Chapter 44 Sierra
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
sierra
PRESENT DAY
Aloud crash and the sound of glass breaking in the living room jolted me out of sleep.
“What was that?” I hissed.
“I don’t know, but stay here.” Hayden crawled out from under the covers and threw on a shirt, his back muscles rippling as he pulled it down his torso.
God, Sierra, stop that.
Snapping out of my trance, I jumped out of bed, too. “I’m not just going to sit here. What if there’s someone out there? They can’t take on both of us.”
Hayden let out an exacerbated sigh. “Fine, but stay behind me.”
His bedroom door creaked as he slowly opened it, letting the light from the hallway and the main parts of the house filter in.
“Is someone there?” he called out.
“What are you doing?” I hissed. “This is how literally everyone in movies ends up getting murdered!”
He looked back at me, rolling his eyes. “No, the worst thing is investigating the scary noises, which is what we’re already doing. Besides, this isn’t The Conjuring, Skip.”
When we stepped into the living room, the evidence was plain as day. The window above the couch had been broken, shattered into a bunch of tiny pieces now covering the floor and the furniture.
“Don’t move.” Hayden ordered as he looked around the room, sweeping it for threats. Gingerly heading toward the couch, he stopped, stooping down to pick something up off the ground.
“What is it?” I took a step forward, careful not to step on anything sharp.
He held up a brick, covered in soot and something red.
TIME’S UP, it read, in what I hoped was paint.
The brick landed with a thud as Hayden shot up to his feet, spinning around and stalking down the hall back to the bedroom. “We’re leaving.”
I followed, a little bit in shock. “What?”
“I said, we’re leaving, Sierra. It’s not safe here.”
“It was probably just a prank. Just some college kids being dumb after Halloween,” I blubbered, not being convincing in the slightest.
“Sierra, someone burned down your trailer, cut your saddle, and put a nail in your tires. I know you said you thought it was an accident, but I’ve never been convinced given everything that’s happened. And now this? That’s not a prank, that’s a pattern. Has anything else happened?”
I bit my lip, wringing my hands together.
“Goddammit, Skip. You have to tell me about these things! Everything. I want to know everything that has happened in the last three months since the fire.”
“I’ve been getting text messages. But I didn’t think they were a big deal. I just thought”—I hesitated, knowing how utterly stupid I must have looked—“I just thought someone was trying to scare me or pull a prank, or I don’t know, had the wrong number.”
Hayden ran his fingers through his hair before bringing his hands back down to flex them, popping his knuckles in the process. “What did they say?”
“What?”
“What did the texts say?”
I could tell his patience was wearing thin, but not necessarily with me. Hayden had always tried to protect me, and while I was grateful, on the other hand, it was only putting him at risk.
“The first ones I got were after the fire, saying how lucky Pancho was and to quit while I was ahead. I-I didn’t know what it meant, and I guess I was in shock from everything that had already happened, so I just brushed it off. Then I got another one. Last night.”
Hayden sucked in a breath. I could feel the anger radiating off him, something I’d never experienced before with him. He was the most level-headed person I knew, but at that moment, it felt like he wanted to burn the world down. Not only that, but like he would burn the world down for me.
“That one told me to drop out of the NFR.”
Hayden’s mouth gaped, opening and closing like he was trying to figure out the best way to approach this. “Why would you keep these from me? You promised you’d tell me if anything happened. We swore not to keep secrets anymore.”
“I didn’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am.”
He winced, his face contorting into disappointment or sadness, or something of the like. “How many times do I have to tell you before you’ll finally believe it, Sierra? You’re not a burden to me. You never have been.”
“I’m just…” Trying to keep you safe. My brain filled in the gap where my mouth could not.
He stepped closer to me, cupping my face in his hands. “I know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not going to work, Skip. I lost you once, and I’d be damned if I let that happen again. Don’t push me away. Please.”
“Where are we even going to go?” I bit my bottom lip.
“Goldfinch. We’re going to stay with my parents until we can figure this out. My dad’s still a deputy, and there’s a whole department who will protect you.”
Familiar beige walls decorated with family photos greeted me as we stepped into the Watkins family home.
The scent of peanut butter cookies wafted through the air, and an immediate sense of comfort enveloped me.
Nothing about Hayden’s childhood home had changed, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought I was fourteen again, walking into the house for the first time.
“Mom?” Hayden called out.
Pancho had already barged into the house, because he lacked manners, and was trying to get old Reggie to play with him. His attempts were unsuccessful, and the Corgi continued to lie on the floor despite Pancho’s happy barks.
“In here!” Mae’s voice drifted out from the kitchen.
“Hey.” Hayden wrapped his arms around Mae, pulling her small frame close to him. “I brought someone to see you.”
I walked around the corner, and Mae gasped, her face lighting up with happiness.
“Sierra, dear. It’s so good to see you again.” Mae’s eyes glassed over, the beginning of tears welling up. She pulled me into a tight embrace once Hayden let her go.
“Hi, Mae.”
“You look so good, honey!” She pulled back to regard me. “That hair color looks wonderful on you. Really brings out your eyes.”
“That’s what I said, too.” Hayden nodded, shooting me a wink.
Mae freed me from her hug and took a couple steps back. “What are you two doing here?”
Hayden and I exchanged glances as if asking each other, Do you want to tell her? He raised his brows at me, and I sighed.
“There’s been some…things happening.”
Wow, Sierra, could you be more vague?
Hayden cleared his throat. “She’s been getting threats. For a few months. It’s escalated to the point I don’t feel safe having her alone at the house. Someone threw a brick through my living room window.”
“Oh my goodness.” Mae gasped. “Are you two okay?”
We both nodded as Hayden replied, “Yeah, Mom, we’re okay. A little shaken up, but that’s why we’re here.”
“Well, you know you’re welcome to stay as long as you need, son. And you’re always welcome here, Sierra.” Mae reached forward to squeeze my shoulder. “I’ll make chicken and dumplings for dinner. Your favorite.” She winked.
“Sounds good. I think we’re going to just go around town, yeah?” Hayden looked at me for the last part, like he wanted to ask if that was okay, and I nodded.
“Your dad’s on day shift, so he should be home for dinner. He’ll be happy to see you both,” Mae added as we headed toward the front door.
Neither of us said a word as we drove back into town, the only sound coming from the tires of Hayden’s pickup kicking up dust and gravel on the backroads. That was, until we passed by the tree I’d crashed into all those years ago.
My eyes cut to Hayden, who appeared to be holding back his laughter.
“Don’t even think about it,” I muttered, although the grumpiness was more of a front to hide my own amusement.
“I didn’t say a single thing.” Hayden grinned like a little kid as he put one hand on the top of the steering wheel and the other on the seat back of the passenger side.
I rolled my eyes. “You were thinking about it, though.”
He squinted, eyes lit with a twinkle of mischief. “Actually, no, I was thinking more about the stadium break-in, but now that you bring up the tree, I—”
“Nope. I’d much rather talk about breaking into the football stadium,” I cut him off.
“Should we go see if we can break into the stadium again?”
“I never thought I’d ever hear you say those words,” I teased. “Keenan must be rubbing off on you.”
He shook his head with a smile. “Better not. We could walk around the campus, though, for old time’s sake?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”
Hayden parked in one of the lower guest parking lots, and we began the trek up a hill to the campus quad.
Most of the leaves had fallen from the trees with it being early November, but there wasn’t snow on the ground quite yet.
I much preferred SGU in the spring, when flowers were starting to bloom and the grass was damp with morning dew because the temperature wasn’t as scorching as it was in the summer.
“This is a nice little hike,” I huffed out a breath.
“Try doing it in the winter when the sidewalks are covered in ice.” Hayden laughed. “It was a miracle if you never slipped and fell at least once. Cowboy boots probably weren’t the best footwear because they have no traction whatsoever, but that was all I wore.”
“I probably would have fallen all the time and embarrassed myself,” I admitted.
“Couldn’t have been worse than when I saw someone slip and fall while riding their bike across campus in the winter.
Don’t know what they were thinking, but it made for a good laugh.
Maybe all the times I slipped were karma for laughing.
” He closed his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he reminisced.
I tried to imagine myself as a student, what my life could have been like if I’d gone to college with Hayden. Maybe we would have held hands while he walked me to class, even if it made him late to his own. We’d meet up for lunch in the dining hall and train together in the student athletic center.
But then I remembered why I couldn’t have gone to SGU.
That was the thing about what-ifs, nonsensical daydreams, romantic delusions. They always disappointed you in the end.
“I never actually gave you a tour of the campus when you were here. This building over here”—he pointed to a tall brick building surrounded by cottonwood trees—“was where I had my Introductory Algebra class.”
As he talked about the building, my eyes scanned our surroundings. I froze, a black metal bench beneath a tree that forked in two directions catching my eye. It had only been five years, of course the campus hadn’t changed that much. Of course that damned bench would still be there.
“Sierra?” Hayden turned around, concern painting his features. “Are you okay?”
It was as though I had tunnel vision, everything around me blurring so my eyes could only focus on that bench and tree.
Hayden always said we never kept secrets from each other, never lied, but what were you supposed to do when you finally had the person you wanted most in the world after being ripped apart time after time—after you let them slip through your fingers like sand?
What were you supposed to say when you were the one who let them fall after promising you’d always catch them?
I wouldn’t have forgiven me if I were him.
I didn’t know if he would if he really knew the truth of why I left again and again.
SGU’s campus was beautiful this time of year, autumn colors covering the landscape like a Renaissance painting.
The last of the court dates had been earlier in the summer, and the court found my father guilty of his charges. He was going to prison this time. There was always the chance he could get out, but for now, temporary relief washed over me.
I didn’t need to be here, probably shouldn’t have come back, but I wanted to see Hayden. Surprise him. Make up for the last time I snuck out of his room without a word.
This time things could be normal. We could be happy.
That night in April, I lay on Hayden’s chest, feeling his breaths slow until he fell asleep. Then my phone lit up with a text. A reality check that Hayden wouldn’t be safe as long as my dad was around.
And I knew I had to go.
No matter how much I wanted him, how much I needed him, I knew I could never have him. Even though he owned a piece of my soul, there’d always be a part of me that wanted better for him. Knew he deserved better.
I hadn’t talked to him since, and maybe it was selfish of me to show up here now, but it was like Hayden and I were connected by an invisible thread. I could never stray too far without his heart tugging mine back.
I caught a glimpse of him ahead, and I started jogging toward him, resisting the urge to call out his name like we were in high school again.
But then I realized he was with someone. Hugging someone, embracing someone in his arms.
A girl.
She was pretty, with long brunette hair and a smile that sparkled even from three hundred feet away. The way she was looking at him…I recognized it.
It was how I always wished I could look at him. How I wished I could be the person he deserved, someone who could love him without fear.
Even though my father was gone, I couldn’t promise nothing would happen ever again.
Or worse, that I wouldn’t be the one to hurt him.
What if I turned out to be a monster? What if, by not choosing to do whatever it took to protect Hayden, I was no better than the man who was supposed to shield me from the horrors of the world?
It’s better this way.
He’s better without you.
He’s…safe.
Before he could turn around to see me, I spun on my heels.
And I left.
For good that time.