Chapter 12
“J
ayce, wait!”
He took a deep breath, holding his position against the outer wall of her quarters, just around the corner. His heart thrashed around in his chest, threatening to give his position away.
He could hear her heart, too, even over her heavy breathing. Not only were her words calling to him, but her heart was yearning for him. He couldn’t. It would only hurt her when she woke up and found them lying in bed together.
Even if every fiber of his being begged him to go to her.
“I hate myself either way.” Her words were filled with remorse. By the Mother, he wanted to go to her. Wrap her back into his arms and protect her from everything that ailed her.
If she had gone running in search of him, he would have cracked and gone after her. Instead, with the resounding slam of her door, he was resolved in his decision.
It’s for the best, but I promise I won’t be far.
The following morning came quickly, and he was grateful that Azahara had slept soundlessly through the night.
When he felt the terror rip through her like a stampede, he couldn’t stop himself from going to her. He had been firm about staying out of her room the times before when she had a nightmare, allowing her to pull herself from them, but last night, it broke him.
Thinking about it only put him into a sour mood, making his body tremble, and the veins in his arms surface.
Damn that god, he thought, gripping his hands into fists.
He was coming up the stairs, the sun carving out the horizon, when he noticed cascading hills on the port side. There had not been mention of docking anywhere, but he supposed he hadn’t spoken with Alyse directly in days.
Noticing Rowlin standing at the helm, he approached with a friendly smile, “Morning, Rowlin,” he signed, watching as the co-captain nodded in his direction. “Are we porting today?”
There was hesitation from Rowlin, but after a moment, he answered, “Yes, Itotaki is the small Island here. Since we can’t stop until we get to Ilkiz, we wanted to stretch our legs and gather more goods. We should only be here for a few hours.”
Nodding his gratitude, Jayce walked away.
Itotaki was a primarily port-based Island.
Unlike Celadon, it was not tropical. Its high cliffs were lined with homes that spanned the entire length of the Island for as far as the eye could see.
In the main docking area, there were several ships, unlike in Celadon, and shops and markets galore were stacked on top of each other.
The beach was barely visible at the base of the cliffs; there would be no swimming there.
Hundreds of people were already out and about, which would suit his needs. In Celadon, he had to get a letter out to the King, but leaving Azahara alone nearly made him forget to close the letter and get it into the raven’s claws.
It felt like the entire realm was after her, from that obsessive god to the King and the Fae Elder; he couldn’t leave her alone.
He wouldn’t let any of them get their hands on her.
Here, at least, with this many people, it would be near impossible for someone to grab her without making a fuss.
Plus, all the way out here, they cared little for the politics on the mainland.
Even if someone recognized her, they’d be more likely to try and swindle her into their bedroom before putting her in chains.
He would feel confident in allowing her to leave the ship while he took care of business and sent another letter to the King. Their separation would be minimal, and he’d get back to her within the hour.
After the events of last night, he needed to be careful. He came close to saying too much, and in the end, all that would have done was hurt her. Keeping her safe was his top priority; her knowing why and who he was did not make a difference to that objective.
Even if it pained him beyond belief.
Feeling the familiar tug, he stood and turned toward her door as it slowly opened. The wild, curly mop of hair covered her eyes, which, when he saw them, could tell they desired more sleep.
It made him smile, seeing her slightly dazed as though she didn’t know where she was or how she had gotten there.
She had at least changed from her black nightgown that nearly made him lose all restraint.
Keeping his hands to himself was enough of a struggle.
Watching her dance in said piece of clothing had him questioning his morals.
Adorned in a beautiful white silk dress that snaked against every perfect curve, she tiptoed around, peeking off to the side of her quarters’ space. Was she looking for him?
She seemed frustrated, crossing her bare arms over her chest and throwing her head back. He didn’t move, only observed her for a time. How could anyone hurt you, my sweet girl? With a deep breath, he turned his head just as she looked in his direction.
Hearing her huff and the pitter-patter of her bare feet against the wood made him need to fight back a smile.
“There you are,” Her voice, while sleepy, made his body fight for ownership of itself, “Good morning.”
He looked at her just as she made the few steps up to him, her lips pulled into a gentle smile.
“Good morning, how are you feeling?”
She brushed her fingers through her hair, trying to tame the beast atop her head. All Jayce could see was her breasts bouncing with the zero support she had under her dress. While he had been good not to stare at them, it was difficult not to see her nipples playing compass right at him.
“Good, no hangover again.” She groaned, and it took him by surprise.
“You wanted a hangover?”
“Well, of course not, but I feel I deserve one for making an ass out of myself last night.” Finally stopping her attempt at fixing her hair, she dropped her arms and sighed, “I’m sorry.”
He narrowed his eyes, feeling oddly more confused by her apology than the prior comment. “For?”
She sunk her shoulders, and he fought his hands to remain at the ship’s railing. “I tried to take you to bed last night, and I forced you to drink. Did I kiss you too, or was that in my dream?”
What I wouldn’t have given… He thought before giving his answer. “That was in your dreams, but hey, you’re dreaming of me now?” One of his hands moved to his hip, where he slouched, gave her a devilish smile and winked.
She was blushing from temple to temple, waking the dormant bees in his stomach.
“Now I’m thoroughly embarrassed.” Her confession was not needed, he could tell by the way she was fidgeting with her fingers and pulling her gaze downward.
Again, his hands wanted a mind of their own; the urge to take her chin and lift her eyes to his was so strong he shoved his hands into his pants pockets. “Don’t be. I had a great time. I’d say you did as well. I am sure Théodore will never forget last night.”
She groaned louder and dropped her forehead to her crossed arms on the railing. As she mumbled, he moved closer to her. Not that he couldn’t hear what she was saying, but for selfish reasons.
“Aza, I’m messing with you. Everyone had a wonderful time. They were happy that you joined, and while the circumstances of why you came out were not my favorite, I’m glad you did.” He touched her back, gently brushing his thumb against her delicate skin.
She didn’t pull away; he was thankful for it but knew to tread cautiously.
“Thanks,” she turned her head to him, smiling, “for everything. Especially what you said last night. I remember, vaguely, most of it.” He wasn’t visibly tense, but his heart slowed a bit.
“Kaed, he was—is—everything to me. I still can’t accept that he is gone, and I’ve pushed everyone away because of it.
Whether I think my reasoning is justified or not, I still do. I think…”
He waited, only watching as her face remained stoic. To have lost as much as she had, coupled with the torment that she had endured over the past five centuries, she embodied the term strength. The epitome of the word, and no one could take that away from her.
“I’m afraid someone will tell me it will all be okay. I’m not prepared to hear that because I won’t be okay—not without him.”
He only nodded, his hand never moving from her back.
“You don’t expect me to be okay. You don’t tell me it will be okay, because who knows if it will be.
” He watched her stand and step to him, her head had to crane to keep them looking at each other, and his willpower faltered.
His hand rested at the side of her neck, and she sunk into it.
“I do feel safe with you, and even if I don’t think I deserve it, I find some happiness in the blank spaces of light you give me. ”
The pain he felt for not being honest about who he was to her tore at him. Here she was, pouring out her truth and expecting the same back. Knowing that it would only hurt her and would do her no good, he held his resolve.
A gentle smile crossed his lips, “That is all I want for you. To be safe and happy.”
Her eyebrows pulled together ever so slightly. The gentle parting of her lips as though she were pondering what he said, beyond its most straightforward meaning.
From the first time he met her, all he had ever wanted was to keep her safe and happy. It was, and had always been, his sole purpose since meeting her.
After a moment of pause, she replied, “I know,” her hand pressed against his at her neck, and the warmth filled him like drinking the sweet wine the Elves make, “Thank you. I hope I can give you a sliver of what you give me in time.”
He wondered how long she thought he would wait.
Would her eyes see a human with only fifty or so years to give her, or would she see that he would give a lifetime to her?
He wanted to tell her he would be there for her forever.
That time meant nothing to how deeply he cared, how he would eternally fight in this life and the next.
“Time is not a lot to ask for, so it is yours to have.”