Chapter 26
Josh
The moment that will determine my future is right in front of me. Four days have passed since the surgery, and my hand feels good. Not once has it trembled. There's no uncertainty in its movement or a feeling of my muscles tightening.
As so often lately, I look down at my hand where it lies calmly on my thigh. I lift each finger individually. Everything works. Surely, the follow-up examination, for which I am once again at the clinic today, will go well.
"What's taking so long here?" Tamika paces back and forth in the waiting room. Her stylish outfit fits perfectly with the elegantly designed space adorned with tall green plants.
I raise my hand in reassurance. "We still have time."
Her gaze flicks to her wristwatch. "Our flight is in three hours."
Why did she schedule the appointments so tightly? "I'm sure we'll make it," I say because anything else would lead nowhere.
Besides, that's not important to me. My world spins differently since Maya looked at me with that longing gaze in the garden in front of the red wooden house two days ago. From the corner of my eye, I observe her and Sophia building a castle out of building blocks in the play area of the waiting room. They radiate so much joy.
Tamika snorts with exertion. "I'll ask when the doctors will finally deign to make time for you." With these words, she whirls around, and a moment later, the sweet scent of her perfume is the only reminder of her presence. Time is limited. Tamika won't be gone for long, and on the way back to Vienna, Maya and I won't have a chance to be alone either. Once we're home, her work hours will be over.
If I want to find out what she thinks about us, it has to be now. I rise from my chair and walk over to the play area.
Once I arrive, I sink to my knees. "The castle looks mighty impressive."
Sophia giggles. "That's not a castle, Daddy." With concentration, she places another block on the structure that is as colorful as Maya's skirt. "It's a princess castle."
I try to catch Maya's gaze, but she keeps her eyes lowered. "Do you have a room for me in your palace?" I ask my daughter to keep the conversation going.
She puts her index finger on her chin in thought. "But are you a princess?" On cue, Maya and Sophia burst into laughter simultaneously.
This started well, but now it's going downhill. "Of course," I say, making a feeble attempt to salvage the situation. And it goes awry. The two of them only laugh louder. Maya holds her stomach as if her muscles are already cramping.
It wasn't planned like this, but I can't let it deter me from my mission. I reach out my hand to Maya. "Can we talk for a moment? "
As soon as I touch her arm, she shyly looks up at me with her dark eyes. "About what?"
"Come with me." I push myself up from the floor. "Would your highness excuse us for a moment?" I ask my daughter, performing a submissive gesture.
She mimics me. "But only for a short while."
"Okay." Maya stands up hesitantly and adjusts her skirt. "I'll be right back."
Without looking at me, she strolls beside me to the other end of the waiting room. When we come to a stop, I notice how her chest rises and falls too quickly.
"Are you okay?" I ask, gently touching her arm.
Her eyelids flutter. It's only for a fraction of a second that she allows me to see into her eyes. It's as if she's afraid to look at me. "I'm fine."
Suddenly, I have a queasy feeling in my stomach. What if she regrets the kiss? "We haven't had a chance to talk since..." My voice loses its strength. I have to clear my throat several times.
Maya's legs fidget. "Is there anything to talk about?"
I take a step back. She can't be serious, can she? It's impossible that only I feel this magic between us. We need to give it a chance to unfold and see what happens. That's what I would like to tell her, and so much more, but I can't find the right words.
Her uncertain gaze meets mine. "We shouldn't..." In the next moment, she presses her lips together as if holding back certain words she doesn't want to say to me.
I shake my head. Even if it might be wrong, I close the distance between us. Breathing heavily, she remains right where she is until I stand directly in front of her. "What shouldn't we do? "
There's no reaction from her. But where my breath grazes her skin, goose bumps appear.
She shudders. My proximity makes her uncomfortable.
And suddenly, I realize that I'm an idiot. Foolish enough to believe that she would reciprocate my feelings. "You're right."
"Sophia needs me." Her voice is a mere croak. Nervously, she tugs at the hem of her T-shirt.
I feel the urge to stroke her cheek. But I have to suppress it. Obviously, our kiss didn't mean anything to her. "Of course."
Disheartened, I turn away. From the corner of my eye, I can see that Maya is breathing heavily. Her fingers tremble as she tucks her black hair behind her ear. With a pained smile, she says goodbye, then she's gone.
In the turmoil of emotions, I watch her go. Part of me doesn't want to believe that she truly feels nothing for me even though all her signals indicate otherwise. Maybe it's wishful thinking. Just an illusion I create for myself to hold on to hope. The thought weighs heavily on my shoulders as I slowly cross the waiting room.
Before I reach my seat, Tamika enters the room like a whirlwind. "It's your turn." She sounds cold and distant. Has she been watching Maya and me, drawing the wrong conclusions? "Come on, we're in a hurry." Her eyebrows rise, and she pulls me out of the room before I can say anything.
A few minutes later, I sit across from the doctor in the soberly furnished treatment room. With a satisfied expression, he studies my medical records.
"The damage to your cervical spine has been successfully reconstructed." Tiny wrinkles form around his azure eyes.
Although I could already feel it these past few days, hearing it from his mouth is different. It's as if I'm standing on the highest mountain in the world, filling my lungs with clean air for the first time in a long while. But Maya's strange behavior prevents me from soaring. The knowledge that we don't feel the same way for each other weighs on me like a heavy anchor.
"So I'll be able to play," I say, more to myself than to him. This is great, and I shouldn't let anything spoil my joy about it.
He spreads his arms. "You will. Rest your hand for a few more weeks and complete the physiotherapy. By autumn, you'll be back to your old self." He appears so casual. His tanned skin from the tanning bed and the light blond gelled hairstyle further emphasizes that impression.
For him, it may be taken for granted. But for me, it isn't. He saved my career.
He saved me .
Relieved, I look at him. "If there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know. A private concert just for you and your wife on your anniversary or signed CDs for your friends. Anything you like."
His lips curl into a mischievous grin. "I'll gladly take you up on that."
It's a good thing Tamika always carries merchandise. I ask her to come in and hand over what we have, although I know it's not enough. Because nothing could ever be enough. Thanks to him, everything will be as it was before the fall.
Everything, except my feelings for Maya.