17. Mackenzie
Chapter 17
Mackenzie
I’ve killed a man.
For real this time.
I saw his brain explode all over a wall, and there’s no way I’m mistaken.
I’m sitting in the back of one of the Range Rovers that was parked a short distance from the cabin. Tino is driving, and Kirill is in the passenger seat. Dom is beside me, holding my hand. He’s still bare-chested because I’m wearing his shirt over this hideous wedding dress. I know it has spots of blood on it, but I’m trying not to look. Maybe I should have picked up my clothes and left the dress to burn with the cabin, but I hadn’t even been thinking about what I was wearing. Besides, it would have meant going back in to retrieve my sweatpants, and I wasn’t going to do that either.
I twist my body and peer out of the rear window. Through the trees, a curling cloud of thick smoke reaches into the blue sky. Someone will report the fire soon, but by the time the services reach it, there will be nothing of the cabin left. I hope it doesn’t spread, but there’s no wind today, so luck might be on our side, for that, at least.
Dom squeezes my fingers, and I turn back to face the front. There’s no point in looking back now. It’s done.
I stare at the part of Kirill’s blond head that’s visible on one side of the seat. He has his fingers pressed to his temple, his elbow resting on the door. It’s as though the weight of the world is on his shoulders, even though we’re free.
Does Kirill know I’m the one who shot his dad? I gave him the watch, but was that enough?
I can’t bring myself to say the words, ‘I shot your father.’ Will he hate me for it? Resent me for not letting him pull the trigger? The man was an evil son of a bitch, but he was still Kirill’s dad, and there’s got to be a lot of complicated shit that goes with him being dead.
Who will take over his family name? Will Kirill be expected to return to Russia to step into his father’s place? The thought of him leaving knots me up inside. We can’t have gone through all of this only to end up apart.
This drive feels like the one I did with my mom when we left for Verona Falls. I’d been in shock then after Paxton tried to rape me and what I did to him. This is the same, except now I have my guys surrounding me, giving me their support, the way I will support them. Judging from his body language and his pale face, Kirill might need the buttress of us , this crazy but beautiful group, more than I do.
I still find myself going back to what my mom said to me in the car that day, how the only way I’d make it through this was by burying my emotions and trauma deep inside. Fake it until you make it, by keeping my chin lifted, and making my way through the world as if nothing has happened.
Only this time it’s not the other students I’m hiding what happened from—it’s her. I don’t want my mom to find out what I went through in that cage. I don’t want her to know I was degraded and assaulted. I can’t stand to see the pity in her eyes, and, truthfully, the memory fills me with shame. The thought of going back over it all is too much.
I’m sure she and Nataniele will be desperate to know what happened at the cabin, but all they really need to be aware of is that Grigoriy and his men are dead, and we’re safe.
I’m so exhausted that I drift off against Dom’s shoulder. When I come awake again, it’s to the stopping of the vehicle. I lift my head and see we’re back at Verona Falls, except we’re not at the grand front entrance, but instead around the back.
People are waiting for us.
I spot my mom standing next to Nataniele. Her hand is covering her mouth, and, as I open the door to climb out, she leaves Nataniele’s side and rushes toward me.
“Oh, my God, Mackenzie.”
My mom bursts into tears and hugs me tight. I find myself crying as well, burying my face against her shoulder.
“I thought you were dead,” she cries, over and over. “I thought you were dead, I thought you were dead.”
I untangle myself from her grip and wipe my face. “I’m not, Mom. I’m all right. I’m safe.”
Twin lines appear between her brows as she takes me in. “What on Earth are you wearing?”
I shake my head. “It’s a long story.”
“It can go in the furnace,” Dom says. “You’ll never have to see that dress again.”
“Why are you wearing a wedding dress?” Mum’s voice is faint, and she pales. “Oh, God, Mackenzie what happened?”
“Mom, I’m okay, truly. I will explain, but please, not right now. I’m so tired.”
“You’re not married?” Nataniele asks, his tone suspicious.
That man is so close to guessing our secret.
“No,” I say, “because your son and Tino made sure that didn’t happen. I’m so grateful he’s going to be my stepbrother.” I add that last bit hoping it isn’t too much and hoping it will throw Nataniele off the scent.
He merely gives a non-committal low hum and nods.
Thankfully, my mom doesn’t press me further; she simply fusses some more. I don’t want to have to explain to her how Kirill and I came only seconds away from being married. Or remotely get drawn into what happened in that damned basement.
She looks to Tino, and Dom, and Kirill. “Thank you for bringing my girl home safely. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
Except I’m not her girl now. With everything that’s happened since we came here, I’ve gradually felt those apron strings unravel. This is how it’s supposed to be. I’m twenty years old. I shouldn’t be dependent on my mother. It’s normal for someone my age to want to form their own family, and I’ve chosen that family in the Devils.
One day, I’m going to have to tell her that, and I don’t think it will go down well. Now is not the time, however. We’ve already got too much to deal with. We can do without that bombshell landing.
“She suffered a small seizure,” Dom tells my mom.
Fresh concern fills her eyes. “Oh, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”
I lower my chin. “I need my meds, and I’m exhausted.”
She clasps my shoulder. “Of course. Let’s get you up to your room. You’ll need something to eat and drink, too. And a shower.”
She’s not wrong, but I don’t want her to be the one to be with me. “It’s okay, Mom. The guys can take me. I need to talk to them about some stuff. I’ll come and find you later. Is that all right?”
She drops her hand. “Oh. Okay.”
My rebuke has hurt her feelings, but that’s how it has to be now.
“Come,” Nataniele says. “Let’s leave them to sort themselves out. We’ll expect you later this evening.” He addresses this to me and Dom. “We can talk then. Tino, thank your men for me.”
When they leave, I release a long breath from between my lips.
“Actually,” Kirill says, interrupting the moment and not meeting my eye when I turn to him, “I need to take a shower as well. I’ll head back to my room and catch up with you later.”
“We’ll be in the den,” Dom tells him.
“Kirill,” I call after him, suddenly anxious.
He pauses and glances over his shoulder at me.
“Are you okay?” I ask. It feels like a feeble thing to say, but it’s what I want to know. Of course he’s not okay.
But he nods. “I will be.”
Then he turns away and keeps going.
Tino has to see his men back to the airfield. I’m aware I probably wouldn’t have made it out of this alive without them, and I take a moment to thank them for their help and say goodbye.
Seeing Valentino at the head of his men has made me reassess who he is. I can see the man he’s going to become in the next ten years—strong, and powerful, and not to be fucked with. I hope he won’t lose that playful side, though.
Dom doesn’t leave my side for a second. I feel like if someone says so much as one wrong word to me, he’ll beat the shit out of them. I had caught Nataniele narrowing his eyes at his son earlier, and I remind myself to tell Dom to chill.
I know it’s not going to be easy. The last thing I feel is chilled. It’s as though every cell in my body is trembling and jarring within me.
We watch Tino and his men leave, and then Dom and I go up to my room.
The first thing I do is go to the drawer in my nightstand and take my meds. It’s a huge relief. If I’d gone much longer without them, I’m sure the small seizure I’d had would have become a big one.
Dom goes into the bathroom and turns on the shower. Working carefully, as though I’m a fragile china doll that might break, he undresses me. He pulls his t-shirt up over my head, and then turns me around so he can undo the buttons on the back of my dress.
“Burn it,” I tell him, stepping out of it and kicking it away.
He nods. “I will.”
I’m naked now, but he doesn’t touch me or look at me in that way. I stand under the water while he washes my hair and soaps down my body with strong, firm fingers. When I’m clean, I step out, and he wraps me in a towel then guides me to my bed. My hair is still damp, but I don’t care. I’m too exhausted to think about blow-drying it now. We lie, side by side, and he folds me into his arms and holds me.
“Will Kirill be all right?” I mumble against his chest.
“Hush, don’t worry about Kirill right now.” He strokes my hair in a soothing pattern. “Just get some rest, and then we’ll go and meet them in the den. You’ll feel better after you nap.”
I’m powerless against it. My eyelids are heavy, and my limbs seem to sink into the mattress.
“I’m frightened I’ll dream of that place,” I tell him, my voice already distant.
“If you do, I’ll be right here. I’ll always be here for you, to scare away your nightmares.”
I believe him, too. “Thank you,” I murmur.
His arms tighten around me. “I love you, Mack. I’m so fucking sorry for the things I did to you. I wish I could go back and change everything. I’d kill the man I was when you first came here for treating you the way I did. I love you so much.”
I try to bring the words to my lips, but they fade away as I sink into oblivion.
I love you, too.