Chapter 19
Rowan
Determined to forget what had happened with Nix, I barreled forward and focused on setting up my little clinic.
It was almost irritating how perfect the space was.
The old log cabin reminded me of Kiki's healing hut.
Then again, calling it a hut was underwhelming.
Kiki's healing space had once been small and cramped, but over the years, it had grown into a multi-room facility because she was such a well-respected healer.
Seated at the desk, I ran my hands through my hair, groaning.
If only Kiki were around so I could talk to someone.
Not only had she been an amazing healer, but her advice had always been perfect.
Her many years of experience gave her the type of wisdom you couldn’t get anywhere else.
Whether I had wanted to talk to her about the risks of dating again, or deeper things like what had happened to me, the support she provided was profound.
God, I missed her.
I hadn't been back to her place since she passed. It felt… wrong. Plus, it was possible the Alphas would expect me to return and become the horde’s full-time healer, and maybe that was still a consideration, but there was too much going on to be sure.
Maybe one day, when I decided to settle down, I could go back to the Southern Dust Lands Horde.
The idea had always been in the back of my head because it had been the only home I had ever known.
Still, thinking about returning there—and finding Kiki gone—was daunting, to say the least. She was what made that place a home. Without her…
There’d once been a time when the thought of leaving Kiki had been inconceivable.
Once I had healed enough to start participating more in day-to-day life, I’d been terrified to leave.
I was safe there, and I wasn't safe in the outside world. But Kiki had pushed me to be brave. It was because of her I’d started traveling to nearby hordes and helping them, discovering my love of it.
The first time I’d traveled, Kiki had insisted her knees were killing her, but the horde north of them desperately needed assistance.
Despite how much leaving terrified me, I would do anything for the woman who’d given so much of her time and energy to get me well.
We suspected that whoever had hurt me was from a nearby horde, we had never guessed I came from so far away.
So Kiki had always ensured I was guarded well.
Since I had no memories of my life before the attack, she was the only mother I’d ever known.
I was so deep in thought that I didn't register Bastian entering the room. He stood in the doorway, looming like a shadow until the floorboard creaked, and I jumped at least a foot in the air.
“Oh, crap! I didn't see you there!” I spluttered out, my hand going to my chest as my heart pounded.
“Apparently,” he quipped dryly. “Ma insisted I come and deliver this.”
Bastian held up a brown paper bag. It was obviously food, based on the delicious aroma emanating from the bag, and my stomach rumbled loudly.
“Oh, that's so sweet of her. She didn't have to,” I replied, pushing the chair back and standing.
“Said you missed lunch. She was concerned.”
My brows went up; mild guilt actually felt better than the sensation of being a bug under the microscope of Bastian’s eyes.
“Crap. I've been so distracted setting this place up. I must have missed the time entirely.”
“Mmm.” He looked around the space before flicking a cold stare back at me. “You seem to be making yourself at home.”
I paused, every instinct telling me to run out of the room. “If you want me to leave, Bastian, just say so.”
Annoyed at him, I purposely didn't use his title of Alpha. I knew how hordes worked, what he expected, but between him and Orsen, I was over burly dragons acting like spoiled toddlers. Bastian wanted my respect? Well, he could earn it like everyone else.
Still, judging by the brief glimmer of panic that flitted behind his eyes, he didn't want me to leave. He sure had a hell of a way of showing it, though.
“I’m not asking you to go,” he growled, jaw muscles tight as he glared at me. “But I think I deserve the fucking truth for once.”
His words ignited a fury in me. Why was he so convinced I was lying? He was so distrustful, and it was pissing me off.
“I’ve been nothing but honest since the moment I got here!
” I slammed a file onto my desk, the thump echoing in the small space.
“I don't remember you. I don't remember what happened between us. For all I know, you’re a total stranger. Sorry that’s not what you want to fucking hear, but don’t dump your trauma on me. I have plenty of my own.”
Bastian was quiet for a moment, narrowing his gaze on me. “How can I know for sure you're being truthful?”
“About me not remembering?” I couldn’t hide the disbelief in my tone.
Bastian nodded, smug as hell, and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m well aware of the size of this horde, the amount of work it will take to get everything running smoothly.
Hell, I’ve been Alpha for a long fucking time.
So, don’t think I can’t see the appeal in getting the hell out of here.
Any excuse to leave the hard work to someone else, right? ”
My jaw dropped, and I reeled back, a cruel scoff rushing from my chest. “You think I walked away… willingly and, what, now I'm just playing dumb? Are you out of your mind?”
Bastian didn’t blink as he stared me down. “It's possible. None of us would’ve harmed you. And you’re saying a dragon hurt you? That doesn't seem true. No dragon would harm someone’s mate.” His words were utter bullshit, and I had a sneaking suspicion that deep down he knew it as well.
I took a step back. The audacity of this stuck-up dragon to think I was making it up. Who would come up with such a horrible story to just… get out of some hard work? Seriously?
“I… Honestly, I don't know what to say. I don’t owe you anything. You’ve been nothing but an asshole since the moment I got here.
Hell, I can see why you hang around with Orsen: two peas in a miserable fucking pod.
But. I. Am. Not. Lying.” I lifted the hem of my shirt, unwilling to be ashamed or scared, my jaw set as I glared right back at Bastian.
“I assume you know what dragon fire scars look like?”
A strangled sound escaped his lips. There was no mistaking the sheen that came from dragonfire scarring. It was almost pretty and holographic, in a way. “Greylen said you were injured, but…”
“Yeah, pretty gruesome in person, huh? I have nothing to hide from you. Why should I? I don’t know you, and at the moment, I don’t particularly want to.”
He bristled, ducking his chin as he fought back what he really wanted to say, instead going with, “You should show me some respect. I’m—”
“Respect?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “I’ve spent every single day since I got here helping your horde.
I’ve seen enough to know that you’ve been an absolutely terrible Alpha.
A subpar healer is wreaking havoc on their health; they’re cut off and alone.
The damage is so great that dragons don’t want to have babies because of Jenkins.
When was the last time you looked at the people you’re supposed to be protecting? ”
Shooting me a look, Bastian stepped forward. “The horde is happy.”
“The horde is loyal, but they aren’t happy.
Open your eyes, Bastian! Buildings are falling apart, health issues are neglected, and emotional needs aren’t being met.
You’re supposed to be their leader. Yes, the other Alphas weren't trained for this, but you were raised from birth to look after this horde, and you are failing.”
The moment the words were out of my mouth, I knew I’d overstepped.
I came here as a healer, and I was giving advice on how to run a horde.
No, strike that, I was flatly laying out all the ways Bastian—and the others—had fucked up.
But there was no going back. Frankly, I was glad to get it off my chest. I’d been thinking it loudly enough, and if Bastian was going to have an attitude with me, then he could hear the hard truth.
Since he’s got such a hard-on for honesty.
I didn’t back down, didn’t duck away or make myself small, as Bastian crossed the room toward me, stopping a few inches shy of crashing into me.
A waft of air rushed around me, smelling like thunder and rain, and I had to blink several times to clear my head.
But there was going to be no messing around with Mr. Alpha.
“No one talks to me like that.” His tone was oddly neutral, conflicting with the roaring fire behind his silver gaze.
“Yeah, well, get used to it. You want me to stick around? Then you’re going to hear the truth you’ve been talking about whenever I’m around. And the truth is: you need to step up and do better for these dragons. Or someone else will come along and do it for you.”
My spine tingled as Bastian’s brows sank over his eyes as he studied my face.
I had no idea what he was looking for, but being under that gaze felt like being taken apart piece by piece.
His jaw muscles worked, the way he was biting back his words.
It was only when I dropped my eyes to the side, pretending not to care, that I noticed him balling his hands into fists over and over.
“Whatever you think you’re going to do, just know I’ve been through so much worse.”
Bastian jerked back slightly, only noticeable because I was so close to him. The darkness left his stare, replaced by something I couldn’t name. He shot a look toward my stomach, where the scars were, and I suddenly felt vulnerable.
“I…”
But Bastian didn’t finish. He simply turned on his heel and fled the room like it was on fire.
I stood there for a moment, for too long, if I was honest with myself, then slumped into the chair again. “What… the hell was that?”