Chapter 43 Hayden
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
hayden
APRIL, FIVE YEARS AGO
Sierra was back in town to visit, a rare occasion since she really only came back to Goldfinch for court.
Her mom moved away earlier in the year, so Sierra didn’t have a place to stay.
My parents offered to let her sleep at their house in my old childhood bedroom every time like clockwork, but she always declined.
Part of me thought she felt awkward about the whole situation with her dad, since mine was a cop.
We ate dinner at Ranger’s with Keenan and Ivy—who had gotten back together freshman year of college—just like old times, then came back to my apartment near campus.
I had an early practice in the morning, but I would have stayed up all night with Sierra because that would have meant she was real and not just a figment of my imagination.
She wasn’t just a ghost of my past, coming back to haunt me.
I turned on one of Sierra’s favorite movies, 10 Things I Hate About You, and she snuggled next to me on my full-size bed. I was glad I wasn’t in the dorms, because I wasn’t sure how we’d comfortably fit on a twin-size bed together.
“I’m so happy you’re here, Skip,” I whispered into her hair as Heath Ledger serenaded Julia Stiles on the football field.
I wrapped my arm around her, tugging her closer to my side. She draped her leg over mine as she laid her head on my chest, putting her hand on my abdomen.
Ten or fifteen minutes could have passed, but I wouldn’t have known.
I hadn’t been paying attention to the movie, wasn’t even sure what had happened on the screen or who was in the scene at this point.
I was fully engrossed in the girl next to me.
My eyes tracked from Sierra’s nose down to her full, pink lips and back up to her eyes.
“Hi,” she whispered, her eyes locked on my mouth.
“Hey.” Flicking my tongue over my lips, I cupped her face with my hands, drawing circles on her cheekbones with my thumbs. “Can I kiss you?”
“Please.” She nodded, closing her eyes and parting her lips.
The kiss was soft, innocent. Nothing like how my classmates had described kisses with their girlfriends or their hookups. Her lips fit against mine like puzzle pieces, and it was like a chunk of my soul—a part I didn’t know I was missing—found its way back to me.
I snaked one of my hands around her waist, the other entwining with her hair. Her hands found my jaw, and our mouths moved more hungrily. Like after finally getting a taste of each other, once was never enough. We were both starved for each other’s touch, hands roaming up and down the other’s body.
My tongue slipped inside her mouth when she took a breath, and hers tangled with mine, teeth clashing for a second. But it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable like most mishaps like that would be.
We made out for a while longer, then pulled back for air, our foreheads pressed against each other, chests rapidly rising and falling together.
“I’ve never done anything like this before,” she admitted.
“Me neither.”
Her eyes widened. “Never? You’ve never even kissed someone?”
I shook my head.
“But you’re here, and I thought maybe…”
I pressed my forehead against hers again, our noses barely touching. “I’m yours, Sierra. I’ve always been yours. Only yours. But we don’t have to—”
“I-I want this. Just…slow, yeah?”
“Slow,” I repeated.
This time the kisses were deeper. I nipped her bottom lip then swiped my tongue over the spot to soothe the ache, and a soft moan fell from her lips.
Her hands slid under my shirt, roaming across my body, exploring every inch of my skin.
I lifted her hips, spinning us so she was on her back and I was on top. My hips ground against hers, the bulge in my sweatpants growing with each thrust.
She pressed a hand against my chest and for a moment, I thought she might have wanted to stop. But then she said, “Take off your shirt. I want to see you.”
Sitting up on my knees, I pulled my shirt over my head. Gesturing for her to lift her upper body, I gently took off her T-shirt, leaving her in her bra. I cupped a hand over one of her breasts, and she sighed, the mere sound of it making my heart race.
Lowering my mouth to her collarbone, I peppered kisses across her chest. She unhooked the clasp on her bra, pushing the straps off her shoulders and letting the fabric fall to reveal herself.
I kissed the top of her breast before latching my mouth onto her nipple and sucking.
“H-Hayden,” she moaned, her back arching off the bed, pushing her chest toward me.
Her fingers grasped my hair, tugging lightly on the strands.
One of my hands cupped her breast, while the other traveled down her torso to the waistband of her leggings. My fingers slipped under the fabric, playing over the soft skin below her abdomen.
Her gaze bounced up to my eyes.
“Is this okay?”
She nodded, and hooking my fingers into the fabric, I pulled down her leggings, tossing them to the side.
“What do you like?” I asked, my ears heating a bit because I was unsure of what to do—how to make her feel good.
“Maybe just”—she took my hand in hers, placing it on top of the already damp fabric covering her center and rubbing circles with my index and middle fingers—“like this.”
I mimicked what she’d just done, and Sierra closed her eyes, a deep breath falling from her lips. “Good?”
“Mm-hmm.”
My fingers dipped below the top of her underwear, finding the most sensitive part of her.
Sliding a finger along her center, I glanced at her to see if she was okay with what I was doing.
Sierra nodded, encouraging me to continue, and I slid a finger inside, moving it in a slow, steady rhythm.
Her walls were tight around me, wetness coating my skin.
With my thumb, I rubbed circles on her clit, how she showed me.
She grew wetter with every thrust, her center stretching around my fingers and her moans filling the low lit bedroom.
“Keep going, just like that,” she sighed.
My dick twitched in my pants at the sounds she made, her pleasure urging me on, challenging me to make her come. If making Sierra feel good was an art, then I wanted to study it every chance I got, become a master at it.
Her head fell back, and her body arched off the bed. “I-I think I’m going to come.”
Moments later, she unraveled around my fingers, gripping them like a vise.
“Holy shit,” she panted, catching her breath.
“Yeah?” I let out an awkward chuckle, trying to keep my composure because that just happened.
She blew a raspberry. “Yeah.” Sitting back up, she kissed me, running her hands down my chest toward my groin. “I want to”—kiss—“do something for you.”
A soft whimper escaped my lips as Sierra pressed her hand over my hard length, squeezing gently before her eyes flicked to mine.
“Can I?”
I nodded, adjusting my position so I was on my back next to her. Straddling my thighs, Sierra took off my pants and boxers, slowly rolling them down my thighs to expose my length, hard and heavy against my stomach.
Her eyes widened as she stared at my naked body.
I hooked my fingers under her chin then lifted so she was looking back at me. “All good?”
“Um, you’re just…” She pulled her lip between her bottom teeth. “Are you sure it’ll fit?”
I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled from my throat, and I slapped a hand over my mouth. But Sierra started giggling, too.
“I’m sorry. That was so embarrassing.” She covered her mouth with a hand. “But you’re going to have to help. How do I?”
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m not laughing at you,” I whispered, taking her hand and wrapping it around me. “Like this.” With my hand placed over hers, I moved them up and down my length, showing her how it felt good.
My brows furrowed, pleasure wracking through my body, and Sierra stopped.
“Did I hurt—”
I shook my head before she could finish her sentence. “No. God, no. It feels good. You’re so good.”
“I’m not sure what I’m doing,” she admitted shyly.
“You can use more pressure.” She squeezed tighter, and I winced. “Maybe not that much.”
“Sorry.” She covered her face with her hands again.
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay.” I lifted her hands from her face, brushing away the strands of hair that fell into her eyes. Bringing one of my hands up to my mouth, I spit into it, then brought it back down to my cock, getting it wet. “Here. Try again.”
She wrapped her hand around me, moving slowly from the base to the tip, back and forth. Her thumb brushed against the head, and a soft moan fell from my lips.
“Fuck.”
Her lips curled up into a small smile, and she continued, moving faster. The pressure in my balls built until I was panting her name.
“Sierra. Oh, God.”
I had to stop her. I had to stop her, or I was going to come.
I lifted her hand off me, and her face contorted into confusion.
“Hold on,” I reassured her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. I rolled to the side of the bed, opening the drawer in my nightstand to pull out a condom. “Are you still sure about this?”
She nodded. “Yes. I want you. All of you.”
“Come here.” I patted the spot I was just lying in.
She moved, and I traded spots with her, tearing open the condom. Rolling it onto my length took a couple awkward moments, because putting it on yourself was different than how they taught you in sex ed. Settling myself between her thighs, my knees spreading her legs apart, I asked, “Ready?”
“Mm-hmm.” Her eyes never left mine as I guided my tip to her center, pushing inside.
She let out a small squeak, and I stopped.
“Does it hurt?”
“A little,” she admitted. “Just…go slow.”
I nodded. “Always. Just relax.”
Slowly, I inched myself further, her walls starting to adjust to my size. I moved until I was fully seated inside her then looked down to where our bodies joined.
“Move. Please, Hayden,” Sierra whimpered.
I pressed my palms into the sheets next to her, slowly pulling out then pushing back inside her until we reached a steady rhythm, our heavy breaths completely in sync.
“Wrap your legs around me.” I grabbed her thighs, lifting them so we were even closer. Her legs closed around my middle, and her hands grasped my arms, nails digging into my skin.
She was so warm and tight, her walls clenching around me, squeezing me. I wasn’t going to last long in this position, but it felt so good.
I leaned close, our lips meeting in a messy, frantic kiss. Her tongue slid past my lips, and when I thrusted harder, she moaned, the soft cry bursting from her mouth.
“H-Hayes. Are you c-close?”
“Yes.” My breath came out ragged in a half-moan. “Come with me, Sierra.”
A few more thrusts and we were both there, her body shuddering under mine as I completely fell apart and the world around me faded into white noise.
“Hayden,” she choked out, back bowing off the sheets.
I was still coming, spilling inside the condom as her body convulsed around mine.
My chest heaved as I lowered it to hers, pressing my forehead against hers, our breaths mixing together in the air. Sweat dripped down my brow, and I wanted to pull back, but Sierra placed her hands on my cheeks.
“I’m so glad it was you.” She didn’t give me time to respond before her lips were on mine. Gentle and loving.
What she didn’t realize was that to me, she was all-consuming.
Even though it was both our first time, I didn’t think I ever needed to experience sex with anyone else.
I was confident that nothing would ever compare to the feeling of her wrapped around me, our bodies the closest that they could ever humanly be.
A couple hours later, after cleaning up in the shower, we lay under the covers wrapped up in each other, the sheets messy and our breathing starting to slow into a steady pattern.
“You’re perfect. You’re everything to me,” I murmured into her hair.
Sierra stirred, sitting up like she was going to leave, so I sat up, too, prompting her to look at me, her green eyes seeming to glow, even in the absence of light.
“Sierra.” Her name came out as a whisper.
“I—”
“Please don’t go.” I blinked back the tears welling in my eyes as I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, thumb stroking the pink scar under her eye. “Stay. Even if it’s just for tonight.”
She opened her mouth like she was about to protest but then decided against it, instead cuddling into my side, resting her head against my chest.
We just lay there together in the silence, eventually moving into a more comfortable position. My hands never left her hair, fingers brushing through the strands, as I started to fall into a gentle slumber.
I was convinced she was the greatest love of my life.
My one and only.
Our souls were intertwined. There was no me without her.
When I woke up the next morning, Sierra’s side of the bed was cold, the sheets and comforter neatly made.
She was gone.
And I didn’t even get to say goodbye.