Chapter 11 #3
“You are one to talk,” she bit down on her lip, feeling his hand pulling her closer to him, “the word perfection was created in your image, not the other way around.“ Her heart was in the sea then. Only moments now, and she would be dead.
Leaning back, she saw him looking down at her, “Dance with me?” Even if she didn’t want to, how could she say no?
Giving a nod of approval, he stepped them into rhythm with the slower beat of the music. It flowed through them both, guiding them with an unspoken connection and allowing their bodies to do the talking.
For Azahara, everything but Jayce faded away in that moment.
The violin notes wrapped around them, weaving a tapestry of emotions that enveloped her heart, and for a fleeting moment, she forgot where, and who she was.
The outside world faded beyond the horizon, and she only wanted to escape with it.
She knew well enough that the effects of the ale blanketed this moment.
That the place beyond this, beyond Jayce, was out to cause her nothing but pain and suffering.
She felt his thumb pressing gently against her chin, lifting her gaze, “Stay here with me; don’t fall into the darkness. Don’t overthink. Just enjoy yourself.” How could he sense her turmoil before it even settled?
The placid smile lingered on his lips, but hers curled downward, “How?”
Jayce shrugged, never looking away from her, “I can’t answer that for you, but if you’ll allow me, I’ll help keep you here. Grounded.” As if to make a joke, he lifted her off the ground and spun her, making her frown turn into a smile nearly instantly.
Her feet found the ship again, and she leaned her head into his hand, which shifted to hold her cheek. “Why?” She was now cursing the liquor that completely fogged her brain, making complete sentences nearly impossible to form.
It didn’t matter; it seemed like Jayce was reading her mind, “Why do I care? Why am I here? It is so simple, but you want to make it complicated.”
“Jayce—I, Kaed is—”
His thumb pressed against her lips, stopping her.
“I’d never, ever, take what he gave you away.
I don’t think I could, even if I tried.” Her body was no longer hers, and she felt elevated out of her skin, “I’m not asking you for anything.
I want to keep you safe and happy. Whatever that makes me to you, I’m okay with. ”
Safe and happy…
Moving both arms around her, he embraced her. His fingers laced through her hair as he deepened his hold.
Her hands gripped his shirt, bringing herself closer, which seemed impossible. Every part of her brain told her that this was stupid. How could she ever be happy when she had hurt so many, including the one person she claimed to love beyond any other?
Yet, her heart wanted to embrace this unconditional care that Jayce was openly giving to her.
Closing her eyes and listening to the sound of his heart, she felt a calm wash over her. She hadn’t needed to turn to the effects of liquor to bring her peace. It was right here, and she needed to allow him to help her.
“I can’t guarantee that I will ever fully heal,” she could feel his thumb brushing gently against her back, “but I don’t want to be in pain forever, or, at least, not in it alone.”
He took a deep breath, his head leaning in and burring into her shoulder, “If I could take all the pain away, I would.” She tilted her forehead against him, “I would have died in his place for you.”
Tears immediately filled her eyes, “Jayce…”
“I should have been down there, not Karver. If I had been, I could have protected you both. I have made too many mistakes…” His words in the Idle Fox echoed, “I have so many regrets…”
The liquor dragged her under so suddenly that it felt like an external force was trying to take her away. “No, don’t say that.” She was trying her hardest to fight it. “I wouldn’t have wanted that.”
The only person that should have died that day, was me. No one else should have to suffer for my life. Especially not you…
Feeling a solid surface behind her, she looked around for the first time since they started dancing. She was at the front door to her room, Jayce leaning over her, his face pained.
She sucked in a deep breath.
His hand cupped her cheek again, “I know you don’t. Because you are kind. You only want what is best for everyone, but never yourself.” That dragging feeling pulled her so hard that she needed the door to stay afloat.
“Go, sleep,” his thumb brushed away, the tears still falling, “I’ll be close if you have another nightmare.”
“If I asked you to stay with me…” She was frustrated at herself for drinking so much, the neediness in her voice encompassing every drop.
His lips pressed together, “You would hate yourself in the morning.”
One of her hands grabbed the door handle; the other, which had never released his shirt, gripped tighter.
“Ask me then…” His voice was husky, and it sent a buzz through her body. It wasn’t just her heart that wanted him to stay, but an emptiness inside that begged him to fill it. Ever since she ran into him at the Idle Fox, that piece of her had been dying for him to fill its void.
The downward drag of her body and mind were too strong, and she was losing the battle, “Goodnight, Jayce.”
He smiled and moved his hand from her cheek, “Goodnight, beautiful.”