Chapter Eleven
Had I said I wanted someone to take care of me? Dear Gods, this was so annoying.
“No, I like the last one better,” Vas said. “Try it on again.”
I hid my scowl as I spun back toward the dressing room. Shopping was usually fun for me, but this was torture. I didn't get to pick my clothes. Vas chose everything and then made me parade before him in each outfit. I finally knew what it meant to be a kept man.
After closing the dressing room door, I undid the buttons of the silk shirt. If it had been my garment, I might have torn it off in frustration, but as it was, I had to satisfy myself with glaring into the mirror at myself.
Hold on. I was the great Hallaxgral, feared for his cunning and cruelty.
What the fuck was I doing posing in silk and velvet for this man?
All right, yes, I had done it to myself.
I thought I could be the man he wanted. I thought Vas was worth it.
And he was. He was definitely worth a little pretending.
But it was getting to the point where I wasn't pretending anymore.
I was losing myself in all those smaller pieces.
Even then, Kat, I belonged to you. I froze under the weight of those words. Vas said he was mine. But was he? Or was he Kat's? It was right there in the vow, wasn't it? He had called me Kat.
“You are Katai Gral,” I said to my reflection. “You have Kat in you, but you have Hallaxgral too. Now, what would Hallaxgral do to get what he wanted?”
I lifted a brow at myself. Fine. We would be Kat, but with the cunning of Hallaxgral.
I smiled and instead of putting on the outfit Vas wanted to see, I pulled together pieces of my liking to make an outfit I found attractive—thick, black silk pants, a pale green shirt, and a dark green coat with gold embroidery of traditional designs around the hem, collar, and cuffs.
Then I strode out of the dressing room with my chin high.
Vas turned with a smile that froze on his face. He looked me over.
“I know you liked the other one, but I like this one, Vas.” I pouted. “Don't you think it's pretty?” I stroked the embroidery and lowered my lashes. “Do you like it?”
“It's stunning,” Vas whispered and stepped over to me.
“I guess I should have let you choose the clothes. You obviously have a better eye for it.” He stroked the shirt, over the pearl buttons.
“Go take them off and put them aside. Then show me more.” He kissed my cheek.
“Maybe I should have you pick out my clothing from now on.”
“I would love to.” I grinned and went back into the dressing room.
I should have been annoyed by this crap.
I had enough money to buy the entire shop.
Fluttering my lashes at a man to get him to buy me things was beneath me.
But damn, it had felt good. Because it wasn't about the money or even about Vas taking care of me.
It was about winning. And I had finally won a round.
I undressed and put the garments aside like prizes of war. That's what love was—an ongoing battle. And I intended to win as many skirmishes as possible. It would be easy since Vas didn't even know he was in combat.
I put on another combination I enjoyed and went out to show my lover. This time, there was no reluctance. I spun and posed for him. Vas applauded and urged me to show him more.
By the time we left the shop, I had a start on a new wardrobe, had picked out a few pieces for Vas, and he was grinning ear-to-ear. The carriage driver stowed our purchases atop the carriage while I tucked my hand into Vasren's elbow and let him lead me further down the street.
“I've always wanted to do this with you,” Vas said.
“Take me shopping?” I lifted an eyebrow.
“Yes. Provide for you. Don't you remember all the times I offered?”
“Yes.” I looked away.
Vasren certainly had offered a lot in Kochan.
As Katai Gral, a poor human working in a tavern, I lived in a bleak, rundown apartment in the worst part of the city.
Vas wanted to move me to somewhere nicer, but I refused to let him pay my rent.
It had nothing to do with my pride and everything to do with my plan.
I could have bought my own home, but I was playing a role.
If I had let Vas move me into a nicer place, he would have felt free to come and go as he pleased, leaving me with less freedom.
It would have also destroyed the image I was building.
As would any shopping extravaganza that resulted in a change of my wardrobe.
It had been difficult to reject his offers as meek Kat, but I pretended I was too embarrassed to accept his help, that it humiliated me.
Vas had backed off. Now he'd know the real reason I refused.
I glanced at him, but found him unaffected. Amazed, I realized that he couldn't allow himself to reflect on my reasons. It would ruin the illusion he needed to cling to.
“I hated leaving you in that bleak place every time I had to return to the palace.” Vas stroked the fingertips of the hand I had curled around his arm. “I worried constantly. Especially after the way we had met.”
Oh yes, the way we had met.
The tavern Vas thought I worked in was one of many that I owned as Hallaxgral.
Vas used to come in when he was off duty for a drink and maybe a quick fuck with another patron in one of the bathrooms or out in the alley.
I knew who he was, so I watched him. There were only a few Dragons in Kochan, and all of them lived in the Royal Palace.
He wasn't the King, so that made him a knight.
Even better. Having a Dragon knight in my bed would help my cause.
Plus, he was devastatingly attractive. So fucking handsome that every man he approached gave him exactly what he wanted.
No one refused Vasren. No one balked at fucking him in a bathroom or dark alley.
They wanted whatever they could get from him. But I needed more than that.
I learned what Vasren liked—the fragile ones.
The men who simpered and acted shy. I saw him choose the pretty boys over and over, and it seemed as if the Gods had sent him to me.
I was very pretty after all, and my stature was small.
As far as looks went, I was his perfect man.
I just had to pretend to be someone entirely different.
But I was already living a double life. I worked as Katai in the tavern, with only a select few of my employees knowing that I was actually Hallaxgral, the tavern owner and crime boss.
When I went home at night, I went to my tiny apartment.
That way, if anyone ever suspected that I was Hallaxgral and followed me, they'd see that I wasn't. No crime lord would live in squalor.
Ironically, living in the worst part of the city kept me safe.
After learning what Vasren liked in a lover, I realized that the personality would be yet another layer of safety for me.
It would make the possibility of my being Hallaxgral ridiculous. So, I eagerly put on another mask.
Oh, the planning I had put into gaining Vasren's attention.
I didn't want to be one of the delicate beauties he fucked and forgot.
I wanted to be his obsession. His weakness.
I wanted to rule him. Use him. Lie in bed with him and gently extract information from him.
Yes, it was all part of my plan. Falling in love with him was not.
“My dragon must have known, even back then, that you were destined to be ours,” Vas went on.
“Because when I saw you held against that wall by those vile ruffians, I lost all reason.
I hardly remember what they looked like.
Only you. The way you stared at me as if I were .
. . well, I'll remember that look forever.”
Those poor thugs I hired to “attack” me had gotten more trouble than any of us expected.
I had to pay them extra afterward. At least they managed to run away before he maimed them permanently.
Still, it had been the perfect plan. Vas fell for it.
A hero at heart, he couldn't resist saving a man who embodied his ideal partner.
Rushing in to save me was like frosting on top of his Kat cake.
If I had walked up to him in the tavern, he would have been interested, and I could have had him for one night.
But drawing him to me with an opportunity to play the hero?
Oh, that was something that really got his blood flowing—straight to his cock. He was hooked.
“You're all I remember about that night too.” I looked up at him.
“I was so scared. They would have . . .” I paused for a moment to feign fragility.
“You know what they would have done. And they probably would have beaten me afterward. But then you came and drove them off. You ran back to me, covered in blood, your expression ferocious. But then that expression changed. You looked at me with kindness. Then you picked me up and carried me away from that filthy alley.”
“You're too beautiful for places like that, my little Kat. You're too tempting to men like that. But you're mine now, and I'm going to keep you safe.” He kissed my forehead.
Oh yes, the hero streak was still there.
And Vas was still fucking oblivious. How could he not see that it was all an act?
He knew I was Hallaxgral, and yet he still believed that I had been on the verge of a brutal gang rape.
As if a lord of the criminal underworld would allow that to happen.
But we do anything to protect our fantasies, don't we?
Anything to keep the story going, even if it is just a story.
So, I didn't sneer at his ridiculous claim. I said, “Thank you.” And I said it softly, meekly, while I stared up at him as if he were the only one in the entire world who could keep me safe. It was the same way I had looked at him that night.
And it was utter shit.
Despite that, I was right there with Vas, keeping the story strong.
I didn't want it to end either. Because I knew returning to my true self would bring back Vasren's true self too.
The vicious bastard who hated me. No, the illusion was far preferable to that.
Even if it fostered bitterness in my heart.