Chapter 23 Bella
BELLA
The pain was still all-consuming, but Bella’s fear had subsided now that Luke was by her side. He was here. He was a doctor. Everything would be okay. Their baby would be okay. She would be okay.
And Luke was so attentive. He held her hand, rubbed her back and helped her change positions, and smoothed her hair from her forehead.
He encouraged her and apologized for leaving her alone.
Bella was in too much pain to wonder if any of this meant something, but it was nice to have Luke by her side right now, even if he was here just as a doctor or as the baby’s father, not anything else.
“Okay,” Luke said, checking on the baby’s progress. “When you’re ready, push again.”
Bella looked at him. He was still wearing blue scrubs and the tennis shoes he wore at work. His hair was a little messy, but he looked as calm and confident as he always did. His eyes met hers, and he nodded.
“You can do this.”
Bella pushed. And pushed again. And pushed again. Luke encouraged her and told her she was doing wonderfully. And then…
“I see his head, stop pushing now and take short breaths, blow out through your mouth.” Bella did as instructed, then Luke said, “I can see him!”
Joy filled Bella’s heart. “You… can?”
“He’s beautiful.” Luke laughed softly. “Okay. Just a few more contractions, and I think we’ll meet him.”
Bella labored a little longer. A moment later, the sound of a baby’s plaintive first cry cut the air. It was the most wonderful sound Bella had ever heard, and tears filled her eyes.
“Is he okay?” she asked.
“He’s perfect. Ten fingers and ten toes.
” Bella relaxed onto her back, and Luke lifted the baby onto Bella’s chest. He was tiny, somehow smaller than Bella had expected, with the most adorable little squished face she had ever seen.
He nuzzled his face into her, and, immediately, tears streamed down Bella’s cheeks.
“Are you okay?” Luke asked. “Are you in pain?”
“No.” Bella shook her head. “I just can’t believe this.” She looked up at him. “We have a son, Luke. We have a son!”
The baby gave out a soft wail, as though he wanted to be part of the conversation, too, and Bella kissed his small head.
“We have a son,” Luke agreed. Bella looked down at their baby, then met Luke’s eyes again. “He still doesn’t have a name.”
“That’s okay.” Luke smiled at her. “We don’t have to decide that right now.”
“James,” Bella said quietly. “His name is James.”
Luke leaned forward to look at the baby’s tiny face and nodded.
“You’re right,” he said. “Hi there, James. After all our conversations about names, when it came down to it, it was pretty easy to decide, wasn’t it?
Now, rest for a little while, we’re nearly done then we can get you cleaned up and tucked in bed. ”
“Do we need to go to the hospital?” Bella asked.
“No, the delivery went perfectly, and you both look great. I’ll monitor you closely over the next few hours, but I think you’ll be fine right here. Unless you want to go to the hospital.”
“No, I’d rather stay here. I think James would, too. Isn’t that right, James?”
James blinked up at her with green eyes that matched her own, and her heart almost overflowed. Their baby was right here, and he was so very perfect.
Luke fetched his emergency medical kit and together they clamped and cut the umbilical cord.
After a while, he helped Bella deliver the placenta and checked that all was okay; he was so careful as he made sure that Bella was comfortable and free from any potential issues.
Luke recorded all the baby’s measurements, even weighing him on Bella’s digital scales that she used for baking.
Once she was ready to move, Bella had a gentle bath, and Luke got them settled in Bella’s bed, propped up on what seemed like a hundred pillows.
Then he brought over a tiny diaper and a newborn onesie, as well as a little hat with bear ears on it.
For Bella, he brought a glass of her favorite orange juice and a cold compress.
Bella fed James and softly rocked him as Luke sat beside her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Both of them were so transfixed by baby James that it was hard to focus on anything else. His tiny hand wrapped around one of Luke’s fingers as his eyelids fluttered with tiredness.
“I think he needs a nap,” Bella said.
“I think so, too.”
Sure enough, after a moment, James’s eyes drifted closed and his tiny chest rose and fell.
Bella stared at him for a while longer, hardly able to believe that he was actually here.
As James slept, though, she slowly came back to the present.
Luke had his arms around her. He’d held her hand during delivery.
Had any of it meant anything, or did he still want to be no more than a co-parent?
“Luke?”
“Yes?” He shifted so they could look at each other. “Can I get you something to eat or drink? Or more pillows? Or your phone?”
Bella suddenly realized that she was quite hungry, but she shook her head. “In a minute. I just wanted to say thank you for coming home.”
“You shouldn’t be thanking me.” Luke shook his head. “I was stupid to run off like that. And I should have come sooner, but I was in surgery. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. It all worked out.” Bella traced the rosebud curl of James’s mouth with one fingertip. “I’m just glad we’re all okay.”
“We are. And if you feel up to it, we should talk.”
Dread settled in Bella’s stomach, but she nodded. “Okay. Please put James in his cot.”
Luke gently lifted their baby from her arms and set him in his cot. Then he sat beside Bella on the edge of the bed and took her hands.
“Bella, I am so sorry,” he began.
“You’ve said that.” She smiled in a way she hoped was reassuring.
“I know, but I am. I should never have left you like this. I made a mistake because I was scared. Terrified. After I lost Jenna, it seemed all too easy to lose everyone I care about. I thought it would be easier if we had some distance between us, that I wouldn’t be as scared of losing you.
But I realized today that I was an idiot.
Just because we aren’t in the same place, doesn’t mean I won’t worry about you. ”
“I understand,” Bella said softly. “You lost someone you loved. It makes sense you’d be worried that it would happen again.”
“I might still worry,” Luke admitted. “No, I definitely will. But I never want to leave your side again. In this life, nothing is guaranteed, but I want to love you and our baby as much as I can, for as long as I can.”
“Love?” Bella asked. This conversation had taken a turn from what she’d expected — she’d thought Luke would repeat what he’d said earlier, about them being co-parents and nothing more.
“Yes.” Luke nodded. “I love you, Bella. I think I have for a long time, even though I was too scared to admit it. You turned my life upside down in the best possible way. I thought I’d live the rest of my life apart from everyone, as a kind of surgery hermit.
” His lips quirked into a smile, and Bella smiled back.
“It seemed easiest to insulate my heart and focus only on work.
“After I met you, though, that became impossible. How can I focus only on work when you’re here?
You’re funny and smart and insightful and gorgeous, and you’re the mother of our child.
You made me live again, Bella. I will always be grateful for that.
And yes, I do love you. I love you so, so much. ”
Tears filled Bella’s eyes, and she squeezed Luke’s hands tightly. “I love you, too.”
“You do?” Luke grinned, and it was like the sun coming out.
“I do.” Bella nodded. “The only thing I want is for us to be a family — you, me, and James. You turned my life upside down too. I thought I’d never really trust anyone and that I’d live most of my life alone, as a chef hermit.” She smiled. “It feels good to finally say it. I love you.”
“I know.”
Bella frowned for a split second, then burst into laughter. “Really? A Star Wars reference? Now?”
“I couldn’t help it.” Luke smiled at her. “When you meet my parents, you’ll need to be ready with all your Star Wars references.”
“I will.” Bella smiled back. “But listen, Luke. I just have one request.”
“Okay.” He sat up, his expression serious now. “Anything.”
“Don’t run away again, okay? Don’t bury yourself in work. Parenthood, and being a couple, will be hard on us both. Wonderful, but hard. And the only way through it is if we work together.”
“Absolutely.” Luke squeezed her hands. “I promise, Bella, I’m never going to run away again. In fact, you’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me.”
Bella smiled even wider, her face relaxed, all tension slipping away. “Good.”
“I have one request, too,” Luke said.
“Okay.”
“Can I kiss you? Once you feel well enough.”
“I feel well enough now.”
So, Luke leaned forward and, very gently, brushed his lips across Bella’s. It wasn’t anything like the passionate kisses they’d shared before, as he was clearly being careful not to hurt her, but it was better, somehow. It spoke of promise, of a shared future, and of many more kisses to come.
Just then, James stirred in the cot beside them. Bella held out her arms, and Luke laid James into them, but the baby slept on, his chest rising and falling. Luke and Bella stared down at him for a long time, just watching him sleep.
Bella never wanted this moment to end. She was with the man she loved, who loved her back. And their infant son was sleeping in her arms. Nothing could be more perfect than this, she was sure.
“I love you, James,” she whispered to her son.
“I love him too. And I love you,” Luke said, kissing her cheek.
The baby didn’t say anything, just slept on, but Bella knew James loved them too.
For the first time in her life, she was part of a family that loved each other. A family she could rely on. As Bella relaxed back into Luke’s arms, baby James curled against her chest, she felt more complete than ever before.