27. Chapter 27
Chapter twenty-seven
My steps were heavy and slow as I entered the dining hall the following morning, and part of me wanted to bail on this whole confrontation.
I needed to know what my father’s abilities were, though. Needed to know that he didn’t have anything to do with Corym’s breakdown last night. Regardless of whatever secrets he was hiding, I had to make sure that he wouldn’t violate someone’s mind like that.
God, what if he had used compulsion on me? How would I even know? I thought back to everything that had happened since I arrived. Was anything I had done strange or out of character?
My heart started racing, and I delved into the pocket of my tunic for a Klonopin. If there was ever a time to use one, it was now.
Every second I waited for my father felt like an hour.
Just as my medication began to smooth out my breathing, heavy steps announced his arrival.
“Good morning, Raynella,” he said in his pleasantly booming voice. “I am glad you are here. I need to speak with you and have precious little time this morning.”
He looked the same as he did most every day. Loose pants, silver mantle around his shoulders, long raven hair flowing loosely down his back, and a crown of diamonds nestled atop his head.
“Wait,” I said firmly before he could sit. “I need you to tell me something right now.”
His brow crinkled in confusion. “Anything, Raynella.”
I stifled the bitter laugh that threatened to escape at that response and steadied my voice. “I need you to tell me what abilities you have.”
He blinked at me as if it was the last thing he’d expected me to ask. “Why do you wish to know?”
“Just tell me!” I demanded, the calming effects of Klonopin bowing to my frayed nerves.
“All right. I am an amplissario so I have three abilities,” he began cautiously, as if afraid I might snap again. “Like many Vitaeans, I have my healing power, though it is not as strong as most. Beyond that, I am an aquiservian and my mental gift is telekinesis.”
His words were everything I wanted to hear, and if he was telling the truth, then he couldn’t have messed with Corym’s mind. But I wouldn’t just take his word for it. Not anymore.
“Prove it,” I demanded.
“Raynella, what is this all about?”
“Prove. It,” I said again, my jaw aching with tension.
His eyes flickered around the room, then he sighed heavily and gestured toward the table with his right hand. The water I’d been drinking swirled up and out of the cup, shaped itself into a perfect flower, then dropped smoothly back into the glass.
“And the other?” I prodded.
He faced the wall of windows and squinted his eyes slightly. I turned to watch, and all the tension I’d been holding melted away as the curtains opened and closed.
He was telling the truth.
“Thank you,” I said weakly, slumping back in my chair.
He took his seat, regarding me with concerned eyes. “Will you tell me now why that was so important to you?”
I sipped my water to buy some time to think. I couldn’t exactly tell him that I went to go have Corym do the mind transfer after he specifically told me to wait.
“I realized last night that I didn’t know anything about you. We've barely spent any time together because you’re always off doing king stuff, and I was starting to feel like maybe you were keeping something from me. It was stupid, I know, but I’ve never had a father before.”
I forced myself to meet his eyes, and the amount of sympathy and pain in them had me rethinking every negative thought I’d ever had. Sure, he bullied me into doing what he wanted for the supposed good of his court, but that didn’t mean he had some deeper nefarious plan. This was not my world, and maybe my father's actions would be considered justified here. For all I knew, refusing to show up to his dinners might be the same as someone in my world refusing to accept a medal of honor from the president—insulting and unheard of.
My stomach twisted as a wave of nausea and embarrassment swept over me. What if I had been so scared about finally having a family that I was subconsciously doing everything I could to sabotage it?
“Raynella,” he said softly. “I am so sorry that I gave you cause to doubt me. I know I handled the situation with Camden and Ramset poorly, but I just found you. I had to witness each of my children succumb to the plague, and that day in the city I was so afraid that I had lost you as well. This King’s Council has occupied so much of my time that should have been spent getting to know you better, and for that I am truly sorry. It will all be over in a few days. Everything will be better afterward. Trust me.”
I pulled my braid around and chewed on the end for a second. Everything he said was what I wanted to hear except…
“What about my purse?” I asked.
He blinked. “Your purse?”
“Yeah, I found my purse in your office. I was looking for you and saw my phone on your desk. I just don’t know why you’ve kept it from me.”
“Raynella,” he said calmly, “half of this court has access to my study. If someone placed your purse on my desk, I was not informed of it. That is the truth.”
Something inside me broke then. Maybe having some kind of relationship with my father wasn’t totally a lost cause.
“I’m sorry,” I said meekly. “I should have talked to you.”
His hand reached out to pat mine. “It will be all right. I can only imagine how strange this world is for you. How much our way of life differs from your own. I could never take offense at your concerns. I do hope you know you can speak with me in the future.”
“I know,” I said, swallowing hard.
A servant brought in a tray of food for me, and I noted the lack of a second plate.
“You’re not eating breakfast?”
“I am afraid not,” he replied, smoothing down his mantle. “I would enjoy nothing more than to dine with you, but with the Council a mere three days away I simply cannot. I only came to let you know that a dressmaker will be arriving a bit later this morning to design your gown for the banquet. Dey will retrieve you from the Sylvarium at the appropriate time.”
For a short blissful while I had forgotten about the upcoming ball.
Feeling like we had connected a bit, I decided to throw a hail Mary. “Are you sure all this is a good idea? I’m still leaving in a few weeks. How will you explain my disappearance again?”
My father gave me a small smile, kissed me on the forehead, and turned to leave the room. “A few weeks is a long time, Raynella,” he tossed over his shoulder. “You may yet change your mind.”
“Not likely,” I muttered under my breath and sat down to eat breakfast.
Alone.
The Sylvarium was empty when I arrived, save for the usual flock of baby crescia. I was pleased to see Jenni and Opal make a beeline in my direction
“I’m starting to think you guys like me,” I joked. I definitely had my fair share of others fluttering nearby, but Jenni and Opal had definitely staked their claim. “So which one of you is it going to be then?” I asked, trying to decide if I even had a preference. Opal was smaller, quieter, and a bit more timid, while Jenni was considerably more vocal, playful, and always the first to land in my hair.
I ran my fingers lightly over both of their delicate wings. “Just so you guys know, I like you both, but I also won’t be around long. You might want to hold off for someone better.”
“Now who could be better than the princess?”
I whirled around as the sweetly amused voice of Jo slipped through my mind. I watched as she moved lazily through the Sylvarium, picking the occasional berry and sniffing the flowers.
“Can you teach me how to do that?” I asked as she got closer.
“How to do what?”
“Talk inside your mind. Like, can I project my thoughts or whatever into your head without speaking out loud?”
Jo popped a berry into her mouth. “There is nothing to teach, Rain. Whenever someone wishes to speak with me, their mind essentially opens up, making it easy for me to pull out the thoughts. ”
My eyes followed her around the room, and I decided to give it a shot. Without opening my mouth, I thought, “So… can you hear me?”
She smiled. “I can. ”
My face almost hurt I was grinning so big. “Do I have to be looking at you?”
“No, ” she replied, ducking behind a massive hanging plant with vines so thick they formed a solid curtain down to the ground. “You need only be thinking of me. Try again now that I am hidden. ”
I closed my eyes, wanting to see if I could do it with no visuals at all. “Is it insulting if I ask how old you are? I’ve learned that appearance means very little in terms of age. ”
It was like I could feel her shrug inside my head as she replied. “It is not a commonly asked question, no, but I do not mind. Given the varying lifespans of our people, it is typically viewed as irrelevant by most. Similar to asking one’s favorite color. Just a random factoid about them. And for the record, I am twenty-three. I have no healing magic so I will age much like a human. ”
I settled onto the floor of the Sylvarium and leaned back against the bench, keeping my eyes closed. “Huh. I don't think I realized that only the ones with healing magic got to live longer. ”
Something like a sigh rolled through my mind before she responded. “It is one of many injustices that may be corrected once the ley lines are restored. Let us not speak of such things, though. Why did you wish to know my age?”
I bit my lip and fought back the twinge of guilt that I basically wanted to ask Jo a million questions. It didn’t seem like a particularly balanced friendship when I barely knew anything about her.
“I can sense you are conflicted about something, Rain. ”
“I’m sorry. It’s just… I have a lot of questions, but I don’t want you to think that I only wanted to hang out so I could grill you for information. ”
The soft scuff of boots alerted me to Jo’s presence before I felt her settle down beside me.
“I would never think that, Rain. If I can help you understand our world even a little better than I will do so gladly.”
“Why?” I asked, so unused to people openly volunteering information.
“Selfish reasons mostly. I do not want you to leave. If there is a chance I can help this feel like home to you, then I must take it.”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. How many people would I be leaving behind when I returned to my world? And were they all really less important than Jenn? It was an impossible question, and yet I still knew the answer. My home would always be wherever my sister was.
“I am sorry if my answer caused you pain. ”
“No,” I said quickly, opening my eyes to look at her. “I’m just not used to having anybody besides my sister actually want me to stick around. That’s all. ”
She gave me a sad smile. “Do people in your world not see how amazing you are?”
I glanced away as a highlight reel of abuse flashed through my head. The beatings from foster parents who would inevitably send me back. The teasing from my classmates every time I skipped lunch because I had nothing to eat and no money to buy anything. The bullying from the rich girls with private music tutors always saying that I was a waste of a perfectly good violin.
“No, not exactly,” I thought weakly, though I didn’t know if it even made it from my mind to hers. If it did, she mercifully didn’t press the issue.
“What questions can I answer for you, Rain?”
I looked over at her and relaxed a little when I saw no pity on her face. “Truthfully, I asked about your age in hopes you were around when my mother was here, but she would have died before you were born. ”
“Yes, I am afraid that is correct. You would have better luck finding someone who knew her down in Civi Obsura. While humans are technically not allowed to live within any of the kingdom’s cities, I know there are many pockets of them that reside there. It is where King Verren found her after all.”
“Thanks. I doubt he’ll let me take a sightseeing trip anytime soon, but maybe I can sneak off after the Council is done. ”
Jo gave me a strange appraising look, but it shifted into a neutral expression as Dey entered the Sylvarium.
“Princess,” he said, striding across the room toward us. “What are you doing on the floor?”
Standing up, I dusted off my leggings. “What’s wrong with the floor?”
You would think I had asked what’s wrong with eating dirt based off the look he gave me in response.
I shook my head. “Never mind. I take it the dressmaker is here?”
“Yes, they are waiting in your chambers. Shall we head up there?”
“Might as well get this over with.” I turned to Jo. “Same time tomorrow?”
“It would be my pleasure. ”
I gave her one last smile and turned to follow Dey from the Sylvarium.
His eyes flicked up to my hair. “Are you aware that you have two crescia on your head?” he asked.
“Oh, right.” I reached up to nudge them, surprised they hadn’t flown away on their own like every other time I left the room. Jenni let out a string of sharp chitters, and I got the feeling she wanted to stay. “Can they come with me?”
Dey raised an eyebrow. “I am afraid not. One of them may have chosen you as their future bonded, but they must stay here where it is safe for now.”
“Sorry, ladies,” I said, despite having no idea if crescia even had genders. “You heard him. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jenni gave one last irritated chitter, then she and Opal flew away.
We arrived at my room to find a tall slender female with short graying hair and a stern face that reminded me of the nuns back in the orphanage. I was just glad her dress was a vibrant emerald instead of black, or I would have suffered some serious flashbacks.
She addressed Dey as we walked inside, and whatever she said was definitely not a pleasant greeting. He spoke to her briefly, then she huffed and began sorting through her box of supplies.
“She is merely annoyed that we are late is all,” Dey explained, as he plopped onto my bed and leaned back against the headboard. I started to tell him to get the hell off my bed, but the seamstress locked her rough hands on mine and yanked me into the center of the room.
I squirmed under her assessment. I never had a female make me feel like a piece of meat before, but I always thought I’d feel a bit more flattered if it ever happened. Judging by her scowl, she definitely didn’t like what she was seeing. And here I thought I was starting to look better.
Turning back to her open satchel, she flicked her hand, and a black wooden box floated up. Aeriservian, I realized, still not used to seeing magic used so casually. She gave a few more flicks of her wrist, and I tried not to flinch as the case popped open to release four thin strips of fabric that wrapped themselves around my breasts, stomach, hips, and right bicep. She gave another flick, and red pins shot toward my body, weaving themselves into the fabric to mark my sizes.
She said something in Rivellan, and I craned my neck to look at Dey.
“She said to relax,” Dey translated.
“You try relaxing with sharp metal bits flying at your body,” I shot back.
Resigning myself to my fate, I held painfully still to avoid getting stabbed.
“Is she almost done?” I asked after what felt like an hour but was likely only fifteen minutes. The seamstress had stopped focusing on me a while ago and just stood there, drawing on a piece of parchment with a thin charcoal stick.
“She is mocking up a sketch for you to approve. If you are pleased with it, then yes, you will be finished,” he replied.
Finally, the seamstress revealed her vision, and I choked back a gasp.
I always hated dresses. As far as clothing options went, they were uncomfortable and made me feel fragile, like dressing too feminine somehow changed me into a delicate flower who needed a strong man to save her.
I didn’t hate this dress, though. If the final product was anything like the sketch, then it would likely be the first dress I ever put on voluntarily.
“Did she say what color it will be?” I asked, tracing a finger down the drawing as I waited for her response.
“She said that for the lost princess of the Diamond Court, nothing would be acceptable save for undyed crescia silk,” Dey replied, and I caught a hint of reverence in his voice.
“Crescia silk?” I had spent a fair amount of time in the Sylvarium and never once saw a crescia spinning any webs.
“Crescia draw themselves into sort of a cocoon once they have bonded,” he explained. “They spend a short period of time inside and reemerge in their new form. They only produce the silk for the transformation so, as you can imagine, it is very rare.” He paused. “And beautiful.”
“But it has long sleeves,” I mused, continuing to take in every detail on the page. “Why would they use more silk than necessary if it’s so special?”
Dey cleared his throat, and I tore my eyes away from the drawing to look at him.
“King Verren thought that perhaps it would be better if… if perhaps we…” He looked so uncomfortable it was almost adorable.
“What, Dey? It’s a simple question.”
He blushed, his words barely discernible as they rushed out. “He felt perhaps we should not openly display your lack of manifested power.”
“Yeah, okay. I get that,” I agreed, turning back to the drawing.
“You are not upset by this, Princess?”
I shrugged. “No, why would I be? I think it’s a waste of the super rare silk, but I remember what happened in Civi Adasa.”
“I am pleased that you are not offended,” he said, sounding profoundly relieved.
I turned his words over in my head. Should I be offended? I guess it was a little strange. I highly doubted anyone would dare attack me here in the castle, so why hide my arms?
Unless… he was ashamed of me. Of the fact that I hadn’t manifested any powers.
“Are you well, Princess?” Dey asked, pausing by the door after escorting the seamstress out.
I waved a hand. “I’m fine. Go do whatever you gotta do. I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”
“Perhaps you will sit with me this time?”
He gave me a lopsided grin, and I plastered on a fake smile in return. “Sure, why not? Just make sure Josira has a place near me, ok?”
“Of course. I will see you tonight.”
Left alone with my tumultuous thoughts, I stared up at the stone ceiling of my suddenly cold and empty room.
Ashamed. My father was ashamed of me. The thoughts rolled over me, a suffocating darkness threatening to swallow me whole and drag me down into the black abyss of suffering I had spent so many nights in as a child.
Stop , I comanded myself. I wasn’t going to do this again. I wasn’t a kid anymore, and I was too old to wallow in my lack of parental approval. If my father was so ashamed that I didn’t have any powers yet, then I guess it was time to go get some damn powers. I was tired of being the only one here without them.
I thought back to the three ways Dey said I could activate my abilities. Crescia? That hadn’t helped so far. Sex? While I’m sure Dey would gladly volunteer, that was so far from being an option now. Which left only pain. I needed someone to hurt me, emotionally and physically. And it needed to hurt a lot.
The memory of when I was sixteen scratched at the door of my mind, and I knew nothing short of reliving that night would be enough to break me.
I bit my lip. Was I really going to have someone torture me just because my father was ashamed of me?
No , I thought. This wasn't for him. I'd been hiding from that night long enough, shoving it down and refusing to go back there. I would need to deal with it sooner or later, and if meant I could finally hold my own in this world, then I guess I was going with sooner.
And I knew just who to ask.