CHAPTER TWELVE | London #2
“I really do.” A semblance of a smile traces his lips, and I swear I nearly melt at the sight.
I want to say no, my pride resisting the urge to accept the olive branch he’s extending, but my heart won’t let me. Because in truth, as painful as it is to come here every day, it beats the alternative of not getting to see him at all. Which I hate.
I convinced myself I was over him, that I didn’t care, but with each day that has passed, it’s become painfully obvious how much I do still care. I care what he thinks. What he feels. That he hates me so much.
I care way more than I should.
“Fine,” I finally concede.
“Okay.” He rocks back on his heels.
“Okay,” I repeat back to him.
“Just one more thing,” he quickly tacks on. “As long as you work for me, you cannot date any other employee.”
I have to resist the urge to smile. Trav knew exactly what he was doing and dang it if I could kiss him all over again for it.
I may not know this version of Penn, but I still know him at his core. Even if he’s buried it so deep he no longer recognizes it, somewhere deep down, Penn doesn’t hate me as much as he wishes he did.
A tiny spark of hope blooms in my chest, though what I’m hoping for, I cannot yet say.
“Including you?” The question falls from my lips before I can take it back. I meant for it to be funny, but it doesn’t come out that way at all.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, London,” he says instead.
Turning on his heel, he walks away without another word.
“Yeah. See you tomorrow,” I say, even though he’s too far away to hear me.
“SO WAIT, HE FIRED YOU. And then he rehired you?” Jos laughs like she finds this entire situation extremely comical. “But only after one of his employees had his tongue down your throat.”
“His tongue was not down my throat.” I snort, taking a long pull from the glass of wine in front of me. After the day I had, I definitely needed something to take the edge off.
I’ve never been much of a drinker. It did nothing to propel me toward my goals, so I never bothered with it.
That is, until the accident. I still don’t indulge often, only when I’m really mad or really sad.
Though right now, I feel so many different emotions, I couldn’t tell you which is most prominent.
“Uh-huh.” She gives me a knowing smile.
“I think your imagination is getting away from you again. I promise, it wasn’t nearly as exciting as you’re thinking. Very PG.”
“PG or not, I wouldn’t object if that man saw fit to lay one or two on me. Travis Baker is F.I.N.E. Fine, fine, fine.”
“I didn’t even know you knew Trav.”
“I think you’ve been away from Wren Cove too long. Everybody knows everybody around here.”
“Something I definitely miss about New York.”
“I will admit, it is nice walking down the street where no one knows or gives two hoots about who the heck you are.” She takes a sip of her own drink. “But you gotta admit, there’s also something very lonely about it too.”
I think about that for a long moment, realizing she’s not wrong. There is something very lonely about existing in a world where there are millions of people all around you, but yet you’re still utterly and painfully alone.
“So anyways, are you going to see him again?” she asks.
“See who?”
“Trav, duh.”
“Oh, doubtful.”
“Why doubtful? No offense, London, but you’re wound so tight you’re at risk of popping. Maybe he could help, you know, take the edge off.”
“Well, considering Penn informed me that I was not allowed to date a coworker while I worked for him, I think it’s a moot point.”
“What Penn doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, we both know he only made that rule to keep you away from Trav. He’s so obvious it’s painful.”
“Obvious about what?”
“Oh, come on. Don’t pretend like you don’t see it.”
“See what?” I don’t try to hide my confusion.
“How pathetically in love with you he still is.”
“He is not!” I shake my head adamantly.
“Oh, he most certainly is. And what’s worse, you’re the only one who doesn’t seem to notice.”
“I think he’s perfectly content with Cat, if what I walked in on last week is any indication.”
“Cat is filler. And a strategic filler at that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you find it the least bit strange that he could literally have any woman in this town he wanted and he chose her? The only girl he knew would get under your skin.”
“They were seeing each other before I ever came back to town.”
“Penn hated Cat. Hell, I’m convinced he still does. But what better way to prove to everyone that he’s finally over you than by sleeping with your enemy.”
“Cat is not my enemy.”
“Well, she’s certainly not your friend either, now, is she?”
“I think you’re reaching.” I finish off my wine and immediately signal the bartender for another.
“I think you’re in denial.” Her eyes lock on something over my shoulder seconds before a sly smile touches her lips. “Speak of the devil and she shall appear.”
“What?” I spin my head, my stomach filling with rocks when I see Cat and Penn enter the bar. My heart thunders violently against my ribs as I track their movements to the corner booth where they take a seat opposite each other. “Perfect,” I mutter to myself.
“Weird.”
“What’s weird?”
“I can’t recall ever seeing them out together.”
“Certainly they have been, though. How else would the whole town know that they’re seeing each other?”
“Cat and her mother, of course.” Jos rolls her eyes. “They tell anyone and everyone who will listen. I’d be surprised if people in the next town over don’t know, with those two.”
“But you’ve really never seen them out together?”
“Never.” She shakes her head.
“Neither have I.” Rachel interrupts, setting my fresh glass of wine on the bar in front of me. We went to school together, though she was two grades below me, in Alec’s grade. “I’ve seen Cat in here loads, and sometimes Penn, but never them together.”
“Curious.” Jos taps her chin like she’s trying to solve a mystery.
“Very,” Rachel agrees before turning to help the middle-aged couple a few stools down from us.
“Wonder what he’s up to.”
“Why does him being here with Cat automatically mean he’s up to something? It’s not like he knew I’d be here. Hell, he hasn’t even noticed me sitting here.” I look back over my shoulder to prove my point, and sure enough, his attention is on Cat.
Their server has already set two drinks in front of them and while Cat seems at complete ease, giddy even, Penn not so much.
I can tell from the way he’s sitting, back rigid and hands clasped on the table in front of him, that he’s uncomfortable; that much would be obvious even if I hadn’t spent almost a lifetime studying his mannerisms and the way he behaves in different situations.
“What do you think they’re talking about?” Jos asks, drawing my attention back to her.
“Don’t know. Don’t care.”
“Oh, come on, you’re not even a little curious?”
“Nope.” I lie straight through my teeth.
“Yeah, okay.” She knocks her knee against mine. “Liar.” She turns to look at them. “Uh-oh.”
“What?” I quickly follow her gaze.
“Looks like there’s trouble in paradise.”
When my eyes land on them a second time, Cat’s demeanor has completely changed, and Penn looks like he’s seconds from making a beeline toward the door.
“You said you loved me!” Her voice carries over the soft hum of background music and the various conversations going on around the bar.
It’s crowded enough that not everyone seems to notice her outburst, but not me.
I’m locked on whatever it is that’s unfolding like a car wreck, disturbed but still unable to look away.
He told her he loved her???
Does he love her?
The thought cuts through me like a serrated knife, nicking and tearing at the edges.
I know I have no right to be upset, no right to care, but then why do I? Why do I feel betrayal stirring in my stomach like acid that’s now burning its way up my windpipe?
I knew they were sleeping together—hell, I walked in on them in a compromising position a few days ago, but having sex with someone and loving them are two very different things.
I haven’t loved anyone since Penn. I guess in a way, I was kind of hoping he hadn’t loved anyone else either.
But that’s selfish and ridiculous. I walked away seven years ago. I gave up my right to care about such things. But I do care. I care way more than I should.
Penn says something in return, his voice too low to hear as he clearly tries to reason with her.
“You can’t say something like that and then take it back. Is that why you brought me here? Because you thought I wouldn’t make a scene if you did this in a public setting?” Cat seems to have no awareness of how loudly she’s talking or how several more heads swing in their direction.
“Is he... Dumping her?” Josie asks, a hint of laughter to her voice.
A spark of hope blooms in my chest.
Why? I have no idea.
It’s not like Penn and I are going to get back together. I’m not even sure I’d want to if given the chance.
Deep down, I know that’s not true, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to admit it, even to myself.
What Penn and I had is rare—that much I know to be true—but some things are better left in the past. What we had is done. There’s no use in dwelling over something I can’t change.
And why would I want to? After the way he’s treated me, you’d think I wouldn’t want a single thing to do with him... And I don’t.
The wine flowing through my veins blurs my ability to reason with myself. Sober London = no Penn. Semi-drunk London? Well, she can’t help but picture the way he used to kiss her, the way he used to touch her, the way he used to love her.
Penn again tries to reason with Cat, shushing her as he looks around the room to see how many people have caught on to the altercation. When his eyes meet mine, something I can’t quite pinpoint passes over his expression.
Anger. Mortification. Regret. Pain.
All I know is it’s enough to steal the breath from my lungs and make me feel like all the air has currently been sucked from the room.
The next thing I know, he’s on his feet, exiting the restaurant like the dang thing just caught fire. It doesn’t take long for Cat to shove out of the booth and chase after him, and within seconds, they’re both gone.
“Well, hell.” Jos blows out a loud breath.
“Yeah.” I agree. Well, hell...