Chapter 2
“Do you think any of it was true?” I slurred, tilting the amber spirit in my glass. Until it slid like a tidal wave, like the emotion inside me.
A storm that threatened to pull me under.
Jonah let out a gusty sigh next to me. There was a rhythmic thud that I could pretend was my heartbeat, not Beck destroying the padded walls of my safety room. The bookcase in the lounge room covered the reinforced steel entry. The spines of the decorative books shuddered.
“What is he so annoyed about?” Jonah scowled. “We did what he suggested.”
I shrugged, my tongue too twisted to think too deeply about Beck. Was that even his real name? Lara. Lyra. Lies. Even knowing she had fooled us, the echo of her terror passed through my ears like a ghost. There was nothing I could do to make it stop.
Except getting stupid drunk. Which we were halfway through achieving.
“Were they both laughing at us this whole time? What a joke.”
My fingers itched toward the keys tossed on the glass table. I wanted answers. That was the only reason I wanted to get in the car and rescue her. She’d betrayed us, yet I still couldn’t help but feel guilty.
“I don’t fucking know.” Jonah shook the last drops of alcohol into his open mouth.
His pink tongue followed the rim of the glass. I stumbled over to the vibrating shelf and plucked another random bottle. I wasn’t going to taste it. It was only there to fill the dark, gaping hole inside my chest.
“Quiet in there,” I shouted at Beck, not that he would hear.
Jonah snatched the bottle out of my hand as I stumbled back, and as our fingers touched, he flinched.
“She said she loved me. Loved us.” I let out a rough chuckle. “I fell for it.”
Jonah poured half a glass, and I jerked my wrist, motioning him to fill it to the brim. He arched a bushy eyebrow before doing the same for his own. I lifted my drink with careless fingers. Droplets spilled over my fingers, and I licked them with a desperate gasp.
The worst thing was how familiar this hurt felt.
It roared from a forgotten pit in my stomach, resurrected from its dormant state.
How many years had I thrown myself at my parents’ feet and tried to convince them to love me, even half as much as I did them?
But it never worked. Now the old hurt throbbed with this new one, the knowledge that I cared more than the other person.
It made my skin stretch and ache, as if punched.
What was so unlovable about me?
“It seems surreal.” Jonah chugged his glass with a grimace.
There was no enjoyment of the liquor. We were drinking to forget a lithe brunette with a golden tongue who tricked us both.
The alcohol sloshed in my stomach, and a wave of nausea crashed over me.
I didn’t pay heed to the sick feeling. Too far gone to care, too destructive to think about saving myself.
I was used to leaning into oblivion, an expert at it.
“And what about this organization…it can’t be real.”
“We could ask dickhead in there.” I jerked my head toward the persistent thumping.
My bottom lip popped out. Beck knew Lara’s secrets and had kept them for her.
A sliver of hurt in my chest burrowed deep into my soft, unprotected flesh like a splinter.
He lied to us as well. Until he turned on her.
It was his suggestion to throw her into a dark, small hole.
I knew something was off about him, and he confirmed it. The man was as heartless as Lara.
Jonah scrubbed his hand down and discarded his glass.
“Fuck him.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, unsteady. “Fuck him.”
“I can’t think right now,” Jonah admitted.
He really was an enigma, Adelaide’s most faithful guard. A giant of a man. He’d fucked Lara with ruthless power earlier, slamming into her as his muscular ass cheeks clenched. Something other than guilt stirred in my stomach. I filled his glass with a generous pour.
“I’m surprised you can think about anything after you hate-fucked Lara earlier.”
Jonah’s chest rose and fell in spurts as he processed my words. The drunken haze intensified, and he narrowed his eyes.
“Lyra. Remember? She even lied about her name.”
“We both fell in love with the same girl. Considering how different we are, it’s kind of crazy, isn’t it? Me, a universal god of looks. You, a secret softie.”
His nostrils flared, but he didn’t refute me. Anticipation tingled down my spine. What was I hoping would happen? I didn’t know. My thoughts melted together as the alcohol turned me languid and open. My tongue was heavy in my mouth, and for once, I didn’t want to be the one talking.
“Yeah.” He laughed as the tension snapped between us. “That’s a secret few people know.”
I nudged his glass toward him. “Don’t go soft on me, big guy. We’re drowning our sorrows.”
Jonah shook his head, his gaze a lazy slit as I moved closer.
Until my thigh pressed against his. Heat simmered in my stomach, and I blinked, trying to control the rush of energy through my veins.
It was like the pull of wheels on dirt. There was wildness, the thrill of danger. I was never one to put the brakes on.
“I don’t drink when I’m stressed.” The glassy sheen in his eyes said he was already too far gone for logic.
We both were.
He widened his legs, fighting with me for space on the leather couch. It had belonged to a mob boss, supposedly, and I found a hundred-dollar note stuffed between the cushions.
“What do you do?”
The noise of Beck trying to escape the safe room thumped through my body like a live-wire pulse.
“I have plants that always need tending. Or I meditate. Anita Orazio taught me the first one, and my neighbor Beatrice enables the hobby. But there is one thing I prefer over everything.”
“Big guy is a plant daddy? Please tell me what else takes the edge off, crocheting little animals?” I teased, and Jonah’s cheeks flushed with high color.
“Making out.”
I swallowed a laugh. Even drunk, I knew the sound would crush the big man. Kissing? Jonah had a plump set of lips and slight stubble. It wouldn’t be like kissing Lara, who was soft and tasted like strawberry lip gloss.
We reeked of spirits. But the sharp scent mingled with Jonah’s was alluring. The softest scent of Lara clung to him like a ghost. Beck’s angry thuds were loud, or was that my heart? I slid my hand across the warm leather until it tickled his shoulder.
“I’d take kissing over fighting any day of the week,” I admitted.
In my youth, I chased anything that moved, to see if they could fill a space in my chest with their bodies.
It felt good in the moment. But that ecstasy didn’t last. It faded as soon as my cock softened, bringing shame and disgust along with it.
Because it was always empty. I’d even tried men a few times enough to know I liked it.
But I preferred women and deliberately chose ones I didn’t care about until I met Lara.
Kissing her had been a revelation.
The gaping space between my ribs throbbed. It was more intimate than being inside someone. It was easy to make sex empty. Not kissing. The gray in Jonah’s eyes turned silver.
“I don’t believe that for a second,” he scoffed.
The fabric of the moment tore as Jonah pulled away.
Panic flared through me, and I acted on instinct, desperate to keep this connection between us.
It was a balm for the hurt Lara’s lies caused.
I slammed my lips onto Jonah’s, pushing him back down with all the force I could muster.
The sameness between us electrified. His stubble scraped against my jaw, and his moan rumbled through my body.
Whiskey. Sweet and strong. Jonah overwhelmed me in the best way possible.
He met my kiss with anger, his tongue battling with mine. His hands gripped my forearms as if he needed an anchor, and we tangled together on the couch. I could barely breathe, but it was stop kissing or fill my lungs, and I chose Jonah.
My rock-hard cock pulsed in the hard clasp of my pants.
I pressed my body against him, rubbing my hips in unconscious movement.
All my frustration, rage, and hurt compressed against Jonah and melted into pleasure.
My hand drifted, drunk on Jonah’s taste as the heated spirits pickled my blood.
It grazed against the hardness in his pants, and he made a sound like a whimper.
An alarm blared in my ear, but I couldn’t stop.
This kiss made me feel the same way Lara had.
Filled with everything I’d searched for.
My head spun at Jonah’s ferocious kiss. There was so much hunger, so much challenge in the way we moved together.
I splayed my hand over his hardened cock, fascinated by the way his hips jerked.
The siren rang, rang, and rang until it stole every sound except the heavy pants and gasps of our breath.
“R-Ray—fuck—get off.” Jonah wrenched himself away.
I squeezed his cock through his pants and chased his lips.
“Let me make you feel good.” I licked my bottom lip.
He traced the movement with a growl but jerked his head to the door, where the built-in security screen was lit up. I blinked until the picture sharpened. Jonah crashed his forehead against my shoulder, heaving ragged exhales. Goose bumps sprang over my body.
Adelaide stood at the gate with a scowl plastered on her face. Her mouth flapped at furious speed, and she held her phone to her ear. Probably leaving me a furious voicemail.
“This never happened.” Jonah tried to push me away, but I pinned my chest to his upper half.
He could have tossed me off if he used his full strength, but he looked away instead. The look on his face stripped the escape of what we’d done. Shame dripped from his features. I was drunk on his taste, and it took a moment for my tongue to form words.
“Don’t be a coward, big guy.”
“I love Lara. Loved…” He flicked his gaze to mine, and it seared like a brand.
I wanted to melt into this man. To take his hurt and mine and make something good from it. I knew it was wishful thinking, alcohol, and stupidity. But no-one had ever accused me of being smart.
“She’s a liar.” The venom on my tongue tainted the taste of Jonah.
And now she’s trapped underground because of it. My stomach cramped, and Beck’s thudding swamped my ears.
“Right. She’s…” Jonah jerked his head back and let out a curse.
He pushed me to the opposite side of the couch. The alarm at the gate blared under Adelaide’s impatient hold. She jabbed at it and glared directly at the camera.
“I’m drunk, angry and confused. This was just pent-up emotion.” Jonah tried to justify it, but I looked pointedly between his legs.
I’d let him have his moment. I was confident in my sexuality, and I knew it wasn’t the same for everyone.
“I’ll just ignore how fucking hard you are for me then.” I ran my hand through my hair.
He didn’t reply, and all the delicious color I added to his cheeks drained away. A fucking shame. Who knew Jonah blushing was such a turn-on? Jonah scrambled off the couch and toward the door.
“Adelaide is waiting.”
He dodged my laser judgment and tossed a flimsy excuse for his cowardice.
“Don’t wash your mouth out, big guy. I like the idea of me on your tongue.”
“I’ll get the boss.” Jonah blanched and slammed the door on his way out.
He was so damn easy to tease, and I couldn’t help myself. The bookcase shuddered, with some bottles clinking together. What was going through Beck’s head right now? I guessed we would get more answers soon. I pressed the speaker on my phone. The blaring alarm paused.
“You made good time. Jonah is coming to get you.”
Twin Adelaides danced in front of me. Both of them wore waspish expressions.
“Are you drunk?”
“Drunk is downplaying it.” I chuckled and put the speaker on mute as Adelaide cursed me to hell and back.
I was in pieces. Betrayed and broken.
Adelaide could give me a little grace while I grieved everything that had happened today.
I’d held the heart of my girl for less than an hour before she destroyed it with her lies.
I hoped Adelaide wouldn’t blame me when I told her who her best friend was.
From giving my heart to someone and having them stomp it into the ground in the space of a night.