Chapter Twelve
What to do. What to do.
Three amazing dates with three fantastic men. Men who make me feel seen and heard. Men who make my heart race and leave me breathless.
I’m no closer to knowing who I want or what I want, though. I can’t imagine walking away from any of them. Not now.
Maybe this is why they recommended a poly relationship.
No one would have to choose, and no one’s heart would be left broken.
Broken.
That sounds silly considering this is all new, but it’s true. I would be wrecked if I was forced to choose or to watch one of them walk away.
Pushing thoughts of the guys away, I get to work.
“Hey, Esme. You coming to hang out with us for a while?” Charlotte, one of the volunteers, asks as I enter the snake enclosure.
“You know it.” I smile.
Snakes aren’t my favorite animal, but they are far from my least favorite.
“Look, the Jamaican boa had her babies,” Charlotte tells me.
Walking over to where the eggs were, I look down and smile. Sure enough, there are a bunch of tiny, slithering snakes.
“That’s awesome. Did they all make it?”
“So far.” She sighs. “I kind of hate how snakes treat their young.”
After laying eggs, most snakes abandon them. When snakes are born, they are independent right away. Some species exhibit some maternal instincts, but never for long.
“Me too,” I murmur.
My phone vibrates in my pocket.
“Excuse me one second,” I tell Charlotte.
Pulling out my phone, I smile when I see it’s a text in the group chat between the guys and me. As soon as it opens, a picture of the three of them pops up. Each of them smiling, looking like they are having a great morning.
Hudson: We miss your face!
Walker: Tell us we get to see you soon.
Levi: Guys, let the woman work.
Laughing softly, I shake my head. These guys are ridiculous.
Ridiculous and all mine.
Me: I miss you guys too.
Hudson: Send us a photo to tide us over?
“Hey Charlotte?”
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Would you be willing to take a photo of me real quick, please?”
“Of course!” She jumps up and takes my phone from me. “You should grab one of the babies. Make it more interesting.”
“Great idea.”
The guys know what I do, but I don’t think it’s really clicked yet.
I grab two snakes, one in each hand, as I smile at the camera as they slither around between my fingers.
“Perfect,” Charlotte murmurs as she snaps away. “Okay, I took like ten. A girl’s got to have options.”
“Thank you so much.”
Carefully, I set the snakes down and then take my phone back from Charlotte. After sending them the photo, I shove my phone back into my pocket with a smile on my face.
I wonder what they will think.
I hope they think it’s cool and they won’t be disgusted.
The last time I sent Troy a photo of me with an animal, he about lost his mind on me that evening.
“Are you okay, Troy? You seem off,” I ask hesitantly over dinner.
Troy’s moods are legendary. What makes it worse is he wants you to ask why he’s upset but then gets mad at you for asking. If you don’t ask, he gets angry thinking you don’t care. It’s a catch twenty-two.
“I don’t know, Esme, you tell me.”
I set my fork down, bracing myself for what’s to come.
“What did I do?”
“You sent me a photo of you with a spider, Esme, and last I checked, I told you not to. It’s fucking gross that you play with animals all day.” He shakes his head. “I just wish you would leave that place and get a normal job.”
My heart drops. I don’t want a normal job. I’m doing what I love, and I can’t imagine doing anything else.
Why can’t he accept me for me?
“You with me?” Charlotte asks, pulling me out of the memory.
“Huh?”
Charlotte crosses her arms and smiles as she studies me.
“What?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing, I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile after looking at your phone, but then something happened and your face dropped. You looked like you had been crushed.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m sure that’s an exaggeration. Do you need any help in here?”
“Deny it all you want, but I see you, Esme. But no. I’m actually done. Everyone has been fed, and the eggs have hatched. I’m about to move on.”
“Where to next?” I ask as we start moving toward the door.
“I was thinking about checking the pregnant giraffe.”
“Perfect, do you mind if I tag along with you?”
Charlotte raises a brow. “I’m pretty sure you can do whatever you want considering you’re my boss.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket. Once, twice, and then a third time.
Three times means all three have responded.
Instinctively my hand goes to it, but I stop myself from pulling it out. Charlotte doesn’t need to see me on my phone twice in less than thirty minutes. That would be setting a horrible example. Right?
“You can check it, Esme. You’ve caught me on my phone more times than I can count,” she says, not even looking over at me.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I pull out my phone and open the text.
Walker: You look beautiful, Pixie.
Hudson: Uh, you realize you are holding snakes, right? Like really fucking close to your face.
Levi: Not going to comment on the snakes, Walker? Those looked like they were brand new. You look gorgeous and fucking happy.
Before I can say anything, two more texts come through.
Walker: Fuck you, Levi.
Hudson: Esme, Walker just threw a rubber band ball at Levi.
Me: Behave, all three of you. I’ll talk to you later.
I shove my phone back into my pocket with a smile on my face. They didn’t tell me it was gross or go off on me. They accepted me for who I am.
“You look happy,” Charlotte says quietly as we walk into the giraffe enclosure.
“I am. I really, really am.”
“Good. Now let’s go see if we can watch a giraffe be born.”
Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit.
She’s got two small-ass snakes in her hands, held up next to her face as she smiles for a picture.
Esme looks as beautiful as always. Her eyes are glowing, and it’s evident that she’s doing something she loves. I fucking love that for her.
Walker shivers next to me.
“What, can’t handle our girl handling some baby snakes?” Levi teases.
Walker picks something off the desk and chucks it at Levi. Before it can smack Levi in the forehead, he catches it.
“A rubber band ball, really?” Levi teases Walker.
I type out a quick text, telling Esme about the guys’ antics.
The guys pick up their phones and glare at me.
“What?” I ask as I hold up my hands.
“Did you really have to tell her that?” Walker grumbles.
“I mean, yeah, why not? Besides, it’s not like she doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into when it comes to all of us,” I point out.
Esme’s text comes through.
Esme: Behave, all three of you. I’ll talk to you later.
“Don’t fucking say it, Hudson,” Levi warns.
“Don’t say what?”
“Knowing you, you would say something like, make me behave or some shit,” Walker says.
Levi nods. “Exactly.”
Sighing, I put my phone down. “Fine. I won’t, but can we talk about how fucking amazing she is?”
“She is,” Walker says with no hesitation.
“All of our dates went well too,” Levi says.
“Do you think she will pick all of us?”
“I do,” Walker says.
Levi takes a little longer to answer but nods. “I really do. She just has to get over the idea of what others will think. We’ve had years of coming to accept all this shit where it’s new for her.”
“You’re right,” I tell him.
Levi smirks. “I usually am. Now, I hate to change the subject, but we got invited to a race. Do you guys want to go?”
“Fuck yeah!” I say, clapping my hands together.
It’s been too fucking long since I’ve watched a race.
“We agreed not to race again, remember,” Walker says.
“We did. So if we go, we all need to agree not to race,” Levi says.
As much as I miss it, I don’t miss it enough to risk it. I’ve seen too many assholes become cocky and then crash.
“No problem. Besides, we have Esme now. I’d fucking hate to worry her by getting hurt.”
Levi nods. “Exactly. So, you guys want to go?”
“Why not.” Walker shrugs.
“Count me in.”
“All right, I’ll let the boys know we are going.”
I get off my bike and look around. People are showing off their cars and bikes as they wait to hear if they get to race tonight or not.
“This place seems busier,” Walker says.
“Glad I’m not the only one who thought so.”
Levi lifts his chin, nodding toward someone. “Roxy and Roman are over there.”
“I wonder how she’s doing.”
While most people passing by would assume I’m wondering about Roxy, I’m not. I couldn’t give two shits about the leader of the Shadow Crew’s girl. No, I’m wondering about the girl our two clubs have in common.
Nova.
Sweet, sweet Nova.
The only girl the guys and I have ever considered a sister.
Our family. Nova helped us take down her brother when she didn’t have to.
She knew there would be no escaping for her unless her brother Zade was six feet in the ground.
We tried to watch out for her, to keep him away from her, but it didn’t always work.
Now, though, she’s happy and healthy, living with the love of her life on an island somewhere.
“Well, I hope,” Levi says.
Walker grunts in agreement.
“Do you guys ever miss all this? Life from back then.”
“No,” Walker says with no hesitation.
Levi tenses. “Do you?”
I shake my head. “No, not like you’re thinking, at least. I don’t miss him.” Him being Zade. “Or the shit he put us through, but sometimes I miss coming to things like this.”
“Things have definitely changed, that’s for sure,” Levi says.
“For the better. We are better without him,” Walker says.
“Hey, what are you guys doing here?” Roman asks as he and his girl approach.
“Had a free evening. Thought we would drop in and see you guys in action,” Hudson tells him, winking at Roxy.
“I invited them,” Roxy says, rolling her eyes.
“Awesome, do you guys want in?” Roman asks, kissing Roxy’s head.
“Nah, we’re not into racing anymore. Thank you, though,” Levi tells them.
“How have you guys been?” I ask.
Roxy and Roman share a look before he looks at us. “Can’t complain. Business is good. Got my girl, and she’s taking assholes’ money left and right.”
The guys and I laugh.
Roxy is Roman’s not-so-secret weapon. The woman is wicked good when you put a pedal under her foot and a steering wheel in her hands. When dickheads see her, they instantly dismiss her, but we all know that she’s the real deal. By the end of the race and she’s beaten them, they know it too.
“Life is good then,” Levi says.
“Very. What about for you guys?” Roman asks.
“Wouldn’t change a thing,” Levi tells him.
Roman and Roxy smile.
“We need to get moving, but do you want us to pass along a message?” Roxy asks.
So they are in contact with Nova and her man. Interesting.
“Is she well?” I ask.
Roxy’s smile softens. “She is.”
“Good,” Walker says gruffly.
“I don’t think we need anything passed on, right now at least. Thank you for the offer,” Levi tells them.
“All right. We will see you guys at the track,” Roman says.
They start to walk away, and Roxy looks over her shoulder. “And remember who to bet on tonight!”
The guys and I laugh, shaking our heads.
Yeah, life is better now than it used to be. The only thing that would make it better is if Esme were here with us.
Next time.
Next time she will be.