Drayton
“They can’t kick me out of my own wife’s room.
He told me to put Marian in that bed, and I have every right to make sure she’s okay.
Fuck, can you not hear her? Take off had her sobbing.
She hasn’t stopped since.” I took a ragged breath.
I knew tears kept leaving me, but I couldn’t stop them, just like I couldn’t go through that door like I wanted.
Ever since I laid her down and Marian told me to get out, it was like there was an invisible barrier that prevented me from returning.
It was driving me fucking mad. It was the guilt.
The fear that I’d ruined this after I finally got us back.
“Quinton, make her stop crying. Quinn.” My hands tore at my hair as I kept pacing the width of the jet.
I didn’t have enough room. I felt like a trapped animal in a cage waiting to tear its environment to shreds.
Marian was the only thing keeping me from doing that, and she was the reason I couldn’t stay still. “What have I done?”
“Calm? I either killed my child or I’ve damn near killed my wife.
” My breath was so deep and broken up, I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.
“Maybe both. Fuck, I can’t—Quinton. The headaches.
I knew. I fucking knew this could get bad, but I couldn’t sleep.
I kept trying. I tried. I thought last night I finally—”
A large hand settled at the middle of my back. “Come sit down.”
“I can’t.”
“Sit down,” he ordered. “I’m going to make you a drink. Sit, Drayton.”
“I don’t drink anymore.”
“You are today. Sit.”
My teeth gritted together, but I threw myself down in the chair. Within seconds, Quinton was bringing over a bottle.
“Drink.”
I didn’t argue. I brought up the liquor, chugging it down. Fire filled my mouth, scorching down my throat. I welcomed it, pulling back and cringing after a few seconds.
“One more.”
Nodding, I let it take me over. Time drug out, and I jerked the bottle back, pushing it in Quinton’s direction. He took it, repeating my actions. At the door opening, I jumped to my feet. Jaxson walked forward, his face almost appearing lost.
“Can I go in now?”
“No.” He held to the back of the chair as he came to a stop. For seconds he didn’t speak.
“Well? What’s happening? How is Marian? Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. Elec said.” He stopped. “Marian went to change into the clothes Elec gave her and there was blood. She couldn’t change on her own and—”
“For fuck sake, Jaxson, spit it out.”
“Marion had something, Drayton. I saw it. Elec said she passed something. Tissue. Like—”
My hand shot out, grabbing my brother and jerking him to me.
“Are you saying she just lost my child?”
“I won’t say that, Dray. I can’t say that.”
I let go, finding it hard to catch my breath again. I surged to the door.
“Marian. Please. I don’t want to upset you but—Marian.”
Weight crashed into my shoulder, and Quinton threw open the barrier, barging through and pulling me with him.
Marian was lying on the bed, writhing, but mostly silent.
She was pale against the black silk men’s pajamas Elec had her dressed in.
He was sitting in a chair feet away, his head down, not appearing himself at all.
He’d lost both of his children. I didn’t know him as a father, but I did know he held himself responsible for that. And he liked children. He always had.
“Marian, I’m sorry.” I lowered to sit next to her, cupping the side of her face. Was she warm? I turned to Elec. “Jaxson mentioned tissue? She was pregnant? That’s what that means?”
Blue eyes cut up.
“We had rules. We had an agreement. You were to produce an heir, not harm it. Even with the revenge, there were boundaries you were forbidden to cross.”
My head shook. “You think I did this on purpose?” I sat up straighter, more in his direction as grief seared the back of my eyes.
“You lied to me, Drayton. You lied in your paperwork. There was an in-depth questionnaire on your history. You said nothing about somnambulism. The questions matter. They’re there for a reason.”
“What?”
“Performing activities while asleep. Sleepwalking. Sleep talking. Fighting in your fucking sleep!”
Marian burst into tears at his powerful voice. The sound whipped Elec’s head around, and he pushed from the chair, moving to the top of the bed. He was brushing back her hair, leaning in, trying to soothe her with his words. My hand lifted, and I felt my lip pull back through the threat.
“Get your fucking hands off her. You keep doing this. First in the limo ride here, and now you’re doing it again. That is my wife you’re trying to comfort.”
“A wife I gave you.”
“She’s my wife! That is my job not yours. How about you get the fuck out of this room and go pull up my sleep history section. If it asked the right questions, I wouldn’t have lied. Did I misunderstand your fancy words, or did you drop the ball? Whose fault is this really?”
Silence. But it didn’t last.
“Get out.”
My eyes shot down to Marian. What look like fear flickered heavily in her gaze, but the tears stole the emotion just as fast. “Marian…”
“No.” She sobbed harder, kicking against my leg, jolting in the process. “Did you come in here just to pick a fight? To hurt me more? Get out. Get out! Get out!”
She doubled over, holding to her stomach as she tried rolling to her knees. Her face was halfway buried in the mattress, and she was rocking and screaming. I stood, stepping back as she got worse.
“Get out! Get! Out!”
Quinton pulled against my arm, and I let him. My blood was ice cold as I took in what I could see of Marian’s flushed face. Her closed eye was swollen, and the blanket was already getting wet from the continuous tears that left her. And it was my fault. It was all my fault.
“Drayton?”
Jaxson was standing, staring at the door as Elec slammed it closed behind us. The sound almost had me doubling back, ready to attack. It was the loud cries that had me moving to the chair in a daze. Nothing felt right. Not my mind. Not my thoughts. Even my body felt weak and drained.
“Drayton?” My brother kneeled before me. “Fifty-two minutes and we’ll be there.” He paused. “Did Marian—”
“Marian didn’t do anything.” I took a deep breath. “I did this. I fucking destroy everything. I… I killed my first child. Why would I do that?” My head shook. “How could I do that?”
Quinton nursed the bottle of liquor. “I’ve seen you that way. You couldn’t have known.
“It doesn’t change what I did. I wasn’t sleeping.
I knew this was coming. I kept trying—I just couldn’t sleep.
My fucking head. I should have said something.
I should have made you make sure I didn’t hurt her.
” I lowered and leveled my forearms above my knees, letting my head hang down as I closed my eyes.
I felt Quinn’s hand settle on my back, and Jaxson’s settle on my shoulder.
“She’s never going to forgive me for this.
Not after everything I’ve done. I’ll never forgive myself. ”
Silence settled through the cabin for only a moment before Jaxson’s voice spoke softly.
“She’ll forgive you. Give her time. Mom forgave dad.”
My head lifted. “What are you talking about?”
He made what I could only describe as a grimace.
“Dad hit the bottle pretty hard after you left to California. One night, him and mom got into a fight over it. I guess she was trying to wrestle a bottle away from him and she… I don’t know, fell, I guess.
Something happened. They wouldn’t ever tell us the entire story.
Anyway, she didn’t know she was pregnant when it happened.
She was really sort of shocked. Dad felt horrible.
He stopped drinking. He was always pacing outside their bedroom door.
She wouldn’t leave their room. It took weeks, but mom came out and started talking to him again.
It was pretty rough for a while there. Years really, but we all made it through.
I know it seems really bad right now, but Marian loves you. You’ll both get past this.”
“I hope so.” I glanced at Jaxson, leaning back in my chair again. “No one called me.”
His lips twisted. “We weren’t allowed to. Dad forbade it.”
I nodded, tilting my head back to close my eyes. For minutes I sat there. Longer. It did nothing to put me at ease. My eyes flew open, and I gave a hard shake, standing and marching back to the door.
“Marian, I don’t want to fight. I know you don’t want to see me, but I’m here, and I’m not leaving. I’m going to sit by this door until you’re ready to let me in. No more arguing, I promise. I’ll even sit on the opposite side of the room. I won’t say a word. I just need… I need you. Please.”
Silence.
A grunt left me as I hit the back of my head against the wall. Time went by as I drowned in our beginning. I turned towards the barrier, raising my voice so she’d hear.
“Marian, do you remember the morning after we met? You arrived at Kick’s cafe right at seven-forty-five on the dot.
You arrived early, but I was earlier. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
You wore a black turtleneck knit dress with these hideous tights with yellow and white and black lines crossing all over them.
It was like people had smeared you with paint.
I think I even said that.” I laughed, feeling the love expand my heart.
It was quickly replaced by twisting and squeezing from the pain I caused.
“You were funny and witty, and God… you made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. The way your eyes sparkled as you held to my every word. You reached for my hand and just held it between us where everyone could see. You gave me a part of yourself in that moment, and I knew you were the one.” I traced my finger along the door.
“There was never any doubt. It was always you. It was you in the library; you in the café. You in the bookstore. You in the church when you said you’d marry me.
You’re my every moment. Good. Bad. I don’t care so long as it’s with you.
Marian, please let me in. I know this is a bad moment, and I’ve had plenty, but this is the worst moment of my life.
I need you.” My eyes closed through the blinding tears. “Marian, please—”
The door opened, and Elec stepped over my legs, heading to the bar. I scrambled through the entrance, lowering to sit on the floor so that I was eyelevel with Marian. She was on her side and tears still silently left her. I grabbed her hand, bringing it to my lips.
“I’m so sorry. For everything. Marian—”
“Stop.”
My lips pressed hard into each other, and I nodded. I stayed silent, lowering my head to the bed so that her hand could rest comfortably by my face. A good minute passed before she cleared her throat and spoke.
“I wore those tights on purpose. I wanted to see how far you’d go to flatter me. You didn’t. You never lied.”
“And I never will.”
I kept my head down. My tone soft. “Do you hate me? I understand if you do.”
She sniffled, pulling my hand more towards her. I lifted my head, easing onto the bed to put my face across from hers. She was gripping my hand so tightly, holding it between us.
“No. I don’t hate you.”
I cupped her face, pressing my lips to hers.
“You should. You could, if you wanted.”
More tears ran over the bridge of her nose.
“I never could. Never.”