Chapter 18
JENNA
Needing to get fresh air, I exit via the glass doors at the back of the house and walk toward the dock. Stopping right at the edge, I glance over the lake while wrapping my arms around myself.
All of this is madness!
“Jenna,” Cassia says, and when I glance over my shoulder, I see her coming closer. “Walking away won’t solve any problems.”
I turn my gaze back to the water again, and when she comes to stand beside me, I lower my head.
“Look, I know this is a lot for you to process, but the sooner you do, the better. Enzo may not be a good man, but for you, he’s the best man.
You’re not strong enough to make it on your own, and you need someone like Enzo, who’s very capable of protecting you.
It takes the biggest motherfuckers to fight the monsters in this world, and that’s why I’ve aligned myself with Dominik, Santiago, Leo, and Enzo.
They are feared, and because my name is attached to theirs, men take me seriously and give me the respect I’ve worked my ass off to obtain. ”
I unlock my phone and go into the notepad so I can type.
I hear what you’re saying, but do you really expect me to just be fine with him holding me captive until he grows bored with me?
Cassia lets out a chuckle. “I’ve known Enzo for seven years, and in all that time, I’ve never seen him attach himself to anyone.
He’s always been a lone wolf.” She leans a little forward to see my face.
“Enzo has no family or friends. He doesn’t let anyone in.
Not even the alliance members, and trust me, we’ve tried to bring him into the fold.
He’s only let us in a little the past two weeks, and I think it’s because you’ve turned his entire world upside down, and he doesn’t know how to deal with any of it. ”
While Cassia pauses to take a breath, I’m reeling from everything she’s saying.
“He will never grow bored with you, so you need to make peace with that. Once a man like Enzo becomes obsessed with you, there is nothing you can do but accept it.” I begin to shake my head, and it has Cassia grabbing hold of my arm and leaning so close our faces are mere inches apart.
“Listen to me, Jenna. I know you can’t see it now, but you have no idea how lucky you are.
To have a man like Enzo decide you’re the one for him is very rare.
He will move heaven and earth for you. Do you understand what that means? ”
Yeah, it means I’m screwed.
Cassia straightens up again and shakes her head at me.
“No, you don’t. How could you?” She thinks for a moment, then explains, “Enzo is one of the most feared men in this world. The bad guys hire him to do the jobs they can’t.
He’s filthy rich. I mean, the man is a billionaire.
He makes my bank account look like a joke.
” She locks eyes with me, and I swallow hard at how intense the expression on her face is.
“All of that will be yours if you just say yes. You’ll have all that power and money.
You’ll be untouchable.” Her features soften, and she gives me a pleading look.
“You will be loved and cherished in ways you didn’t know existed.
” She points to the mansion. “Enzo will do anything for you, and that is a miracle if ever I saw one. Don’t let the word ‘criminal’ get in the way of you and that kind of love, Jenna. ”
That’s a lot to unpack.
I turn my head and stare at the water that’s gently lapping against the dock.
I can’t lie to myself and say I don’t want all that. Who wouldn’t?
I suck in a shuddering breath before I type a message on my phone.
I can’t be intimate with him.
I stare at the words for a few seconds before I show them to Cassia.
“Oh, sweetheart.” She places her arm around my shoulders and rubs her hand up and down my bicep. “That’s not something you need to worry about. Enzo will wait until you’re ready.”
I shake my head and type again.
No, I mean I can never be intimate with him. I’m broken.
Her features grow tense, and after reading, her eyes dart to mine. “Is it because of what you told me last week? About something bad that happened in your past?”
I nod and look down again.
“That’s okay.” A sad sigh leaves her. “I can guess what happened, and if I’m right, then my answer remains the same. Enzo will wait until you’re ready, and if that day never comes, he’ll deal with it.”
I let out a cynical snort and type a reply.
Yeah, sure. Men want sex all the time.
“You’re right. Most men are like that, but maybe you should talk to Enzo about this so he can set your mind at ease.”
My face goes up in flames as my fingers fly over the small keyboard.
Are you crazy? I’m not talking to him about sex!
Cassia laughs, and the sound echoes over the water.
“You can talk to him once you know him better. Want some more advice?” When I nod, she says, “Give Enzo a chance. Don’t think about him being a killer or anything else.
Just get to know the man.” She lets out a sigh as she crosses her arms over her chest. “You’ll regret it if you don’t.
An opportunity like this doesn’t come twice in a lifetime. ”
I nod to show Cassia I hear what she’s saying.
“And I really want a friendship with you,” she adds. “Don’t let everything you’ve learned about me get between us.”
I’ve loved spending time with her, and I don’t want to lose the friendship.
I nod while a smile curves my lips.
Her features soften. “We just want the best for you, Jenna.”
I nod again, and when she leans in to give me a hug, I grip hold of her. I clear my throat and whisper, “Thank you for explaining everything. I needed to hear all of that.”
She rubs her hand up and down my back. “You have my phone number. Call or text if you need to talk about anything.”
“Okay.” I pull back and glance at the mansion.
“Go talk to Enzo. He’s probably losing his mind.”
I take a deep breath, then walk toward the glass doors. Cassia comes in behind me and shuts them.
When we get to the open space between the living room and the staircase, Enzo stands up from where he’s sitting on one of the couches.
“I’m going to head back to the motel,” Cassia says. “You two sit down and have a good heart-to-heart.”
I watch as she walks to the front door and lets herself out, and as silence fills the room, I begin to feel very nervous again.
“Come sit down, meu anjinho.”
Remembering what the words mean, a blush creeps up my neck as I move closer and take a seat on the other couch.
Enzo sits again, and leaning forward, he rests his forearms on his thighs, his eyes locking on me with an intense look.
I lower my head and link my hands, wondering where to start.
“Do you feel better after talking with Cassia?” he asks, his tone gentle.
I glance at the coffee table and only then remember my notepad is in the kitchen. I pull my phone out of my pocket, but as I unlock it to type my reply, I hesitate.
I take a few breaths before I gather all my courage and say, “Yes. She explained everything to me.”
“Good.” He’s quiet for a few seconds. “Look at me. I want to see your beautiful eyes.”
Oh gosh.
Right now, being painfully shy sucks because his compliment and the dominance in his tone make me blush something fierce.
I let out an awkward chuckle and shake my head.
“Look at me, Jenna,” he orders, his tone firmer.
My eyes dart to his, and it makes a satisfied expression bleed over his face. “Good girl.”
Holy mother of…whatever.
My brain short-circuits as I stare at Enzo with my mouth hanging open. Hearing him say those words has my stomach fluttering like crazy.
His eyes narrow on me, and he tilts his head as his teeth tug at his bottom lip in a way I can only describe as hot.
This time, my abdomen tightens, and the sensation is so intense, I place my hand over it.
My heart begins to beat incredibly fast, and I don’t know what to say, do, or where to look.
Crap, this is unnerving.
I end up staring at one of the buttons on his vest.
Enzo gets up, and when he comes closer, my heart leaps to my throat. He sits down beside me, and reaching for my face, he takes hold of my jaw and turns my face so I’ll look at him.
“Do you have any questions for me?”
My mind races, and I’m overly aware of his body right beside mine and him touching my face. I grip his wrist and pull his hand away, then whisper, “You’re making it hard for me to think.”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “It’s clear you’re attracted to me. Does it mean you’ll give me a chance?”
I cover my face with my hands and shake my head.
“You’re not giving me a chance?”
I shake my head again.
“Don’t even try to tell me you’re not attracted to me,” he mutters.
I pull my hands away and quickly dig out my phone. My fingers move fast to type the message.
You’re making it even harder by being so direct. Stop for a second.
“Oh.” He lets out a sigh, then asks, “What am I doing that’s making you so uncomfortable?”
You’re being all hot and talking about attraction. I’m not used to…
I stop typing and think for a moment before I continue.
I’ve never had any kind of relationship with a man before, so this is very unnerving for me.
“Really?” His eyebrow lifts. “No boyfriends? Ever?”
I shrug, and it has his eyes darkening. “Why are you shrugging? Type or talk right now.”
I shake my head at him as I type my response.
You’re very bossy.
“Jenna,” he grumbles, and it has fear slithering through my chest, which he must instantly pick up on, because he says, “Don’t get scared. I just need to know if you’ve had a boyfriend before.” He taps his pointer finger on my phone. “Use this, but I prefer if you talk.”
No way in hell am I saying it out loud, so I quickly reply on my phone.
No boyfriends.
“Gracas a Deus,” he mutters. “That’s good news.”
A frown forms on my forehead. “Why?”
Lifting his hand, he wraps his fingers around the back of my neck while he leans in closer. “It pleases me that you’ve never belonged to another man.”
I start blinking faster, but then a thought strikes like a snake and leaks the poison of that night into my mind.
A memory of JJ on top of me has my body shuddering.
“No!” Enzo quickly lifts his other hand to cup my cheek, and he shakes his head. “Stay focused on me. Don’t let your past drag you back to whatever hell you suffered.”
How does he know?
Again, it feels like he’s reading my mind when he says, “I’ve been where you are. I can see it in your eyes.”
What does that mean?
Enzo shakes his head. “One day we’ll share secrets. Not today.” His thumb brushes lightly over my cheek, and it helps keep my attention on him. “Just keep focusing on me. You’re doing good.”
The panic attack retreats, and I suck in a deep breath of air.
“Better?” he asks.
When I nod, the corner of his mouth lifts, and a pleased expression settles on his face.
“Let’s move away from that subject,” he says. “Do you have any questions you want to ask me?”
So many.
I lift my phone, but again, I hesitate before deciding to speak. “Cassia said you’re alone.”
He pulls his hand away from my cheek but keeps the other one at the back of my neck as he answers, “She’s right.”
“No family?” I whisper.
Enzo shakes his head. “I grew up on the streets.”
My eyes widen, and before I can ask how that happened, he continues, “My mother didn’t have much to begin with, and she would leave me alone for long stretches of time.
When I was eleven, she left and never returned.
I was kicked out of the dump we lived in, and the streets became my home until I was twenty. ”
That’s so sad. At least I have Mom and Aunt Sherrie. I had a happy life until that night.
My voice is soft as I say, “I’m sorry.”
Enzo shrugs. “It’s life.” He glances out the window behind the couch. “It made me who I am today.”
When he looks at me again, his eyes drift over my face before settling on my ponytail. The next instant, he pulls the tie out, and when the blonde strands fall over my shoulders, he smiles.
“I like your hair down,” he admits. He brushes his palm over my head. “It’s as soft as it looks.”
I look down, and when my gaze falls on his thighs, I see what can only be a clear outline of his manhood. My eyes almost roll into the back of my head, and I jump up from the couch to put a safe distance between us.
Enzo shoots to his feet as well, and when he moves toward me, I hold up my hands between us and shake my head.
“What did I do to trigger you?” he asks.
I keep shaking my head while taking deep breaths.
“Look at me, Jenna,” he says, his tone very dominant. My gaze snaps to his, then he nods. “Good. Just keep eye contact with me and stay in the present.”
I see the golden flecks burning in his brown irises and focus on them until the panic retreats.
Once my breathing slows down, he tilts his head and says, “You need to give me a list of triggers so I know what to avoid.”
I don’t have a list. Sometimes something triggers me, and other times it doesn’t.
“Can you tell me what I just did to make you panic?”
I wrap my arms around myself and look down at the floor. My voice is hoarse as I force the words over my lips. “It’s not you. It’s me.” I close my eyes before I continue, “This is why I said that we can’t…” I shake my head fast. “We just can’t. You’re wasting your time with me.”
When Enzo closes the distance between us in a couple of long strides, I barely manage to take a step backward before he’s right in front of me. Placing his finger beneath my chin, he nudges my face up, but I quickly glance to the side to avoid his eyes.
“You will never be a waste of my time. Don’t ever say that again.”
For the first time, his tone is harsh, and when I look at him and see the anger darkening his eyes, a shiver of fear runs down my spine.
He takes a deep breath, visibly calming himself before he murmurs, “You are important to me. I want you to be happy, meu amor, but that’s going to be difficult to achieve if I keep triggering you.”
I stare at him for a long moment before it takes more guts than I thought I had to admit, “You just being a man is enough to trigger me.”