Chapter 37
“Y
ou look tired,” Azahara said with a chuckle, noticing Ilkiz slouching near the harbor’s shore closest to the ship. She had slipped from Jayce’s grasp, leaving him asleep, when she felt her Spirit calling out to her. “Did you party for nearly two days straight?” she playfully asked.
The Dragon grumbled, huffing a heavy breath of air in her direction. Thankfully, with the newfound strength from Ilkiz, she was able to hold her ground, preventing herself from being launched hundreds of feet into the sea behind her.
“Don’t be crude,” Ilkiz’s voice boomed, “but yes, I did.”
Azahara let out a hearty laugh, placing her hand onto the large snout and giving it a gentle pat, “It’s fine, no judgement from my side. My days have been filled with nothing but wonder.”
“You are radiating, Azahara. I’m happy he finally found the balls—”
“Ilkiz.” She eyed her Spirit, “Be nice.”
“You deserved to know.” It was warming to know that Ilkiz had her best intentions.
This close to decamillennial creature who has seen countless wars, and the eradication of their own kind, cared about this measly little human.
“While I’ve never been a fan of the Fae, he is one of the few good ones, I’m only messing around about his balls. ”
Azahara rolled her eyes, but kept a playful smile on her lips, “I’d be inclined to agree. About the good one’s comment. Not about his balls.”
They both shared in a laugh, and she could feel Ilkiz ready to be returned and rest.
“I need a favor before I pull our Spirits back together,” her subsequent request would not make either of them happy, Jayce or Ilkiz, but it needed to happen. She paused while walking towards the water, “I need to see Death.”
“Then summon it.” It was obvious to her then that the four powers didn’t know much about one another, which was oddly surprising to her.
“I can only summon Death when there is death close, I’ve tried to just simply request its presence, but the only time I could was during the Battle of Sunfall, when it arrived on my request to take the souls I had killed, along with Thall. My connection isn’t like the Yuul’s.”
She could feel Ilkiz tense and see her scales tremble, “What are you requesting that I do, little one?”
“Throughout this year I have…” Somehow saying it out loud felt more shameful than she expected it to be, “Only have been able to see Death upon my own death.” She could feel Ilkiz trembling, and she took a deep breath.
“How often have you visited its presence?” There was pain behind the tendrils of her words.
“More than a dozen, or so, times.” She admitted with a sincerity that felt almost unnecessary. Ilkiz’s turmoil at that moment nearly sent her to her knees. “You have to understand that I was in a dark place after losing Kaed and what I did at Sunfall.”
“I am in no place to judge you…” she assured, though her lack of conviction did little to ease the overwhelming wave of emotions she projected.
“I begged Death to take me, every single time, but I’m not going there this time for that.
I’m set in my fate and now understanding that it isn’t time for me to leave this life.
I just need to thank them for their part in saving me from Goddrick.
If not for Death, I would likely still be trapped.
” She confessed, placing her hand tenderly on her mighty snout before gently kissing her. “It will be the last time, I promise.”
“You ask me to kill you and expect my heart to not shatter as I do?” Again, she shot her a heavy thrust of air that would have sent her flying if she were the same Azahara from six or so months ago.
“I will not permanently die, Ilkiz. I’m simply going to sleep—”
“Your heart will stop,” she cut in.
“I am asking that you put your tail into the water and hold me down, pretend we are playing a game.” She tried to laugh, but Ilkiz was not having it. “I heal too fast now and would just suffer more if I tried another alternative. If you would rather, I can tie my foot to something and sink.”
“Are we seriously debating your death?!”Ilkiz was angry, and she would have feared her if it would have gone anywhere beyond her scolding.
“You will know when I’m ready to come up.” She said, walking into the water.
Ilkiz moved with swift grace, her elongated form blocking Azahara’s path effectively.
Her massive frame loomed over, making the thought of climbing seem futile.
Instead, Azahara met Ilkiz’s large crimson gaze, “Please, before Jayce wakes up. He will also need to be held back; I really would rather only do this once.”
“You would make me fight the Fae, by the Sky above Azahara…” Feeling her contemplation, Azahara took a deep breath. “You won’t let me convince you otherwise— Why not talk through the Yuul?”
“I’ve never feared death, nor Death itself.
I do not plan to start now. As Rah was with you, I am with Death,” she spoke with a gentle and understanding tone.
“Ilkiz, thank you, but it will be fine. Mere moments of suffering will bring me happiness in the end. Sometimes, the toughest choices are made not for the betterment of others but for oneself.”
Ilkiz, as if laboring against invisible resistance, slowly cleared a path.
The ground quivered beneath, and she was keenly aware that Jayce must have sensed or heard the disturbance.
With that realization, she briskly entered the frigid water.
As it crept up to her chest, she met Ilkiz’s gaze, and the Dragon brought her tail over.
“You’ll know when I’m ready, but not before.”
Ilkiz didn’t say anything, and just narrowed her eyes at her. Delving into the experience of death wasn’t something she desired, but it became a necessity. It was the only way to speak with Death, and it might be the last opportunity she’d have for quite some time.
Without taking a breath, she sunk under the water and watched as the massive tail of her Spirit swiftly moved over her body and rested her down to the sea floor.
That itself could have killed her, the weight of it stealing all the oxygen out of her lungs, and she knew that this would be the quickest, least painful way to go.
Her body began shaking, the immediate need for air took hold, and she began fighting to get loose.
It was her body’s natural reaction, even if she was conscious of her actions.
Killing herself had always been difficult but hoping it would be the last time she would do it, always drove her to try.
Now, she wanted to live, so the pain of her lungs shriveling and her throat closing as water drowned her was harder to overcome.
“Azahara!” The voice in her head was not her own, but Jayce, “What are you doing?!”
It’s okay, I’ll come back.
“What does—AZAH—”
The encroaching darkness behind her eyelids veiled her vision, and the struggle and pain ceased. All that remained was the familiar warmth that always awaited her on the other side—the space between realms and embers, where love and compassion enveloped her.
“My love.” Drawing an unnecessary breath, Azahara opened her eyes. The dim room around her familiar, and the echo of her dearest love’s voice in her ear brought a sense of home. “My Light.”
Death stood above her, a joyful expression gracing its face. Golden tears welled in its eyes, on the verge of spilling down its cheeks.
“Death…” Sitting up, Azahara noticed the inch of water beneath her was no more. The bony fingers of Death lightly brushed her cheek, guiding her gaze upward. They affirmed her presence, assuring it that beyond Purgatory, she was safe.
Death embraced her then, holding her close to its frame and shrouding the cloak around them both, engulfing her in warmth. Her own arms gripped tightly at Death, never wanting to leave its side even though she wasn’t ready for death itself.
“My Azahara, you did it.” Its voice was pained but also filled with relief. “I am so, so proud of you. Thank you for not giving up.”
“Thank you, Death, I… I don’t know what would have happened if you had not given me hope.” There was no sign that either of them ever wanted to release their embrace. Tears of pure joy pooled in her eyes being back with Death.
“I have not known pain like that since my creation.” Death leaned her back slightly, placing a kiss on her lips, and then settling its forehead against hers. “He will suffer. This I promise you.”
Azahara nodded before resting her head against its chest, feeling the silence and calm that lay below it. This was the place she had yearned for, the rest she so desperately desired to have. It felt like so long ago that she desired to stay and never return.
“The Underworld rejoices with me, my Light.” Death’s fingers ran through her hair, “We have so much to catch up on, but it appears we do not have much time together. Your Fae is demanding your return.” Death shook their head, “Threatening to remove the tail of my longest, dearest friend, Ilkiz. Shame on him.”
“Overbearing— but I do love him…” She laughed, not upset at Jayce, but was hoping for even a few more minutes.
Looking up at Death, she had a bright smile lacing her lips, “I wanted to let you know that I’m better, and healing, and that when things are done and it is my time to depart that life, I want to be with you, just as Rah was with Ilkiz.”
Death was smiling. Those soft pink lips trembled lightly as golden tears drew down their cheeks. When its hand came up, it was no longer skeletal but wrapped in the same soft, silky porcelain skin as its face.
“You would choose me—”
“Every time.” Azahara took its hand into hers, lacing their fingers together. “In every version of my fate.”
Death placed its other hand behind her head, drawing her in. “My name— it is Anastasia.” She placed her hand onto its cheek, a surprised expression on her face with Death’s admission. “You bring me to life, Azahara.”