Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
sierra
PRESENT DAY
Stop it! Don’t touch her!” a frantic voice warned the dark figure in front of me, but I couldn’t pinpoint where the sound was coming from.
Was it me?
Was that my voice or someone else’s?
Glass shattered around me, and I covered my head, shrinking my body to avoid the spray of broken shards raining down. A spark of pain jolted through me, and my hand shot to my face, warm liquid trickling down my cheeks.
Was I crying?
I closed my eyes, thinking if I sat here silently for long enough, this would all be a bad dream. I’d wake up any moment.
Footsteps disappeared around the corner, and I held my breath as I squeezed my eyes, my cheeks completely wet and stained now.
I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting here. Ten or fifteen minutes?
Careful not to press my palms into the glass, I hauled myself to my feet.
A figure lay on the ground near the dining room table, but I stepped over it, determined to reach my intended target.
I reached for the phone, but before I could grab it, a heavy hand fell on my shoulder.
My head whipped around to look over my shoulder, but it was too late. In a swift movement, the dark figure standing behind me thrust a broken piece of glass into my back, and then I was falling…
Falling.
Falling.
Falling…until…
Sweat dripped down the side of my face as I jolted awake, my hand clutching my racing heart. Pancho whined as he paced in circles at the foot of the bed.
I took a deep breath, counting to four as I inhaled. Releasing the breath on another four beats, I repeated the box breathing exercise to calm myself.
“Just a dream, bud. Sorry to scare you.” I patted the comforter, trying to calm Pancho down. Unfortunately, just like Lucky, he could pick up on my energy. When I was anxious, he mimicked my emotions, except he was ten times worse.
Instead of settling, Pancho barked, a high-pitched yip that echoed off the walls of my bedroom.
“Shh. I know. It’s okay, I’m okay. See?”
Speaking in a soothing voice didn’t seem to work, so I got out of bed, tiptoeing over to the door. It creaked as I opened it, and I winced at the sound, like I was fourteen again and sneaking out.
“Do you need to go outside?” I whispered. “Outside” was one of Pancho’s buzzwords, so it got his attention right away, and he wagged his tail like he’d completely forgotten about my nightmare.
I walked out to the living room as quietly as I could, but the dog didn’t seem to get the memo, practically sprinting down the hallway, his paws making loud thumps against the hardwood floor.
I opened the front door, and he bounded out, disappearing around the corner to do his thing.
He wouldn’t go far, so I left the door slightly ajar and headed into the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Fumbling for a light switch in the kitchen, I accidentally hit the garbage disposal instead of the light above the sink, wincing at the awful grinding sound it made.
“Fuck,” I groaned as I hit the correct switch and warm light slowly illuminated the kitchen.
I was in the middle of pouring myself a glass of water when footsteps approached from the hallway. I spun around, glass in hand, to find Hayden leaning against the island counter.
He lifted up a hand in greeting. “Hey. What time is it?” His voice, a bit groggy and raspy from sleep, caught in his throat.
“Two thirty or so. What are you doing?”
He came around the island to stand next to me. “Couldn’t sleep. You?”
“Same. Bad dream. I accidentally woke Pancho up”—I gestured to the ajar front door—“and here we are.”
As if saying his name summoned him, he poked his nose in the door, opening it so he could waddle back inside.
“Ah. Hey, buddy, did you protect Mom from her nightmare?” He scratched behind Pancho’s ears, and the dog’s tongue lolled out of his mouth happily.
I rolled my lips between my teeth, trying to ignore the flutter in my stomach at Hayden calling me Pancho’s mom.
I shouldn’t have had that reaction. I didn’t even know if I wanted kids.
In my mind, there was too great a probability they’d end up like me—or I’d make them that way because the apple never falls far from the tree—but, then again, with Hayden as a dad, they had a sliver of a chance to turn out okay.
God, what the fuck was I thinking? Why couldn’t I get the image of Hayden cradling a baby, cooing and whispering to it, out of my head? Why was the image there in the first place?
Shaking the thought from my head, I took a long gulp of water before placing the glass on the countertop.
“I should…” I mumbled with the intention of going back to my room, even if it meant I’d lie awake staring at the ceiling for hours.
“Wait.” Hayden placed his hand on my arm in a featherlight hold that still somehow kept me rooted in place.
“Hm?”
“Do you want to go somewhere?” he asked, eyes darting to the floor.
My eyebrows pinched together. “Go somewhere?”
“Yeah. Go on a drive. I-I just know you, and maybe driving will help clear your head. I remember in high school you’d tell me that you were never able to get back to sleep after bad dreams and…
” He didn’t finish his sentence before backtracking.
“Never mind, that was stupid. It’s like the middle of the night. ”
Against my better judgment, I placed a hand over his. “A drive sounds nice.”
His eyes—deep pools of blue—widened in disbelief.
If his eyes were the ocean, then Hayden was a siren song, drawing me in until I drowned in them, giving up every piece of my soul.
He walked to the front door. “You coming?” He looked over his shoulder, keys jingling in his hand.
“Yeah. Pancho, bed.” Listening to the command, my dog padded back to my bedroom—albeit reluctantly and with his tail between his legs. He loved car rides, but he didn’t need to come on this one.
Goosebumps immediately covered my arms when we stepped outside. There wasn’t any wind, but the air was cold against my skin, and I wrapped my arms around myself.
“Do you want to go grab a jacket?” Hayden asked. He was smart and had a hoodie on already. The guy slept in them, though, and I didn’t understand how he was never roasting.
I shook my head. “No, I’m good.” Mostly stubborn, but if I went back inside the house, I probably wouldn’t want to leave again.
“All right.” He didn’t sound like he believed me, and I didn’t exactly blame him for that. It was only a matter of time before my teeth started to chatter and my body began to shake.
He cranked up the heat in the cab after starting it, but his pickup was old and took a while to warm up. It had been a few minutes since we left the driveway, and I could still see my breath in front of me.
I clenched my jaw so he wouldn’t hear my teeth rattle, but he must have noticed my discomfort because he unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled off his hoodie. “Here.”
“I don’t want it,” I bit out through a shiver. “You’re going to get cold.”
“Sierra, you’re literally shivering. Take it.” He thrust the army-green sweatshirt into my hands, the scent of his laundry detergent mixing with something woodsy.
“Fine,” I grumbled, wiggling my arms into the sleeves. Before I pulled it completely over my head, I inhaled deeply, breathing in the aroma that was pure Hayden. Comfort fell over me like a warm embrace, and a calm sensation settled in my chest.
“Better?” His voice, so low it was almost a rasp, broke me out of the trance he’d put me in.
I ran my teeth over my bottom lip before nodding. “Yeah. Better.” In an attempt to drown out my teeth still clanking together, I reached for the volume dial on the radio to turn it up.
“She Used to Be Mine” by Brooks & Dunn filtered through the speakers, and part of me regretted turning on music as my gaze flicked to Hayden’s hands tensing on the steering wheel.
“What was your dream about?” Hayden’s question came out soft—cautious. When I hesitated, he added, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I don’t want to pry.”
“No, it’s okay. Um. It was about that night.
” My gaze shifted to the floorboards. I hadn’t told anyone about what happened nine years ago.
Not Hayden, and not even the therapist the court recommended I see.
That relationship didn’t last very long, and it wasn’t the therapist’s fault, at least I didn’t think it was.