Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
sierra
SUMMER BEFORE JUNIOR YEAR
Ismoothed my hands down the front of the flowy blouse Alyssa let me borrow for the concert we were going to tonight.
The rose-colored top was so different from anything I had in my closet, with a frilly lace trim at the bottom and a deep V-neck that seemed to draw attention to my small chest in a negative way.
I paired it with a pair of dark-blue bootcut jeans and my dark-brown cowboy boots.
Alyssa told me to leave my hair down and maybe put some curls in it. I wondered if Hayden would like it that way—not that I was trying to impress him or anything.
After giving myself a once-over in the mirror, I crept down the stairs.
I’d heard my dad leave the house earlier, probably to buy cigarettes or beer at the gas station, but my mom was home, and I didn’t want her to ask questions about why I was dressed up so nice to go to a fake shift at the hotel where I was a part-time front desk associate.
I made sure the coast was clear at the bottom of the stairs, but right before I headed out the door, I called out, “I’m leaving, Mom! I’ll see you later!”
“Okay,” she sighed from the kitchen, her voice gravelly and flat. “See you later.”
I’d noticed she’d been acting a bit sluggish lately. Maybe she was just sick or wasn’t getting much sleep.
I asked Hayden to pick me up at the hotel, so if either of my parents happened to drive by, my car would be there. He was already waiting when I pulled into the parking lot, a wide smile spreading across his face when I got out of my car.
Instead of letting me get in the passenger side, he rolled down the window. “Hold on, don’t move.”
I tilted my head to the side. “Why?”
He rolled the window back up, opened his door, and jogged around the front of his pickup to mine. “Okay, now you can get in.” He gestured to the passenger seat after he opened the door, holding it for me. “Your carriage awaits.”
My cheeks heated as I slid inside the cab. “Thanks.”
“You look cute,” he said, a bit breathlessly.
“Alyssa let me borrow this shirt.” I fidgeted with the hem as I laughed nervously.
He nodded like he recognized the shirt. “Yeah, it looks like something Alyssa would have. It looks good on you, though.”
I hoped my face wasn’t as red as it felt.
“It’s a little out of my comfort zone, but she said I needed to dress up for the concert.
Then she told me to do my hair like this.
” Normally it was pulled back into a braid or ponytail.
If I kept it down, I kept it straight. Sometimes it had a slight wave because I had a bad habit of sleeping with wet hair, but it was rarely ever curled like it was today.
“I like it. I mean, I like how it looks on every other occasion, too, but yeah. It looks really nice.” He stumbled over his words, a pink flush creeping across his cheeks.
“Thanks.” Heat rose to my face in what I could only assume was a blush that mirrored his. “We should, uh, probably go?”
“Oh, yeah.” Hayden gave me a small grin before putting his pickup in reverse. His right hand found the back of my seat as he turned over his shoulder to look out the rear window, and I swore my heart was beating a hundred times as fast as it normally did.
When we got to the fairgrounds, Alyssa, her boyfriend Dean, Keenan, and the girl he brought with him were already waiting for us.
“Dude, what took you guys so long?” Keenan teased, ruffling Hayden’s hair when we got close.
Hayden pushed his hands away and smoothed out his hair. “Nothing, we’re not that late.”
“Uh-huh. Are you sure you two weren’t—” Keenan started puckering his lips and mimicking exaggerated kissing noises.
I pretended to gag, gently pushing on his shoulder. “You jealous, Kee?”
“Nah, I’ve got my own girl.” He winked at the redhead with him. “This is Ivy.”
“Hi.” She raised her hand in a small wave.
“Come on, guys. Let’s go in, or else we won’t be able to get a good spot!” Alyssa tugged on our arms as she passed by with her boyfriend.
We all followed behind the pair, handing our tickets to the fair employee at the arena entrance.
We arrived a little too late to get right up front by the stage, but I didn’t really want to be up there anyway.
Big crowds made me uneasy because I didn’t have a quick exit route.
Part of me thought Hayden knew that, so he purposely made us a little late.
He squeezed my hand three times, giving me an understanding glance when we stopped on the edge of the crowd. I squeezed his hand back, a silent gesture of appreciation.
Big spotlights on the stage kicked on, and the strum of a guitar rippled out into the crowd from the speakers.
High-pitched screams and low whoops and hollers rose as the country performer ran on stage.
He urged the crowd on, pulling more cheers from them as he yelled, “Y’all ready for some real country music tonight?”
Hayden wrapped his arms around me, holding my back against his chest as we swayed with the music—a slow song between all the upbeat ones the band had been playing.
I didn’t think we’d stopped dancing since the concert started. Keenan was teaching us all kinds of swing dancing moves. Sheens of sweat glistened on the boys’ foreheads, and I was grateful for the slower pace, even if it was only temporary.
Keenan had his arm around Ivy, and he flashed a wide smile and a thumbs-up at us. I rolled my eyes but didn’t see what Hayden’s reaction was. If he had much of a reaction, he didn’t show it, keeping his arms around my waist.
“Are you having fun?” he whispered in my ear.
I nodded against his chest, his warmth seeping through to my own body. “Do you think Keenan and that girl are going to start dating?”
Hayden shrugged one shoulder. “Dunno. He seems to really like her, though. They met at a rodeo in the spring and have been talking since, I guess.”
“That’s good…” I hesitated for a moment. The question I wanted to ask lingered on my tongue, creating a sort of scratchy feeling. Finally, I spit it out. “Do you think you’ll meet a girl at a rodeo? Or in college?”
He tensed behind me then shook his head. “No. I don’t think so.”
Relief washed over me, then guilt. What if I was holding him back?
“Do you?” he asked, repeating my question.
I shook my head. There was only one person who I could see myself ending up with, even if I knew I could never truly have him.
Through the remainder of the concert, my mind was stuck on Hayden. Imagining a future together.
The band finished their encore, and we said our goodbyes to Keenan, Ivy, Alyssa, and Dean.
Hayden drove us back to my car at the hotel, his hand tapping the steering wheel to Josh Turner the entire time.
When we parked, I turned toward him. “This was fun.” My voice came out a bit unsteady, my heart racing in my chest. “I’m glad we went.”
“I am too,” he agreed.
I offered him a tight-lipped smile, neither of us saying anything as we sat in the dark parking lot of the hotel next to my car.
Hayden cleared his throat, his tongue darting out. “Hey, Skip?”
“Yeah?” My eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to his lips, full and soft. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth.
His hand reached out, grazing my cheek. I leaned my head into his hand, craving the contact. His palm slid to the back of my neck, and he leaned closer, his breath tickling my skin.
Hot breath tickled my skin, and the smell of cheap cigarettes burned my nose.
I pulled back, eyes widening in fear.
“W-what’s wrong?” Hayden retreated, his hand falling to his side like I’d burned him.
I turned away, too embarrassed to look him in the face. “We can’t. I can’t.”
“Sierra.” My name fell off his lips in a soft plea.
“I’m sorry. I-I should go.” I retreated from the pickup as fast as I could. “Um…thanks again for driving me, Hayes. I’ll see you later.”
“Sierra, wait,” he started to say, but I’d already closed the door and opened my own, slipping into the driver’s seat and turning the key in the ignition.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Kissing him would have been a mistake. Kissing him would have crossed a line that I wouldn’t have been able to come back from—a line between friendship and something more. Even though it was a line I so desperately wanted to cross, staying friends was the best course of action.
Staying friends was the best way to make sure no one got hurt.