Chapter Thirteen
Tonight is the night Aurora Blake answers fan questions.
I’m sitting nervously waiting for her to come on. She never responded to the question I messaged her, but I’m hoping she picks mine to talk about tonight.
It seems silly of me to be looking to some social media influencer for advice, but I have nowhere else to turn. Dating these three men has made me realize that outside of them, I’m completely alone.
Finally, the video comes on. I smile as I see her there with Elijah, her Brit. He’s the grumpy one of the bunch. He actually reminds me of Walker in some ways.
I look down at my phone at the group chat. They have been quieter today, but I don’t mind. I need the space to think about what it is I really want.
“Hey, friends. Aurora here with Eli, the Brit, answering all of your questions. We will start with an easy one today. The fans want to know what gestures I find romantic.”
“Being spanked,” Eli jokes.
She smacks him. “To answer your question, I think romance is up to who you are and who the person you are with. For example, Eli here likes to give me flowers and gifts. It is his love language while Santi cooks for me. Both of these are romantic gestures to me, not because of the acts themselves, but because I understand the purpose behind them.”
“She also has her own love language, but we won’t talk about that here.” Eli gives her a wicked look that makes even me blush.
“Now the next question I want to go over is one that I feel like I’ve touched on quite a bit, but this person really seems to need some reassurance. It’s specifically about how we handle social scrutiny because of our lifestyle.”
My heart races. This is what I submitted to her. I need to know the answer.
“Truth is, it is hard. Some days the comments get to me. I try to interact with everyone, so I see those hateful ones. The ones that call me a slut or whore. The ones asking if they can join my harem. The ones damning me to hell. I won’t lie and tell you that every day is easy, but here is the advice I will give you.
When you think of the men that you are considering dating, do you like them more than you care about what society thinks of you?
Will the happiness they bring outweigh the expectations of people who don’t care about you?
It took me a minute to answer these questions for myself, but for me, the answer is this: I will always choose them.
Nothing I am doing is hurting anyone else.
We love each other, and that is all that matters to me.
All the rest is just noise in the background.
So when I get down because of a bad comment or because yet another person refuses to partner with me because of my relationship status, I go and hug my men because at the end of the day all of this could go away, and as long as I have them by my side, none of it would matter to me.
Now I assume you aren’t a public figure like me, so for you I would say go for it and fuck the noise.
There will always be another job or another friend out there for you, but when you find true love, it only comes around once.
Or, in our case, all at once. I hope that answered your question.
Feel free to DM me if you want to discuss it further. ”
“Remember, ladies and fellas, if they aren’t feeding you, fucking you, or financing you, then they don’t get to make decisions about your life.
Do what makes you happy and fuck the rest of the world.
You only live one life, and you should do so to your fullest. In the end, it won’t matter that Karen down the road didn’t like you getting dicked down by four men each night.
What will matter is what is in your heart and that is love,” Eli adds, effortlessly.
“There have never been truer words spoken.” Aurora leans over, kissing Eli.
She moves onto the next question with ease as I think over her words.
The truth is that I like Walker, Levi, and Hudson. I like them a hell of a lot, actually. I haven’t been able to get them out of my head. I hadn’t even considered what my job might say. I was more worried about the way strangers would look at me. At us.
She’s right, though. It doesn’t matter what they think. I won’t be able to adopt that mentality overnight, but I can start trying to.
Do I really want to miss out on something amazing because of other people?
No. I don’t.
Pushing aside my insecurity, I make a decision.
With great care, I change out of my pajamas and slip on a red dress. I let my hair down, scrunching it to make it look decent. Then I paint makeup on my face that I know I don’t need, but it feels like a shield. Armor to help protect me from what I’m about to do.
It takes me nearly ten minutes after I’m ready to work up the courage to pull my phone out.
What if they are busy? Or out with another woman?
What if they didn’t enjoy the dates as much as I did?
The questions swirl in my head to the point that I almost give up on the venture completely.
I don’t want to look pathetic, but at the same time, I don’t want to look back one day and regret not going for what I want.
I spent far too long under Troy’s shadow. We always did what he wanted, when he wanted. If he didn’t like something, I changed it. I let him mold me into the woman he wanted and that still wasn’t enough. He still stepped out to find another woman.
I’m done being that woman. Finding courage, I type out a simple text.
Me: Can you come over? I made a decision.
Pixie: Can you come over? I made a decision.
“You are such a piece of shit.” Punch. “I can’t believe you thought you could pull one over on us.”
I look up at Hudson as he works his anger out on the rat. Jimmy O’Hanlon was our guy down at the train depot. He helped slip our product onto the trains and ensured it would get to where it needed to go, only this time our packages didn’t make it. After further investigation, we figured it out.
Jimmy turned rat and sold the location to a rival MC.
“Guys,” I call out.
Levi, who had been leaning on the table watching Hudson work, turns to me. Hudson takes a breath before looking over.
I’m not surprised they give me their full attention. I rarely speak, so when I do, it’s important.
“We have a group text.”
I see the moment the meaning clicks. They both pull out their phones, looking at the message.
“Fuck.” Levi huffs, running his hand over his face. “We have to finish this.”
Hudson shakes his head. “She calls, we go. We agreed.”
I don’t say another word. I’ve already moved to the shower we keep in here to rinse off. I strip and let the water wash away the blood covering me from the work I put in on the rat.
“Look, Walker is already done. What’s it going to be?” I hear Hudson ask.
Then I hear Levi rumbling into his phone, but I don’t pay them any mind.
Stepping out of the shower, I grab a clean towel and dry off. Then I walk out of the room butt-ass naked. I don’t pay any attention to the men milling about as I walk straight for the main clubhouse. I’m inside within minutes.
Pulling on my clothes, I walk out to the main room to find my brothers there pulling on their own clothes.
“What could this mean?” Hudson asks.
“What do you mean? She has dated all three of us and decided which one she wants. It’s what we told her to do,” Levi hisses out.
I don’t blame him for his nerves. I’m sure he doesn’t think he will be the chosen one. I love Levi. He does what is necessary to keep us together. We are a group that votes on things together, but Levi takes the brunt of the responsibility. He always has ever since we were kids.
As much as I want Esme to pick me, I don’t know if I can handle what it will do to Levi.
Or Hudson. He acts like a carefree spirit, and for the most part he is, but he has his own issues deep down.
He never joins in when Levi and I get together, but he has watched a time or two.
I think he craves intimacy in a way he cannot get from us.
I rub my hand down my face. I was in such a hurry to get to her, but now I’m dreading it.
If it’s me, I’m going to feel like shit for them. If it’s not, I’m going to break.
There’s no winning here.
If only she had agreed to be all of ours.
This is why we don’t do this. I think we were fooling ourselves into believing that dating us would make her fall for all of us. She didn’t even need one whole date to decide who she wanted.
What if I revealed too much? Maybe I went too far with her.
“Get out of your head, man. It’s going to be okay.” Levi pats my shoulder.
“How can you say that?” I rasp out. “This has the ability to tear us apart.”
He shakes his head. “No matter what, we will always be here for each other. Maybe we were the ones fooling ourselves thinking that any woman would want to be part of a clan like this. The world isn’t progressive enough. There is still stigma on it. We can’t expect her to be able to accept it.”
“We could keep looking.” The words taste like ash in my mouth.
Levi looks at me like he knows it, but it’s Hudson who calls me out on my bullshit.
“You haven’t looked at a woman in two years. This woman had your attention from the moment she walked into the bar. You are really telling me you can give her up and go back on the hunt?”
I look down at my feet.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought. We all felt it. Esme is gorgeous, sure, but she is also kind and smart. She has a big heart. She will do the right thing,” Hudson says with certainty.
“How can you be so sure?” Levi asks, letting his own insecurities bleed through.
This woman isn’t even ours yet, and she already has our heads spinning. I’ve never heard Levi sound anything other than confident.
“I know because I saw the way she looked at each one of us. Even if she does choose one of us tonight, that means we are in the door. We will have years to show her what it could be like with all three of us caring for her. I have no doubts that she will fall in love with us as a clan. She only needs time.”
I look over to Levi.
Time.
It always comes down to being patient. I feel like we have been patient for so long.
First, with not choosing a woman at all because of Zade and his bullshit.
He was our friend at first, but then he forced us into a clan and treated women poorly.
We could never subject a woman to him. Then when he was gone, we tried to find someone to fit with us, but they only ever wanted one. Usually Levi or Hudson. Never me.
The last one left a real scar.
No one wants a giant pussy for a boyfriend.
Shaking away my thoughts, I look back up. “Okay.”
That’s all I say, but they get it. We won’t give up. Not on Esme.
We decided she was it, so she will be it come hell or high water.
“Let’s go get our girl then.” Hudson rallies us.
I follow them out, wondering if we are all making a huge mistake.
Esme could be our downfall.
Or maybe she is our saving grace.