Chapter 34 #2
“I’d never ventured to the Idle Fox before,” he motioned to his past self, donned in the signature White Cloak uniform, eyes fixed downward, and once again, carrying an air of discontent.
The downturn of his lips, the furrow between his brows; he was in pain without even understanding why.
“I can’t recall if I was drawn to show up there this day or if it was just coincidence, but when I walked in,” he took her hand, and their perspective shifted, landing them in the Idle Fox, “to my astonishment, a beautiful redhead was there to greet me.”
“Hello! Welcome to the Idle Fox!” It was past-Azahara, with an ear-to-ear smile, and bright-eyed expression.
“Little bee, you don’t have to greet people like that.” Her heart sprinted as Broan called out to her.
Past-Azahara giggled, a girly one that she wondered if it was forced, but the joy on her face didn’t depict it being that way. “Oh, but I love to.”
Past-Jayce stood unblinking, staring at her.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” she looked up at him, the smile on his face wide, a gloss covering his eyes, “at first, I thought I was dreaming. You’ll see as I go from shock, to disbelief, to reality.
You were standing there, after so many years, as though you hadn’t aged.
That... and you were alive.” He took a deep, healthy breath in.
“You were alive,” he repeated.
“You are alive…” Past-Jayce said aloud and went to touch past-Azahara.
“Hey, hey—keep your hands off the lady. Do you want something Commander?” Broan said pointedly. He was protecting her, and she felt her heart swell.
“I obviously got myself together, but you were so kind that it hadn’t mattered of my awkwardness.
You waited on me, and I stayed there until you were done for the day.
You were living there at the Idle Fox at the time, and I went to Broan for who you were.
He was skeptical about telling me, but he let me in with a little magical influence. ”
Meeting his gaze with an unexpected calm, she acknowledged that, given the circumstances, she would have done the same thing.
“You had been working there for almost a full year at that time and said that you were looking for an escape from your reality. I asked what your name was, and he told me it was Azahara or, Aza, for short; I knew then that it was you. While it could have been a coincidence or reincarnation, that unique name was not something I could ignore. I was getting my second chance, and I wouldn’t let it go. ”
He leaned in towards her and smiled, “We obviously know I somehow messed it up.”
With furrowed brows, she frowned, “I probably did that.”
His hand came up and rested at her neck, “Let’s see, hmm?” He kissed her forehead and the room around them shifted, but they stayed in the Idle Fox. She observed as if days lapsed over seconds.
“If I had known then I would have only had a few weeks, if even that, I would not have waited. I’m not even sure why I did, to be completely honest. I came every single day, sat at the same table, and spent the entire day with you.
Even though you acted the same way you had before, as though I was just another person. ”
Past-Jayce remained seated, his unwavering gaze fixed on her every second.
Although one might consider it unsettling, realizing his soul longed for something unrequited, she empathized with his yearning.
She wondered if he could see the change in her each day because she could.
The way she would immediately look for that single table to see if he was there.
Her smile was always brighter when she saw him.
She’d loved seeing him there, and even if he couldn’t feel her soul yearning for him, she could see that she was.
The subtlety of her desire lingered, as she acknowledged the impossibility of having him, even as her heart truly wished otherwise.
She almost began to break down again at the sight of a chessboard coming into play. Past-Jayce had brought it and offered to teach her, quickly discovering that she was a natural. Witnessing him intentionally lose, just to elicit the victorious cheer from her, nearly brought her to tears.
“I tried to get to know you, but you were so elusive, and obviously, now I know why. However, then, I thought maybe you were hiding something. At first, I thought you were a Fae, and while you had connections with Magic, it wasn’t strong enough to come from wings.
I also saw your back several times, and there was nothing there.
I went through every possible scenario, and all of them were wrong.
“I was gaining the courage to just straight up ask you to have dinner with me, when someone came looking for you.”
“The redhead, where is she?” The voice was unmistakable; she didn’t need to turn around to identify it as Goddrick. A shiver ran through her body, and Jayce swiftly pulled her away, snapping them out of the memory and depositing them outside the Idle Fox.
“Broan shared this memory with you, and I refuse to make you watch it. I’m sorry for even letting that moment slip.” He lifted her gaze to him, and to his surprise, she had a neutral expression. “That’s my girl.”
A smile graced her as she gently bit down on her bottom lip.
“When I came in, I couldn’t expose who I was. Not in front of everyone, especially not you. So, with a little Magic—”
“That was you!?” Her voice nearly shouted, shock threading through every word.
“You did the punching, I just applied the pressure,” he said, slipping his hand behind her neck, pulling her towards him. “Then, of course, you left.”
Once again, they moved just outside the Kingdom, and she saw past-Jayce running. Past-Azahara, who was just crossing the gates and moving beyond the borders of the Kingdom, oblivious to his pursuit.
At least, until he called out to her, “Wait, Aza!”
“I … remember this moment.” She swallowed and took a step away from his grasp. “I don’t understand why I don’t remember it being you… or any of this really…”
“Hey, Jayce!” Past-Azahara said, turning and greeting him as he approached her.
“Where are you going?” He asked, and she smiled.
“I’m heading home, for my birthday. I’m going to celebrate with my family.”
“I could tell that you were lying, but I didn’t understand why.
It was such an innocent answer, yet it felt like you were running away from something.
Hiding.” He was so candid with his feelings, and she felt them deep in her soul.
“It wasn’t until your next words that I realized I might never see you again. ”
“I’ll be back.”
“You lied straight through that beautiful smile of yours.” He shook his head.
“I can protect you, Aza,” he stepped towards her, “I can keep you safe, if you’ll stay with me. I know you don’t know me, but—”
“Jayce, thank you but I’m fine.”
“You were going to cry,” He didn’t need to tell her that, because as she watched her former self begin to buckle, she felt her turmoil. Those words, keep you safe, were all she ever wanted to hear. That was all she ever wanted. “So, I didn’t pressure you.”
“Thank you, but really, I’m okay. I need to go. When I get back though, I’d love to have dinner. If you’d have me.”
“The pain I felt then was near at a breaking point,” he confessed.
“Then it’s a date,” Past-Jayce said to her, and without another word, past-Azahara left.
Turning to him, she asked, “Can you see my memories?” He nodded, putting his hand on hers.
“Just think about where you want to take me, and we will go.” When she took his hand, she brought them merely a few minutes into the future of his memory of her walking away.
When he saw her past self, Jayce began trembling.
Beneath the sheltering branches of a tree, past-Azahara sat with her arms tightly wound around her legs, tears streaming down her face.
The intensity of her emotions caused her entire body to tremble, and she dug her nails so forcefully into her arms that blood started to seep through.
With a heavy heart, she lifted her gaze to the sky above.
“I hate you. I hate you! I fucking hate you! I hate you! Please let me go! Let me go! Please!” As past-Azahara screamed, Jayce grabbed her and pulled them from the memory, falling into darkness.
He held her close while she whispered, “Hate was never a strong enough word.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t see,” His tone gentle against her ear, “If I had seen, if I had just noticed that your soul was trapped… I would have saved you right then.”
“I was protecting you,” her voice carried a note of anguish, “at least, in my mind I was. I was going home to prepare to forget the happiest year of my life. I didn’t know that at the time, but now I can attest it to be true.
It had been the time with everyone at the Idle Fox, feeling normal, and just enjoying every bit of freedom.
“ She emitted a gentle, amused exhale, “You may not have felt it, but I wanted nothing more than to get to know you. I wanted you to know me, but the true me. Not what Goddrick had made me.”
In the darkened space around them, they stood together, his arms encircling her torso, his forehead pressed against the back of her head.
She could sense his heart racing against her back, and while hers also pounded, his surpassed in urgency.
The weight of his prolonged pain bore heavily, and the knowledge that it wasn’t the end added an indescribable ache.
He planted a tender kiss on the top of her head. “Do you want to stop? We can finish another time.”
She shook her head with determination. “I want to see.”
His embrace tightened, and in an instant, they found themselves once again in the square in front of the Idle Fox. Though things hadn’t altered significantly, time had moved forward. He pulled her along, fingers interlocked with hers, guiding her up the stairs toward the front door.