Chapter 7
T
he ship and its entire crew made it through the night.
Tillin had suffered the loss of his arm while attempting to secure the rigging; a wire had become ensnared between his arm and the mast. Carmen, a half-elf skilled with Magic in its healing art form, provided medical assistance.
Although they couldn’t re-attach his arm, Carmen managed to stop the bleeding, ensuring Tillin’s survival for another day.
Everyone else was battered and bruised, but alive. That was what mattered, at least to Azahara. When she came out of her room, Xol was the only one walking the hull.
When Xol saw Azahara approaching, nothing changed, but instead of continuing to walk, she stopped and turned to meet her. Xol hadn’t spoken to Azahara yet, so she wasn’t sure what she sounded like. Honestly, she didn’t even know if Xol was a she.
Azahara had tried to converse with Xol, simply asking if she was okay or if they needed anything. As always, Xol stayed silent, only shaking or nodding in response to everything. It looked as though she was holding her breath too, which Azahara hadn’t noticed before.
There wasn’t enough energy in her to try and force a conversation, so she conceded and left the first officer to do her duty.
The night was tumultuous, only gradually settling as daybreak neared.
Alyse had managed to gain control of the ship’s course, redirecting it northbound.
Which meant they would now be taking the long route to Ilkiz.
Once they safely navigated the perilous path, the transformation in the weather was astounding.
The skies cleared, and nothing but blue skies lay ahead.
From her understanding, their next challenge would be crossing the Cascade Passing between the cluster of islands and Ilkiz. While it presented its own difficulties, Alyse was confident that it paled compared to the treacherous Cyclops route.
The sun had nearly risen and everyone retreated to their quarters. Jayce ensured Azahara was fine and didn’t overstay his welcome. He then receded down to the lower deck with the crew.
Now, Azahara found herself searching for him, a sentiment she loathed. With Dogon no longer an option, he would remain on the ship for an extended duration. The problem wasn’t that he wouldn’t be getting off sooner, it was that she was happy about the prospect of it.
What am I doing… Her head was in her hand, the pain in her temples rising, threatening to send her back to bed.
“Hey,” the gentle voice of Alyse caught her as she was about to head to the berth, “how are you doing?” She slowly walked down the stairs from the helm, her head tilted downward. There was defeat in her expression, and it made Azahara pause.
“I’m fine, how are you? How is Rowlin? I imagine he is still sleeping.” Azahara stepped away from the stairway leading below the deck.
“He is, thank you, Aza—” Her voice caught, and Azahara realized then that she was beginning to cry. “I’m so sorry.” Her chest constricted, nearly audibly gasping. “I was scared, not of you, but for my crew. Your words echoed in my head about what could happen. I—I’m a coward for it.”
Azahara closed the distance between them, and to her own surprise, she embraced Alyse tightly. “By the Mother, Alyse, do not apologize.”
Alyse reciprocated the embrace, resting her forehead against Azahara’s shoulder.
They held each other for a while, and Alyse quietly sobbed, never letting go.
Azahara couldn’t help but feel the weight of putting Alyse in that situation and the difficult decisions she had forced her to make.
Just days earlier, she had adamantly refused to throw Jayce off the ship, even scolding Azahara for suggesting it.
“I promise I wasn’t afraid of you…” her words were choppy.
“Even if you were,” Azahara ran her hand down her head, feeling the silky soft hair that seemed untouched by the sea, “I wouldn’t fault you for it.”
Alyse pulled slightly away to look at Azahara. Her cheeks were darkened, and her eyes puffy. Azahara brushed her thumb against Alyse’s cheek, offering her a gentle smile. “It’s okay, Alyse, I promise.”
“Jayce—”
“Is overbearing,” she rolled her eyes while shaking her head, “but I suppose we have that in common.”
Alyse laughed, her hands resting on Azahara’s hips. “Thank you, Aza,” her tone sheepish as she leaned her head into her hand.
Azahara let out a soft sigh and stepped away, breaking their contact.
She felt that being affectionate might lead Alyse on.
At that point, it was apparent that Alyse was attracted to her.
While the Captain was everything she would have ever found attractive, the last thing on her mind was building relationships beyond mere friendship.
“Speaking of, I am on my way to find that overbearing man. Have you seen him?” Azahara peered down the stairway; the darkened void spoke of a sleepy crew.
“I haven’t,” she said, brushing her shirt against her eyes to wipe away her tears. “This boat is only so big. I’m sure you’ll find him in no time.” Alyse did not comment on her pulling away, and was either oblivious, or actively keeping the rejection bottled up.
“I’ll wander for a bit then. After I find him, I’ll return to see if Rowlin is awake.” Azahara bid her farewell and quickly made her way down the stairs.
After scouring all four ship floors, she couldn’t locate Jayce. Even in the sleeping quarters, where most of the crew members were still fast asleep, he was nowhere to be found. She swore every inch of the ship was checked, but they might have missed one another if they walked different stairways.
She found Tillin in the medical bay, but only popped her head in to see how he was doing. Almost dying hadn’t changed his opinion of her, and he only gave her a simple nod and waved her away with his good arm.
After what felt like days, instead of possibly an hour, she emerged onto the deck where Rowlin was standing beside Alyse.
Azahara rushed to him, and he must have felt the ground shaking because he turned to her. She wasn’t sure if he was physically fine, so instead of slamming into him with a hug, she stopped a foot or so before him. He closed the gap and hugged her weakly, soft hums coming from his throat.
Her arms squeezed his torso, she was so happy that he was okay.
They discussed the events, and he apologized profusely to her, saying that he should have known better. All she cared about was that he was alive and okay. How the incident transpired didn’t matter to her.
They ended up parting ways quicker than she anticipated.
Alyse explained that she needed to get the crew up to work on the repairs.
They were already heading toward Celadon and would likely be there in four or so days.
Azahara had commented on the ship holding together, considering how rough the seas had been.
Alyse laughed and told her that the ship had seen its fair share of rough seas and the monsters in it. Somehow, that did not make her feel better about being in the open sea for longer.
Unsure of what to do, Azahara left them to their work and headed towards the front of the ship.
The chaos of last night was evident in the broken barrels and shattered glass that riddled the floor.
The cracking under her boot echoed in the silence; only the crashing waves against the boat were its competition.
Climbing up and straddling the bowsprit, she rested her back against one of the ropes of the sails. She sat there for a long while, alone, hoping that Jayce would come to find her.
“It’s not nice to stare,” Anytime she was alone, her mind always wandered back to Kaed. How she took his life away from him because of her selfishness in wanting to be loved. “Five more minutes, or an hour…” Her nose stung, “Oh, you’ll always finish, Red.”
There was a moment when her mind teetered on the sensation of jumping overboard.
Her thoughts were nearly too overpowering to keep her from listening to the intrusive whispers that told her she was too much of a burden.
Reminding her it was better for her to have died that day at the Monastery.
To have left before the Battle of Sunfall.
To have saved Kaed and everyone around her from her darkness.
“Hey,” a gentle voice pulled her from nearly tossing herself into the sea.
Turning her head, Azahara found her gaze meeting the gentle face of Tessa. Her luridus-colored skin and elongated, dark brown exotic eyes were holding her.
“Oh, hi,” Azahara looked around, surprised.
No one had actively avoided her, save for Zephyra and Tillin, but they didn’t go out of their way to engage her alone.
To have Tessa here, approaching and sitting at the ledge of the ship an arm’s reach away, was unexpected to say the least. “How are you? Last night was… something.”
Tessa nodded, “I’m doing okay. Definitely the roughest seas I have ever encountered. Terrifying, really, but I’m thankful we made it out, save for a single arm.”
Azahara pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh out of respect for Tillin’s loss. “Yeah, I agree.”
She watched Tessa aimlessly pick at the fabric of her pants, “Can I ask you something that is terribly rude?” She peered through her straight lashes, “You can feel free to tell me to fuck right off if it’s too intrusive.”
Azahara lowered her gaze, watching the waves crash against the belly of the ship, “Sure, no harm in asking.” There weren’t many answers she could give Tessa, and she didn’t want to lie to her. If she couldn’t give her one, she would say it.
“You have made it very clear you are just a passenger on this ship. Not family. Yet, you saved Rowlin. Why? Why would you risk your life for him?” She spoke softly, with a faint undercurrent of puzzlement.
Azahara knew that with Tillin being the only Siren onboard, and injured, he wouldn’t have been able to jump in and save Rowlin. It wasn’t even a question for her to try and save him, even if she was adamant about never being a hero.
Taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it through her nose, Azahara responded, “It was the right thing to do. I’ve hurt a lot of people, both intentionally and not. Maybe it’s me trying to make up for that.” Pausing briefly, she continued, “I also don’t fear death. I welcome it.”
There was a moment of silence between them, and Azahara peered up to her. She was likely assessing her truth and seeking the tendrils of her words for the lie. None would be found. While saying she cared for Rowlin wouldn’t have been a lie, part of her wondered if it would be.
Tessa had a solemn expression about her, “Thank you,” she offered a smile, “and I’m sorry.”
Azahara pulled her eyebrows together, “For what?”
“For whatever has happened to you.”
She felt her chest tighten and that all too familiar sting behind her eyes and down her nose, threatening to expose how emotional she was.
Tessa continued, “I’m here if you ever want to talk about it, or even just about boys or shopping.”
Azahara took an unsteady breath, trying to find the joy behind the sentiment.
“We don’t have to be family or even friends, and I won’t push you, but just know there are people onboard that see you.” She was standing then, likely seeing Azahara’s eyelids turning a bright red as she was sucking back tears. Tessa could never understand how powerful her words were.
Even still, they felt undeserved.
“Thank you, Tessa.”
“Don’t mention it, Aza. See you around.” She gave a gentle wave of her hand and turned from her.
Azahara looked down at her trembling hands.
The warmth of her tears lit her cheeks ablaze.
She wanted so badly to be happy, to accept their care.
Part of her didn’t agree that she didn’t deserve it, but the other, more dominant side won the battle over her body.
It pulled her away from what should have filled her with joy and turned it into self-loathing.
The other side of her torment, and she hated that it even played a factor in her ache, was that Jayce never showed up on deck.
After no less than minutes passed, she retired to her room, skipping dinner and opting for sleep instead.