Chapter 13 #2
She couldn’t even discern whether it was her voice that was gone, or her hearing.
Inhaling a deep breath, she attempted a scream.
Her chest strained as she unleashed a prolonged, intense cry.
Still, there was no sound, but she felt the soreness in her throat, giving her hope that her hearing might have been the only thing lost due to the explosion.
Oh, Tessa...
Then, suddenly, she realized she wouldn’t know if someone was present without her hearing and in the pitch-black surroundings.
The space felt constricting, and she began to feel like she was suffocating, trapped as she had been in that crusher, teetering on the brink of becoming nothing but a lifeless heap.
Her perception of the world was akin to floating in a void without any sensory reference points. Her sense of self and connection to the external realm was becoming distorted and garmented.
All she had were her thoughts, which were the worst parts of her, and she would soon begin to drown in her sorrow.
Her eyes closed, though it didn’t alter the world around her.
She tried to manifest their faces, piecing together fragments of their features, needing them as an anchor to prevent her mind from spiraling into a whirlpool of thoughts.
It was a way to avoid thinking how she might have just killed hundreds at the port, including Alyse and the crew she wanted to call family one day, or plunging into the depths of her past.
She fought against reliving Kaed’s death and its ripple effect on her life. She pushed away thoughts about how it should have been her instead of Zhal, who had taken the axe.
And then, the most gut-wrenching one, the possibility that she might never see Jayce again.
“Not so strong now, are we?” His voice resonated in her mind, bypassing her ears. A shiver of terror coursed through her, and she screamed, though it was futile. “So confident behind your wards, but now that you’re in my realm, you’re just another Little Mouse.”
Her eyes remained closed, refusing to open and confront the god standing before her. If death was imminent, she wanted her last image to be Tessa’s face—those brown eyes brimming with love and innocence. She vowed to hold onto that memory and let it accompany her in her final moments.
“Don’t worry that pretty little head of yours,” his voice was low, full of desire and joy. “I’m not there for now. I just wanted to visit you and give you something to think about.”
What do you want? She thought instead of speaking aloud.
“To punish you first.”
Azahara put her head against her arm, baring her teeth and sobbing. I didn’t do that to you, and you know damn well I didn’t!
“But you did. You tested my resolve, and I broke, all because of that fucking Elf. Who, in the end, died anyways.”
She couldn’t feel her legs give out, but she didn’t try to stand back up when she dropped and was hung entirely by the chains around her wrist.
“Did I hit a soft spot?” He was full of pride.
Another scream came from her, and while she still couldn’t hear it, her body shook with trepidation and sheer force.
“I love it when you scream. I plan to have you do a lot more of that.” His tone was unsettlingly joyful for the words he uttered. “I will be with you soon, but like I said, I wanted to give you something. Your full memory.”
I don’t want it. Take it all back.
“Oh no, my love, it is a little too late for that. Because I couldn’t come back here after the year to wipe your memory, you now have to deal with the consequences you brought upon yourself.
” Though he wasn’t physically there, she felt his presence as if he stood before her, reaching out and gripping her as if his burning fingers were made of fire, coiling around her mind, and squeezing.
It was painful, but not nearly close to what she would soon feel.
“I pulled these memories, all seven hundred and forty-three of them, individually. I wanted you to come to me willingly, and if you remembered them, you would write them in your journals. Those damn journals you kept locked behind your wards would ruin any chance you would come to me.”
The first memory came as clear as if it were happening right in front of her, his words becoming a commentary on what she was seeing. “I was not as patient as I had hoped. You were put on this world to tempt me, like the seductress you are.”
His hands were on her, even as she fought. She had no strength to get him off of her, and she knew he wouldn’t stop. This was not a dream she could pull herself from. No one was going to wake her before the breaking point.
Goddrick tore at her clothes, “I couldn’t resist, you see.”
He removed his clothes, and she watched herself run in the briefest moment of freedom she could get.
“The more you ran, the worse it was for you, but the better it was for me.”
Even when she closed her eyes, the memory continued to play.
It was no trick, because as Goddrick grabbed her and threw her to the ground, she could feel it.
The dirt between her nails as she tried to pull away from him, the rocks digging into her skin.
Then, she felt when he ripped open her legs, and without a single bit of remorse or hesitation, took her.
There was no stopping the vomit that crept up her throat and projected from her. Tears accompanied it, and she screamed over and over again. She was pulling at the restraints on her wrists as another memory flooded her mind.
It was as though she was living through hell again, watching as if it were on repeat. Him violating her until she was nothing more than trash for him to toss to the side.
“Enjoy your memories, Dikos Mou. I’ll be with you soon.”
Death, can you hear me, please…
Please… Illyan… Kaed… Sam… Jayce…
Jayce…
Anyone… Save me…