Chapter 56
Jeremy and I have been sleeping together for three months when he blurts out, “I’m going to leave Naomi.”
We are lying naked in bed in my apartment, my head in the crook of his arm.
We have stopped running together, and instead, he comes here.
I’m glad to be able to give up running, because I never really enjoyed it, but giving him up would be much harder.
I assumed it would eventually come to an end though, because he is married with a child.
He was very clear from the beginning that he could never risk leaving Naomi.
“You are?”
“I spoke to a lawyer,” he says. “One of the best lawyers on Long Island. He told me that if I’m smart about it, I’ll be able to get full custody. I might need to play a little dirty, but if that’s what I need to do, I’ll do it.”
I feel a pang of guilt that Naomi Roth might go through the pain of losing a child like I did, all because of me. “What about joint custody?”
“I told you…” A pulse throbs in his temple the way it always does when we talk about his wife.
“Teddy isn’t safe with Naomi. She’s irresponsible and also completely unstable.
I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if he were staying with her.
She’d probably burn the house down with Teddy inside just to teach me a lesson. ”
I suck in a breath. “You really think she’d do that?”
“I absolutely do,” he says gravely. “Why do you think it’s taken me so long to leave her?”
He’s told me many times how badly he wanted to end his marriage but that it wouldn’t be worth setting Naomi off that way. But apparently, he thinks I’m worth it.
“Listen, Ronnie.” He props himself up on his elbow. His brow is still slightly sweaty from the activities of the morning. “We might need to cool it a little bit while this is going on.”
“Oh…” I struggle to mask my disappointment. “I understand. You probably don’t want to be associated with me right now, with my background…”
“No, it’s not that at all,” he insists. “I need to be home with Teddy more though, especially if Naomi isn’t living with us. I’m working on cutting back my hours. And also…”
I frown at him. “What?”
He scrunches his eyebrows together. “I’m worried about your safety. If Naomi finds out… Well, I’m just worried, that’s all.”
Everything he has been saying today has surprised me.
He’s usually reluctant to talk about Naomi, and when he criticizes her, he mostly talks about how unreliable she is.
She had to hire a nanny because she couldn’t manage to ever get Teddy to school on time.
Half the time, she would forget to pick him up.
But this is the first time he has ever hinted that he thinks she might be dangerous.
Once again, I think back to my helpless little baby boy, who was snatched in his car seat nearly six years ago. I have all but ruled out Naomi as the person who stole him, but there are still times when I wonder…
I never told Jeremy about Dominic. We have talked about my abusive father, my drug use, and I even told him about Clay, the only other important relationship in my past, but I have omitted that one detail from my life.
It’s something I rarely tell people, partially because it’s so hard to talk about.
One day in the future, I might be able to tell him.
But not yet.
“If you need space, it’s fine,” I tell him. “You should leave her if you’re not happy—not because of me.”
“I’m not happy,” he says. “I haven’t been for a long time.
Maybe never. I made a huge mistake marrying her.
I only did it because I wanted Teddy to have two parents in the house, but if I knew back then what I know now…
” He’s quiet for a moment, lost in thought.
But then he shakes his head. “But even so, I never would have left her if not for you. I want to be with you, Ronnie. That’s why I’m doing this. ”
So we decide to cool things off while the divorce is in progress. We will see each other but not as often, and we have to be very careful about it. It’s going to be hard, but in the end, it will be worth it.
And then we get careless, and she catches us.