18. Kirill
Chapter 18
Kirill
I take my time under the shower.
It’s surreal being back within the comfort and safety of the Verona Falls grounds. The place never truly felt like home to me, but now my room is the lap of luxury. Just having the hot running water of the shower and privacy is heaven. My nose throbs, and my entire body aches. I think it’s from holding myself so tense for so long during the entire ordeal in that basement.
The gothic walls of this old building that sometimes used to be creepy now feel like a fortress. The high fences are my friend, not my jailor. The labyrinthian layout, so confusing to a new student, is now reassuringly hard to navigate for anyone breaking in.
My father is dead. It’s huge. Momentous. It doesn’t seem real. I know it must be, because I’ve got his blood-spattered watch, but I never saw his body. Maybe he saved me from that when he headbutted me in the face? It’s hardly surprising that the last time he ever touched me was with anger and violence. It had been that way my whole life.
I don’t know if I should be experiencing sorrow, anger, joy, or relief. The scary thing is I feel nothing. I’m like a fucking block of ice inside.
It’s why I’ve been standing under this hot water for so long; it’s the only thing that reassures me I’m actually here, alive, still on this Earth. I’ve got the thermostat turned up to scalding, and I still can’t get warm deep inside where it matters.
I bring Mackenzie to mind—I can always feel something for her—but instead there’s still that awful, black hole of nothingness.
The guys are probably down in the den by now. It’s been hours since we got back. I spent most of it sitting on the edge of my bed and staring into space, reliving the horror of it all. I keep replaying every moment, trying to work out if I could have done something different.
I need to contact my mother and sister, too, inform them Grigoriy is dead. It’s not right that they’ll find out from someone else. But the thought of speaking to them overwhelms me. I can’t face it. I know that makes me a coward, but it all feels like too much. Will they take his death as good news—that they’ll be free from his tyranny—or will they now be unprotected? What if, with my father gone, one of his enemies decides to step in and claim his daughter and widow for themselves?
I finally force myself out of the shower, dress, and run my fingers through my wet hair. What are the guys doing? Is Mackenzie okay?
I ought to go and be with them, even if all I want to do is … what? What the fuck do I want to do? Damned if I know. Every time I close my eyes, it’s not my father I think about, but instead how I acted when the lights had gone off. I’m so fucking ashamed of myself, it sickens me.
I’m not sure I can face them, but I can’t hide forever.
Before I go, I pick up my cell phone and pull up my mother’s number.
She answers within a couple of rings. “Kirill, is everything all right?” She speaks in Russian and sounds anxious, as though she’s already gotten word that something has gone down.
“Mama, I have news for you.” I speak in my mother tongue, too. “I need you to tell only my sister, okay? Otherwise, you must keep it to yourself. You can’t let anyone know you found out this information from me.”
“What is it, Kirill. What’s happened?”
“It’s Grigoriy,” I say, unable to call him my father after what he’s done. “He’s dead.”
She draws a sharp breath down the line. “You know this to be true?”
“It is true. I know for certain.”
She lets out a sob, and I picture her standing with her hand over her mouth, trying to hide her emotions from anyone who might hear.
“Then we are free of him,” she says. “Finally, we are free.”
“I love you, Mama. Don’t speak of this to anyone but my sister. And warn her to stay quiet. I can’t have this coming back on me.”
“I understand, son. You can trust me.”
I do, too.
I end the call and blow out a lungful of air. I hope they’ll be safe. I don’t know what kind of repercussions will fall on them now that Grigoriy is gone.
Leaving my room, I find my way to the den as quickly as I can. I have a hoodie on, and I pull the hood up and tie it close so no one will recognize me. I keep my head down as I navigate the halls. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
When I hit the den, I push open the door and take in the scene.
Mackenzie is lying between Tino’s legs on the sofa. Her back is against his chest, and her legs are stretched out over Dom. There’s a film on, and Tino is caressing her hair.
It looks like such a pretty picture. If I interrupt, will I turn it into something bad?
“There you are,” she says.
She pushes up as if to come and greet me, but I hold my hand out.
“Don’t get up.”
She falters. “Okay. Are you all right?”
“Yes, you?”
She nods, but our gazes catch, and they tell a different story. One of horrors seen and fucked up shit being done to us.
“I showered,” she says softly. “It still doesn’t feel as if I got them off me.”
I nod but don’t reply.
“I hate that they touched you.” Tino’s voice is dark and angry.
Dom lifts her foot to his mouth and kisses her toes. “I want to lick everywhere their hands were on you and make them disappear.”
“You can,” she says, but there’s a hesitancy in her tone.
“Baby, you don’t have to do anything but let us hold you,” Dom says.
The pet name jars me. Since when does he call her baby?
I take a seat and watch them.
“I think I want you to. I want their touch washed from me. By you.” She glances around. “By all of you.”
I blurt my thoughts. “It wasn’t just their touch, though, was it Kukla ? It was mine, too.”
She frowns. “Kirill, I didn’t mean it that way, and you know that.”
I don’t know anything anymore, but I don’t answer.
Tino runs his hands up her sweater, lifting it until her beautiful breasts are revealed. She’s not wearing a bra, and he trails his fingers over her nipples, and she shivers as they peak.
I’m hard already, but I don’t move to join in. Every time I think about touching her, I see those men coming on us. On her. On me. I picture her cuffed by the throat to the bars while I fuck her and other men watch. I played my part in that. They made her show them her pussy so they could see my cum dripping from her— my cum.
I can’t seem to do anything but sit here, watching.
Dom looks at me. “You want to come join the party?”
“Nah, I’m good. You know I like to watch.”
It’s true. Tino might be a voyeur who films things, but they know I like to go after them sometimes, and mark her with my cum. Dom nods, clearly buying what I said.
Tino pinches her nipples and pulls on them, elongating them, and when he lets go, they’re tightened nubs. She moans, the sound going directly to my cock.
“You like that, huh?” Tino says. “Me playing with these gorgeous tits.”
She nods. Her eyes are different, though. I can see she’s struggling to ground herself in this room, with them. Her mind is going back to the basement the same way mine is. This is fucked up. Wrong.
They need to give her some time.
“You don’t have to do this, Kukla ,” I say.
She looks at me. “I do, Kirill. I need this.”
I get what she means. If she doesn’t do this, she might never do it again. She needs to claim her pleasure back from them, from that fucking place. I should, too, but I simply can’t.
I’m frozen, a statue watching the scene unfold in front of me. I’m hard, but intellectually, I’m distant, unaffected.
Tino keeps playing with her nipples until they are red and swollen. I bet they ache. I bet she’d like a warm mouth on them, to soothe them.
Dom must be thinking the same thing because he gently moves Mackenzie’s legs from him and crawls up her body. Tino holds her tits up, offering them to Dom. He bends his head and sucks a nipple into his mouth.
She gasps, and her eyes flutter closed. I can’t read her emotions this way, with her eyes shut. So instead, I focus on her tits, and what Dom and Tino are doing to them.
Dom releases one nipple with a pop and moves to the next, leaving the one he’s just suckled crinkling in the cool air.
Tino massages the sides of her tits, as Dom works her nipples until they are deep red and she’s moaning and whimpering.
“You seem all hot and bothered, Duchess,” Tino whispers in her ear. “Do you need some attention on your pussy?”
She nods, and Dom climbs off her. He helps her up and pulls her sweatshirt completely off, then he pulls her sweatpants and panties down.
When she’s naked, Tino sits on the edge of the sofa and pulls her onto his lap, so her back is flush with his chest. He uses his knees to knock her legs apart.
Her pussy is exposed, glistening and puffy, and I lick my lips as if I’m going to be tasting it myself.
Dom drops to his knees, and Tino nudges Mackenzie’s thighs farther apart, spreading her so wide that Dom groans. He crawls up to her and leans in close before he licks right over her clit. Mackenzie jumps like she’s been shocked.
Dom worships her clit with his tongue, moving it around the edges and then flicking side to side. She’s gasping and squirming on Tino’s knee, but he’s holding her still.
“Take it, Duchess, take it all,” he orders. “We need you. Need to feel you. Touch you. Taste you.”
She groans when Dom pushes a thick finger slowly inside her.
I close my eyes. I was inside her, and those fuckers were watching it. They checked her after, to see my cum. I hate myself.
My fucking father did that.
He’s dead. It hits me, and this time I feel something. I don’t know what. My stomach drops like a rollercoaster.
He’s dead.
My father is dead.
I wonder what happened. Who did it? How did he die?
I should be happy. That fucker can’t lock me in a room, in the dark, ever again. He can’t do anything sick to my Kukla . So why do I feel so … scared? I feel scared. Like the top just blew off my home and I’m completely exposed to the elements.
Mackenzie cries out, and I look up, wanting to be back in this room, not there, in that cabin.
Dom pumps two fingers in and out of her pussy, and Tino isn’t holding her legs open anymore but is back to roughly playing with her tits.
She’s like a pornographic vision, and I lean forward in my chair to see better.
“You want my cock?” Dom asks her.
“Yes.” Her voice is breathy.
“What about mine?” Tino adds.
She turns her neck to look sideways at Tino. “I want both of you.”
He takes her mouth in a hungry kiss. “It will be my pleasure.”
Dom pulls his glistening fingers from her pussy and sucks them into his mouth.
He glances at Tino. “I think our Duchess is ready for us.”