Chapter 14
W
hen they speak of pain, they can’t be talking about this. Her mind was shattering, unable to comprehend the words she wanted to say aloud. There is no way a four-letter word can equate to this. This isn’t pain.
Slowly, her senses began to come back to her; first, it was her sense of smell, and she only knew it because the contents of her stomach were still splattered on the ground.
Next, the sensation returned to her body, and she could feel the liquid dripping from her wrists as she desperately tried to escape her restraints.
Then came her hearing, which she immediately wished she could take away.
Every memory had its own sounds attached to it. Then, she blacked out, unwilling to hear herself cry for help again. To listen with no salvation as he destroyed whatever peace she had.
When she regained consciousness, she was no longer standing, but lying on a bed.
Her wrists were still bound, but now spread apart and taut against the headboard.
As she struggled to pull on them, there was no give.
Her feet were secured, but at least she was able to move them, allowing her to curl them nearly to her stomach and cross her ankles tightly.
The room remained silent, and though she couldn’t explain how, she knew no one else was in there with her. The only sound she could hear was the thundering of her heart in her throat. Fear and anger caused it to race, both emotions vying to silence her.
That is all she wanted, for her to somehow die right then. She would beg Death to keep her, and release Kaed. Then, they could be together in the afterlife without pain and suffering. To forget all of this and leave this realm and its darkness behind.
“I cannot separate you from this realm,” Death had said, and she knew there would be no convincing them. She would return to this hell even if she were to end her life.
“My love.” His voice triggered a scream, and it wasn’t a subdued one. She unleashed the full force of her rage and pain and had no intention of holding back.
“Yes, scream for me.” Her arms strained, and she kicked, putting up a desperate fight against the inevitable. All her power, every last bit of it, was gone.
He came into view then, a filthy smile on his face. The blazing crimson sun in his eyes glowing in the darkened room sent terror through her.
“No one can hear you but me.”
His words silenced her, and she felt her jaw trembling, tears streaming from her eyes again. The knowledge of what was about to happen sent shivers inching across her skin.
“It’s been over a year since I’ve had you,” he said through a sigh.
The way he spoke made her feel nauseous, and while she only managed to gag, she whimpered and pleaded for mercy. “Goddrick, please, don’t do this…”
“Don’t do what?” He took a single step toward her, and she shook uncontrollably, crying out in sobs.
“Don’t touch me. I’ll forgive you for everything you have ever done to me.
I’ll never speak of it. Just please don’t—don’t—” Every word was fractured, requiring fixing before she could form complete sentences.
The bed trembled beneath her due to her overwhelming terror.
As he continued his approach, she clenched her legs tightly together.
“I don’t want your forgiveness,” he came around to the side of the bed, and she immediately turned her body as far away from his as possible. “I haven’t done anything wrong.”
He sat beside her, his hand brushing against her cheek and down her neck.
He dragged his nails down her naked body as he spoke, “You are mine. Mine to do whatever I want with. You agreed to that when you turned my hourglass over. You will remember in time. We have plenty of it.” When his fingers traced over her breast, she clenched her teeth together so hard she swore they would break.
The opposite hand that wasn’t creating invisible scars across her body, came to her neck and turned her to face him, “My immortal. My love.”
She gritted her teeth, her voice trembling, “You don’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t hurt me like this.” Tears cascaded incessantly from her eyes, blurring her vision with each passing moment.
His facial features hardened, the lines of his face becoming pronounced, “And you claim to understand love? An Elf who prioritized duty above all else. A Fae who manipulates and lies. Is that your interpretation of love?”
Kaed loves me. Illyan loves me. That is true love. Not this. Not him.
“For a little sacrifice of your body, you could have been everything. Now, you are nothing.” Leaning into her, he licked her lips, and she spat, which didn’t deter him—he just continued smiling while releasing her face with a shove.
“You will go down as someone who not only murdered thousands during the Battle of Sunfall,” he was slipping his shirt off.
She looked away, biting her lip to stifle another scream.
“But also, for the deaths of hundreds at Itotaki. No one will come looking for you, Little Mouse.”
If she hadn’t already been consumed by hopelessness, now it overwhelmed her entirely.
“You won’t be able to do any of that here. Those shackles were made specifically for our kind, including Death. You’re nothing here, as you were nothing out there.”
Fighting him would be useless, but there would be no way she would give in to him, even in the end; she was not his, no matter what he spewed.
She shut her eyes tightly, yearning to be devoid of all sensation again.
She longed for the comforting embrace of numbness, praying for it to envelop every fiber of her being, shielding her from the impending torment he was about to unleash.
“This time, I won’t take the memory of me away from you,” his hands gripped her knees, and with zero effort, he spread her legs. Immediately, she kicked him, her hips lifting to propel her feet straight into his jaw.
“Ow, you always have been a fighter.” As suspected, he wasn’t even fazed, and she uttered a weak scream of defeat.
His hands squeezed her thighs and spread her, while she screamed, “No, please!” Pulling at the restraints on her wrists, feeling them cut into her skin. The smell of copper filled her nose as blood ran down her arms.
She wanted to feel anything other than his fingers slipping between her, “Mm, you’re not wet for me, don’t worry—I can fix that.”
“No! Goddrick, please! I’m begging you, don’t!” There was nothing she could do but continue to pull and feel the slicing of the metal into her wrists.
Abruptly, a searing pain shot through her leg, causing her to halt her pulling and direct her gaze downward. The knife in his hand glided a perfectly straight line straight down her thigh, the blood pouring down and pooling between her and the sheets.
“No…” Her voice was weak and sounded like a mouse squeaking to be released from its trap.
“That bloody no is going to keep getting you in trouble,” He pushed up against her, one of his hands gripping her neck and the other propping himself above her. “Tell me you want me, and I may be gentle.”
A high-pitched noise rang in her ear as her vision blurred. She was nothing anymore—a doll to the puppeteer.
“You do want it rough then,” he groaned.
“I hate you,” she said, and it only fueled the smile on his lips. “I’m going to send you to Oblivion one day.” Her voice was emotionless; her jaw trembled as she clenched her teeth.
“I love that you think you are ever getting out of here. I love that you have hope. I love that I will take it away from you.” He broke through her then, and she disintegrated into the pain and sorrow each thrust brought.
He would never let her go.
“I love you,” his voice was breathless. He tightened his grip on her neck, taking away the breath that would never belong to her again.
Nothing would ever belong to her again.
Azahara was gone.