Chapter 1 #3
Guilt sat like a stone in my boot. Dug into the soft flesh.
Jonah tilted his head, and his gray eyes pierced as he cataloged the likelihood of my comment being the truth. The traffic light turned orange, and he crawled to a stop.
My palms were hot with prickly sweat. A horn blared out behind us as Jonah hesitated to drive when the light turned green.
"Adelaide needs you right now." He dropped each word as if he didn't want to admit it.
My stomach twisted as I thought of the cameras I just planted in her warehouse. Adelaide was the strongest person I knew, and I'd never seen her shatter like she had since her guys blindsided her. I couldn't leave her without another support beam.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"We need you."
The words were soft taffy, a sweet prison that locked my teeth together. Was Jonah interested in me? The thought smothered when he ducked his head and concentrated on the road.
I sat frozen in the passenger seat, shocked by the rush of emotion. I hadn't allowed myself to feel anything close to this since Beck. Physical pain I could process and endure. But this emotional turmoil? It ate at me and the lies I used like a shield.
I didn't know when the mission turned into something more.
Was it the first time Adelaide dragged me to an early morning yoga class?
Was it the time we watched a movie together during the giant summer storm?
Maybe it was when I saw how respected she was, not through fear, although any of her people would be foolish not to be frightened of her.
I couldn't leave Greenich Bay until I caught Ellington Vizor.
I refused to leave Adelaide unprotected. And after? When The Unseen moved me somewhere else? I processed like a statue, kept all my conflicted emotions behind a mask of lies.
For once, I longed for something different from my job.
I looked out the window at the wispy membrane of clouds that muted the gleaming sun.
Jonah took the scenic route home, winding down the coast. I wanted to spend days like this with someone who wanted me, maybe Jonah.
I wanted the worst of my day to be helping my friend with her heartbreak.
The clouds cleared and a bar of sunshine illuminated one side of Jonah's face.
"Do you believe in fate, Jonah?" I wondered.
Again, our gazes clashed, telling each other secrets in a language we couldn't speak.
"I believe in myself. Whatever fate throws at me, I'll handle. Is that the answer you want, or would you prefer something more esoteric?"
"This new side of Jonah is surprising me. What else do you do for fun?"
He stared at the road like it might save him. Jonah's reinforced steel walls would require intensive drilling.
"I don't have room for anything else but work, to be honest."
I could relate.
"But what about when you need a break? You breathe in silence for five minutes. I bet you take ice baths, too. Satisfy my curiosity."
This was what I missed. Conversations like tennis matches, words like points, each one like simmered heat in my stomach.
"You want to know what I do?" His tongue wet his lower lip.
"Surprise me."
"I like to make out."
Now I couldn't look away from his shapely lips. The juncture between my legs tingled as I imagined him pressing them between my thighs.
"Like a horny teenager?" I managed, and it was his turn to laugh.
"No, baby. I kiss for hours. Soft and slow." His gaze drifted down my body. "I want the feel of someone's lips on mine. Other people go to the gym, or watch trashy TV. Me? If I get a day off, I'm kissing."
My body heated, and I gulped.
"Do you—" I swallowed and laughed at how dry my throat felt. "Do you have a girlfriend? A regular stable of lips you choose from?"
A thread of electric tension snapped between us. If I asked Jonah, would he use it like a whip and wrap it around my body until I begged him for more?
"No. You offering?"
"Maybe."
Between The Unseen and my all-consuming crush on Beck, I needed a distraction. After Beck and I crashed and burned, I was desperate to move on. My phone chimed, and I reached for it with a frown. Beck was the only person who messaged me regularly. He never used the same number.
Did he have a sixth sense that I was finally moving on from him?
Unknown: were you successful?
I could feel disdain through the words, the impatience. Beck was furious. He was no longer the center of my world, and I hoped he missed it.
Unknown: you're late with your check-in.
I shoved the phone in my backpack with a thick throat.
Beck could try to intimidate me into calling him.
Months ago, it might have worked. Eager to smooth things out, because I cared too much to lose him.
Now I kept all our interactions to text only, citing the difficulty.
But Beck was a ticking time bomb, I'd always known that.
"Everything okay?" Jonah raised his eyebrows.
"It's nothing."
Did Beck know I was talking about kissing another man? Knowing my mentor, it wouldn't surprise me. It didn't change my decision.
All the lies, all the secrets, they could wait.