Chapter 35
I
n Jayce’s strong embrace, he swung open the door to the quarters that had held both love and trepidation for her.
It was a space marked by turmoil yet brimming with genuine care and compassion.
This was where she envisioned spending the rest of her days, sailing within the embrace of the family she had grown to cherish, until there was no more sea to traverse.
Her heart raced, but it wasn’t because of Jayce. Instead, it was her own fear that gripped her. She didn’t want to ruin this moment by being afraid, but she knew she would.
Not that she needed to say it, because as the door closed behind them, he gently lowered her to the ground.
“I told you there was no pressure for anything,” his hand pressed against her chest, “settle your heart, please; I’m afraid it’ll go running.
” A shared laugh lightened the atmosphere, and she was grateful for it.
“I know,” her veiled eyes met his, and his darkened cheeks eliciting hers to blaze. “But I don’t want him to own anything of me. I want it back. Just as I got my soul, I’m going to take my body back, too.”
He grinned from ear to ear, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on her lips. “That’s my girl.” Whenever he said that, it felt like a flame burning around her heart—a claim, but not in a possessive way.
“I’ll just need help, and time,” she said, her voice unintentionally breathy. The way he looked at her then made the room feel starved of air.
“Tell me what you need, and it’s yours,” his voice was silky, gently lifting her gaze to his. How could she even breathe right now? Her entire body was ablaze, and she just wanted to be free of the dress that constrained her.
It felt strange, having to be so careful. She had never been shy about her sexual desires and knew what she wanted when it came to pleasure.
Stepping away from him, she moved with unspoken cues, and he watched, prepared to respond. With shaky fingers, she unclasped the metal shoulder pieces of her dress and tossed them aside. Their weight became apparent as the floor vibrated from their impact.
Her arms clung tightly to her body, supporting the dress to prevent it from falling.
It wasn’t as though he hadn’t seen her naked, but that had been a completely different scenario.
Aside from glimpses of her back in the shattered mirror in Ilkiz’s Tomb, she had not seen herself naked since Goddrick had her.
Since then, she had actively avoided looking at herself.
Now, with him standing there, awaiting her decision, she felt the weight of millions of eyes on her.
Before she could crack under the pressure, she felt his embrace.
His hands touched her back, running gently up and over her shoulders, his skin soft against hers. As his hands moved across the curve of her neck, she leaned her head back to look at him.
“I know where to start,” he said confidently, making trusting him so easy.
They walked together step by step toward the wall, where a sheet covered the only mirror in the room.
“You’re absolutely beautiful, and healing will take time,” he slipped the sheet from over it, and she observed the two of them standing there.
Before she could ask, he turned around, pressing their backs together, and laced his fingers into hers.
“The only eyes that matter are your own. Look, and I’ll be here to support you, and if you fall, I’ll catch you. ”
She took an unsteady breath, closing her eyes momentarily. You can do this, she encouraged herself.
Refocusing on the mirror, she stared at herself for the first time, her eyes trained directly on her face.
Her flawless skin, uniquely red freckles scattered from ear to ear, and her full, pink parted lips all felt foreign.
Her widened almond eyes showcased a singular crystal blue eye while the other had red and orange cascading outward from the iris, the once vibrant blue trying to hold its dominance.
The tip of her nose seemed highlighted in the flickering candlelight.
The red paint smeared across her cheek and down her neck drew her attention to where the problem lay.
Squeezing his hand, she loosened her grip on the dress, and slowly, it fell to the floor.
Immediately, her eyes closed, feeling the sickness in her stomach ripple through her.
She didn’t want to see his hand marks—the ink that no one else could see but herself.
The rough trembling in her hands seemed to vibrate throughout her entire being, and she wanted to run. She didn’t want this.
“What happened will never go away,” Jayce spoke softly, his gaze lifting so that the top of his head would rest on her own. “Overcoming them will be difficult, but you can do anything, I know you can.”
He was right, she could do anything. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes.
Terrified, she took in her bare appearance. The facade of perfection was all a lie. The bruises, cuts, and destruction he caused were all still there, just blanketed with false security.
Observing her chest rise and fall, witnessing the seemingly untouched body that she should love, had the opposite effect.
She could still perceive what it went through—the suffering it had endured, only to be seen as a blessing.
The familiar sting in her nose pierced through her eyes, and she swallowed roughly.
As her gaze moved down to her hip where his hand held tightly to hers, a sense of calm enveloped her. It made her heart slow, and her trepidation began to dissolve.
Her breathing quickened as she looked back up at herself. “I genuinely hate looking at myself. I know, for someone who looks like I do, it’s stupid.”
“It’s not,” he quickly intervened. “You have every right to feel that way.”
She leaned her head back against him. “What do you see?” Her body turned away from the mirror, her hand pulling him to look at her.
When he looked down at her, she took a step back.
Her cheeks burned, and she trained her gaze downward, not wanting to watch him take her in.
Every part of her skin tingled as she could feel his eyes, and yet again, she wanted to run.
The sense that she was breaking into pieces like a shattered mirror, ready to litter the floor with fragments of herself, was nearly overwhelming.
His fingers gently came under her chin, directing her eyes towards him.
His gaze was reverent, and his cheeks were flushed.
“Through my eyes, I see nothing but beauty and quintessence. But through yours, I see the invisible scars. I see someone forced to appear okay, but truly isn’t.
An illusion of perfection involuntarily placed on you while you suffer from bruises and scars that no one can see. ”
She wanted to be okay, but never wanted to pretend to be. They always saw perfection when she was anything but.
“I’ll help you heal so you see the beauty I see when I look at you. No matter how long it takes.”
“Stupid tears,” the onslaught of heat rose to her eyes, and they welled with emotion. “I don’t want to cry.”
Before the tears could pour from her eyes, his lips pressed against hers roughly, and his hands were at the sides of her neck, thumbs at the contours of her cheeks.
“—Jayce,“ she gasped through the kiss, feeling his body tremble.
Her body reacted as it would have before, and butterflies fluttered around in her lower abdomen.
His hand came up to her hair, and with a groan, dropped it to the back of her neck. “Damn those girls,” he cursed through bated breath, sucking in a healthy intake of air before reclaiming her lips as his own.
She moved her hands down his chest, tugging up on his shirt and pulling it from his pants. When her fingers contacted his skin, the sound that escaped his lips made her legs tremble. He was quick to grab her hand, “Mmm, shit—” The sheepish mutter and huff of air that came from him surprised her.
“Did I—”
“No… no…” He smiled and released a sigh, “Give me a moment.” Her hand was against his lips then, and he was kissing down her wrist, gently biting it. It sent her head back and her own gentle moan to leave her throat.
“What—” she bit her lip, his lips moving further down her forearm, “What happened?”
She could feel his smile against her skin.
“I have control touching you, but obviously, I have none when you touch me.” He guided her hand over his neck as he kissed up and across her collarbone, and with care, he bit down on her shoulder.
The shock it sent through her made her back arch, and she clutched his hair for dear life.
The gentle suck accompanying his bite made her melt against him and let out a soft, barely audible moan. Resisting the urge not to touch him was becoming nearly impossible for her.
His arm swiftly tucked under her leg, lifting her into his arms. Their lips met as he carried her to the bed.
The mattress sunk in as he let her down and moved on top of her.
One of his arms propped him up while the other traced a fine line from her chin down her body, following the red paint that was now smeared and blotchy.
Every part of her skin tingled with fire, and small bumps rose.
“Jayce…” His name escaped with an unfiltered moan, impossible for her to keep tamed.
He cursed under his breath before his lips were on hers again, immediately intertwining their tongues. He placed his hand under her breast, and she felt her body ready to explode. As she attempted to spread her legs, she realized that he had straddled her.
It dawned on her then that he was doing everything right: keeping his hands from venturing beyond her stomach, keeping her legs closed so she wouldn’t feel self-conscious about it moving too far, and checking himself any time he felt he was losing control.
The depth of his strength knew no bounds.
She wasn’t sure what her limit was, and truthfully, she was afraid to find out. She wanted to give all of herself to him, free from the constraints of her fear and anxiety that held her back.
Her hands settled on his cheeks, gently pushing him back so she could see him. Both were breathing heavily, and she could discern the desire in his eyes. At that moment, she wondered if he could see and feel her longing as intensely as she could sense his.
With her newfound strength, she pushed him over and rolled on top of him.
A look of shock spread across his face as she swiftly wrapped the sheets around her waist, concealing her lower half while straddling his hips.
Her hands clutched the sheets, and the blush returned to her face, both heating and serving as a reminder that she didn’t need them, except to cover herself.
“Take your shirt off,” she said while diverting her gaze.
He laughed softly, “Demanding before a first date.”
She sucked in a deep breath and shot him a glance. That breath was stolen right back as he had already slipped the shirt off, revealing his bare chest.
Her fingers traced the curve and lining of his muscles, drawing a line down his stomach as he had done to her.
He trembled under her touch, and she yearned to do more.
His hands were under the sheet at her legs, gripping with every movement of her nails against his skin.
The look on his face was driving her crazy.
His powerless attempt to keep it together was evident everywhere.
She wasn’t trying to make him suffer, but knowing she had that effect on him with a simple touch made her feel powerful.
It wasn’t until his hands moved up from her legs that all that power was lost. His hands at her hips, thumbs pressed against the bone, sent a shock of ecstasy and fear through her.
He didn’t move her or shift her in any way; he just put them there, and it was driving her to lose the hold she had on the moment. Nearly sending her mind back to—
“Aza...” He sat forward, her head leaning up as their chests pressed together. “This was a strong start.” His voice, a blend of love and desire, resonated, “Let’s stop here.”
Love wasn’t a potent enough word for what she felt in that moment. Even on the precipice, ready to dive deep into the waters without considering the monsters that awaited, he chose to save them both with a decision that was far from easy.
“Jayce—” she began softly, but he leaned in, kissing her needy lips.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself to him, and her legs encircled his waist. His hands ran up her back, snaking around her.
“I love you,” she uttered between their lips breaking.
He smiled, reclaiming her, and they tumbled back down to the bed.