Marian
My mother always had a saying. She said it was the golden ticket rule.
“Deny,” she’d say. “Deny, deny, until the day you die.” It wasn’t the best advice, but it was one of the only things I’d always clung to under pressuring circumstances.
It was catchy. It was probably one of the reasons she was dead.
I didn’t care. No, I didn’t want to die, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to admit what I’d done either. And what was that?
A huge mistake. My mind still wasn’t right after Elec drugged Drayton.
I was feeling the effects. I’d been so foggy but not gone completely.
I played into his act. I gave him all of me.
I let him play his little game with me and Drayton until the late hours of the morning…
all the while, terrified out of my mind.
All I could see was my mother. I panicked the moment Elec left.
And then, I used the man I loved to cause the ultimate distraction.
I was no better than her, and I was mortified by that. Confusion is what I needed. Elec had to doubt himself or he’d always keep his focus on me. I couldn’t have that. Not after what I went through last night. But what I did, I hadn’t expected to happen. It shouldn’t have.
“Sleep,” Elec had whispered to Drayton. And Drayton did.
Elec repeated the order to me, and I pretended to sleep, but I couldn’t.
I lay there after he left, crying, shaking.
I tried to be as silent as I could just in case Elec was listening outside the door.
But I knew he wasn’t, and that’s when I completely broke under the shame of our night.
My mind raced. Desperation had me scraping the barrel of possibilities on how I could fix this. I thought the idea was good. Perfect. I was so wrong. It backfired like a bomb.
Drayton Pennington, sleep but hear me. The future of your marriage is not safe unless you hurt your wife. Elec wants you to. He needs you to. But you remember nothing.
Desperate. I was so fucking frantic with worry.
I thought I was planting a seed in his drugged mind.
He’d give me attitude. He’d be angry at me.
No. Where I thought it might take time to take effect, I was wrong.
My hand settled on his shoulder, and the moment I touched him, Drayton flew up, a monster of wild swings.
I had been so taken aback; I couldn’t even prepare myself.
It was if he didn’t truly even see me at all.
And hadn’t my mother always cautioned me of this?
Hadn’t Elec when he told me the warnings of messing with Drayton’s mind?
Dangerous. Yes, it was fucking dangerous.
But it was more than that. It was drugs.
The lack of sleep. The anger inside my husband.
By the time it was over, he’d just laid back down and was out again.
As if he hadn’t just beat me into oblivion.
I cried to him, whispering for forgiveness.
For him to forget. Telling him it was a dream.
But he didn’t forget. Not all of it, and I was terrified of that as I clung to Elec.
What if he found out? What if he discovered what I’d done?
“I don’t think I can do it. I can’t sit next to him. Elec, please. Can’t you just take me first?”
“Shh.” Elec held around me as he helped us into the back of his car.
He was all male. All alpha protector as he tucked me into his side.
But it was the father in him I pulled out.
And I clung to that as I protectively kept my hand at my stomach.
But I wasn’t just worried. I was terrified sick. What had I done? What was I doing?
“He’s not going to hurt you again.”
“Marian.” The pain in Drayton’s tone as he, Quinn, and Jaxson climbed in made my tears real.
He looked so lost and worried. It killed me to see him so torn up over hurting me, but we had no choice.
We had to endure this pain. It was the only way to escape Elec’s suspicion.
At least for me. I would always be a threat to him because he’d never see anyone but my mother.
“What is happening?” Quinton’s stressed voice only had Jaxson nodding so he could get answers too.
“Is she okay? Is she… ”
“Is she pregnant?” Elec corrected. “We don’t know yet.”
“Then, what is it?” Jaxson’s worried look went to us, only to turn to Drayton. “Do you know what it is? What the hell is going on? What is so important that we have to rush to Headquarters? What’s there that’s not here?”
“Privacy.” Elec lifted the partition, pointing his fingers at the men.
“I’m going to lay her down so I can get a better look.
So help me, if there’s even one outburst or any of you attack the other, I will kick you out of this car and deal with you later.
Marian might be pregnant. She might not be.
This is a concern either way. Do I make myself clear? ”
The men nodded, but Drayton only fisted his hand at his mouth as worry left him moving to his knees on the floorboard right at our seat.
“Elec, I didn’t do it. I mean, I did, but I don’t remember. I… don’t know how. I see it, but only now. I don’t feel like it happened. More, like it’s a dream. A fucking nightmare. If I wanted to hurt her, I’d admit it. You know that.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Quinn’s eyes went from me to Drayton, but my husband didn’t answer as Elec laid me down on the seat.
“Marian, I’m going to lift your sweater as high as the bruises are.” He lifted the thick material even as he spoke. “And we’re going to pull these leggings down…” He got them low on my hips, but he wasn’t speaking. He was glaring down with an anger that made me shake.
“He did that? Drayton, you did that?”
“Marian, I swear—"
“Shit. Everyone be quiet.” Elec’s fingers traveled over my stomach, causing me to cry out at almost every touch. I could hear the men shifting in their seats as he tested different parts of my stomach with pressure. “Dammit.”
“I swear… Marian I’m so sorry.”
Drayton’s head shook back and forth, but he buried his face in my hair whispering apologies.
I reached for Elec’s arm, turning my face away to the back of the seat to try to escape the one man I wanted to disappear with.
The shift had me crying out as the twinges nearly made me gag.
I may have caused this, but the damage was real.
It was one I couldn’t escape. No amount of lying would save me from the repercussions of my desperate act.
“I can’t lay down. I-I can’t. Oh, God. Elec. Help me up. Help me.”
“Ok, ok. Drayton, go sit back in your seat. Marian needs space.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Didn’t mean to?” Quinn’s eyes were blazing. “What the hell is going on with you, Drayton? Is this like that night with Warden?”
“What night?” Elec snapped.
Quinn tore his eyes from his cousin. “We don’t know.
Paul said he saw Drayton standing next to one of the bunks.
He thought he was getting up to use the bathroom or something, but he must have been sleepwalking.
Next thing we know, Drayton is going crazy, beating the hell out of Warden.
It was fucking chaos. Drayton said he didn’t remember a thing. ”
I turned to take in Elec’s expression. His eyes were moving as he lost himself in his thoughts.
His arm went back around me, and he stayed quiet, easing us back.
The angle had me clawing into his jacket and shifting just to breathe.
I sobbed, letting out a deep sound as pain twisted my insides like a knife.
“Drayton’s always had sleeping problems. Everyone knows that.
Can’t we worry about that part later? We need to get Marian to a hospital.
” Jaxson ran his fingers through his dark hair.
“We can’t put her on a plane and fly her states over just to see a doctor.
She needs one now. I don’t think this can wait. ”
“It’s been hours. Elec is right.” My throat nearly closed, but I knew what had to be done.
“We have to go to Headquarters. It’s… safer.
” My fingers tightened back on Elec’s jacket.
“Someone take off my shoes. I need my legs up. I—” I couldn’t sit still even though it was torture to move.
I shifted, crying out through the zing that locked up my body. “My shoes.”
Drayton quickly dove down, easing the shoes free, gripping to my calf as if to drive home how sorry he was. It made the tears flow, but I held in the sobs as I drew up my legs and curled into a ball.
This was worse than I could have ever imagined.
There were risks, and now I was facing the consequences like I’d been warned.
I had been vague and caught Drayton in a mindset that wasn’t safe, but I still couldn’t think right, and I was desperate.
Drayton could have killed me. I never took that into account, but after our night with Elec, I didn’t have a choice.
I’d be dead anyway if I didn’t somehow divert Elec’s attention.
He wouldn’t let this go. He couldn’t drop the paranoia concerning my mother.
And it’s not like me or Drayton could do anything to Elec.
He was too high amongst the authority in our circle.
Too powerful. He was part of the system, and I had to accept what that meant.
Our life had costs. Him showing up to begin with was proof of that.
Now to see that Drayton might have a pattern of this behavior?
Sick. Twisted. Fate.
“How long ago did Drayton attack this guy, Warden?”
Quinton’s brows drew in. “Shit. Two years ago? He talks in his sleep sometimes. His place is even a mess some mornings, but he’s rarely violent. Just that once,” he said, looking towards Drayton. “But he gets these bad headaches leading up to them. I do remember that. And he’s had them lately.”
“Headaches.” Elec stiffened and he looked to me, his eyes scanning my face before his gaze diverted. “… I see. Around the time of the episode, was he under a lot of stress?”
Quinton’s eyes lowered but it was Drayton that spoke.
“I quit drinking and smoking not days before. Work was… shit. I couldn’t sleep for days. I was stressed.”
Elec nodded, still staying quiet, but his gaze kept flickering down to me.
He took out his phone, pressing buttons as he held it with one hand.
I turned my face more into his chest, closing my lids through the new round of pains that had my entire body trembling.
I breathed out heavily, trying my best not to be sick.
It was the bump in the road that caused me to jolt and cry out.
“Marian.” Drayton’s call was full of pain. “Please don’t be afraid of me. I’m not going to hurt you again. Please. Let me sit by you. Let me hold you.”
My head lifted, and I broke at what this had come to.
At what I was forced to do. All Drayton saw was my fake betrayal.
But he saw my need of him too. He saw my love.
Maybe even the need to forgive him. He crawled over, moving in next to me.
I was barely halfway in turning to him when I swayed.
The pain nearly had me passing out. It had been painful over the morning hours, but now that I was moving so much, it was becoming unbearable.
“Breathe. I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t mean it.
I know I’ve hurt you. Fuck.” His head came down as he searched for my eyes.
And I met them, trying to calm him enough without any persuasion.
Just eye contact while I tried to keep myself together.
“Tell me what to do. Marian, how can I make this better?”
I reached for Drayton’s coat, closing my eyes again to breathe through the pain as I kept my legs in and tried inching in his direction.
“Don’t ever do this again. That’s how you make it better.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
Drayton eased me to his side, pulling his jacket back to tuck me in.
I could barely settle before Elec’s curse filled the interior.
I turned my head, watching as he brought up his hand from the leather seat.
The way he stared at the smeared blood on his fingertips…
he didn’t look like Elec. He didn’t even look familiar.
And he didn’t say a word, but his eyes didn’t leave Drayton.
What his glare held was accusatory. Murderous.
Maybe even a lot of guilt. Or was that what I was feeling?
This was bad. If I had been pregnant, I wasn’t anymore, and that was my fault. I did this, even if by accident, and I hated myself for it. I’d never get over this. I’d never forgive… or forget.