Chapter 18
Greylen
Dusk was easily my favorite time of the day—when the sun had just set, and there was still a slight glow in the sky as darkness fell. It was quiet and peaceful, warmth clinging from the last rays of sunset.
Personally, the cold that haunted the dead of the night didn’t suit me. If I ended up in my office, working on the books several hours after sunset, I used a space heater to keep it toasty.
I sighed as a memory rose to the surface.
Back at the cabin, when I’d been working late and everyone else was asleep, I’d gone to put the space heater on, only to be joined by Emmeline.
She’d curled up in my lap while I worked, acting as a human space heater, keeping me comfortable until the sun rose the following morning.
We didn’t speak—we simply enjoyed each other’s presence.
It’d been the unique way Emmeline and I had connected. She had a gift for being what each of us had needed.
On the very rare occasions we brought up the topic of losing our mate with another dragon, they all seemed to think the worst part would be losing your sexual partner.
I supposed it made sense. Dragons were hypersexual creatures.
We loved getting our dicks wet whenever we could.
Young dragons, in particular, would have any number of sexual partners in their youth, but once they found their mates, well, that was it for them—or rather us… me.
Somehow, despite being mated to four horny dragons, Emmeline had managed to keep up with us. She’d been a perfect match in every way, though, not just in bed.
Then again, sometimes it felt like Rowan, as she was now, would be a better match for us. She was more suited to life in a horde. Would that have been the same if we’d had the opportunity to introduce her to our life here?
We would never know.
It was the comfort I missed—the joy of simply having her close. Her presence was calming and electrifying all at once. Steadfast and secure. Until it wasn’t. Because she had left.
There was no way to know what might have been, and I didn’t want to dwell on what-ifs. What good would it serve?
“Guess who the luckiest fucker in the world is?” Nix declared as he walked onto the porch. His hair was more of a bedraggled mess than usual, and his shit-eating grin should have let me know what he’d done. And yet, somehow, I found myself surprised.
Still, it was made blatantly obvious when a small gust of wind blasted me with Rowan’s sweet scent, coming right off said “lucky fucker.”
I dropped everything from my hands. “Care to explain how that happened?” I asked, my voice tight, tension squeezing my muscles.
Jealousy wasn’t common in hordes, but given our unique situation, it curled in my stomach, ugly and unwanted.
I’d never been opposed to the others being with Emmeline.
It was part of the deal, but this felt… different.
She’d been gone for so long. We’d all missed her, needed her, and Nix had been the first to claim time with her.
The time I desperately wanted.
Nix shrugged. “I honestly don’t know how it happened. One minute, we were organizing her new clinic, and the next, we were drawn together.”
He sighed wistfully, his eyes tracking to the distance. A tiny smile lifted the corner of his mouth, and I forced myself to swallow, to think before I said anything. I did a less-than-stellar job, however.
“One day, she’s going to stab you through the hand. You know that,” I quipped.
Nix’s propensity for acting like a golden retriever, while sometimes endearing, could also be infuriating. Of course, said infuriating clanmate merely shrugged.
“For all I know, I’m into that, if it’s her stabbing me.”
“Who’s stabbing Nix?” Bastian asked as he stepped onto the porch, Orsen right on his tail. Both of them looked exhausted, heavy bags under their eyes and drooping shoulders.
None of us had been sleeping well.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes as I spoke through gritted teeth. “Take a whiff of him, and you’ll know.”
The pair sped toward Nix without a second thought, their nostrils flaring when they picked up Rowan’s scent.
“What the fuck?” Bastian asked in a gruff, strangled voice.
“Rowan and I had a little bit of… ‘couple time.’” He smirked, puffing his chest out like he was immensely proud, which was monumentally stupid of him.
“And now I understand the threats of violence,” Orsen growled.
“My sweet mate won’t hurt me,” Nix declared, shaking his head as he made a face. “She’s just as drawn to us as we are to her.”
“Wasn’t talking about Rowan,” Orsen said under his breath.
“Is she now?” I cocked my head to the side.
We knew there was a pull when it came to mates, but the problem was that ever since Rowan had come back into our lives, she’d kept her distance from us.
Rightfully so—but still, how the hell were we supposed to tell whether she still felt anything for us? The thought made my chest pinch.
Nix nodded adamantly. “It’s true. One minute, I was helping her set up her new clinic, and the next, we were pulled together. It was magnetic, like those early days.”
“And she was okay with that?” Orsen eyed him, brows knitted together.
“She may have… freaked out a little bit and run away at the end, but I’m giving her space so she can process. None of this is easy for her. I get that. I’m not trying to rush things,” Nix pointed out as he sank into one of the porch chairs next to me.
“She was freaking out?” Bastian glared at Nix, closing the distance between them.
Nix shrugged, sighing. “It’s hard to describe, but it was familiar and new at the same time.
It’s her. Her body is so familiar to me—the way she feels, the way she tastes—but at the same time, she was shy and different.
Emmeline used to know which way to tilt her head to kiss me, whereas, with Rowan, I nearly bumped into her. ”
I didn’t want to be thinking about this, but it looked like I had no choice. “I suppose she can’t remember the intricacies since she can’t remember anything else.”
Orsen groaned, walking over to the banister and leaning against it. “How did our lives become so fucked up?”
“I don’t know, but I intend to find out,” I replied, looking out into the forest.
“Do you think she’ll stay?” Orsen asked, the volume of his voice betraying the forced calm in his tone. He was trying to hide it, but it was clear he wanted Rowan to stay as much as we all did.
“Hopefully,” Nix muttered, leaning back in his chair. “If not, I’m following her ass to the ends of the Earth. I know we have people here, but I’m not losing her again.”
“You would leave the horde?” Bastian surged toward Nix again, radiating tension.
Nix turned to him, raising his brows. “And you wouldn’t? She’s our mate. We would follow her anywhere, wouldn’t we?”
As he said the words, I knew he was right. If Rowan decided to leave the horde lands, I would follow her. I’m sure the others would too. Would it be difficult for me to be away from our people? Yes, of course it would. But it would be worth it if it meant Rowan warmed up to us.
Bastian frowned, shaking his head. “We’re needed here.”
Orsen snorted. “Let’s be real, Bastian. Have we really been here for the last six years? We’re here physically, yeah, but you know as well as the rest of us that our minds have been elsewhere.”
Bastian glowered at him.
I resisted the urge to laugh. Bastian was a stubborn bastard and had been his entire life, but it’d gotten worse since we lost our mate.
She had been the one who softened his rough edges.
Everyone else got the hard and firm Alpha’s son, who he’d been trained to be.
She got the sweet man underneath, who was head over heels for her.
Still, losing our mate had hardened all of us.
It had been, and to a degree still was, devastating.
I’d heard plenty of talk about losing your mate, but experiencing it was something else.
None of us wanted to feel this suffering again, but Bastian…
he hardly spoke about his pain. We’d seen it because we knew where to look, but Bastian was closed off to everyone else.
He didn’t talk about how much this was affecting him.
“Guys, she’s not totally against us,” Nix quickly offered, resting his elbows on his knees. “We have a chance here.”
Orsen nodded. “Then we need to take it.”
I wasn’t surprised that Orsen wanted to jump in with both feet. Subtlety was as strange to that dragon as a level temper, but Bastian frowned.
“You believe her so easily. What if she’s deceiving us? Who knows what she’s capable of!”
I shot him a look, remembering the conversation I’d had with Rowan. “I suggest you end that line of inquiry right now, or I will fucking flatten you.”
Usually, I was the last dragon in our clan to resort to violence, so I wasn’t shocked to see three sets of eyes jerk toward me, jaws dropping. Bastian’s face contorted with rage before he turned on his heel, storming off the porch, the door slamming behind him.
“Ma’s gonna be pissed if she hears that asshole slamming doors.” Nix chuckled, still grinning from ear to ear.
Lord, he was going to get punched in the face if he wasn’t careful.
“He’ll come around,” Orsen said, shaking his head. “It’s just going to take time.”