Chapter 45 Hayden
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
hayden
Sierra wasn’t moving, completely frozen in place in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Sierra?” I called her name again before returning back to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She jumped, her panic-filled gaze darting to mine.
My stomach twisted in knots, nausea churning in my gut over all the scenarios of why she wasn’t responding to me playing in my head. “Is everything okay?”
Her mouth gaped and her brows raised, her eyes going blank. “I-I came back,” she stumbled over her words.
I furrowed my brow. “What? You came back?”
She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. “That fall. The next semester after we—” She shook her head like she was clearing a memory. “After the last court date when my dad got sentenced.”
Maybe I was imagining things. “You came back.”
“Yes.” Her voice shrunk.
“Y-you. You didn’t reach out. I had no idea.” My chest constricted with this new information, a burning sensation rising in my throat.
“I know. I wanted to come back to surprise you.” She hung her head, avoiding my gaze. “I saw you.”
I flinched, tripping over my feet as I took a few steps backward, needing to create some space between us. I had so many questions.
Why didn’t you come talk to me?
Did I not mean enough to you?
Was it something I did?
“You were with a girl. I-I thought you had moved on, that you were better without me. You looked happy. Safe.” Sierra pulled her lip between her teeth, sadness creeping into her gaze.
She always had been the girl with the sad eyes.
“You deserved someone better than me, Hayes. Leaving was the only way I could keep you safe.”
My fists clenched at my sides, and I was sure if I pressed my nails into my palms any harder, they would bleed. But that was the irony of it all, wasn’t it?
A wave of emotions—disbelief, betrayal, grief for what could have been—washed over me.
“That wasn’t your decision to make!” I yelled, louder than I had intended. Her body recoiled, and guilt sank into my chest. Yelling at her made me no better than the person I was trying to protect her from. I lowered my voice, but hurt still interlaced in my tone. “You should have told me.”
Her response came out small, nothing like the Sierra I’d seen the past few months. Dejected almost. “I know. I’m sorry.”
I took a few steps toward her, wanting to pull her into my arms and soothe all the hurt she was feeling, but she backed away from me.
My heart dropped. “Skip.”
“I can’t. I-I need to go somewhere.”
Panic settled in my stomach. Where? Where was she going to go?
I reached for her arm. “What about the threats? It’s not safe.”
The whole reason we were here was so I could protect her. Was I already failing at that?
She pulled back, shaking her head. “I just need a minute alone to clear my head. I’ll come right back.”
I hesitated, unsure of how to respond.
Maybe it was because of some unhealthy attachment I had to her.
Maybe it was because I was being selfish, but I didn’t want her to go.
I wanted to work this out, fix things. At least come to an understanding and move past the secrets, past these little miscommunications that had been plaguing us over the last decade.
Please don’t go.
Don’t leave me here again.
I’d bleed myself dry for you if you would just stay.
But I didn’t say any of those things. Instead, the words, “Please don’t run away again,” fell from my lips, soft as a whisper.
She sighed. “I’m not going to run away. I promise.”
“Pinky swear?” I extended my hand, pinky sticking out.
She linked her pinky finger with mine, bringing her hand up to her mouth to lock it in before murmuring, “Pinky swear.”
I placed my hand over hers, squeezing three times. “I’m not leaving. I’ll be right here when you’re ready to come back, okay? I promise. I’ll be right here for you, always.”
She nodded, squeezing my hand in response.
“I love you.”
She didn’t say it back.