. Is everything okay? Call me as soon as you get this.”
When I move on to calling Ned, he picks up on the first ring. “Thank god. What’s happening?”
“I have no idea. What do you know?”
“That Rush guy we met at the festival, Arthur I think it was, called to say the whole band needs to come in for a meeting regarding an upgrade to our managerial arrangements. He said Calum is no longer available.”
My eyes close and I drop my forehead to the steering wheel. “Shit. Did he say why?”
“He refused to say more. Just that we’d be filled in at the meeting.”
They must have found out about us. It’s the only thing I can think of. But how?
“When is this meeting?” I ask.
“Friday morning. I tried to get a hold of Calum but he’s not picking up. Have you spoken to him?”
“Not since last night.” We’d spent almost an hour on the phone, both of us in our respective beds.
After sleeping in late yesterday morning, he’d spent the day catching up on household chores.
He’d talked about all the work he wanted to get done this week at Rush.
“Everything was fine then.” If something bad happened today, surely he would have called me.
Wouldn’t he?
“Hang on a sec.” I slam my phone back into its holder before restarting the car. When the Bluetooth connects, I speak again. “I’m heading over to Cal’s place now. Hopefully he’s there and I can find out what’s going on.”
“Okay,” Ned says. There’s a quiver in his voice and I can picture him pacing his living room, his own fears charging to life.
“Is Toni with you?”
“I called him. He’ll be home soon.”
Taking a deep breath, I pull back out onto the main road. “Good.”
“Tell me when you find out what’s going on. Yeah?”
“You bet your arse I will,” I say, nodding to myself. “Don’t worry. We’ll sort this out. Everything will be okay.”
Except that may not be true. Cal’s job means everything to him. If he’s lost it, because of me, we may never be okay again.