Chapter 19
I cursed Beck under my breath, knowing he would drag me out if I didn't present myself. The comfortable shirt I borrowed from him and the tight biker shorts had been a perfect outfit after a day in heels. But I was intimately aware of how it looked when I shuffled out of the bedroom.
"Jonah, Ray." I inclined my head, cheeks flushing at the fumbled greeting.
Jonah turned to stone before slamming back his drink. Ray opened his legs and patted his thigh, covering his surprise with an exaggerated leer. He searched for his necklace around my neck and relaxed once he saw it. Beck smiled, but there was no warmth in his stony gaze.
Was he furious with me?
"What are you doing here?" Jonah asked bluntly, and his steely gaze raked over my outfit.
My nipples pebbled under the intense scrutiny, and I wished I'd worn a bra. But the first thing I'd done when I arrived was fling it off. Beck had seen me half naked a thousand different times. I'd been too concerned with everything that had been happening.
I guess he hadn't followed me here after all.
"Way to kill the mood, Jonah," Ray complained as he slicked his jet-black hair off his forehead.
He widened his legs further and slid his hand over his inner thigh. I knew I could fill the space and convince him to pause for a moment.
Forget the past and the future. Stay between heartbeats and breath.
Jonah rolled his massive shoulders forward, and I knew the light furrow on his brow existed because of me.
Beck lounged next to him, inscrutable as ever.
He'd abandoned his baggy work suit, and the long-sleeved black shirt was unbuttoned enough to show a peek of one of his fake tattoos.
The fitted ensemble made him look like the sharp blade he was.
He played at being a bumbling man, losing his last flash of youth to middle age.
But he was a wolf in sheep's clothing. A surge of want roared through the hollow of my bones.
I shouldn't be reckless with the fire he hoarded behind his granite expression.
He crooked a finger at me, and it would be a mistake to defy him.
"How much did you hear while you were hiding in the bedroom, Little Liar?"
I gave him a sharp look. How was I going to explain the nickname he'd given me the first time he met me? His hands claimed me. He spread his legs, a mirror of Ray's, and fit me in his lap. A tremor cascaded down my spine.
"Enough," I gulped and tried to communicate silently.
Say nothing about my secrets. Please.
But Beck ignored my plaintive stare, glaring daggers at Ray and Jonah. His hand slid up my rib cage and brushed the underside of my breast. Even balancing this grating tension, I couldn't control the shiver of desire that trickled in my lower belly. How long had I wanted Beck to touch me like this?
Ray let out an uncomfortable laugh, tracking Beck's hand with a frustrated glint.
"Ray and Jonah were just alluding to their escapade with you. I wish I could have joined, but I got tied up with work." Beck spat the words.
He'd come for me in a rage. Because a man touched my thigh. Would he do the same to Ray and Jonah? Who did far more?
"We weren't saying—" Jonah burst out, ever the gentleman, as he tried to reassure me they weren't bragging.
I gave him a soft smile, and Beck's fingers tightened.
"I know you wouldn't. Beck knows we have something between us."
Beck's soft snort distracted me for a moment before Jonah let his massive hands dangle between his knees.
"Let me be clear, if it wasn't obvious from the night at the club.
" His cheeks filtered pink. "You want to take this slow, and I'll give you all the time you need.
But I would like a promise that you will only date the three of us.
I wanted to speak to you, Beck, to see if you would agree, but you're right.
It's better we get it all out in the open. "
"I bet you never thought you'd see Raimondo Donato offering commitment." Ray sounded mystified.
"Yes, and your papa threatened me because of it," I reminded him, lip quirking upward.
"Threatened you?" Beck's inaudible whisper made my ears buzz with warning.
"It's nothing, Beck."
His grip turned bruising, and the other two didn't miss his snarl.
"Nobody threatens you, nobody."
"Is it too much to ask, Lara?" Jonah prodded.
"What did I say about promises?" I sighed, but an eruption of noise swallowed my words.
Ray, Beck, and Jonah burst into an argument.
I waved my flattened palms to get them to calm down.
How did I find myself in the position to have boy trouble times three?
I was supposed to be focusing on my mission, not getting railed.
I shivered at the prospect of them all touching me at once.
The idea was delicious, if it didn't come with setbacks like emotions.
This was more than casual sex. These men wanted to possess me, and I couldn't promise them anything.
Ray was half out of his chair, ranting when Beck circled my lower neck.
"Why don't you just tell them the truth, Lara?"
"Beck…" I whispered, frozen on his lap.
Black dots spotted my vision as I saw my lies crashing down around me. My lungs shrank, and my chest heaved as I tried to fill them. It reminded me of the whistle Angelo Amato's bullet made as it hissed past my head. Impending doom. Beck yanked me against his hard chest.
"What's he talking about?" Ray watched Beck's grip tighten.
"Go on, tell them." Beck nipped my earlobe, but I didn't feel the sting.
My tongue grew thick and unwieldy. Tears pricked my lash line. My lungs burned, and I couldn't think. I trusted Beck with my life. Why was he doing this? He'd killed for me, but that was when he thought I was his alone. Would he burn everything down out of jealousy?
"This wasn't my intention. I never thought I would have a connection with any of you." I flicked my eyes to Beck, but he shook his head.
Tension tightened his shoulders. My stomach fell off a cliff.
"Not quite. Tell them why this arrangement won't work. Tell them who I am to you." The dark fury in his tone threatened to swallow me whole.
"Let go of me," I wheezed, but Beck only strangled until my pulse pumped wild like a rabbit caught in a snare.
Ray stepped forward, his finger pointed at Beck's forehead.
"Who the fuck are you? You don't act like a police officer."
"That's right." Beck blew out an excited breath, and his fingers squeezed the column of my neck. "Tell them the truth about why this intervention is unnecessary. These boys think they have a chance with you."
Jonah grunted in surprise, and I shot him a wide-eyed look.
My stomach swirled with nausea. It was greedy of me to hoard these men for myself. Especially when I only offered them meager parts in return, with no promise of a future. But Beck was acting like I belonged to him, when that wasn't true.
"It's not a lie." I tossed my head and broke Beck's grip to meet his dark, fuming gaze.
"No?" His eyes narrowed.
I continued. "Beck and I have a history together. He's known me for a long time, and I've always had a crush on him. I pined for him — you, Beck, so many years."
Ray's mouth dropped open, and Jonah shook his head, as if trying to put it together. I wanted to tell them more, admit it all, but I couldn't. Beck stroked his fingers down my cheek.
"Mine." Beck smiled, but it wasn't for me.
He aimed it at Ray and Jonah, smug and full of teeth. In his mind, my omission was a win. He wanted to alienate Ray and Jonah. He wanted me wide-eyed and eighteen again, making him my entire world. Drinking in his every sigh, because the air had been in his lungs.
"No, I'm not." I swallowed, inviting his anger. "I belong to myself. If I wanted to fuck Ray right here, I could, and I would. If you want access to me, you need to understand that."
Beck turned to stone again.
"See? This will be fun. Full disclosure, I have been with men before, so happy to tag team if any of you gents or lady are interested in group action." Ray opened his arms with a wink as Jonah made a strangled noise.
I stifled a smile as hope, cumbersome, surged inside me. This wasn't smart, not with my lies piling on top of us. But I couldn't stop. Once I found Ellington, I was going to leave The Unseen. Nobody would have to know anything about my past.
"Be. Serious." Jonah chastised through gritted teeth.
"I never joke about group sex." Ray arched a thick eyebrow. Is he the ex who sent you those threatening messages? he signed.
I'm not an ex, asshole. Beck signed back.
Ray's eyebrows shot up, and I shook my head. Beck searched my face, and I knew what he was waiting for. He wanted me to put a stop to this. My heart was too forceful to heed logic.
"It's not me," he sighed. "But I know more about it than you do. I've watched over her for years." Beck gripped my face between his hands. "They'll never know you, Lara. Not like I do."
A shiver of foreboding turned me cold. I spent so many years in the shadows, denying myself happiness for my work.
"I want them," I whispered.
Beck jerked his hands away with a growl.
"Why did you act like strangers?" Jonah's voice dropped low. "We'll be coming back to your position."
"Beck and I had a falling out a year ago, and I was angry with him."
Beck grunted, doing nothing to help my story, but his reluctance to defend himself gave Jonah pause, and the tension sucked out of his shoulders. Ray threw his ankle over his knee.
"A lover's tiff?"
"She's wanted me for years." Haughtiness entered Beck's gaze.
I drowned from the lack of air in the room. I was dizzy from taking small breaths. Beck's hands traveled up my side again, possessive in a way he didn't deserve. I had craved him with every cell in my body, but now I wanted more. The realization made me dash off his grip. I teetered on his knee.
"Now I want something different."
"This will end badly," he argued through gritted teeth.