Chapter 22 Luke
LUKE
“And once more, let’s get some suction,” Luke said calmly, nodding to Jimenez, who was assisting. Jimenez cleared the field, and Luke inspected the opening, making sure everything was as it should be.
“Can you close?” Luke asked Jimenez as he stepped back from the table.
“Of course, Doctor Porter. Five-zero Vicryl.”
As Jimenez sewed up the patient, who’d been in a car accident and who Luke had worked on since he’d arrived, Luke went into the scrub room and stripped off his surgical gown and gloves.
He felt better now that he was at work. Despite the chaos of the ER and the adrenaline of emergency surgeries, he was more in control here.
There was still life and death, but the life and death were in his hands.
He could use his skills as a doctor to save the lives of people he’d never met before.
It wasn’t like his fear of losing Bella, which was completely out of his hands.
Despite his newfound calm, though, Luke felt bad for how he’d left things with Bella. He remembered the look of shock and hurt on her face as he’d told her that he didn’t want to be anything more than her co-parent.
Luke hadn’t meant to say any of that. He’d meant to calmly explain that they needed to take a step back so that he could come to terms with his fears.
And instead, he’d told her he didn’t want anything to do with her.
That wasn’t true. He still wanted to be with Bella, but his fear of losing her was too great now.
If anything happened to her or the baby, he’d never forgive himself.
Still, he should check in with her and clarify that he hadn’t meant that he didn’t want to spend time with her anymore. As long as they were friends and co-parents, not romantically involved, he could keep his fears of losing her at bay. Or at least he hoped he could.
“Hey, Luke.” Marco passed by in the hallway, wearing his usual shirt and tie beneath his lab coat. “You aren’t scheduled to work today.”
“I know, but I…” Luke trailed off. He couldn’t say that he needed this, even though he did. He didn’t want to need his work anymore.
“Well, we’re always happy to have you.” Marco continued down the hall, then turned and looked back at Luke. “Is everything okay at home? With your girlfriend?”
“Bella?” Luke asked. He’d never thought of her as his girlfriend. She was somehow much more than that and always had been, from the moment he’d met her. “She’s fine.”
“Good. I just know that sometimes doctors run away from their problems at home by coming into the hospital.” Marco smiled kindly. “I wouldn’t want you to do that.”
“Thanks,” Luke replied uncertainly. He watched Marco go before turning away and heading in the opposite direction.
Marco’s concern was… nice? And he might have a point.
Luke was running away from his feelings by coming here.
Maybe he should check on how things were going with Bella.
She was probably feeling upset after this morning’s conversation, too.
Guilt flared in Luke’s stomach. He’d been unnecessarily abrupt with her. He should apologize for that, at least.
Luke took his phone out of his pocket and checked for new messages. Sure enough, there were two voicemails from Bella, from about an hour ago. He clicked on the first one and was about to listen when an intern rushed by, out of breath.
“Everything okay?” Luke asked.
“There’s a new trauma coming in.”
Luke pocketed his phone and hurried after the intern. Already he was thinking of what the trauma might be and how he could help. Trauma room two was free…
Just before he stepped into the ER, though, he paused. The other doctors could handle this, at least for a few minutes. He wasn’t even scheduled to be here. So, instead of rushing into the ER, he stepped into a side hallway to listen to the message.
“Luke,” Bella said, sounding out of breath and scared, “I know we just fought, but I need you. The baby needs you. I’m in labor, I think. Can you come home?”
His heart racing, he clicked the next message. “Luke, please come home. I think I need to go to the hospital. My waters broke.” There was definitely panic in her voice now.
That was all he needed. Not even bothering to change out of his scrubs, he raced downstairs faster than he’d ever run, got in his car, and drove home.
The whole way, his heart raced. Bella was alone and scared.
She was at the beginning of her labor, if she even was in labor, but she was still alone and scared — and it was all Luke’s fault.
He should have stayed home today, like he’d originally planned.
He shouldn’t have let his own fears push him to run off.
When he got home, he burst in through the door. The house was quiet.
“Bella?” He saw her phone on the floor, and the worry intensified. “Bella, where are you?”
He heard a faint noise upstairs. There was a pause, then a voice called out, “I’m… here!” She sounded out of breath and in pain.
Luke took the stairs two at a time and found Bella hunched over on the carpet by the bathroom.
She had a couple of towels next to her, along with a bowl of water and a bottle of hand sanitizer, the bath was half-filled in the room behind her.
Luke’s eyes widened as he took her in. She didn’t look like a patient in the early stages of labor.
Her face was flushed red, her hair was plastered to her cheeks, and her eyes were frantic.
She was clutching a comb in her hand so hard that her knuckles were white.
“Luke!” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “You’re here. You came.”
“Bella.” He fell to his knees beside her and took her hand. “I’m here. And I’m so, so sorry. I never should have left you. Everything is going to be okay now.”
A contraction hit her, and her face scrunched up in pain. Luke held her hand tightly and breathed through it with her, and when it subsided, he squeezed her hand and let go. Luke got up to wash his hands, as quickly as he could.
“I need to check you now, okay? To see how far along you are. I’m not going anywhere.”
A quick inspection showed that neither of them were going anywhere. Bella was at ten centimeters and completely effaced. She was ready to deliver their baby. There was no chance an ambulance would come in time to get her to the hospital. Taking a deep breath, Luke returned to Bella’s side.
“It looks like you’re going to have the baby right here, right now,” he said in his best calming doctor’s voice. He expected Bella to panic — most people would at the prospect of having their baby unexpectedly at home — but Bella just nodded.
“You’re here,” she said. Her green eyes were trained on his face.
“I’m here,” Luke agreed. “It’s going to be okay.”
Another contraction came, and she squeezed his hand.
In that moment, certainty came over Luke.
He’d made a terrible mistake, not just by leaving Bella to go to work this morning, but by ever doubting his feelings for her.
He loved Bella. He loved their baby. Even now, something could happen to either one of them, but Luke keeping his distance wouldn’t stop that.
The best thing he could do was love them as hard as he could, as long as he could, and trust in their future.
Luke didn’t just want to be a co-parent.
And he didn’t just want to be Bella’s doctor, or a one-night stand, or a roommate.
He wanted to be the one she told when something went well with her business.
He wanted to wake up with her in his arms each morning.
He wanted to be the kind of sappy couple that kissed each other whenever one of them left for work and embarrassed their son.
None of that would stop anything bad from happening.
Nothing Luke could do would. But it wasn’t worth missing out on a life with the woman he loved because of fear.
He was scared and uncertain, and the world felt dangerous and unpredictable, but he wanted to be with Bella.
He wanted to be by her side. He wanted to face whatever came next, together. Always.
He didn’t say any of that right then, though, because this emergency situation was far more pressing than his revelation. Bella was holding his hand tightly, her eyes scrunched closed as another contraction overcame her. She was still lying on the hallway carpet, but there was no time to move her.
“Did you bring this water and the towels?” he asked.
Bella nodded. “I had to… triage… like your… talk.”
In that moment, Luke’s love for her grew a thousandfold. When he’d given that talk almost nine months ago, he’d hoped that just one person would listen and learn something. Clearly, one person had: Bella. The woman he loved. And she was the one who mattered most.
“You did so well,” he told her encouragingly. “And you’re almost done.” He checked again and nodded. “Okay, Bella. It’s time to push.”
Her eyes widened, and she grabbed his hand tighter, sitting up slightly. “Wait. I’m… not… ready.”
Luke squeezed her hand. “Yes, you are. You can do this. We can do this. I promise.”
Bella nodded, her expression set, as she shifted her position and began to push.
Luke could hardly believe this was happening. They were about to meet their son. He was about to deliver his own baby. And he loved Bella — he could finally admit that.