28. Chapter 28
Chapter twenty-eight
I don’t know what I expected to see when I entered the arena, but I did know what I absolutely wasn’t expecting to see—Sin backed up against a wall with a female wrapping her long legs around his waist. They were so entangled that I wouldn’t have even known it was him save for his familiar leather black tunic.
It was instantaneous, the jealousy that boiled up inside me.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I screeched before my rational brain could catch up and warn me that this was a very bad idea. That I had no claim over Sin and even less of a say in what, or who, he did in his spare time. “Was this why our kiss was a mistake? You know you could have mentioned you were with someone. You didn’t have to play me like a damned violin!”
Sin shifted around to look at me over the female’s shoulder, his face tense and strained, before it disappeared behind a long curtain of silky chestnut tresses.
My vision turned red.
He acknowledged my presence and didn’t even have the decency to push her away? I had never felt like a violent person before. Sure, anger was a close and personal friend but violence? That was new.
I stormed across the arena to do something—not that I had any bright ideas in the moment—but before I reached them, the female suddenly went flying back and hit the ground hard at my feet.
I stumbled backward, tripped, and landed on my ass. Scrambling to get up, I paused only when a calloused hand appeared in front of my face. Raising my arm to block the intense sun, I saw Sin leaning over me.
“No thanks,” I grumbled, slapping his arm away and climbing to my feet unceremoniously. Beside me, the female popped her to feet with the grace and execution of a warrior gymnast. I took her in briefly, registering the short-sleeve burgundy tunic and leggings paired with tall black boots that reached nearly to her knees, and a bodice made of chainmail snug against her ample chest. It was her face that I lingered on, though. She was beautiful in the kind of way that I never would be. Tall and athletic with soft features, wide blue eyes, and olive skin that practically gleamed in the sunlight. She was like the female equivalent of Dey, and I wanted nothing more than to mess up her pretty face.
If I paused for even a second to analyze that thought, I might have realized that the jealousy coursing through me was something to be a bit concerned about, but once again, my mouth was faster than my brain.
I whirled on Sin. “What the hell is going on? And who the hell is she?” I thumbed a finger at the hottie who just stood there watching me, as if I was a curious new insect and she was debating whether or not I was worth squashing.
I added her to my brand new 'maim and murder later' list then turned my fury back to Sin. It took all I had not to slap the smirk right off his damn face. God, he looked like a cat that ate a canary and enjoyed every last bite.
He stepped up to the female—whose gentle features had settled into a rather intimidating glare after I dismissed her—and said, “Rain, meet Peywyn.”
“Nice to meet you,” I replied, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. “Sorry I interrupted your little tryst,” I said to Sin. “By all means, don’t let me stop you from making out with someone who isn’t a mistake.” My words were sharper than a knife, yet the smirk never even wavered. Couldn’t he at least have the decency to look a little embarrassed that I had caught him?
I spun on my heels to stalk out of the arena before I did something stupid, like hurt my hand on his rock hard chin, but Sin grabbed my arm, halting my dramatic exit. “Peywyn is one of my soldiers. We were training, Fea Remia. No need to get jealous.”
“Jealous?” I scoffed, completely dismissing the first part of the sentence. “I don’t get jealous. And especially not over you.”
“That’s not what I saw,” he said smoothly, “Tell me, do you nearly claw out the eyes of every female Dey speaks to, or is this level of rage special just for me?”
My flaming crimson cheeks had nothing to do with the two suns beating down. “You son of a bitch,” I growled, my tone low and laced with the threat of violence.
“You’re lucky I know that’s just an expression, otherwise I might be insulted,” Sin replied coolly. “My mother was quite lovely.”
His words dumped a bucket of ice water over me. Every ounce of anger drained away as I recalled what Corym said about Sin’s mom; how she raised him alone but died of that horrific plague… and I just called her a bitch. It didn’t matter if it was a figure of speech, I still couldn’t believe I had said it. Once again my uncontrolled anger had me spouting things I didn’t really mean.
Sin’s smirk dropped then, giving way to confused wariness as he watched shame overtake me. He released my arm and took a step back, evaluating this strange new creature in front of him.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled awkwardly. I turned to the female who regarded me with crossed arms and a rigid demeanor. “Sorry,” I said quickly to her as well, his earlier words about her being a soldier finally penetrating the haze of my rage.
I rushed to leave the arena before I could embarrass myself further and made it just inside the tunnel before a rough hand clamped on my bicep, whirling me around. The action yanked me off balance, and I found myself careening into Sin’s chest.
With lightning fast reflexes, he trapped me against him. “Would you please stop for one second and actually listen to me? Peywyn is my partner in the Elemental Games. We were training in close combat fighting. She had a band of water at my throat choking me, or I would have explained when I first saw you.”
Behind him, Peywyn threw up her hands in exasperation and stomped out of the arena. It was the response of someone annoyed that their training had been interrupted, not someone upset that their boyfriend was now holding another woman. Which had to mean he was telling the truth. Once again I had made a complete and utter ass of myself.
“Oh.”
“'Oh?' That’s all I get?” His glare faded as the corner of his lip twitched up. “Fea Remia, you wanted to murder Peywyn. I believe I deserve more than 'oh.'”
“Well 'oh' is all you get,” I said, now struggling to break his tight embrace. I needed to get back to my room and die of mortification in peace.
He relaxed his hold on me enough to slide his hands down to my forearms, the firm grip indicating that he wasn’t letting go just yet.
“You never answered my question,” he said.
“What question?”
“I asked if you get jealous whenever Dey speaks to another female.”
Answering that was the last thing I wanted to do. His ego was big enough. I opened my mouth to give some flippant response, but he stopped me.
“The truth, Rain. I can tell when you’re lying.”
I didn’t know how the hell he could possibly do that, but the confidence in his eyes gave me pause. I glared at him and tugged my arms, trying to break free.
His grip only tightened. “Tell me the truth and I’ll let you go.”
I didn’t see any way out of it, so I grit my teeth and said, “I haven’t seen him speak to many other females, but no, I don’t get jealous. For some reason you manage to bring out my violent side.” When he grinned, I added, “That’s not a compliment.”
He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, “To me it is.”
I could feel nearly every muscle in my body clench with desire at the heat in his words. The gentle scrape of his stubble against my cheek and his warm breath on the shell of my ear had the memory of our kiss flooding my brain, and I could think of nothing else.
He pulled back slightly and my body protested the loss of his heat. I swallowed roughly and tried to find my north star. Sin was like a damned hurricane. Every time I was close to him I always seemed to lose my bearings.
“Will you let go of me now?” I asked tightly, doing my best to hide how he had affected me.
He gave me a sly grin. “Nah.”
I gaped at him and pulled against his grip. “But I answered your damn question. You said you’d let me go.”
“I lied,” he said, his smirk widening. “Asshole, remember?”
He was lucky he had both my hands trapped, or I would have smacked the grin off his face. Or I might have thrown my arms around him and let another 'mistake' happen. My mind and body were frequently at odds when it came to him.
He let me struggle briefly, then the pressure of his grip loosened, and he stepped back. “You can go if you really want to, but I’d rather you just tell me what brought you here in the first place.”
I rubbed my arms absently, enjoying the slight soreness I felt there, the reminder of how tightly he had held me and how much he didn’t want to let go. I shouldn’t like it as much as I did.
“I need your help to manifest my powers,” I confessed. “I’ve been here almost a week, and nothing has happened yet. I can’t wait any longer.”
Sin’s curious expression sank into a frown. “What’s the rush?”
I didn’t want to tell him that my father was ashamed of me, so I settled for something safer. Lifting my chin, I said, “The sooner I get my powers the sooner I can travel to the Onyx Palace. I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to.”
A muscle feathered in Sin’s jaw. “And how exactly do you think I can help with this?”
I held his gaze. “Dey told me there were three things that can possibly speed up the process. He’s had me spending time with the crescia because he felt it was the only viable option, but it’s not helping.”
A positively wolfish grin spread across his face, highlighting the lines of his crooked nose and perfect lips. He took a step closer to me, and I could feel the warmth wafting off of him despite the chill from the shadowy tunnel. My traitorous body leaned into him slightly.
Chocolate had nothing on the smoothness of his voice as he replied, “You know where my bedroom is, Fea Remia. You’re welcome anytime.”
Heat absolutely blazed low in my abdomen. My toes curled inside my chucks, and I struggled to breathe. The throbbing between my thighs begged for his touch as a thousand images flashed through my brain.
Images of Sin naked on top of me, pumping into me with a punishing rhythm as I cried out my release.
Images of me on top of him, sinking down until every inch of his hard length was seated deep inside me.
My heart beat faster and faster as I was drowned in the visuals of us together.
Against a wall, the rough stone scraping against my back.
On the floor of his bedroom, me on my hands and knees.
In the pools, my ass propped up on the edge with his head buried between my legs.
It was that last one that broke me. Just enough that a small gasp slipped out. There was no hiding my reaction to his words. I wanted him, unequivocally, and now he knew it.
I took a step back, needing space from his presence that muddled my brain so profoundly. I could never think when he was that close to me. My back hit the stone wall of the tunnel, and the cool brick was a balm on my overheated skin.
That gentle kiss of chill was enough shock for me to close my eyes and focus. I came here for a reason, and it wasn’t to jump Sin’s bones and ride him at a furious pace until he exploded like warm champagne. Sure, Dey said sex was an option for manifesting my powers, but if it didn't work, then I was left with the awkward aftermath of dealing with Sin for weeks to come.
I took three deep breaths to calm my racing heart before I felt confident my libido had been tamed.
I opened my eyes, and my confidence was shattered as my thoughts once again tumbled into an abyss of need and desire. He had a hand on either side of the stone wall, caging me in, and his face was so close it would only take the slightest shift forward to press my lips against his. To spark the firework that would inevitably burn us both.
His body was rock hard and completely still as he held himself inches away from me, daring me to make that first move. His stormy ocean scent surrounded me, and I wanted nothing more than to fall into the dark sea that was Sin. To finish what we had started in the weapons room.
It was that thought that saved me. Our kiss in the weapons room. The one he had called a mistake. I didn’t have much, but I had my dignity, and I’d rather be tortured than fuck someone who thought being with me was ultimately a bad idea.
I slid down and ducked underneath his arms, the action quite possibly the hardest thing I’d ever done.
He leaned one shoulder against the wall I had just vacated and crossed his arms, giving me an amused look.
He was so much the picture of cool and collected that I couldn’t stand it. The pulsing desire low in my body shot up into my chest and bloomed into white hot anger.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You called our kiss a mistake, and now you’re happy to jump into bed? Which is it, Sin? Do you want me or not? Because I’m getting a little tired of trying to figure you out.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wanted to take them back. Nothing good would come from him answering that question. I didn't know what it would mean between us if he said yes, but at the same time, I didn’t think I would survive if he said no.
“On second thought, don’t answer that. I don’t care. I didn’t come here to seduce you. I said I needed your help with my powers, but I didn’t have sex in mind.”
Sin’s brow wrinkled in confusion, and I could see him trying to recall the third possibility. I knew the moment he figured it out because everything in his body went rigid. “No,” he said firmly then took off striding across the arena.
I jogged after him. “What do you mean 'no?' I told you that I need my powers to manifest. And if I really have four of them to get through, then I need to get started.”
His brisk stride barely slowed.
“Would you just freaking wait?” I yelled, closing the distance between us. “I feel like I’m always chasing you across this damn arena. For once can you just help me without being so freaking difficult?”
Before I knew what was happening, Sin had my arms pinned tight against my sides, his strong hands shackling my wrists and forcing them down. A small cry escaped at the pressure of his grip. I didn’t realize he had been gentle before. This was rough and uncontrolled Sin.
“Is this what you want?” he demanded, shaking me like a rag doll. Another gasp of pain slipped out as he wrenched my hands back behind me and my chest bowed against his. “You want me to hurt you? Is that really what you want, Rain?”
“Yes,” I said firmly, meeting the intensity of his gaze head on. It was all I needed to say because I placed no asterisks on my statement. I wanted my power. I needed to feel powerful.
There was so much rage in Sin’s eyes. He let go of my hands, and I fell to the ground.
“I won’t do it,” he said, something dark simmering under the surface of his words. “I won’t hurt you just so you can make them happy. You’re doing this, all of this, for them.” He spat the word, and I knew the disgust he felt wasn’t for me but for the people who drove me to this point. “They don’t deserve you.”
“This isn't for them,” I argued. “It's for me. I just need to stop feeling weak. Please, Sin. I need to stop feeling so… lost.”
His entire demeanor collapsed then, crumpling under the weight of my request. His head dropped, and for a minute he stood there, not saying a word but also not walking away.
A moment later, he knelt beside me. “Oh, Fea Remia,” he murmured, “why me?”
“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly. “When I made my decision you were the first person I thought of. I can’t explain it, but I feel like what I need… It has to be you.”
He studied my face. “What exactly are you asking for, Rain?”
“Dey said it has to be a mix of physical and emotional pain, so I need you to help me relive the worst night of my life.” Turning away from him, I dragged my tunic up, exposing the wide patch of ruined skin on my lower back. “I want you to cut these scars open.”
Just thinking of that night already had me quivering. When Sin sliced into my flesh… it would destroy me. I just hoped I could rebuild myself afterward.
He made no sound at the sight of my scars, and I waited for him to say something. Every second felt like agony as I sat there, hunched over and feeling more bare than if I had actually been naked.
When I could no longer take the silence, I turned back to him, prepared to see pity or shock. Maybe even disgust. I’d seen it all. Hell, more than a few guys had refused to be with me after they saw the scars.
All I saw on Sin’s face, though, was pure concentrated rage. Every hard line of his face was locked in tension, and I saw the muscle in his jaw tick twice before he opened his mouth.
“When?”
I blinked at him, confused. Who, why, and how were the popular choices when someone saw the damage but 'when' was rarely brought up. And yet, it seemed so important to him.
Whatever the reason, I felt like I could tell him the truth, the raw, dirty truth that most people who saw my back didn’t actually want to know.
The words came out sluggishly as I forced myself back to that night. “I was sixteen. I’d been sent to live with a new foster family—the Thorntons. At first, I thought they were wonderful, and they even had a son my age. Jimmy was so cute, and for weeks he made me think that he was kind and funny and…”
My throat tried to close up on me at the memory. I’d never even been able to talk about it before. Not to Jenn, not to any therapists. I could feel something straining inside me, something hot and angry trying to break free from where it lay buried deep beneath layers of pain and suffering.
Dropping my eyes to the dirt at my feet, I forced the rest out. “He was my first. I thought he liked me. Maybe even loved me, whatever that means. But after we… I was laying there with my back to him, imagining how much better my life could be with a loving home and a boyfriend who saw me as more than an orphan. I was so happy. For the first time in my pathetic life I was actually optimistic and hopeful and… na?ve.
“He was halfway through the first cut before I even felt the knife in my skin. I was too small and too weak to do anything more than struggle, and that just made it hurt worse. He held me down and took his time. He wanted it to be perfect. I was sobbing so loudly that his dad came in and told me to keep quiet. He knew exactly what his son was doing and didn’t care.
“When Jimmy finished, he went back to his room, and I spent the rest of the night curled into a ball, my blood soaking the mattress beneath me. The next morning they slapped a bandage on it and said they would kill me if I ever told anyone. A week later I was sent to a new foster home. Their twisted son got what he wanted, and they had no further use for me.”
I traced the thick ridges covering the entirety of my lower back that no amount of time would ever fade. JRT, he had carved. Jimmy Ryan Thornton.
I pushed myself to meet Sin’s gaze, to see what he thought of me now that he knew the truth. His face was twisted in agony, and I honestly thought I might have preferred pity.
“He claimed you,” he whispered, his entire body shaking, his fists clenching and unclenching at his side. “I didn’t know.”
I laughed bitterly. “Of course you didn’t know. Nobody here does. Well, Cam saw my back once, but I told him to keep quiet and didn’t give any details. I don’t exactly enjoy reliving it.”
He shook his head, mumbling to himself. “He needs to pay. I should have made him pay for it…”
I gaped at him. “What are you talking about? I was sixteen, and we hadn’t even met yet. I don’t need your overprotective, alpha male bullshit, and I really don’t need it retroactively.” I climbed to my feet and pulled my tunic on. “I’ve hidden from what happened that night my whole life. If reliving it helps me become stronger then… then at least something good can come out of it. So help me become strong.”
He didn’t get up, just remained sitting in the dirt, refusing to look at me. “I can’t,” he said softly.
“Please tell me you’re joking,” I replied, disbelief flooding my face. “I know it’s disgusting, but you would be doing me a favor. You could help me awaken my power. Please, Sin.” I never begged anyone for anything, but I would crawl on hands and knees if it meant I might wake up tomorrow able to wield magic.
He looked at me then, something inexplicable hiding in the depths of his eyes. “Your back is not disgusting, Rain. You could never be disgusting to me. But I won’t make it worse.” He paused, then added something in Rivellan, his words soft and tender.
I was too angry to even care what it meant. I just told him my darkest secret, ripped my trauma wide open in front of him, and he was refusing? “Why the hell not?” I yelled.
Something about my scream broke through to him then, and he jumped to his feet, pulling me roughly into his arms, my head braced tightly against his chest. “I won’t be another monster in your story, Fea Remia. I will not, could not, ever hurt you like that.”
The words were compassionate, and I felt so safe in his arms. Any other time, any other day, I would have snuggled deeper into him, relishing that comfort and security. Right then, it was the exact opposite of what I needed.
I pushed him hard and backed away quickly. “Then what good are you?” I spat, infusing my voice with all the disdain and disappointment I felt.
I didn’t look back as I tore out of the arena, my hopes of gaining my powers crushed beneath his feet.