Chapter 55
Jeremy and I have been running for a little over two months.
I don’t know why I’m still running with him. For one thing, I hate waking up so early. At this point, now that I know he took a paternity test, it seems extremely unlikely that Teddy is my son. I have stopped squeezing Jeremy for information.
It is during our second lap today that I encounter an unexpected dip in the pavement. My ankle twists, and I go down hard. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, and it knocks the wind out of me.
When Jeremy realizes I’ve fallen, he comes to a screeching halt and crouches down beside me. “Ronnie, you okay? What happened?”
“Twisted my ankle.” I reach for my left ankle, which is already throbbing. “It really hurts.”
He kneels beside me for a little while, and then when I’m ready, he helps me back to my feet. But my ankle hurts so much, it’s hard to put weight on it. The run is definitely over. I don’t even know how I’m going to walk back to my car.
“Can you walk?” Jeremy asks me.
“Barely,” I admit.
He studies me for a moment, as if debating what to do. Then he holds out his right arm to me. “Come here. I can carry you back.”
“It’s all the way around the park!”
“Are you calling me weak?” He grins at me. “Don’t worry about it. On the days I’m not here, I lift weights. I can carry you.”
I’m not entirely sure, but that time I saw him playing soccer with Teddy, he lifted Teddy completely over his head, so he’s definitely strong.
And it’s not like I have much of a choice.
So I limp over to him and allow him to scoop me into his arms. He grunts slightly with the effort, but he doesn’t struggle or waver. I feel completely secure in his arms.
“Are you sure this is okay?” I ask him.
“You weigh nothing, Ronnie. Believe me, I’ve got it.”
And then he carries me all the way around the park, back to a bench that’s close to where we parked our cars. He gently sets me down, and I take off my shoe to check out the damage to my ankle. Sure enough, it’s already swollen.
“I’ve got an ACE wrap in my car,” he tells me. “I think I also might have an ice pack. Give me a minute.”
He jogs back to his car and returns with a roll of ACE wrap as well as what looks like a little square package in his other hand. I shouldn’t be surprised, I suppose, considering he often comes to the park with his right knee wrapped and then ices it after the run.
I attempt to wrap my swollen ankle, but I have no idea what I’m doing.
After a brief struggle that results in my eyes watering from the pain, Jeremy takes the ACE wrap away from me.
He gently wraps my ankle snugly in the stretchy material, and then he activates the ice pack and rests it against the outside of my ankle, which is exactly where it hurts, although I never even told him that.
“Better?” he asks.
“Much better,” I confirm. Between the wrap and the ice, the pain has subsided to a dull ache. I feel confident I’ll be able to make it back to my car without being carried. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
We stare at each other for a moment, across the park bench. It’s not even seven in the morning yet, and it’s so quiet here. It feels like the two of us are the only people in the entire universe.
I’m not sure who kisses who first. But a second later, his lips are on mine, and it’s the best thing that’s happened to me in years.
And I realize that there is a very good reason why I keep coming here to meet him every morning, even after I found out Teddy wasn’t Dominic and even though it’s way too damn early.
The reason is that I can’t stop thinking about him.
Even though I don’t know who initiated the kiss, Jeremy is the one who breaks it off first.
“I’m sorry.” He turns away, hanging his head. “I can’t do this.”
I get it. He’s told me enough about his life that I should have expected this. But I can’t hide my disappointment.
“I want to.” The longing in his eyes is unmistakable.
“Christ, you have no idea how much. But Naomi is so unstable. I don’t know what she would do if I were having an affair or, even worse, if I left her.
I don’t care about myself, but I can’t do it to Teddy.
I need to be there for him. He’s my number one priority. I…I’m sorry.”
“I understand,” I say, which is true, even though I hate it.
One thing I love about him is that he is so clearly a great father who will do anything for his son.
My own father certainly didn’t feel that way—he barely looked at me except to tell me my skirt was too short and I should change it if I knew what was good for me. “You’re too old for me anyway.”
He laughs. “I am. I’m an old man, and you…you could have anyone you want.”
None of that is true though. Especially the part about Jeremy being an old man.
Technically, he’s twelve years older than me, but I couldn’t care less about that.
I haven’t felt this way about anyone since Clay, and I was starting to think I never would.
I don’t think he’s right that I could have anyone I want, but even if he was, I would still want him.
Jeremy walks me back to my car, just to make sure I can do it. I have to lean on him a few times, but with my ankle wrapped, I can put some weight on it. I don’t think I’ll need a trip to the emergency room, which is a good thing because my health insurance sucks.
My Jetta has a crack in the rear fender that I can’t afford to fix.
Jeremy once casually offered to get it fixed for me.
He wouldn’t even miss the money, but I told him no.
I’m glad I refused, because I wouldn’t want him to think that the reason I kissed him today had anything to do with what he’s worth financially.
“Can you make it home okay?” he asks me.
“It’s my left ankle,” I point out. “I should be able to drive.”
“Okay.” He nods. “And…I’m sorry again…about…”
He doesn’t say what he’s sorry about, so I don’t know if it’s about kissing me or the fact that it will be the only time he ever does.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say.
“Yeah.”
He shifts between his sneakers. He looks like he wants to say something else, and I lean against my car, taking the weight off my ankle, waiting for him.
“Well,” he says, “I’ll see you later then.”
“Yes,” I say. “See you later.”
He pauses for exactly two beats, then he crosses the foot of space between us, and he presses his lips against mine once again.