Chapter Two
I hated breakfast at the Royal Palace of Tabaa.
Seated beside the Dragon King, I tried to focus on my food instead of the stares of his courtiers.
I knew he brought me there because he thought dining among a crowd would make me feel more comfortable than being alone with him.
He probably wanted me to start the day with confidence.
If only I were brave enough to tell him that I preferred lunch and dinner when we'd dine alone in his private quarters.
Only then could I relax and not feel as if I were on display.
Bara had loved to display me like one of his bones.
“Look at my beautiful consort who obeys my every command.”
Skipping over the stare of a Hulfrin noble, I pressed my lips together to keep them from trembling and lifted my gaze to the ceiling.
Thick wooden beams crossed the beige stone up there, supporting brass chandeliers wider than I was tall.
Their magical light wasn't necessary at breakfast, when sunlight streamed through the tall, narrow windows running the length of the room on both sides.
Still, the lights were on, struggling to be of use.
I knew how they felt.
Servants came up to the table, offering the King more food.
Not me. Him. They gave him the platters, and then he offered them to me.
That was how it went with every meal, even those we had in private.
I understood that it was his food, his bounty to offer, but it still made me feel even more broken than I was.
I glanced at the eager faces of the servants, feeling a tinge of silly jealousy.
Not only were they useful, but they also served the King, and he showed great appreciation for their service.
Did every Dragon King treat their servants so well?
I didn't know, but I doubted it. Bara hadn't shown respect to anyone but other nobles.
Even his favorite servant, Hiln, had been treated with the bare minimum of politeness.
But King Raventar knew everyone's name and thanked them for every effort they made on his behalf.
Maybe it was an act, but their comfort around him made me think otherwise. He was a good man. I should trust him. I wanted to trust him. Damn Bara for damaging me like this. Even dead, he controlled me.
The King slid a look my way, and I jerked my attention away from him and to the dining hall.
Our table was the only one set horizontally against the back wall.
All the others stood in two neat vertical lines along the side walls, near the open windows.
Too many eyes were on me, so I focused on the view out a window on my right.
Treetops added some greenery to the upper-floor view.
Beyond them were the barracks and then the palace wall.
The King's Horns patrolled the walls, dressed in their uniforms with the crest of Tabaa on the arms—a gold eagle on a black background.
I was safe there. All of those men were protecting the King, but I sat beside the King. I was safe. So, why couldn't I relax?
“Eliel?” the King's deep, resonant voice rippled over my skin.
How could he sound so powerful and so gentle at the same time?
“Yes, Your Majesty?” I glanced at the King's eyes, but his gaze was too intense, so I focused on his chin.
“Why do you lower your eyes like that?”
Surprised, I jerked my gaze up to his. “I thought it was proper etiquette.”
“If it makes you comfortable, that's fine, but I'd prefer it if you'd meet my gaze when we speak.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
King Raventar reached for me. I tensed. His hand hovered over my shoulder and then withdrew.
“Eliel, it wasn't a command. I want you to feel at ease around me. I want you to feel at home here.” He leaned down so that our heads were closer to the same height. “What would make you more comfortable?”
“I'm fine, Your Majesty. Very comfortable. You have done so much for me. Thank you.” I swallowed past the dryness in my throat that always occurred when I looked at him.
“Please, if there's anything you need or want, tell me.”
“I couldn't ask for more.”
King Raventar smiled gently. “Yes, you could. I just prompted you to. Now, what would you like? It would please me greatly to provide something that would bring you joy. Anything at all. Name it.”
I couldn't hold his gaze any longer. It was too beautiful and too real.
The Dragon King saw too much. I looked down at his royal leather tunic, embellished with traditional Tabaaian beadwork.
An eagle spread its wings across his chest, the gold beads making it gleam.
It would please him to provide for me? That couldn't be true.
He was trying to seduce me, and that made me both scared and eager.
Yes, I was attracted to him, but that didn't undo my damage.
I felt doubts creep in as I considered giving myself to him.
What if he became controlling after he bedded me?
Bara had been sweet at first too. But after my fifth rejection—polite and as gentle as I could make it—he showed his true self.
How long would it take before King Raventar showed me his truth?
He was the Dragon King. Everything in the kingdom belonged to him.
Including me. He didn't need my permission to take me to bed.
He didn't even need magic, as Bara did. He could carry me screaming out of the dining hall, and no one would try to stop him.
Great Gods, he could simply lay me across this table and take me in front of the entire court if he wanted to.
Why did I feel safe there? Feeling safe around powerful men was foolish.
I began to tremble.
Even as my broken mind called me a fool, I knew I was being weak and unreasonable.
The Dragon King had shown me nothing but kindness and patience.
But that in itself worried me. That and my attraction to him.
It was terrifying enough that he could control me, but the possibility that I might enjoy his control made it even worse.
“It's all right, Eliel,” the King's voice went soft. “I understand. Think about it. If you decide to trust me enough to provide what you truly desire, come to me. I promise I will expect nothing in return. I want only to see you smile.”
My breath caught, and my throat closed. Why did kindness hurt?
Was it just fear? Was I scared that if I accepted his kindness, it would change?
Or did I feel unworthy of it? A tear slid down my cheek, and I lowered my head to hide it from the Dragon King.
That must be it. I was filthy and broken.
Used. Bara had stained me with his evil, soiling my body, heart, and mind.
I was not a fit lover for a king. I shouldn't be sitting next to him, much less asking him for gifts. How could he stand to look at me?
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” I pushed the words past my cold lips. “I would smile for you if I could.”
Then something solidified within me. I was filthy, but maybe that's what he wanted.
Oh, dear Gods, that was it. The King knew he could do anything to me, and I'd accept it.
Because it had already been done. He could use me without worrying about offending a noble family.
No one cared about me in Tabaa. He wouldn't even have to make me a concubine, much less a consort.
There comes a point during abuse when you stop fighting.
You just accept that this is your life now.
It's hard to live in a constant state of battle.
Especially when you're no match for your opponent.
So you give up, and that brings relief. Seeing the King's truth at last gave me the same relief.
He wasn't as bad as Bara, not even in this.
He had been good to me and if I gave him what he wanted, he would continue to protect me.
I was attracted to him. It wouldn't be awful.
No, I didn't want him like this, but if this was what he wanted, then so be it.
He was the King, so he'd get what he wanted eventually, even without my capitulation.
It was time to accept that I was damaged and only good for this now.
At least I'd be serving the King and not a bastard like Bara.
Lips trembling, I forced myself to meet his gaze. “Is there anything else I might do for you to repay your kindness?” I softened my expression, so he'd know what I offered. “Anything at all?”
The Dragon King stiffened.
My stomach clenched. Had I misread him? Oh, dear Gods, did he not want me?
Of course, he didn't want me! I was disgusting, and he was the Dragon King.
He was only being kind to one of his subjects who had been abused by one of his lords.
That's all it was, and I had just insulted him by offering him my body as payment.
Heat suffused my cheeks, and I stumbled to my feet.
My broken wing ached from the abrupt movement, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart.
How ridiculous I was, thinking that a man like him would debase himself by bedding me.
For a week, I'd contemplated my attraction to him, and what a relationship with him would mean when all along, he hadn't been—
“Shhh, now. Eliel, please don't go. May I touch your shoulder?”
I turned to find him standing, one hand extended.
I looked from his hand to his face. “I'm so sorry, Your Majesty.
I was confused. I saw something that wasn't there.
You've been so kind to me. I assumed . .
. I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I didn't mean to insult you.” I spun and dashed down the aisle in the center of the dining hall, ignoring the curious stares that followed me.